My DS Proudly Told Me...

[Robinrs]

Yeah, that was my DS... stealing about $6,000 two years ago. He was repentent for that and took his punishment like a man. He went for counseling and the therapist said that he was a typical teenage boy who saw an opportunity and took it.

He's been good for 2 years and has paid back about $1,000 of what he took. He works on Saturday mornings, so that is how he's been paying us back. That is also the money he uses for the movies or to go to the Y, etc.

Everyone who knows him thinks he's a good kid that is just going through another phase of being a teenager.

He lost his cell phone the first time he snuck his friend in. That is a huge punishment for him since it meant no texting, etc. Our computer was down at that point, so he couldn't facebook or skype them either. I didn't let him use the phone. He was isolated from his friends.

This time, I've told him that I get custody of his phone when he gets home from school. (Primarily because I was inconvenienced in not getting to have access to him on his walk home from school.) He can have it back in the morning to take to school to leave in his locker.

The alarm system was a knee-jerk reaction to embarass him. Every time the dinger will go off will be a reminder to him that he caused it. Every time a friend hears it and says, "what's that?" he can tell them it was because he snuck his buddy into the house unauthorized.

I called the other boy's parents last night to let them know what our house rules are and what the boys are doing. They were shocked that I didn't know that he was here and said they'd speak to their son about it.

He hasn't acquired a taste for alcohol, but I know that kids being kids, it's a matter of time and I'm not going to be the one furnishing it to him or his friends. That's why I want the locks on the bar.

One of my friends told me that the thing that kids do nowadays is they take 2 pairs of shoes to a sleepover. One pair stays by the door and the other is worn when the group sneaks out.

When my DS got caught, he complained that so many other friends sneak people into their houses our they sneak out of their own houses. "Their parents don't care." I told him that unfortunately for him, he has parents who care and this is not the way things are going to go down in this house.

Overall, my DS respects me. I think he's testing the waters... in a very disrespectful way. The funny thing is that his friends all think I'm the coolest mom out of the group even though I'm one of the most strict. They seek me out to talk to about their problems and for advice or to just tell me what's going on in their lives. Our house is the major hangout on the weekends even though I am up and down the stairs multiple times to check on them.

Oh, and thanks for comparing my parenting style to Lynne's. I don't look like Steven Tyler, I'm not stoned at any time, I consume about 3 alcoholic drinks a month (and not all at once) and my kids know that I will punish them for their actions. I'm not trying to be my kids' friend. My job is to be their parent. I take that obligation seriously.

Being a parent is a hard job, and it's so easy to make judgments behind an anonymous board.

I don't think you owe anyone here an explanation or an apology. Learn like I had to, don't share your intimate details with anonymous people on the internet. They only use it to throw it back in your face.

 

[wdwfan16]

Being a parent is a hard job, and it's so easy to make judgments behind an anonymous board.

I don't think you owe anyone here an explanation or an apology. Learn like I had to, don't share your intimate details with anonymous people on the internet. They only use it to throw it back in your face.

Than what was the point of the thread? Did she just want to tell all of us that she can afford a security alarm?

 

[Mickey's Minion]

Yeah, that was my DS... stealing about $6,000 two years ago. He was repentent for that and took his punishment like a man. He went for counseling and the therapist said that he was a typical teenage boy who saw an opportunity and took it..

A "typical" 13 year old? Saw an opportunity and took it?

I am sorry, but having gone through the teens with 2 boys so far and currently having a 13 year old in the house, I can assure you that is not typical teen/ 13 year old behavior.

Never, ever, would I nor any of our friends nor any parent in any of the schools I have worked in, ever think that stealing, let alone $6,000 is a typical teenage boy thing.

Nobody I can imagine would ever dismiss something that serious as "saw an opportunity and took it." Seeing an opportunity and taking it is noticing there is money to be made shoveling driveways, mowing lawns, being a productive teen in society. Not a common thief.

Respectfully, you need a different therapist if that is what he is telling you.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Am I the only person who thought EWW over the idea about hearing about my kids make-out sessions?

