My daughter's boyfriend broke up with her

[Mermaid02]

She called last night in tears. She said she has NO idea what happened, 2 days ago she was "perfect" he "loved" her, they were looking for an apartment together. All of a sudden he "needs space" I told her to give him LOTS of space, as in don't call, don't text- leave him alone. I don't want to say too much- it can always come back and bite you. This was a serious relationship and I can tell she's devestated. For those of you who have gone through this with your kids, how do you help them but still kind of "mind your own" KWIM? BTW- they are 21.

 

[Tuffcookie]

I take it she lives away from home? Are they in college somewhere? How long had she been seeing him?

Just let her know you're there to listen. Remind her she doesn't want somebody that isn't going to cherish her! 21 is young and there will be someone else.



TC

 

[Mermaid02]

I take it she lives away from home? Are they in college somewhere? How long had she been seeing him?

Just let her know you're there to listen. Remind her she doesn't want somebody that isn't going to cherish her! 21 is young and there will be someone else.



TC

She lives at college, but it's here in town. They have been "best friends" for over 2 years and went officially bf/gf in September. Realistically they have been together for 2 years.

 

[java]

that stinks. No matter what you say it will be wrong. I would just stick with I'm sorry. Sounds like he just got scared and it was getting too serious (moving in) and he freaked.

 

[bballmom56]

I have been through it. Just be available whenever she wants to talk - day or night. There isn't much you can say. They want to know why the other person did that. You just have to be gentle (don't slam the ex). But most of all, be there to listen.

 

[golfgal]

Sounds like he got cold feet. Moving in together is a HUGE step. Better now than a year after they got married I guess. This is just one of those things that only time really heals.

 

[MUFFYCAT]

I'm sorry for your DD. I agree with the others just be there for her and don't say anything negative about him. They could get back together.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Poor dear, having your heart broken is awful. Still, it sounds to me like she dodged a bullet with that one, a guy who is sending such mixed signals is not stable enough to form a lasting bond with anyone.

 

[3boymthr]

Since tomorrow is Saturday, if she lives there in town and you want to make her feel better maybe show up tomorrow or Sunday for breakfast/brunch then take her out for a little retail therapy or a little facial/nail therapy? Let her know you've been there, it hurts and you'll listen and not judge her or him because sometimes when people say they need space, they really just need time to think about what they're doing and they'll be back before your know it.

 

[Nolcrest]

We went thru this w/ DD her last week home from winter break. Same situation. 2 years dating, thought is was love. My DD was totally devasted to the point she asked us to take her to the emergency room for crisis intervention. After briefly speaking w/someone she felt calm enough and knowing they gave her a hotline phone number to call if she ever just wanted to talk, made a world of difference. She didn't feel so alone and rejected.

Honestly, this situation brought us much closer. My advice would be to listen, listen, listen. Don't say anything negative about the boyfriend. Let her cry and just be a sounding board. My DD HATED when people told her she was young and would find someone else. She really just wanted her emotions validated. We stayed up talking many, many hours.

It was rough on me too 'cause the following week we had to drop her back off at college. That was difficult for me but she really wanted to get back to school & her routine (luckily boyfriend went to a different college) Before her return to college I contacted the college's counseling center so DD had an appointment set up for her upon her return.

Have DD look into counseling on campus. My DD enjoyed it. She said she realized alot about herself that really had nothing to do w/the break-up but about how she handles relationships in general. The counseling center sees situations like this all the time on campus. They didn't dismiss her feelings and really gave her some sound advice on steps she could take when feeling overwhelmed w/her situation. It was a free service and I am so thankful her college offered this. I imagine they all do.

My DD sent the most beautiful card to me afterwards thanking me for just listening to her and allowing her to let out all her feelings.

So, my advice is to listen, let her know she can always speak to you and utilize counseling services on campus 'cause it's great for them to speak to a 3rd party.

My heart goes out to you but I know it'll all work out. You'll do whatever is necessary for your DD.

 

[FredinFL]

Don't know what to say, other than big hugs to you both and a kick in the bazingas to him. I don't care what happened, he still gets a kick, that's just the way it is.

 

[shinysparklybubbles]

A trip to Disney fixes everything!

 

[DVCLiz]

So sorry to hear this, OP. I went through this with my daughter and her boyfriend - they had dated 4 years, were planning a future together, then out of the blue - bam. Well, out of the blue for my daughter - he had been in contact with an old high school girlfriend and he dumped my daughter for her. So very painful for both of us - but we survived and you will too. It will take about 6 months for your daughter to be completely over him and on to the next relationship.

It taught me a great deal about how to be a part of my daughter's life but not invest too much in the relationship. Hard to do when they have been talking marriage and a future, but realisitically I won't make the same emotional investment in any future relationship until I hear he's bought a ring.

 

[czycropper]

Just a big for you and your DD.

My DDs are too young for this to happen but I'm not looking forward to it when the time comes.

 

[cm8]

Poor dear, having your heart broken is awful. Still, it sounds to me like she dodged a bullet with that one, a guy who is sending such mixed signals is not stable enough to form a lasting bond with anyone.

I agree. Her heart can still heal...

 

[minnie56]

My heart aches for your daughter...it is all about time. There is no way around the hurt..she has to go through it with love and support. It's a life experience. Just be there for her to listen endlessly and lift her up when she is down.

My daughter is 24...her boyfriend of 7 years ended it this past November. She lives in NYC and he here..it was a long distance relationship for the last year and the plan was he was going to move there should she remain there after school, which she has. He was there for her Birthday in Oct, everything was fine, proclaimed it was the last birthday they would be apart, adored her yada yada...next thing is, he is out. Her heart was so broken, still is 5 months later and her being there and me here was a worry. Fortunately she was home for 2 weeks over Christmas and I could help her as best I could get stronger but when she left, I was worried every day, EVERY day. She is getting stronger all the time...I know she misses him every day, I miss him too he was part of our family, but she's okay. A day at a time - it is alllll about time.

Hugs to your daughter...

 

[MusiqChic99]

Just be there. I remember my first real adult relationship. It lasted 2 years, we were best friends and only broke up because he was moving to GA for graduate school. It was really hard on both of us. My mom was there when I needed to talk. I remember my dad even being there and telling me that there is always room for love..even after a broken heart.

It was nice to have my parents there for me so that's my suggestion to you. Maybe take her out for a mother/daughter day to get her mind off of it.

She's young, she will bounce back!

 

[FireDancer]

Poor dear, having your heart broken is awful. Still, it sounds to me like she dodged a bullet with that one, a guy who is sending such mixed signals is not stable enough to form a lasting bond with anyone.

Of course it is all the guys fault despite the fact we don't know his side of the story. This place is nothing if not predictable.

Maybe it is, maybe it isn't, but I'm not sure if second hand information from one of the party's family is enough to determine it is all his fault let along determine he will have problems forming lasting bonds with anyone.

 

[FredinFL]

Of course it is all the guys fault despite the fact we don't know his side of the story. This place is nothing if not predictable.

Um....duh.

 

[minnie56]

Of course it is all the guys fault despite the fact we don't know his side of the story. This place is nothing if not predictable.

YUP!