My child support ends in a couple of Weeks

[MagicalMom]

DH and I will stop paying child support in two years...at which time we will be setting up a bank account in daughter's name for her to spend when she goes off to college (5 months after she turns 18).

The legal child support may end, but our support of her does not. She is still our daughter (my step) and we will still give her as much as we can until she is financially able to do it on her own.

I just wanted to tell you that I think what you are doing is so wonderful! It shows how much you really care about her. She's a very lucky girl.

Every few years a check randomly shows up here. It usually means my Ex has been caught somewhere & is going to make a payment or two before running away again. He's about 25,000 in arrears.

 

[Shugardrawers]

DH and I will stop paying child support in two years...at which time we will be setting up a bank account in daughter's name for her to spend when she goes off to college (5 months after she turns 18).

The legal child support may end, but our support of her does not. She is still our daughter (my step) and we will still give her as much as we can until she is financially able to do it on her own.

This is our philosophy as well. DH pays 16% of his net income in child support. If it's a particularly good week and we don't have a lot of bills due I always write the check for more. We figure if she lived with us we'd be spending part of that extra on her anyway so why not? We also never turn down requests for extra for things like prom dresses or band trips to WDW. DD turns 18 in August. While it will be nice to have that extra money (SHE is not a burden but sometimes that extra $150 or more would be really helpful) we fully intend to continue paying what we are able to pay as long as she is in college and living at home with her mother. Some weeks that will be $150, some a bit less but we'll always be there to help. A parent's obligation doesn't end on the childs 18th birthday.

 

[aprincessmom]

I get nothing and I like it that way

Me, too!

 

[lisaschu]

In a perfect world, that's how it would be. Unfortunately, I don't think that child support EVER fully covers the non-custodial parent's share....

I beg to differ....DH and I have a co-custody situation. Which means we're supposed to have DSD (15yo) half the time. We pay $400 which means Mom is supposed to be covering $400 as well. Of course, Mom manipulates DSD to stay at her house so we actually don't have her half the time. I seriously doubt this child has $800/month spent on her. When you add up food, clothing, school fees, etc. there is no way her mother spends that much per month on that child. (We cover orthodontic costs, clothing, misc. fees, etc. anything that comes up while she's at our house.) Quite frankly, I think her mother is making a profit. There's so much more to the story (isn't there always???) but we look forward to the day we do not have to write that check!!

On a side note...there are also two other kids (19yo and 22yo) involved and I agree with the support not ending at age 18. We may not be handing over a check to their mother every month, but we support them emotionally and financially (where warranted - college tuition). We choose to support the older two because we love them and hope to guide them on life's journey.

Lisa

 

[brerrabbit]

I have a good friend that pays child support. He pays $1300 a month. He doesn't mind except for the fact that he wish he knew it was going for his children. While he was married he and his wife bought a house and fixed it up. She had her own company and during that time he decided to make all the house payments and pay for the remodel. Several years later soon after their second child is born she up and says, "I want a divorce" No reason, no cheating, no abuse, just I don't want to be married to you anymore. During their time together he got a couple of bonuses that were pretty good and he paid off his house. The house was worth $300,000. She never paid a penny towards it. Since Texas is a joint property stae and the house was bought during the marraige, she gets half of it. She gets a $150,000 mortgage against a $300,000 house and he pays $1300 a month in child support. To grow her company she mortgages the other half of the house, fires the nanny and puts the kids in after school care. She takes everything and uses the financial resources he left her with to take a risk on her company. Now the company is teedering on the brink with her house backing the investment and her counting on the child support to bail her out. Now I know this isn't always the case but when he got his divorce he asked the judge to let him put half the monthly payment in a trust for the kids future, college, etc. The judge said No way! Now all the money he has given and continues to give is not spent on his kids but rather to support her floundering company.

 

[goin2disneyagain]

This may sound ugly, but isn't child support supposed to pay the non custodial parents' share of the care and support of the child ? So now if you're no longer getting it I would assume that you no longer (are legally responsible for) supporting the child? If (s) he's at college, or whatever, then your household bills should reduce, along with the income reduction.

Of course, if this were alimony ending, it would be a different story.

This is what I was thinking when I 1st read this thread.

