My Daughter Is Such A Brat...

[sbell111]

YAWN. Parents who don't have teenagers but know it all annoy me.

People who assume that you are not allowed to have an informed opinion unless you have raised a teenager annoy me.

 

[RitaZ.]

While I don't disagree with the privacy issue per se, I also know that teens have no problems invading other people's privacy. Its only 'their' privacy that usually comes into play!

This is completely accurate. Not that I have any firsthand experience with that.

OP, you know your daughter better than any of us here. Her behavior wasn't an isolated incident and that's the reason you're upset; it's an accumulation of annoyances. I get it and you have my sympathy.

 

[Keeblerelf928]

I'm sorry you feel your daughter is intentionally tying to hurt you this close to Christmas, but maybe your first thought should be "we need a new hiding place that doesn't involve our children's rooms"

At 17, it's a tough enough age, she's almost an adult, it's probably already being told to her "you're almost an adult." As parents, you should already be treating her like one and that means you don't go near her room for any reason. That's her space and respecting it will make her feel like an adult. Maybe in her hurtful way she's trying to make a point that you don't belong in her room without reason. Yes, it could have been made in a better way, but what's done is done.

Now it hasn't been that long since I was 17 (only 24 now) but from the time I was 15 or so, my parents left my room alone (in all its messy glory). I'm now moved out and so it could no longer be an issue, but I could see my 17 year old self being fairly vengeful if one of my parents went into my room unannounced and without permission.

Sorry for being longwinded, but for the sake of peace in the house, I'd let it go, find a new place to hide gifts and leave it be.

 

[sbell111]

I spotted an inexpensive cookie jar at the store the other day and decided against buying it, but told my husband about it after I came home. He went the next day and bought it, and hid it in our 17 yr old daughter's closet, to wrap later for a Christmas gift for me.

For reasons known only to her, our daughter just came into the kitchen and asked why it was in a bag in her closet, naming exactly what the item was. Now, she knew perfectly well it was a gift, as we have been hiding gifts for each other in our childrens' closets for years and she is well aware of it. I am certain she was reasonably sure that it was a gift for me. She was pissed off that her father put it in her room without discussing it with her (she was at work when he brought it home) so she purposely and intentionally ruined the surprise of the gift he had purchased for me.

FTR, I am not upset about knowing about the gift ahead of time. I was 100% sure when I told him about it that he would go and buy it, and really, how excited is somebody going to get about a $15 cookie jar? I am however really steamed that she intentionally ruined her father's surprise for me. It was one little add on gift that he knew I would like and I think that he is hurt that she would deliberately ruin his surprise.

I am pissed off with her for being such a brat, and if I am going to be really honest, my feelings are hurt too, because she did it purposely because she knew it was my gift.

It's stupid, it's just a little gift, but I am really just feeling sad because it just seemed so hateful.

Honestly, the assumptions made in the OP continue to bother me.

The OP is mad because her daughter asked her why there was a cookie jar in her closet. No one previously mentioned it to her, so she had no clue that her father put it there and it was a gift for her mother. The rest of that post is all conjecture and accusation.

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

Sorry, but I don't feel sorry for you. Im sure it has something to do with her being almost 18 years old and not having her privacy respected. Is there no where else in your house that you could hide presents other than snooping around in her closet (what she felt, I'm sure).

Your princess is only 2, but guess what? She will be a teenager someday.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Honestly, the assumptions made in the OP continue to bother me.

The OP is mad because her daughter asked her why there was a cookie jar in her closet. No one previously mentioned it to her, so she had no clue that her father put it there and it was a gift for her mother. The rest of that post is all conjecture and accusation.

I don't think they are WILD accusations. This is her DD she is talking about...Not some random roomate. I'm willing to ASSUME she knows her DD pretty well and isbeing honest when she says how bratty her daughter was when she brought it up.

 

[DVCLiz]

YAWN. Parent that treat their children like prisoners of their home annoy me. Yes, they are your children, but its your JOB to teach them respect - and that means you actually have to show them the respect that you might ask back in return. It doesn't give you carte blanche to keep them under your thumb just because you can. If you don't want them rifling around in your business, stay out of theirs, unless they have shown you that they can't be trusted with that kind of privacy.

I have children - I give my 6 year old more respect than you are affording your teenagers (who are almost a ADULTS). I don't buy that 'MY HOUSE!!!!' stuff. They live there too. Just plain rude.

None of us thought our precious little girls would ever grow up to be mouthy teens, and we all treated them with respect. But in the OP's case there was deliberate rudeness and that shouldn't be tolerated. You wouldn't let your 6 year old behave that way, would you?

It's very, very easy to parent 2 and 6 year old girls. It's very difficult to navigate the same teen waters. So I'd suggest you be a little more sympathetic to the OP.

 

[DVCLiz]

Honestly, the assumptions made in the OP continue to bother me.

