My ex is getting married on Friday

[MickeysMommy]

...and I feel indifferent. I guess that's good. All the crap he put me through to finally feel absolutely nothing towards him. But, Friday is a little inconvienent for everyone isn't it?!?

 

[greenhornet]

My brother-in-law is getting married on new years eve yea thank god my parents don't do any thing so they can watch the kids cause if they had plans we would not be there this is going to be the second wedding for both of them.

 

[DVCLiz]

When my ex remarried (my former best friend) I took all my girlfriends out to dinner at Ruth's Chris and we made sure to spend every penny of the most recent child support check on the meal and the wine. We had a great time trashing him (which he richly deserved) for about the first ten minutes, then we had a wonderful evening of fun girl talk. It was a way to say thanks to my friends who had had to listen to me talk about it for two years!!!

 

[JCJRSmith]

When my ex remarried (my former best friend) I took all my girlfriends out to dinner at Ruth's Chris and we made sure to spend every penny of the most recent child support check on the meal and the wine. We had a great time trashing him (which he richly deserved) for about the first ten minutes, then we had a wonderful evening of fun girl talk. It was a way to say thanks to my friends who had had to listen to me talk about it for two years!!!

Wasn't that money supposed to be used to take care of the child(ren)?

 

[Mom2Angels]

Wasn't that money supposed to be used to take care of the child(ren)?

As long as the children have a roof over their heads, clothes to wear and food to eat, they are taken care of. I'm sure she spends way more then the child support she receives on the care of her children as most parents do that receive child support. Most of the time child support doesn't even begin to cover the expenses a child incurs.

Debbie

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

My brother got married on a Friday. Yes, it was inconvenient, but it wasn't my wedding, so I didn't care.

 

[JCJRSmith]

As long as the children have a roof over their heads, clothes to wear and food to eat, they are taken care of. I'm sure she spends way more then the child support she receives on the care of her children as most parents do that receive child support.

Debbie

You are correct.

DVCLiz I would like to apologize and explain my reaction. I paid child support for 16 years to a woman who spent the money on her boyfriends, denied me visitation, would make some excuse as to why my daughter could not come to the phone if I called (when they had a phone during the rare times my ex acutally paid the phone bill) and lied to my daughter about what a crap father I was for not sending support payments (I never missed a payment) or gifts (ex hid them or threw them away before my daughter saw them). I learned about all these things from my ex and my daughter over the last three years as my daughter and I have built a relationship. As for my ex, she now has to deal with my daughter's anger over denying my daughter a relationship with her father.

Again, my apologies. It was a knee-jerk reaction (emphasis on the jerk part)

 

[JCJRSmith]

...and I feel indifferent. I guess that's good. All the crap he put me through to finally feel absolutely nothing towards him. But, Friday is a little inconvienent for everyone isn't it?!?

It is called ambivalence - defined as "the feeling one gets as one watches one's worst enemy go over a cliff in one's new car."

 

[jenks0718]

You are correct.

DVCLiz I would like to apologize and explain my reaction. I paid child support for 16 years to a woman who spent the money on her boyfriends, denied me visitation, would make some excuse as to why my daughter could not come to the phone if I called (when they had a phone during the rare times my ex acutally paid the phone bill) and lied to my daughter about what a crap father I was for not sending support payments (I never missed a payment) or gifts (ex hid them or threw them away before my daughter saw them). I learned about all these things from my ex and my daughter over the last three years as my daughter and I have built a relationship. As for my ex, she now has to deal with my daughter's anger over denying my daughter a relationship with her father.

Again, my apologies. It was a knee-jerk reaction (emphasis on the jerk part)

I understand your comment. My dh pays child support for his son and I thought the same thing as you. Not only do we pay child support but we also buy him clothes, school supplies, pay for sports activities, health insurance, and anything else he may need. So yes I would expect the money to go to him that we pay every week and not to her girlfriends or otherwise.

To the OP. I am glad that you are happy that your ex is now someone else's problem!

 

[tarmand]

...and I feel indifferent. I guess that's good. All the crap he put me through to finally feel absolutely nothing towards him. But, Friday is a little inconvienent for everyone isn't it?!?

Don't you just hate it when people have a wedding around a holiday? My husband's cousin decided to get married on Labor Day weekend and since our previous plans (a yearly fishing trip) weren't as important as the wedding, we were expected to attend. They live 2 1/2 hours from us so it wasn't possible to do both. Well, it really ended up not mattering since Hurricane Katrina came through the weekend before and we weren't able to go anywhere that weekend. It's your decision to make you wedding date whatever you want, but please don't get offended if I don't want to change my plans to attend.

 

[MickeysMommy]

It is called ambivalence - defined as "the feeling one gets as one watches one's worst enemy go over a cliff in one's new car."

LOVE IT!!!!!

 

[DVCLiz]

Oh, I forgot about this thread - sorry I didn't reply earlier!!!!