 

[summerrluvv]

I beg to differ....DH and I have a co-custody situation. Which means we're supposed to have DSD (15yo) half the time. We pay $400 which means Mom is supposed to be covering $400 as well. Of course, Mom manipulates DSD to stay at her house so we actually don't have her half the time. I seriously doubt this child has $800/month spent on her. When you add up food, clothing, school fees, etc. there is no way her mother spends that much per month on that child. (We cover orthodontic costs, clothing, misc. fees, etc. anything that comes up while she's at our house.) Quite frankly, I think her mother is making a profit. There's so much more to the story (isn't there always???) but we look forward to the day we do not have to write that check!!


Lisa

You forgot to include the cost that the mother incurs to maintain a roof over that childs head (even if she isn't there 100% of the time). I'm sure she has a bedroom, uses electricity, water, etc.

 

[Lachesis00]

My friend gets a whopping $62 a month for her 10yo. Her ex is such a weasle.. gets paid under the table (worked for his mom and dad).
Sadly they live in a town of 400 people and he sees his daughter (his decision) once a year on her birthday IF that. One year he had not seen her since Dec 28 of the previous year. The only reason he saw her Dec 3rd of the next year is she got in an auto accident and he was the closest parent (my friend went out of town for the day) to OK her being checked out at the clinic.

 

[sweet angel]

I beg to differ....DH and I have a co-custody situation. Which means we're supposed to have DSD (15yo) half the time. We pay $400 which means Mom is supposed to be covering $400 as well. Of course, Mom manipulates DSD to stay at her house so we actually don't have her half the time. I seriously doubt this child has $800/month spent on her. When you add up food, clothing, school fees, etc. there is no way her mother spends that much per month on that child. (We cover orthodontic costs, clothing, misc. fees, etc. anything that comes up while she's at our house.) Quite frankly, I think her mother is making a profit. There's so much more to the story (isn't there always???) but we look forward to the day we do not have to write that check!!

On a side note...there are also two other kids (19yo and 22yo) involved and I agree with the support not ending at age 18. We may not be handing over a check to their mother every month, but we support them emotionally and financially (where warranted - college tuition). We choose to support the older two because we love them and hope to guide them on life's journey.

Lisa

That's shared custody. In my case, I have primary custody. My ex is entitled to see my DS every other week from Friday at 7 p.m. to Sunday at 7 p.m, one night every week, alternating school holidays/breaks, and 2 weeks in the summer. He could spend as much time with him as he would like to...we're on fairly good terms.

However, it works out to be every other Friday sometime after 7 to Sunday anywhere from 3 to 6, never during the week, maybe 1 year out of almost 10 that he's taken him for even a week in the summer, never has taken him for school breaks...ever.

If I ask him to switch weekends with me, he won't. I had to get a babysitter several years ago to go to a funeral because he didn't want to "babysit".

Every situation is different. Obviously SOME non-custodial (or shared parenting) parents care more than others.

In my situation, yeah, it pisses me off that they refer to their $100 check as my "third paycheck".

 

[mudnuri]

I beg to differ....DH and I have a co-custody situation. Which means we're supposed to have DSD (15yo) half the time. We pay $400 which means Mom is supposed to be covering $400 as well. Of course, Mom manipulates DSD to stay at her house so we actually don't have her half the time. I seriously doubt this child has $800/month spent on her. When you add up food, clothing, school fees, etc. there is no way her mother spends that much per month on that child. (We cover orthodontic costs, clothing, misc. fees, etc. anything that comes up while she's at our house.) Quite frankly, I think her mother is making a profit. There's so much more to the story (isn't there always???) but we look forward to the day we do not have to write that check!!

Lisa

Well lets see- here's my monthly expenses as it pertains to my 2 DD's ( I wont include my Envoy in the expenses, however, without it they'd be spending a lot of time walking)

I'll divide everything in 1/3's since there's 2 dd's and me

Rent $200
Heat/Hot Water $40.00 (estimate since I am on budget plan for oil)
Electricity $ 25.00
Food $125.00
School Lunches- $46.50 (1.55x15 days x 2 kids)- some days they pack from home
Clothing/personal items- Probably when all is said and done- $100.00 total a month.

total $ 536.50

So thats what 1 kid costs me- but since I've got 2- the total is twice that...technically- should my child support equal that? Probably - does it? Nope

Then we'll add the extra's that are not monthly but still happen.

Cleats for Soccer x2 - basketball shoes x 2

Thankfully I do not pay daycare, as my job allows me to be home when they are- HOWEVER I will be paying daycamp this summer....they must attend, as they can not "hang out" with me at work

235.00 x 4 sessions-


So the total- not including any gifts for friends for birthday parties, christmas or birthday gifts for them, or school pictures etc etc.

