My DS is afraid of dogs now!! (rant)

[Linnie The Pooh]

Well, one dog in particular. Long story short, as I've posted about this before-my grandma is dying of cancer and DS6 just loves her to pieces. He has a disability with mainly a speech & language disorder and some sensory issues that can be a problem. He seems to have a kind of "block" when it comes to comprehending or expressing himself so he's way behind in language, but is very far ahead in other areas.

Anyway, I'm getting OT here. For the past few months he won't go in to my granny's home and I thought it was b/c he was picking up on how things have changed with all of us and maybe feeling the stress etc. of her illness.

Tonight, it is below zero degrees out and I didn't have anyone to watch him so he had to come with me to granny's. He wanted to stay outside so I said he could for a little bit, then I looked out and he has his coat OFF. So I made him come in and he covered his ears with his hands and FREAKED out when he saw the dog. He just screamed like he was being tortured!! He was so afraid. He isn't afraid of other dogs. Goes right up to them. My DD4 is afraid of granny's dog-always has been. She is a little dog, but has really, really sharp claws and jumps up on everybody so DD was scared of her right from the start, but now so is DS all of a sudden. My mom thinks it's because DD was so scared of the dog that now DS is too-that it rubbed off on him. He was beyond inconsolable though, just falling apart. I didn't know what to do, so I made him sit in a chair and covered his mouth while he screamed b/c we have relatives in town staying with granny. How nice they saw this bizarre behavior...

I didn't know what else to do. Once he calmed down, I had him go see my granny and he gave her a hug and was so happy to see her since he hasn't been inside her house for the past few months. It did my heart good to see that b/c it made her really happy too. I came home & DH was home by then and said to just forget about it, but it was really disturbing how he acted and I couldn't forget it. Nowhere else to turn and no one else to talk about it with so here I am...

Thanks for listening.

 

[MoniqueU]

That seems kind of mean to put your hands over the mouth of a frightened child.

 

[andromedaslove]

That seems kind of mean to put your hands over the mouth of a frightened child.

It seems kind of mean to judge someone when you haven't had to deal with what they are dealing with.

I have not had to deal with a child who has a disability. I have however seen my DH's cousin who has a son who is autistic, and have seen her do the exact same thing when he was screaming non stop for no apparent reason. I think that people who are in that situation are doing the best that they can under the circumstances and don't need to be judged so harshly.

To the OP, I am so sorry that he has become so afraid of this dog, and I don't really have any advice. But I definately wanted to offer a big and tell you how happy I am that afterwards he was able to see his Granny. I am sure that made him, her, and you feel so much better.

Dana

 

[tw1nsmom]

Is there any way the dog could be put into another room with the door shut? I do understand what you're going through. DS has NLD and id very vrebal, but when he's afraid or very anxious he will often freak out or use repetitive statements that have nothing to do with what he's upset about. It can be hard to figure out what the problem is. Here's a hug from someone who is walking down a similar road.

 

[Linnie The Pooh]

My family is so weird about their animals-even if kids are upset over an animal, they refuse to put the dog in another room or outside. They think that since it's the "dog's house" the dog has the right to be where ever and do whatever he wants to. I tried for years to get my mom to put her dog outside when little kids would visit because this dog was actually mean and would bite, but she refused. It was so difficult to take little kids over there, I stayed away until after the dog was eventually so old & sick she had to be put down. I wish they'd make my granny's dog go outside, but they won't. I hardly ever take DS over there anymore because of it, but it does bother granny b/c she always asks me where my kids are and I have to tell her they're with their dad and I can tell her feelings get hurt b/c they don't want to come to her house and it's not b/c of her--it's the dog.

Thank you for your support and hugs-you're right-it is so hard to know what to do. My son is such a mystery-no one really knows what is "wrong" with him exactly. He's had just about every label possible.

To Monique-just to clarify I wasn't putting my hand over the mouth of a frightened child because I'm mean-far from it. I'm one of the most patient people on the planet-really. I was trying to quiet the incredible loudness of his screaming. My granny is very sick and dying. She's going through chemo (for pain management) and isn't expected to live another month. Right now she can't tolerate noise of any kind and I knew it would be upsetting for her (and everyone on the block!) to hear that. Sometimes DS can get himself so worked up, his moods escalate and you can't bring him back down. Whether it's silliness or tantrums, he can just get beyond reach, and if I can intervene so he doesn't become "lost" then I will. It probably sounded pretty cold of me to others who have never gone through it, but it actually did work and he calmed down. I didn't clamp my hand on his mouth tight and it was not abusive in any way whatsoever, I kept it loose so it wasn't restrictive but quieting for him. I thought that he was hearing himself screaming and that was causing him to escalate. At one point when he first saw the dog, he became so physically combative, I had to use a restraining hold on him so he wouldn't break anything or hurt himself. Was that mean? I didn't think so. It had to be done. And that worked too-I got him to a chair after that and with blocking out the screaming-it calmed him. I'm glad you brought it up, actually because people who haven't had a child like mine, judge pretty harshly because he looks like a totally normal little boy and most people don't know he's disabled until he speaks or they watch him for awhile. Then they see something is wrong, but like everyone else, they don't know what. He's such a mystery.