I have a good relationship with my kids. I want to know who they are dating and how it's working out and all. I'm even ok with the word 'kiss', as in I had my first kiss tonight. But the term make-out is so vulgar. Isn't this the sort of conversation meant to be had among friends? Isn't this the point of friends? I have to be honest that if one of my kids said this to me we'd be having a very serious conversation about boundaries. I want to now if my kids are in trouble. I want to know who my kids are spending time with. I want to know about it if my kids need help. I want to know if someone is making one of my kids do something against their will. I want to know if my kids want birth control because I need to buy it, I'd also want to know they were using protection. But the details of the where and when are not for my ears, these are my kids personal decisions and I want no part of them, no thank you. Ewww, TMI

I don't mean to sound judgmental but the whole thing just sent very unwelcome images into my head that I now have no way to scrub out.

If this kid has other troubles I would talk with a counselor to let a professional weigh in on the goings on here. It sounds like there are many boundary issues going on here, a history of significant theft, sneaking around when you are sleeping, now this. If it were my kid I'd bring in help, but that's just me. This age is a crossroads, I would be concerned.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

 

[gonzo76]

A "typical" 13 year old? Saw an opportunity and took it?

I am sorry, but having gone through the teens with 2 boys so far and currently having a 13 year old in the house, I can assure you that is not typical teen/ 13 year old behavior.

Never, ever, would I nor any of our friends nor any parent in any of the schools I have worked in, ever think that stealing, let alone $6,000 is a typical teenage boy thing.

Nobody I can imagine would ever dismiss something that serious as "saw an opportunity and took it." Seeing an opportunity and taking it is noticing there is money to be made shoveling driveways, mowing lawns, being a productive teen in society. Not a common thief.

Respectfully, you need a different therapist if that is what he is telling you.

I can not believe a therapist would tell the OP that. I would have left immediately and found someone else.

 

[Motherofboys]

Did the therapist tell him what kind of crime that would have been if he had stolen that amount from someone other than his parents? What the legal punishment could have been?

What in the world did a 13 year old spend $6,000 on???

It's kind of scary to me that you have that kind of money in your home and your son is sneaking his friends in. I would be concerned about more than my alcohol being stolen.

Good luck to you, I hope things get better.

 

[Mickey's Minion]

I can not believe a therapist would tell the OP that. I would have left immediately and found someone else.

Did the therapist tell him what kind of crime that would have been if he had stolen that amount from someone other than his parents? What the legal punishment could have been?

Now that it is 2 years later, I am very curious to know exactly what kind of serious crimes this therapist thinks is typical 15 year old teen behavior.

With a therapist like that advising my child, I wouldn't be investing in an alarm system, I would be putting the money away in a legal fund and having a juvenile attorney on retainer, because the OP is going to need it if she keeps taking that quack's advice.

 

[mjkacmom]

Okay, no flags are raised for me for the sneaking a friend in - and I think taking away the cellphone is fair, because that would be a HUGE isolating punishment for dd13. I think it's fine he kissed a girl at the movies, but kinda weird that he told his mom. I have no idea if dd13 has kissed a boy, and my mom never knew who I kissed. That information was for friends only.

 

[agnes!]

I know that I want to know this stuff, but I don't want to know it. KWIM?

My DS, like most other 15yos thinks he's the smartest person on the planet and you can't tell him anything.

He's also recently taken to sneaking one of his friends in during the evening to play x-box. He knows he's not allowed to have friends over during the week because his grades slip tremendously when he's allowed to have fun with friends during the school week. Yet, I've caught his buddy in my basement twice in the last 3 weeks. We're getting ready to install an alarm system so I can hear whenever a door or window opens so I know what's going on in the basement when I'm on another floor.

Next step is installing locked doors on my bar so when he has the inclination to drink, it won't be from my stock.

Just trying to stay a step ahead of his thinking and man is it hard.

How bout locking up the X-box for a while??? than there is no reason for the friend to come over and your DS may realize there are consequences to breaking the rules.

My nephew continued to spend his nights playing video games, came home with a bad report card and all the games got put in mom and dad's closet for a while. When the grades came back up, he got the games back one by one to make sure he didnt slip again

Its that old, you can lead horse to the water but you can't make them drink. Some kids are just what they are personality wise.

While I personally would take away the games etc before installing an alarm, some would install the alarm. What works best for another, may not for me. All I know, all kids..especially teens...are different. All parents have to decide what is best in their home, with their teens and move forward from there. Who am I to say that this teen doesn't require the alarm? This might be her one step ahead of the game. She already knows he is going to do what he needs to do with or without her permission. She may have decided that this IS being proactive!

