My DF and I had another argument.....

[sajetto]

this morning and it was over something so dumb. I got mad at him b/c every morning he uses a pile of downy wrinkle release on his khakis and throws them in the dryer. If he would just taking the friggin things out of the dryer as soon as they are done the first time they wouldn't be all wrinkled. Instead he leaves dried laundry in the dryer for hours Especially sheets, now that just burns my muffins because they become a wrinkled up ball. I kept telling him that he's wasting the wrinkle releaser and electricity then he got all fired up and it became a big mess. We haven't ever fought this much until we bought this house last month and then a huge issue that happened with his mother over the weekend (long story see thread "How could my MIL do this to me!")

Before he left he kissed me goodbye, but I wanted to stay mad. (I know, real mature )After he got to work I called him and we both apologized and agreed to meet up for lunch.

This is the 2nd fight in a week. Could it just be that we are stressed or could this be a bigger problem?

I am so worried about it I'm all ears if you have any advice

 

[ndelaware]

Sounds like stress to me. There is nothing like a wedding, a new house, and getting used to someones habits (wasteful as they may be) to bring out the worst in anyone.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I'm sure it's just stress. You have alot on your plate right now. My dh and I are the first to admit its the little things, like laundry or how to hold a frying pan that get us instead of big things like money or fidelity. You are also in the readjusting phase of living together. He isn't always going to do things your way and Im sure you don't things his way all the time either. Just compromise. Heck I'm impressed he doesn't ask you to iron them

If you have the time, get away for just a night. Go find a decent hotel and just be ya'll for a night. Lock the door and remember why you are in love. Go out on and go on a date or just sit there and stare at his handsome face, just don't remember the cell phones.

Good luck, planning a future and getting everything ready is never easy.

 

[Divamomto3]

You're just stressed. You have a lot of life changes going on right now. This is a very hard time, no matter how happy. In August, I'll be married 15 years and I look back at the things we used to fight about and just cringe. Believe me...we still argue and mostly it's about my inability to not have everything done "my way." Believe me, who cares how much Downy wrinkle releaser he uses in the scheme of things. I always try to remind myself of the women I know who have lost their husbands to tragedies. Every day I go to work and I see people lose their spouses and I always think about how they wish they had one more day to fight about wrinkled khakis...or in my case...dirty socks on the floor.

Try to take a deep breath and remind yourself how lucky you are to have found a soul mate and there are so many horrible things that can happen in life...who really wants to fight about Downy? My husband leaves stuff in the washer, never mind the dryer. Do you know how many times I've had to re-wash loads of clothes??!!

Hugs to you and congrats on the new home!

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

I think you're still mad, and taking it out on your DF for his mother. I'm not flaming you - I recognize this behavior from my own actions in my earlier days.

Some things are really important, and worth a fight, and some things are better let go. Life is just too precious, and so is your relationship w/your DF.

Good luck.

 

[MBeds]

I say - Don't sweat the small stuff...

If he wants to "iron" his pants that way, then let him have at it...

At least you both apologized and agreed to meet for lunch - It's better than dragging out the fight for forever and a day...

I think maybe you both could be stressed and edgy because of the whole MIL thing...

Hang in there - Pick your battles - Somehow try and move passed the MIL thing (that's a tough one though) and relax and enjoy each other and your new home...You guys will be fine...We're all pulling for you!

 

[Steamboat Marti]

Truthfully, I think you are still mad at your MIL (and I would be too - and for a long, long time). You are taking it out on him for the silliest things. (again, I would too - and I've been there!).

What happened with MIL is serious - and it will take a long, long time before you trust your DF again. I know its not his fault, and I'm not blaming him AT ALL. But you are still really really mad inside and hurt too, and you are taking it out on the one closest to you. It happens in marriages all the time. The difference between a good marriage and a not-so-good one is how you handle things like this. At lunch time tell him you are still mad and hurt and ask for some help with this one. He knows her better and longer than you. The true important thing is to communicate. I know its cliche, but if you talk (about real feelings, not just the weather!) you may find out just what is really bothering you.

I could be way off base -- and if I am -- tell him calmly that it bothers you how he handles his laundry and try to come up with a solution together that works for both of you.

ETA: IF all else fails, get yourself a bottle of wine and a soak in your tub. You'll feel better!

 

[miss missy]

Stress. House ownership is big. MIL thing was big. You both are stressed. You need to put things in prospective. Its you and him in the end. Talk it out and make sure you both know what the other one is feeling. Then, chose to be the best for and to eachother and to let the other stupid annoyances go.

Do something fun and remember why your together

 

[Cool-Beans]

Sound like you're just making adjustments. I think it'll all work out well.

If it is any help, wrinkles fall out of sheets about 10 minutes after you put them on the bed.

Whatever you do, do not decide that you need the laundry done YOUR way. Otherwise, you're setting yourself up for at least 20 years of laundry, which is especially horrid if you have munchkins who later become teens. (Take it from me.)

 

[LoraJ]

Good advice above.

Is this the first time you have lived together? Is this something he has always done before living with you?

When I used to have a washer and dryer where I used to live, I loved doing the whole wrinkle release thing. I hate ironing. I never used fabric softener though. Could you guys compromise and have him put the clothes in for X amount of time but not use the dryer sheets?

I frequent a great forum about living together. PM me if you'd like the link.

 

[NMAmy]

In a couple of months you are going to be laughing that you were fighting over the dryer and Downy. You sound stressed and it's obvious that there is a lot going on. You're not REALLY fighting over Downy. In the big scheme of things, that stuff doesn't matter but you do need to work out the big things or the little stuff will drag you down.

