My friend's daughter & her inappropriate clothing--HELP!!

[ticktock]

Gee. Thanks so much for your help and guidance. I don't know how I would appropriately dress my child without your generous urban intellect and wisdom. I'll be sure and spread the word to the rest of my hillbilly friends, once they sober up from the moonshine.

Glad I could be of help.

 

[maelstrom]

There's no reason why Sally can't buy the same style clothes as her friends, just in a size that fits her. Most of the juniors clothes I see go up to at least an XL, sometimes even bigger. Sally might just need one step up in size for the clothes to fit properly. It makes me sad when I see these young girls who are perhaps a little on the larger side (what has become "plus" size nowadays is just ridiculous) and they're wearing clothes made to fit me (extremely tiny). That is not flattering. I know that if they all went and got the same outfits but in their size, they'd look so much prettier! They look silly trying to wear those tiny little clothes and having to tug at them all the time. There's no shame in being a size 8 instead of a size 2, or whatever the case may be. If the clothes are your size, they will flatter your figure. I WISH I had some voluptuousness to put into my clothes instead of this little stick body. I'm not sure how Sally's mom can convince her to buy better fitting clothes if she's going shopping without her. Sally's mom should set up a mom-daughter bonding day where they can go shopping and have their nails done, something like that. Sally's mom could try picking out a few flattering pieces in her daughter's size and giving them to Sally to try on. Maybe she'll realize how much prettier she looks in correctly sized clothing.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I still don't get how the Mom would buy clothes for her in a size that clearly doesn't fit. My Mom would tell me that I needed the next size and she would not pay for clothes that looked like a toddler should be wearing them. It has nothing to do with size.

 

[disneyjunkie]

Gee. Thanks so much for your help and guidance. I don't know how I would appropriately dress my child without your generous urban intellect and wisdom. I'll be sure and spread the word to the rest of my hillbilly friends, once they sober up from the moonshine.

I live in a HUGE urban area. Believe me, we have our share of Paris Hilton (or should I say rap Video Girl) clones.

 

[chamonix]

Well, my advice is, instead of wondering how to deal with the clothing issue, how about just focussing on helping the dd eat healthy and have a healthy lifestyle for the rest of her life?

If it were me, I would simply stop bringing junk food, soda, etc into the home and start cooking only healthy low fat, low sugar food, served in smaller portions. (which I already do, lol)

I would also get dd involved in physical activity--if nothing else, ask her to walk with me (so "I" could lose weight, etc, not focussing on her weight issue) bike with me, sign us/her up for a dance class, etc etc. Maybe offer to join a gym together. Enlist her in helping ME lose weight--no, I am not advocating coming down on her for her weight, but with tact and guile, lol, just work to get her involved in a healthier lifestyle in the home in her life, in some way.

It is possible to do that without ruining someone's self esteem! Create a healthy lifestyle in the home, that's what I would do.

Now, this may not work of course, but it's one of the things I would do. I think it's one of the most important things we can do for our children is show them and encourage them in a healthy lifestyle. It will be the gift that keeps on giving!

 

[mcco5543]

Fixing the issue of having a few extra lbs is definitely important and can even be done by mom changing what food is brought into the house and how much sendentary activity is allowed per day (vidoe games, tv etc). But the question the OP asked was about the current clothing situation.



OP, you mentioned that your friend was worried about how to answer the "but all my friends are wearing this, why can't I" question that her daugther will inevitably ask (more likely she'll "whine" the question" ..it's really quite simple.... "because people make judgements about what you look like, right or wrong as it may be, and people make nasty judgements about people who's clothes are too revealing and do not properly cover them and I don't want people making that kind of judgement on you because you're wonderful and your clothes should reflelct that" ...'

and when Sally doesn't accept that answer and their is whining and crying and gnashing of teeth.....

"becuase I'm the mom and I said so" this is the harder of the 2 becuase it makes mom the bad guy, but for her daugthers sake, mom can take one for the team this time so Sally can blame it on mom if her friends say anything.


Plus both answers to the question are true!

 

[chamonix]

Fixing the issue of having a few extra lbs is definitely important and can even be done by mom changing what food is brought into the house and how much sendentary activity is allowed per day (vidoe games, tv etc). But the question the OP asked was about the current clothing situation.