The OP is mad because her daughter asked her why there was a cookie jar in her closet. No one previously mentioned it to her, so she had no clue that her father put it there and it was a gift for her mother. The rest of that post is all conjecture and accusation.

If you go back and read the second update by the OP you will see that the daughter admitted she did it deliberately.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Sorry, but I don't feel sorry for you. Im sure it has something to do with her being almost 18 years old and not having her privacy respected. Is there no where else in your house that you could hide presents other than snooping around in her closet (what she felt, I'm sure).

THIS... exactly....

There is just no way most teenaged girls would be comfortable with her dad poking thru her closet.

Sounds like a good re-adjustment of ideas about privacy and personal boundaries might be a good idea for all parties here!

 

[Uncle Remus]

Honestly, the assumptions made in the OP continue to bother me.

The OP is mad because her daughter asked her why there was a cookie jar in her closet. No one previously mentioned it to her, so she had no clue that her father put it there and it was a gift for her mother. The rest of that post is all conjecture and accusation.

The OP said they put surprise gifts for each other in the daughter's closet, kinda understood by the family. Maybe the kid oughta get a clue.

 

[sbell111]

I don't think they are WILD accusations. This is her DD she is talking about...Not some random roomate. I'm willing to ASSUME she knows her DD pretty well and isbeing honest when she says how bratty her daughter was when she brought it up.

This thread is not about her teen's past behavior. It is about the situation that was described in the OP. Based on the OP's description of that interaction, her assumptions are unfounded, even if the daughter had attitude.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Your princess is only 2, but guess what? She will be a teenager someday.

Sorry, but

Knowing that a child is, or will be, a teenager.... is the very reason for realizing that they should have some personal space that should be respected.

That is all the reason that I just agreed, whole heartedly, and 100%, with the comments in that post.

 

[laura.anne]

Honestly, the assumptions made in the OP continue to bother me.

The OP is mad because her daughter asked her why there was a cookie jar in her closet. No one previously mentioned it to her, so she had no clue that her father put it there and it was a gift for her mother. The rest of that post is all conjecture and accusation.

EXACTLY! I am just one year removed from being a teenager but this (what the DD did) sounds like something I would have done and the way the OP is reacting is the way my mom would've reacted. I don't know the dynamics of the OP's mother-daughter relationship, but my mom liked to invent these "power struggles" that she thought were going on between me and her. I don't know WHERE it came from but she was always convinced that I was trying to pull one over on her, trying to undermine her authority, etc. in a very paranoid way--like the "my house my rules" mindset taken to the extreme. TBH I would have asked my mom what the gift was because of the "my house my rules" thing--I would have thought, "Well, my mom knows everything about the house and she's in charge, so I'll just ask her." Completely innocently, and then she would've reacted the same way the OP is reacting--which is to say, overreacting. Unless you (OP) are SURE that your daughter definitely knew this was a gift for you and she said it in a very bratty, vindictive way, I can't figure out why your reaction is justified. Maybe I will chalk that up to me only being 20 but I just can't figure out how you are so sure that she was trying to be mean.

 

[sbell111]

It's very, very easy to parent 2 and 6 year old girls.

I'm thinking that your memory of raising a 2yo is getting foggy.

 

[jrmasm]

THIS... exactly....

There is just no way most teenaged girls would be comfortable with her dad poking thru her closet.

Sounds like a good re-adjustment of ideas about privacy and personal boundaries might be a good idea for all parties here!

Putting a bag in a closet is not the same as poking through her closet. Not even close.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yes, I see that here too... Big time...

Look at the title of the OP.
An outright statement calling her 17 year old a 'brat', with no consideration about how it all could have gone down, and how her daughter might have a valid reason to feel that her personal space has been violated. And my strong assumption here... (yes, assumption... but I feel this is valid, nevertheless ) is that this lack of personal respect and respect for personal space is just not a new issue here.... But, an ongoing situation.

 

[sbell111]

The OP said they put surprise gifts for each other in the daughter's closet, kinda understood by the family. Maybe the kid oughta get a clue.

The OP stated that they usually ask her daughter before hiding items in her closet and failed to do so this time. Therefore, it appears that it is not 'understood' that this will happen. What is understood, based on past actions, is that she will be asked prior to items being hidden in her closet.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yes, he went into her closet... period... Without her knowledge, permission, without her being present

'Close' isn't even a possibility here.
He did it.

He didn't go 'close' to her closet...
He went INTO her closet.

 

[sbell111]

Putting a bag in a closet is not the same as poking through her closet. Not even close.

It may be the same to a teenager living in that house.

 

[Wishing on a star]

The OP stated that they usually ask her daughter before hiding items in her closet and failed to do so this time. Therefore, it appears that it is not 'understood' that this will happen. What is understood, based on past actions, is that she will be asked prior to items being hidden in her closet.

There should be NO assumption made that what is okay for a 10 - 12 year old is also okay for a 17 year old. That would be one HUGE mistake.