 

[Maleficent13]

Bottom line, everyone has a bad moment once in a while. With everything you've got going on, you're entitled to be a little cranky, IMHO. Just try not to be too hard on DFi.

BTW, I totally do that with my clothes too So it's not just him...

 

[sajetto]

You guys are right, I AM still mad at the MIL. I guess I'm just really naive, because I am still in complete shock that anything like that could happen. I'm honestly not mad at the DF though. I was glad that he told her that she messed up big time and to stay out of my stuff, but I'm still stressed out so I may be passing that stress over to him.

I know he's stressed too. His office had 2 people quit so he's been picking up a lot of the slack, while buying a home, moving, fixing the things wrong with the house, and trying to keep the peace between his future wife and mother.

I'm still worried about all this though. We've never fought so much. First it was while we were moving, we started arguing about a stupid table we were having trouble getting through the dooor, then it was over the hardwood floors that our painter damaged, then over his mom, and now something over laundry.

Do you think that after we get completely settled in the house things will go back to normal? We've still got boxes everywhere and I know we both hate it, but we also both work so I think it will be a LONG time before they are all unpacked.

 

[sajetto]

If you have the time, get away for just a night. Go find a decent hotel and just be ya'll for a night. Lock the door and remember why you are in love. Go out on and go on a date or just sit there and stare at his handsome face, just don't remember the cell phones.

Good luck, planning a future and getting everything ready is never easy.

That's a good idea! I'd love an excuse to run away from the maze of boxes

 

[RUDisney]

Let's get this straight... wrinkle releaser + dryer = ironed clothes in no time.

I LOVE it and will start using this theory. I always apply the downy and then wait for it to dry before I put on the clothes. Heck, sometimes I spray the stuff right onto the clothes I'm wearing.

Your DF is a visionary!

 

[diznygirl]

Just wait until he starts loading the dishwasher and then doesn't press "start." Or takes out the garbage while you are cleaning so you are left holding a bunch of trash in your hands waiting for him to come back and put a new bag into the trash can!!!



Be prepared to see things that irk you - but also be prepared to just let them slide. Remember why you love him and don't sweat the small stuff.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

My DH and I have been together for 24 years and we still fight about things like this, LOL! Now it's the kids... There are bound to be things that people do differently when they live together, no matter who they are. It'll drive you but you try to keep things in perspective and always remember the love underneath it all.

 

[MBeds]

I'm still worried about all this though. We've never fought so much. First it was while we were moving, we started arguing about a stupid table we were having trouble getting through the dooor, then it was over the hardwood floors that our painter damaged, then over his mom, and now something over laundry.

If you take a look at what you guys are arguing about - It really is nothing big..I don't think it's major issues that you should be worried/concerned about...
Due to stress you probably have a little less patience than usual...and understandably so...
At least after todays fight, you realized what's going on and you two can work on it...

 

[minkydog]

Oh, honey, you're just stressed. This is a stupid argument. Go buy that man a big ol' bottle of Downy wrinkle release and let him squirt to his heart's content.

This is one of many stupid differences you will have over the years. I know, because I've been married 25yrs--I have witnessed(and participated in) many stupid moments. One thing to remember: He's a grown man and does things his way. He does not need a mother to tell him what to do, he already has (a crazy) one. If he wants to use the Downy every single day and has a job, then let him do it.

Now, meet him for lunch, apologize like there's no tomorrow and give him a hint of "great things to come"

 

[laurajetter]

You guys are right, I AM still mad at the MIL. I guess I'm just really naive, because I am still in complete shock that anything like that could happen. I'm honestly not mad at the DF though. I was glad that he told her that she messed up big time and to stay out of my stuff, but I'm still stressed out so I may be passing that stress over to him.

I know he's stressed too. His office had 2 people quit so he's been picking up a lot of the slack, while buying a home, moving, fixing the things wrong with the house, and trying to keep the peace between his future wife and mother.

I'm still worried about all this though. We've never fought so much. First it was while we were moving, we started arguing about a stupid table we were having trouble getting through the dooor, then it was over the hardwood floors that our painter damaged, then over his mom, and now something over laundry.

Do you think that after we get completely settled in the house things will go back to normal? We've still got boxes everywhere and I know we both hate it, but we also both work so I think it will be a LONG time before they are all unpacked.

First off, here's a and now just take a deep breath... This is definitely due to stress!

Yes, I really think things will get back to normal after you get completely settled. For now, just stack the boxes as neatly as you can, out of the way of foot traffice and don't stress about getting it all unpacked as soon as possible. If the main stuff is done, the little stuff can wait until you have time to unpack them; it's not worth getting upset about right now.

I think these petty arguments will definitely resolve themselves as you get settled down, no worries! I think the MIL incident is something that will linger in your mind for quite a while, but please don't let it consume you. I can't imagine going through that, but just do your best to look past it and move on (but do keep one eye open for future shenanigans from her ).

Finally, I suggest that you and hubby find some time to go out on a date, just to forget about life for a while and all the stressful things that have been going on. Both of you should completely put out of your minds everything that has been going on lately, and hold no grudges! Just give yourselves time to enjoy each other's company and have some fun.

Anyway, good luck, and at least right now, try not to sweat the small stuff. Given the other stress you're under, just let things like the dryer problem go for now. Once you guys get settled down and the stress levels seem to be dropping, then maybe you can address the smaller issues. And I know it's hard because I have trouble doing it myself, but if something occurs again that seems fight worthy, don't address it at the height of your angriness. Wait until you are both in a calm mood, and then try to talk about it calmly... he may be more willing to change to make it right! Gosh, I really need to take my own advice...

Laura