My DH just doesn't get it!(minor vent)

[wdwnutze]

Even when I try to spell things out for him, he just doesn't seem to get it! Today is my b-day and for the longest time I have been telling him I want to get a dog. Thought I would get one for x-mas, then for Mother's day then for my b-day. He told me yesterday that he will not be getting me a dog but what else did I want. I told him 3 things(why he can't think of something on his own is another story).1. A shepards hook for a plant I want to hang 2. Lotion from Bath and body works and I can't remember the 3rd thing. Well, this morning he wakes the kids before he goes to work so he can give me my gifts. He informs me that he didn't get the plant hook because he saw a different one from what I wanted and didn't know which one to get me. He did get me a yankee candle which I love but got me lotion from Walmart(not sure why since he was in the mall that has B&BW in it), a small phone book for my pocketbook and some razors. Hard to keep a happy look on my face when it wasn't what I wanted. The final kicker is he told me to decide what to do about dinner(eat out or in). If my youngest dd wasn't so excited about my b-day, I would have made plans to go shopping with my mom without my kids. Instead we will all go to dd's favorite restaurant for dinner. Feel a little better now that I got that off my chest!

 

[Wish Upon A Star]

First of all HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Don't feel bad . . .my DH is the same way. I have to make the man a list of what I would like for Xmas every year. How un-romantic is that? Some guys just aren't smart in that department. And even though you mentioned things that you want, do you think he remembers? I know when I tell my DH things that I want he tends to forget. In one ear and out the other is DH's trademark.

Well, just wanted to let you know you aren't alone.

Try to have an AWESOME day!

 

[tkyes]

Happy Birthday!!!!



Tamie

 

[olena]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Sorry about DH. I asked for a dog last week, but it's just not going to happen.

 

[Lars624]

Happy Birthday!!!!
sorry that DH disappointed you....MEN

 

[jamsmom]

Happy, Happy Birthday.



Look at it this way, at leat you have a man who is willing to acknowledge your birthday, Christmas, etc. I hope the rest of your day is magical!

 

[Disneymoon04]

Sorry to hear things are going the best for you, but

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

 

[Serena]

I'm sorry.
I just deleted my own long vent. lol My h was a pain when it came to birthdays. Asking him to even remember it was too much to ask.

Happy Birthday! I hope you do something special for yourself.

 

[dtuleya]

Happy Birthday! Did you check out your thread yet? http://disboards.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=405265

My DH isn't the best at gift giving either, but what's ironic is that if I don't get him something he really likes he gets disappointed. I chalk it up to growing up with older, strict, non-warm and fuzzy parents.

Keep your chin up girl and go and buy all the things he didn't give you for yourself!

 

[Tiggerkeeper]

Sorry you didn't get what you wanted. I am working on year 3 of asking for a dog. Actually, I could just go get one myself but I thought it would be nice to be a joint thing! I think guys are missing a gene when it comes to gift giving!

Hey, you are lucky to get anything at all! Count your blessings!

Happy Birthday!!!!!

 

[vald1977]

Originally posted by dtuleya

Keep your chin up girl and go and buy all the things he didn't give you for yourself!

I second that.

Happy Birthday !

 

[Cindy B]

Yes, it is hard to deal with disappointment.

But sometimes, our expectations are so high that anything else destroys that. Does that make sense?

Yes, I understand the thought of a dog. Its a friend, pet and protector. DH would love a dog, the kids would love a dog, but I am the non animal person in the family, so right no its a "wait and see, put it on the back burner".


As for the gift giving, sometimes when we set our expectations so high, and nothing can change that. I used to be like this as weill with my DH.

It became very challengign to him, because I would only want or ask for one thing. He was so afraid to disappoint in the one thing (what if it isn't right, what if I blow it, what if she doesn't like it.. I'm up the creek! was my DH's thoughts)

I basically backed him into a corner with only one choice. (His words not mine) He explained to me how challenging and stressful that was to him, because he wanted to please me but with only one choice, it was just once and if he made a mistake on the one thing, it was hard for him to take.

So then we talked about multiple things. And I did need to spell it out earlier in my marriage... (body lotion, or certain perfume).. Now I just say, whatever you think I will like or need, I am happy...

That attitude really frees me up. I'm not disappointed, I'm not setting myself up for high expectations, or anything like that. And with this freedom, he really does take this freedom and really apply it.