Yes, of course, I spend way more on the children than his child support, which is a measly sum based on the job my ex had when we were separated. I believe his income that year was $25,000.00. He refuses to pay for any extra expenses, has refused to pay for college, and even refused to pay for half of summer camp for my daughters, saying that his lawyer had said the language in our separation agreement had made that "unenforceable." (We had put in a clause that basically said we agreed that extra curricular experiences such as summer camp were important to us and that we agreed to pay half of those expenses.) He's been late on child support 17 out of 24 times this year (he pays every two weeks instead of once a month - his request) and he's behind on some other obligations that were due in June.

I thoroughly enjoyed that meal (which, of course, I could easily have paid for out of my own funds - it was just a symbolic amount) and just might have to do it again someday!!!

And I wish you were my ex - and I'm sorry yours sounds like such a witch. It would be so nice to see him make decisions based on what he could do for the children, rather than what he thinks would hurt me, which is his current method. Fortunately I have other income that more than compensates for his lack of financial support. But I will never understand how someone can be a parent and not feel any sort of responsibility to his children, whether their mother can cover their expenses or not. Just boggles my mind that this was someone I once loved so much...

 

[Nickunited]

...and I feel indifferent. I guess that's good. All the crap he put me through to finally feel absolutely nothing towards him. But, Friday is a little inconvienent for everyone isn't it?!?

Well thats good - If he put your through a rough time you should feel nothing towards him. Although while you feel nothing for him - it must be kind of weird! Are you invited to the wedding?

 

[Mom2Angels]

I understand your comment. My dh pays child support for his son and I thought the same thing as you. Not only do we pay child support but we also buy him clothes, school supplies, pay for sports activities, health insurance, and anything else he may need. So yes I would expect the money to go to him that we pay every week and not to her girlfriends or otherwise.

To the OP. I am glad that you are happy that your ex is now someone else's problem!

I would probably feel the same way if I was the one paying child support, but I am on the receiving end and I know my child has everything thing he needs, even the extras, and his father does also buy him things above and beyond the cost of the child support. When I put my child support check (which doesn’t cover even half of a teenagers expenses) in the bank along with my pay check I pay my rent, (roof over his head), pay my car payment (car used to get him where he needs to go) food that he eats, clothes that he wears, lunch money, school supplies, everything he needs is covered, be it from my check or the child support check. So if I did want to go and blow 500 dollars on a night out with my friends, and say it was my child support money, truly I wouldn’t know which check the money came from, but I know the needs of my child are covered and that is all that matters, as long as nothing is being taken from him.


Debbie

 

[Mom2Angels]

You are correct.

DVCLiz I would like to apologize and explain my reaction. I paid child support for 16 years to a woman who spent the money on her boyfriends, denied me visitation, would make some excuse as to why my daughter could not come to the phone if I called (when they had a phone during the rare times my ex acutally paid the phone bill) and lied to my daughter about what a crap father I was for not sending support payments (I never missed a payment) or gifts (ex hid them or threw them away before my daughter saw them). I learned about all these things from my ex and my daughter over the last three years as my daughter and I have built a relationship. As for my ex, she now has to deal with my daughter's anger over denying my daughter a relationship with her father.

Again, my apologies. It was a knee-jerk reaction (emphasis on the jerk part)

I’m sorry that this is your experience, no matter how I feel and what I think of my sons father, I would never keep him from his son or do this sort of stuff. I am glad that you are able to have a relationship with your daughter now.


Debbie

 

[Maleficent13]

Well, at least you know he's out of your hair for good! Buy a bottle of wine and toast all by yourself!

And yeah...it is a very inconvenient day for a wedding...is that typical of his standard MO though? Be thankful you don't have to go (and have another toast and another big glass of wine!)

 

[MickeysMommy]

No, Mal, I guess she wanted to get married that day. We've had this discussion about them haven't we. I know that I am so much better off without him but it's still kinda weird! Glass of wine to toast to my future!

 

[lookingforward]

Just think of all the aggrevation his new wife is destined for. That is what I did, visualize all his bad habits and behavior and then say "It is HER problem now!" and laugh. Works every time, because they can change their wives, they can change their waist sizes, they can change their hair, etc. BUT they can never change who they REALLY are. HA!

Enjoy the glass of wine and a think of your future filled with love, happiness and opportunity.

 

[Nickunited]

No, Mal, I guess she wanted to get married that day. We've had this discussion about them haven't we. I know that I am so much better off without him but it's still kinda weird! Glass of wine to toast to my future!

Toast to your future!

I like this thread because I think most of us have gone through something like this. I mean - I broke up with my ex over a year ago and i know she is dating and im indifferent as well - it does stink because I do think she is a great girl and we had a great time together but at the same time - I know im better off without him and we would not have been happy had we gotten married. To many differences that made us unhappy!

Everything happens for a reason! Thats how I look at it!

 

[Maleficent13]

In your honor, MM, I will have a glass of wine on Friday too! Maybe even two or three!