My DF and I had another argument.....

[golfgal]

These little fights are normal, you need to keep that in mind. If you didn't fight with your SO, something would be wrong.

Just a bit of marital advice to make thing easier in the years to come, everyone has their own way of doing things and just because it isn't your way doesn't make it wrong. You have 2 choices in these matters, ignore the behavior you don't like or do it yourself. If you don't like how he irons, either ignore it or do all the laundry. Trust me, in the long run, a little wrinkle release is WAY, WAY better then the 15+ loads of laundry I do for our family each week.

 

[momrek06]

OP: I wish I had heard that saying "DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF" when I was first married. Because that is all I did...but as life continues you realize that sweating the small stuff will just make you more stressed and crazy. Think of this Thread you Posted on the DIS Boards..we are all here for YOU. Come here and vent like you did and listen to so much good advice from all your fellow DISer's out there.

Communication with your DF is so important....keep that up. What you ultimately did after DF kissed you goodbye and decided NOT to continue to be mad even though you wanted to...and met him for lunch and talked and talked...YOU ROCK, OP...as that was the BEST SOLUTION to this a.m.'s argument.

Hey my DH still to this day (25 years later)PUTS the EMPTY milk carton back in the refridge and drinks LISTERINE straight from the bottle ...I am not going to SWEAT it...as I want to live to be 100!!! YES I DO!!!

You will actually have MORE good days than bad days. Things will slowly settle down. Give yourself a random date for unpacking...like 3 months from now. You will look back sooner than later and say...wow, we are settled in and now ready for the next stage in our lives.

We are here for you, OP....

 

[FreshTressa]

I say - Don't sweat the small stuff...

If he wants to "iron" his pants that way, then let him have at it...

At least you both apologized and agreed to meet for lunch - It's better than dragging out the fight for forever and a day...

I think maybe you both could be stressed and edgy because of the whole MIL thing...

Hang in there - Pick your battles - Somehow try and move passed the MIL thing (that's a tough one though) and relax and enjoy each other and your new home...You guys will be fine...We're all pulling for you!

I agree!

Is a bit of electricity and some wrinkle releaser REALLY worth an argument??

Stress will bring out the small stuff. I have learned that you are better off keeping your mouth shut over small things. It will pay off in the long run!!

Good luck!

 

[DMickey28]

I feel your pain. I have been married only for 1.5 years and I know what you are going through.

Have you and DF lived together before this house? When DH, then DF, and I moved in together we moved 1400 miles away from friends and family. Life was great, we got married 10 months later and moved again two weeks later. All HECK broke loose. For a solid 8 months after the wedding I was so scared I made the BIGGEST mistake of my life. We just fought and fought and fought... over everything. Money, the dishes, chores, golf, dinner, money, work, money, laundry.. you name it. Then literally one day, things changed. I don't know when or why but it did.

I think subconsciously there is a major change that happens when such a large comittment is made. I think that buying a house together qualifies as well. Even though your feelings haven't changed, underneath now it's not so easy to walk away if you decided this wasn't right and that is scary. Before you buy a house, get married and/or have kids, you can leave (even if you never thought about it) but now it's so much more difficult and I think that in itself can be scary and take adjusting.

I really think what you are going through is normal. I was lucky, my MIL lives 1400 miles away. I love her to death and she comes and visits for weeks at a time and I love it, but I realize that is not normal and I don't think I would feel the same if I lived close. Just as you and DF will learn to deal with each other's quirks you will deal with your MIL's and he, with your family.

DH does things that drive me nuts. No fail when he has to go to the office for work (he mostly works out of the house) I will come home and the closet door will be closed but the LIGHT IS ON. Everytime.. drives me nuts. Or late night snacks...he NEVER closes the cabinets after. But now I accept it and it doesn't kill me to turn it off and then I just mention it to him... usually joking. I asked him if he saw our last electric bill... something stupid.

Anyway, I had the same concerns that you do. Sometimes I still do, it's normal (I hope!). But I wouldn't trade all the good things about him for anything in the world. I know I have things that I do that must piss DH off, but he NEVER mentions them. He is the worlds most laid back dude... even THAT drives me NUTS...