Kelly

How about locking up the XBox controllers? Leave the 'box' out, don't say a word to Junior. Even maybe get that alarm (just be sneaky and make it silent, or make it just so YOU can hear it). Junior sneaks buddy in on school-night as alarm goes off just for you. You give it a minute or teo, then go downstairs as Junior & buddy are madly looking for the controllers. As you're standing in the doorway, dangle them from your hand, and say "looking for something?... Buddy, you may go home now. I'm calling your parents to let them know. Junior, your father & I will talk to you tomorrow."

And then leave.

 

[punkin]

How about locking up the XBox controllers? Leave the 'box' out, don't say a word to Junior. Even maybe get that alarm (just be sneaky and make it silent, or make it just so YOU can hear it). Junior sneaks buddy in on school-night as alarm goes off just for you. You give it a minute or teo, then go downstairs as Junior & buddy are madly looking for the controllers. As you're standing in the doorway, dangle them from your hand, and say "looking for something?... Buddy, you may go home now. I'm calling your parents to let them know. Junior, your father & I will talk to you tomorrow."

And then leave.

agnes! you are evil. I love you.

 

[wdwfan16]

ITA that 13 year olds stealing $6K is not normal. The few who do that end up at Juvie.

 

[Kathi OD]

ITA that 13 year olds stealing $6K is not normal. The few who do that end up at Juvie.

Not if they live in NJ they don't. they get released to their parents.

 

[hentob]

Not if they live in NJ they don't. they get released to their parents.

Shame.

 

[Mermaid02]

What does a 13 year old do with $6000??

 

[declansdad]

I'm so glad to know that not only are many Diser's medical doctors, they are also experts in counseling.

OP, it doesn't sound to me that your son is out-of-control, nor does it sound as if you are avoiding the issues. Would I do everything the same, I don't know, never been in your shoes. My son is only 9 and to my knowledge he hasn't been making out with the girls from his school......yet.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

I'm so glad to know that not only are many Diser's medical doctors, they are also experts in counseling.

OP, it doesn't sound to me that your son is out-of-control, nor does it sound as if you are avoiding the issues. Would I do everything the same, I don't know, never been in your shoes. My son is only 9 and to my knowledge he hasn't been making out with the girls from his school......yet.

Total agreement.

 

[MerMom60_94]

I'm so glad to know that not only are many Diser's medical doctors, they are also experts in counseling.

OP, it doesn't sound to me that your son is out-of-control, nor does it sound as if you are avoiding the issues. Would I do everything the same, I don't know, never been in your shoes. My son is only 9 and to my knowledge he hasn't been making out with the girls from his school......yet.

Total agreement.

I third this sentiment.

Let me just ask a question, though. Has your son been listening to too much Lady Gaga perhaps???? I've heard her music will cause this type of behavior.

 

[dis-happy]

I'm curious how he spent $6000 as well. And he's only paid back $1000 of that? If it were my child I'd make it clear that Driver's Ed wouldn't take place until the full amount of money owed has been paid back (and since it's already been 2 years I'd add in interest).

You might want to buy him some condoms too.

I know it's hard to be a parent, not every kid fits the perfect mold. But the whole "rules don't apply to me" actions are frightening and I'd be taking steps while you still have some control. It's very easy to see the next level with someone getting hurt or killed. (ie. alcohol drinking games, racing a car 100 mph down the street, getting into drugs, getting a girl pregnant). I used to work for a teen hotline and heard it all.

 

[Mickey's Minion]

I'm so glad to know that not only are many Diser's medical doctors, they are also experts in counseling.

Not an expert by any means, but I am degreed in child and adolescent psychology.

From what the OP has presented, if a therapist really claimed that stealing $6,000 is just normal middle school teen behavior, I still maintain that the OP should be running for a new therapist.

 

[allison443]

that he made out with a girl at the movies on Saturday night.

He turned 15 last week and I know that is what kids do. I've always had an open relationship with him and his sister, so he knows he can tell me anything.

But, now I'm turning into a prude! There are some things I don't want to know.

He also told me that this weekend he wants to go to the movies with another girl he likes and he already told her that he plans to make out with her.

That bought him a lecture on respecting girls and what others in the theater will think about him and the girl.

Ack! So many more years of this and more!

To proudly tell you he made out with a girl last week and plans to make out with a different one this week...I guess he considers that something to be proud of? Did he expect that you would be proud of him?