My DBF needs a clue :)

[raysnkaysmom]

I know that sounds rude...that he needs a clue...lol...but I think its he just doesnt want one...lol
Next week is my bday...and I would LOVE for him to do something for me that doesnt' require ANY money...just thought!! In nearly 2 yrs.... I've learned he doesn't have that 'romance' or 'thoughtful' bone....but I love the guy anyways...
So....whats something he can do? And, yeah, I'm talkin about simple things.. organize a candelight dinner for me at home, arrange for the kids to do something, take me for a walk (not like a dog walk...lol)... I'm really easy to please, but I think he needs advice as he ventures into unchartered territory..lol

If I get enough advice, I'll forward it to him, and hopefully he'll pick ONE he thinks he can do
I know this sounds like 'setting up' and why would I want it... but I do .. just to know he's capable

 

[Par8hed]

I'm going to step out of line and say that (based on your post) you don't seem that easy to please.

I would never solicit ideas for my present and forward them to my wife.

Sorry if I seem out of line. JMO.

 

[MainStMandy]

Maybe just suggesting to him that you would much rather something that he put thought into instead of just spending money...or tell him you don't want him to spend more than $5 this year so you guys can save money. Let him come up with what it is, it will be so much better that way

 

[raysnkaysmom]

I'm going to step out of line and say that (based on your post) you don't seem that easy to please.

I would never solicit ideas for my present and forward them to my wife.

Sorry if I seem out of line. JMO.

Not outta line...its your opinion...and like I mentioned..I'm sure some will think that way - no biggie... He asked for ideas... so I figured I could give him the most options this way....

I am a pretty simple girl, and would have to say I am easy to please tho...and thats JMO

 

[bicker]

I've learned he doesn't have that 'romance' or 'thoughtful' bone....but I love the guy anyways...

I think it is better to focus on your love for him, than on presents he provides. I personally would accept the lack of romance or thoughtfulness (or reject it).

Now, if he came here, wanting to change, and looking for ideas -- that would be different.

 

[MickeySP]

He asked for ideas...

I see the 2 who answered in the negative vein are men - umm figures. He asked - she is complying with his wish.

I had one of those for a couple of years - no romance in his soul at all. Best Bday present was when he asked me what I would like.

In your case get rid if the kids, have him draw you a nice bubble bath, glass of wine, candles and some nice conversation. Maybe something light to eat.
He loved this idea because by the end I was so relaxed I think he thought it was his birthday

 

[bicker]

I see the 2 who answered in the negative vein are men - umm figures. He asked - she is complying with his wish.

Maybe men know more reliably about what a man is thinking when he asks a woman to ask others to provide him a list of options for romantic presents to give her? (I doubt it, but your comment insinuated that there was some significance -- "figures" -- to the fact that the men answered in the negative.)

 

[MickeySP]

Maybe we know more reliably about what a man is thinking when he asks a woman to as others to provide him a list of options for presents to give her?

UMM HUH?!?!? Can you translate this to some coherent language please.

You don't want an answer don't ask the question. I was under the impression that was how it worked. You ask, I answer.

your comment insinuated that there was some significance -- "figures" -- to the fact that the men answered in the negative.)

Nope no insinuation - I said it and I meant it. I also see from your reply I hit a nerve.

Last word on that subject though. I am sure you have more to say but I have things to do.

 

[Serena]

My advice is to accept what he gives you.

You said he doesn't do romantic and thoughtful, either give up trying to change that, or spend too much time upset about it. I speak from experience. Accept it now, your life will be much easier and happy.

 

[bicker]

UMM HUH?!?!? Can you translate this to some coherent language please.

No. Given the tenor of the thread, I will be very precise and deliberate in what I contribute.

You don't want an answer don't ask the question. I was under the impression that was how it worked.

Unfortunately, we humans are much more complex than that.

Nope no insinuation - I said it and I meant it. I also see from your reply I hit a nerve.

On the contrary. My comments are measured and reserved, in direct response to the topic, while your reply was an assertion about my reply.

Perhaps I hit a nerve?

My advice is to accept what he gives you. You said he doesn't do romantic and thoughtful, either give up trying to change that, or spend too much time upset about it. I speak from experience. Accept it now, your life will be much easier and happy.

A very "man"-ish perspective.

 

[Serena]

A very "man"-ish perspective.

No, just an ex-wife that never gave up on wanting romance.


I have to add that this was not the whole story, of course.

 

[bicker]

And for full disclosure, I should mention that my wife considers me annoyingly romantic. She sometimes impresses on my the need to "ratchet it back" a bit.