I"m sorry I'm carrying on. It's been a bad day and with the stress of granny, it's been a bad past few months. I needed to vent and really have no where else to go.

 

[minkydog]

Linnie, my 10yo DS is autistic and non-verbal. He doesn't communicate well on a good day, but when he is scared suddenly all he**breaks loose. I would have done what you did especially under the circumstances. I think if the family willnot put the dog out, then one of you will have to hold the dog(in another room) while the other walks your child in to visit Granny, then walks him out and leaves. I know it's not fair, but it can't be helped. He's not gonna overcome his fear overnight. You did the right thing. I'm sorry you're all going through such a hard time.

 

[Linnie The Pooh]

Thank you so much. Since posting this and getting the support from the people who've responded, I've actually relaxed a great deal. Thank you.

 

[FreshTressa]

I think you were being considerate of others by covering his mouth...if you said you hadn't other disers would be flaming you for letting your kid cry. Can't win here, lol.

Anyway...that is rough. I know how ppl can be about their animals. Hopefully he sticks to being afraid of just that one animal.

I know kids with sensory problems can be set off by just about anything. One of my friends DD's has it.

Good luck!

 

[dmslush]

I hope you and your son both were able to get a good nights rest! I have seen several kids come through the shelter that had to be calmed down in the same manner that you stated. You know your son better than anyone and you did nothing wrong!!! Hopefully, it is a one time thing and he won't be afraid of the dog forever.

 

[LiteBrite]

I have no background with kids with disabilities, but I can tell you about fear of dogs.

I was deathly afraid of all dogs when I was a child - terrified to go to anybody's house with a dog, terrified to walk down a street where a dog lived. This fear continued all through my teen years, and even as an adult I'm still not comfortable with big dogs that I don't know.

When my DD was 2, she was jumped on by a dog and suddenly she was afraid of all dogs, too. Watching her have to deal with that fear reminded me what a handicap it was to me all those years. I just couldn't stand the thought of her having to go through her whole childhood the way I did, so when she was 5, hubby and I decided to get her a little puppy of her own. She and I went to the Humane Association and found a very non-threatening little puppy that she loved right away. Rosie came home with us a couple of days later, and I have to tell you that it worked like a charm - DD almost instantly got over her fear of dogs, and has never had it again.

I realize this is a long-term solution to this problem. Rosie is 13 now, (DD is 18!), and still with us. As far as I'm concerned she earned her keep for the rest of her life by just helping DD get past her crippling fear.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I hope I can help you!!! Very easy to fix here.

Good solution is to leash the dog inside the house!!! That way you are in control of the dog AT ALL TIMES.

Never ask your son to touch the dog. Maybe he will ask one day and maybe not.

The idea is to show him that you are in control of the dog.

Wanted to add, if you can take the dog for a short walk. Get some of the dog's energy out and heel the dog to your side to show that you are the boss. It will help if you can do it.

 

[grlpwrd]

 

[VanniGirl]

for you and your family during this tough time.

 

[Keli]

Linnie, Your family is in the wrong IMHO. If I am ever so blessed to have a granddaughter and great grandson I will close my dog into another room for the duration of the visit in a heartbeat if it helps the child.

Actually I put my dog in my bedroom every time we have some friends over and she's a sweet, gentle golden retriever. But I have a dear friend that is terrified of all dogs. She'd never ask me to put Maggie up but you can see she is always watching were the dog is if Maggie's not shut up in my bedroom. I know my friend isn't relaxing and having fun while she's on gard.

If I think enough of my friend's comfort to put Mags up I would certainly do it for a child who is scared.

 

[Am_I_There_Yet]

I hope I can help you!!! Very easy to fix here.

Good solution is to leash the dog inside the house!!! That way you are in control of the dog AT ALL TIMES.

Never ask your son to touch the dog. Maybe he will ask one day and maybe not.