PS. I am really bad at taking out the laundry after I do the last load on a Sunday or something. I'll get everything else out but that last final load.. forget it. I am going to have to try the DOwny!

 

[sajetto]

Think of this Thread you Posted on the DIS Boards..we are all here for YOU. Come here and vent like you did and listen to so much good advice from all your fellow DISer's out there.

What you ultimately did after DF kissed you goodbye and decided NOT to continue to be mad even though you wanted to...and met him for lunch and talked and talked...YOU ROCK, OP...as that was the BEST SOLUTION to this a.m.'s argument.

If it weren't for the DIS I don't know what I would do. This community has helped me in so many ways I couldn't begin to list them. Posters like you and everyone else give me advice that I would never get otherwise. So you are definitely right

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

Truthfully, I think you are still mad at your MIL (and I would be too - and for a long, long time). You are taking it out on him for the silliest things. (again, I would too - and I've been there!).

what she said it will get better!!! i promise!! we were the same way, and a Disney wedding adds stress since you are planning from far away!

 

[sajetto]

Have you and DF lived together before this house?

Yes, we used to live in HIS old house. We sold it 2 months ago, but it was HIS house, not mine. I think you are right, once you do something this big you realize there is no turning back. I feel that I've made a great decision in buying this house with the DF and deciding to marry him, but I guess being so overwhelmed by all these life changes has made things so stressful that it has caused me to spark these stupid arguments.

 

[DMickey28]

Yes, we used to live in HIS old house. We sold it 2 months ago, but it was HIS house, not mine. I think you are right, once you do something this big you realize there is no turning back. I feel that I've made a great decision in buying this house with the DF and deciding to marry him, but I guess being so overwhelmed by all these life changes has made things so stressful that it has caused me to spark these stupid arguments.

I think that's a huge part of it. Please make sure that you realize that it's not just YOU. I went through that a bit with DH. He's such a great guy, why was I doing this stupid arguing. Well it wasn't just me. Maybe I picked on more of the small things then he did that started the arguement but he didn't respond well either. I thought my DH could be more sympathetic to my stress and feelings and not get so defensive... but maybe that's men!

We lived together for just over a year before the wedding and things were fine.... it was the commitement (I think!).

 

[sajetto]

We lived together for just over a year before the wedding and things were fine.... it was the commitement (I think!).

The commitment is huge and adds to stress. Right now, I'm so focused on this house and getting it unpacked, that the wedding is low on the priority list, but I know when the big day gets closer it will be another thing I stress over for no reason

 

[Cass]

I don't think you are fighting because of stress, the house, the wedding, the MIL - I think you are fighting because he is stupid to waste the sheets and electicity on his pants in the dryer like that.

He needs to stop doing that, it's just laziness and he doesn't like to be told what to do or what not to do.

Put your foot down on this one, you are right.

 

[swea_pea1]

I am married to an empty milk-carton replacing, leaving clothes in the dryer, never quite gets the glass in the sink or the socks in the hamper type of guy. We argued about it during our first year of marriage, less by the 5th year of marriage, and now after 8 years all he gets is a great big eye-roll from me and some under-the-breath comments.

At the end of the day, I remember that my empty milk-carton replacing, leaving clothes in the dryer, never quite gets the glass in the sink or the socks in the hamper type of guy also...bathes the kids every night, takes them to daycare/school every morning, makes sure I never have to touch the yucky garbage or mow the lawn, and a zillion other things that I love him for.

My parents will have been married 50 years at the end of this month and they still argue over the toilet seat. Mom even went on strike for 3 weeks last year and refused to cook dinner until Dad made it up to her somehow. I don't know what he did but it probably involved a piece of jewelry.

Every marriage goes through patches where you think "why do I put up with him?" And every once in a blue moon, he's thinking "why do I put up with her?"

As others have said, it's just stress. It'll iron itself out (excuse the pun!) in the end and all will be well again.