"Figures".

 

[Rock'n Robin]

How about he takes you down to the courthouse and makes the babies legal? Just a thought.
Robin M.

 

[mickeymedic]

Do you have a favorite place to go enjoy nature? Perhaps a picnic by a lake or a hike in the woods. It will give you a chance to have some alone time and just enjoy being together.

 

[MainStMandy]

How about he takes you down to the courthouse and makes the babies legal? Just a thought.
Robin M.

That was kind of rude.

 

[Tikitoi]

My advice is to accept what he gives you.

You said he doesn't do romantic and thoughtful, either give up trying to change that, or spend too much time upset about it. I speak from experience. Accept it now, your life will be much easier and happy.

ITA!

 

[Cool-Beans]

If he needs a clue, give him a clue. Chances are that if he isn't the romantic type, he'll ask you what you want to do for your birthday. DH always does. Since you obviously want some kind of romantic evening, why not just tell him?

Figure out what you'd like to do and tell him that's what you want to do. That's my advice, anyway.

You've got your romantic guys and your non-romantic guys. If you wait for a guy who is one of them to switch over to the other kind, you'll be waiting a long, looooong time.

A lot of guys who would not be considered romantic are the way they are because they think of "romance" as being fake...this overt show of attention doesn't come naturally to them because they are genuine people and would feel funny putting on a show. Doesn't mean they don't love you, just that they don't see the point in doing things that don't come naturally to prove it. It's not real love if you have to fake it, that sort of thing.

Plus, there is the idea that romance is girly and if they participate, it might make them kind of gay. At least some of them think like this.

And, you know, a guy who loves you and shows it all the time by going to work or cleaning snow off your car or telling you dinner was good when it wasn't or just treating you very well and trying to help when you're sad or have a problem...it is romantic. You just have to look at it the right way.

Good luck and Happy Birthday!

 

[tasha99]

If he needs a clue, give him a clue. Chances are that if he isn't the romantic type, he'll ask you what you want to do for your birthday. DH always does. Since you obviously want some kind of romantic evening, why not just tell him?

Figure out what you'd like to do and tell him that's what you want to do. That's my advice, anyway.

You've got your romantic guys and your non-romantic guys. If you wait for a guy who is one of them to switch over to the other kind, you'll be waiting a long, looooong time.

A lot of guys who would not be considered romantic are the way they are because they think of "romance" as being fake...this overt show of attention doesn't come naturally to them because they are genuine people and would feel funny putting on a show. Doesn't mean they don't love you, just that they don't see the point in doing things that don't come naturally to prove it. It's not real love if you have to fake it, that sort of thing.

Plus, there is the idea that romance is girly and if they participate, it might make them kind of gay. At least some of them think like this.

And, you know, a guy who loves you and shows it all the time by going to work or cleaning snow off your car or telling you dinner was good when it wasn't or just treating you very well and trying to help when you're sad or have a problem...it is romantic. You just have to look at it the right way.

Good luck and Happy Birthday!

I'm an unromantic woman, and that's exactly how I take romance from guys. I start mistrusting them if they get sappy since it seems phony to me (If someone says my eyes are like cocoa on a sunlit morning and I know damn well they're brown, I'll start wondering what else he's fibbing about).. The most romantic gift my ex-husband ever gave me was a tool set. It blew me away, because we were separated (though dating again at that point), and he was too far to come over to help except on weekends. He gave me the tools and showed me how to do some household maintenance. Somehow, flowers wouldn't have been nearly as sweet.

 

[Kath2003]

I'm not very romantic. DBF is even less. So I've taken to telling him what I want to do on my birthday. Last year we were in Berlin so we went to the zoo and then out for dinner. This year we're going out for dinner. I've also taken to telling him what he has to buy me since he's next to useless.

The most romantic thing he's ever done is bought me a stuffed Eeyore. We're not 'gift' people.

 

[312.Duck]

He asked for ideas...

I see the 2 who answered in the negative vein are men - umm figures. He asked - she is complying with his wish.

In all fairness, the first one to reply (Par8hed) didn't know "he asked." That part wasn't stated till the 4th post of the thread.
---
I think some men feel corny doing what others feel is "romantic." Some guys just have different feelings about what is "romantic," anyway. I may feel watching a certain type of movie with a certain type of lighting with a certain type of drink is romantic and my partner may not. I think Serena said it best - take what he gives you. If the sentiment is there that's what really counts. If he doesn't do anything at all, well...that may be a different story!