I used to be a beautician and the reason perms are usually too tight when you first get them is because within the first week, they relax. The looser the curl, the shorter your perm lasts. If you have them a little tighter at first, they'll last longer.
Having said that, I've never liked my perms the first week. I used to wash them with shampoo and conditioner to relax them. That will work, but it may take too much curl out. The rule of thumb is not to wash your hair the first 48 hours if you want to retain maximium curl.
Also, wetting it down will not change the curl and neither will putting it in a pony tail. The only thing that will take the curl out are shampoo, conditioner (real heavy stuff) and chemical relaxers, but I would NOT recommend that. It'd be way to drying and could break the hair.
Good luck to your daughter and I hope I helped. She can take heart by knowing that even though they're called permanents, they're not permanent. This will be a bad memory in a few weeks.