In my post I said what "I" would do about that...not that that may be helpful to the OP, or the only thing to do, the speediest thing to do, etc. but it was in answer to her question, what to do about the clothes. Sorry if that wasn't clear.

 

[mcco5543]

Sorry I misunderstood!

You're right though. For the long term that is exactly the right thing to do. ITA!

 

[NotUrsula]

Can she interest her in sewing? You can be as trendy as you like at any size when you can make or alter your own clothes. Great fun for creative teens, too.

As to "why can't I wear this?" The answer is "because it doesn't flatter you". Mfrs. are all living in fantasyland when it comes to fit models.

 

[nephthys43]

my mom went by one rule. everything is covered. she didn't care what i wore as long as i was covered from neck to at least mid-thigh. if she didn't like it, she didn't buy it. if i bought it and she didn't like it, it went back or into a yard sale.

i was a skinny kid, a chubby adolescent and a skinny highschooler. so we went through all sizes.

i ended up finding my own (weird) style, but it made me different. i was at my high school reunion a couple of years ago and got the "you look normal" comment. i was a little offended.

 

[surfergrl31]

Who buys her the clothes? I remember up until I could afford to buy my own that my mother always had to aprove of what I was wearing. I think she needs to talk to her daughter and let her know that she is beautiful person, but certain clothes can draw certainly bring attention to areas of your body. That maybe she would be more comfortable with clothing that fits her body type. It doesn't mean she can't dress like her friends just in a different way. Look at Raven she always looks cute, but never looks inappropriate. The talk is going to be hard, but the next time her daughter is tugging at her clothes she should probably ask her,"Are those clothes comfortable?" If she says yes, this is what I would say (mind you this is what I would say) well I people tell me thongs are comfortable too, but I'm not buying it.

Of course there are other solutions such as limiting what type of food comes in the house and finding ways to exercise or just being active. If she has a large frame chances are she will always be a little bigger than girls her age and will have to learn to dress appropriatly for her body type. I would tackle it now before the high school peer pressure fastly approaches and we all know how nasty that can be.

 

[Squidrific]

My dd is one of those lucky girls that has perfect metabolism (she gets this from her father - definitely not me!) She looks great in anything she wears, however even she has moments where she is worried about her body - that is normal. However, I don't care what her size, I will not allow her to wear inappropriate clothing. She isn't going to wear shorts that are so small or extremely tight shirts because that isn't the image I want her to portray. I pay for the clothes it is my rule.

I think the mother just needs to be honest with her daughter and tell her that she loves her, but she is uncomfortable about some of the clothing choices she is making. It doesn't have to be about her body type, but about the clothes instead. Have her try on something that fits, is still stylish, but is not revealing and then compliment her on how wonderful she looks. Point out how much more comfortable correct fitting clothes are than clothes that are too small or too tight. I have done that with my dd and am proud that she does this.

We recently went on a shopping trip with dd and her best friend for school clothes. The friend suggested several outfits that I didn't care for, but I let my dd make her choices and I was proud that she chose clothes that were not too small, too short or too tight based on what she was comfortable wearing. As we left, her friend was asking if she could actually borrow some of the outfits.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

well, I guess I'd spring for a couple of hours of time from a personal shopper at one of the upscale department store if it is in the budget.

#1 Style advice from anybody other than your Mother is always taken more seriously.

#2 Let somebody who doesn't have to live with the child say the words "Not for your body type."

and

#3 Man I'm glad I don't have girls.

 

[Crankyshank]

No matter how thin you are, no one looks great in everything. We all have certain styles we cannot wear for whatever the reason. I think Sally's Mom could nicely say the clothes she wears doesn't look good on her body type, and point out things the Mom can't wear for the same reason. I would also make it a point to mention things she looks amazing in, especially if it's something the friend wouldn't be able to pull off.

 

[Disney Doll]

Of course, I'm passive-aggressive, but I'd probably tell her something along the lines of " I'm so sorry, honey. it looks like I shrunk your clothes in the wash, guess we need to go shopping." DD (now 29) was also just a couple of pounds overweight, and had a best friend who wasn't afraid to tell her when she "ran off the rails" clothes-wise. It was a mutual-aid thing. Except for the poodle-hair episode in 1991.....

Everyone had a poodle hair episode in 1991!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!