 

[Planogirl]

Happy Birthday!

Sorry that your DH is a bit clueless. I can definitely relate.

Why not go out and get the dog as a treat now? You could take whoever and make it an outing.

 

[wdwnutze]

Thanks for all the support. I knew I could come here and vent and get some feedback. I have thought about just going and getting a dog but it would cause a HUGE problem with my husband. He thinks I am not home enough to take care of a dog(I only work 3 nights a week 6-9). My almost 11yo dd could take the dog for a walk in the evening with no problem. I have offered him all sorts of solutions to which he has an argument about each one. I think my big problem is that he is only considering himself and no one else. There are 3 kids and myself that want a dog. No one expects him to take care of the dog. He told me if I really want one, I can quit my job and cancel my WDW trip and stay home with it. This is what I am up against. Oh well, I guess I will deal with the rest of my day. I wish it were tomorrow already!

 

[Steve H.]

Happy Birthday!

Sounds like he really, really just doesn't want a dog. Wouldn't you rather that everyone in your house wanted a pet before you got something like a puppy or should your DH just have to deal with it???

 

[dtuleya]

Originally posted by Steve H.
Happy Birthday!

Sounds like he really, really just doesn't want a dog. Wouldn't you rather that everyone in your house wanted a pet before you got something like a puppy or should your DH just have to deal with it???

I totally agree with Steve. Even though you want one, if your DH doesn't it can make for a miserable household. We all agreed on a dog, but when he gets mad at Murphy for something he'll say something like, "It's YOUR dog." What makes that statement even more hilarious is he is the one who who babies the dog. Ever see a 6'3", 210 lb. man and a 130 lb. black lab snuggle on the couch. It's quite a site.

 

[wdwoldtimer]

I dunno....which is less "thoughtful"? A DH that goes out and picks out stuff for you on his own, albeit, not exactly what you wanted......or a DH that takes your shopping list and picks up what you asked for?

 

[FOJMO]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

I agree with CindyB. I learned a long time ago not to expect anything in particular -- that way I'm not disappointed. I only get upset if he forgets completely. After all, I take care of remembering everyone else's birthdays for all of us -- he only has to remember mine.

We just celebrated our 22nd wedding anniversary last week. He gave me 2 dozen roses and then later sheepishly gave me the receipt to deduct from the checkbook. Hey, he doesn't have any charge cards, checks nor money (except about $10/week for coffee/crackers) -- all by HIS choice, so I guess I can't complain.

He's just not a spender... for himself nor anyone else.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

I have been looking at this thread all day and keep pushing the back button...but I do have one thing to say, and it's not like me to just keep things to myself.

We love people for a reason. Sure our husbands, SOs, partners, etc. all have flaws but we fell in love with them for a reason. Maybe focus on WHY you love him and married him, instead of feeling like he disappointed you on your birthday. He remembered didn't he?There is a book, the Five Love Languages, it's about all the different ways people express and receive love. Some people give things, some people do things, stuff like that. Maybe you two just have a different "language".

I know the cards, little gifts, compliments and kind words (heck even my DH doing the vaccuming when it's my day or when he washes my car, he shows his love by doing things ) I receive for no reason at all mean more to me than what I receive on special occassions, as those almost seem required. The just because things are the true expression of love.

 

[LadyAurora]

Be careful about bringing a dog into your household if not everyone is "with you." DH and I talked about getting a dog when we bought our first house. I had been wanting one forever, and he said he would like a little dog. But I didn't want a little dog, I wanted a "real" dog, a German Shepherd. We got one from the Rescue Society for Christmas, everyone was happy. Until the first time she got away from my DH, and he had to chase her down the street. It turns out my DH is definitely not an animal person, had unrealistic expectations for a dog. Examples: When I leave my sandwich on the table, I expect her not to eat it. Why does she need to run to the door when you get home? Why is she so excited? This dog basically became "my" dog, and hubby grew to resent her, which she could sense. It was not a good situation.
So, as much as I love dogs and my heart breaks that she's not with us (we are renting our new home in FL), I think it is for the best that she will find a home where everyone wants her.
Sorry this is so long. But just be careful about convincing someone who is reluctant to accept a dog.
Have a happy birthday otherwise!