The idea is to show him that you are in control of the dog.

Wanted to add, if you can take the dog for a short walk. Get some of the dog's energy out and heel the dog to your side to show that you are the boss. It will help if you can do it.

This is an excellent solution!

OP, sorry for all that you're having to deal with.

 

[Hannathy]

Please don't deny your poor GR.ma seeing your little guy and vice versa. I agree with those who say go with your DH and have him scoop up the dog and "play" with him into the kitchen etc until you and son are past the dog and in to Gr.Ma. It sounds like she won't be with you, unfortunately, very long and the effort to have the dog and your son avoid each other will be worth it. If she is that sick you won't want to have your kids there for extended visits so a little creativity should work for short visits.

 

[momof2inPA]

Be very straight with your grandma. If the dog can't be shut in a room or in a kennel for awhile, your son will not be able to visit. I can't believe she would choose a dog over seeing your son. My son has a severe dog lick allergy, and my sis puts her dog outside or in a room every time we visit. She doesn't even hesitate, and she loves her dog. She just loves her nephew, too.

 

[Linnie The Pooh]

Thank you everyone. Actually, when my DD was a toddler and we'd come over to granny's, she would put the dog on a leash and then keep her semi-away from my DD. She'd let her get near her, but then if DD would cry, she'd pull her back. So the leash solution is an excellent solution and one I should have thought of-don't know why I didn't but thanks for bringing it to my attention. Granny is too weak to put the dog on a leash, but I will do it when I go over there next time.

I just found out the dog is 14. I had no idea she was that old-she so hyper. I was surprised.

I appreciate the support so much. It's a challenge to have a child who is so unpredictable (to say the least). Sometimes it's hard to separate the disability behaviors from the 6 year old behaviors, but I'm pretty sure yesterdays' was disability behavior.

I used to be afraid of dogs when I was little too-I had 2 of them nearly kill me (one by drowning and one by strangulation-both long stories...) and one took my candy bar right out of my hand which upset me. Then I got bit a few years ago while I was walking in our neighborhood. I like dogs, but they can be scary.

 

[roseprincess]

My family is so weird about their animals-even if kids are upset over an animal, they refuse to put the dog in another room or outside. They think that since it's the "dog's house" the dog has the right to be where ever and do whatever he wants to. I tried for years to get my mom to put her dog outside when little kids would visit because this dog was actually mean and would bite, but she refused. It was so difficult to take little kids over there, I stayed away until after the dog was eventually so old & sick she had to be put down. I wish they'd make my granny's dog go outside, but they won't. I hardly ever take DS over there anymore because of it, but it does bother granny b/c she always asks me where my kids are and I have to tell her they're with their dad and I can tell her feelings get hurt b/c they don't want to come to her house and it's not b/c of her--it's the dog.

/QUOTE]


I have special needs twins. My ds has aspergers, he's fine with dogs, no problem. My dd has a heart conditon, some dev. delays, and sensory issues. She is very scared of any dog, in fact any animal that is not in a cage. I have no clue why she is like this, but dd has been like this since she was 2 yrs. old. And just like you, my dh's family doesn't help with the dog thing. They refuse to put the dog in another room with door closed, esp . my BIL and SIL. Everyone in dh's family tells me, "oh, your dd has to get used to dogs". Dh feels differently, he defends me and dd on hte dog issue. It just makes me so angry that dh's family is so inconsiderate of dd and her disabilities and her being scared of dogs. SIL and BIL let the dog do what it wants and it isn't a friendly dog, either. That dog almost bit my ds when he was 3 yrs. old. I have told dh's family several times that dd is scared of the dog and if they can put the dog in a room for awhile or outside for awhile. Dh family never listens and do what they want!
So, I can relate with you on the dog issue and kids being scared of dogs and family being inconsiderate of a special child's need.
I do feel extended family in general should help out and be more considerate of the situation, even tho in reality they are not like that. I guess they feel the dog is more important than my child or a child!

Rosemarie

 

[tw1nsmom]

Slightly OT, but do those of you who have children with "invisible" disabilities have problems with family members who think there's nothing wrong with your kids, and that they are spoiled/babied and just need to snap out of it?

I'm so tired of having to explain that they can't tease DS using sarcasm...that he doesn't understand it and he doesn't understand facial expressions. They think I'm babying him. Same thing with his food/sensory issues...I'm spoiling him by giving in to his likes and dislikes. AARRG! Oh well, one benefit is that I've begun to become more aware of the people I really want in our inner circle.