I think- regardless of the % of custody- the primary custodial parent incurs more expenses than that of the other...now I might be wrong, but I'm lookin at what I pay and well....thats the case in mine

Brandy

 

[bettyann29]

Then you have the other side of it too.. When you have a parent who is getting child support for their children.. but doesnt work.. lives off food stamps and uses the child support to do every thing else but get things the children need.. I believe that child support is to use towards things for that child including food or a roof over their head.. but when a parent is taking that money and using it for that because they dont want to work and then not get the children what they need.. then thats wrong.. Thats how it is with us.. I have 3 children and get cs for my children.. then my boyfriend has 2 kids and we pay cs to their mother.. but that falls under the category mentioned above.. I dont mind buying them things but when she doesnt provide their clothes or anything then I feel they are cheated.. That money is there for their needs.. We do many things for them including taking them on vacations, cruises, etc.. buying clothes and other stuff when needed because she wont.... but sometimes I feel like enough is enough.. she should have to get off her duff and get a job.. Sorry about my ranting .. it just gets frustrating

I use the child support I get for things my kids need.. I dont always spend that much for things for them so yes the money helps with rent or the water bill or groceries, but sometimes I wish my boyfriend would just say something to her....

 

[Shugardrawers]

I agree that the child support we pay is for all the expenses of raising her and that includes rent/mortgage, food, clothing, utilities, school expenses etc. These are all things we'd be paying for if she lived with us. Luckily, although I don't care for her, DD has a good mother who is responsible with all the money she gets, including child support. We never have a problem with being asked for more for special things either. It's just a parent's responsibility.

OTOH, DSis gets $117 a month for her DD. Her ex-hole works full time and lives with his partner who makes well over $100k per year and pays all the expenses. The amount of support was set back in 1990 when he worked part time for minimum wage and has never been changed. Any time they have asked for anything more his response is that he pays child support and she should use it. Lately she's been getting checks from support enforcement for $9. Obvioulsy he's hiding a good deal of income. He thinks he's punishing DSis but he's really punishing his daughter. I have no respect for a man or woman who refuses to support their child to the best of their abilities. And he wonders why his DD refuses to see him.

 

[disneyworld!]

I would not know about this....never recieved any child support....

 

[Tiggeroo]

DH and I will stop paying child support in two years...at which time we will be setting up a bank account in daughter's name for her to spend when she goes off to college (5 months after she turns 18

Even this bothers me. Apparently she will be 18 while she is still in high school. Does the mother stop having to keep a roof over her head? If you have a 3 bedroom home and two kids go off to college can you sell the home, and get a one bedroom condo? No because those kids will be home for winter, spring and summer breaks for the next four years. If your child goes off to college, but is over 18 will you tell her she is now 100 % responsible for her clothing, books, insurance, etc? Who will be covering any tuition not covered by scholarships and financial aid. She will have to list her father's income when she applies for financial aid no matter how old she is. This is because the assumption is he will be helping with college on some level.
Here in NJ you can't automatically stop paying child support at 18. You need to have the child emancipated and in order to do that you have to prove they are self-sufficient. I say this in spite of the fact that dh and I struggled to pay child support for his children. Once you have kids of your own who are in that 17-24 range you realize how few of them are self-sufficient at this point. Even the foster care system is acknowledging this and are attempting to set up a stop-gap program for kids after 18.

 

[SetzKitten]

Then you have the other side of it too.. When you have a parent who is getting child support for their children.. but doesnt work.. lives off food stamps and uses the child support to do every thing else but get things the children need.. I believe that child support is to use towards things for that child including food or a roof over their head.. but when a parent is taking that money and using it for that because they dont want to work and then not get the children what they need.. then thats wrong..

This is how it is with us, too. A perfectly capable, educated, intelligent, employed woman decides that as of the day of the divorce she isn't going to work any more because it's her "right" not to is about as sad as it gets. She lived off of the children's money for 11 years. Well, our CS is ending in 2 years. Where will that leave her? 13 years older, out of the job market all that time and she will have no income coming in. What goes around, comes around.

 

[SeaShelley]

Even this bothers me. Apparently she will be 18 while she is still in high school. Does the mother stop having to keep a roof over her head? If you have a 3 bedroom home and two kids go off to college can you sell the home, and get a one bedroom condo? No because those kids will be home for winter, spring and summer breaks for the next four years. If your child goes off to college, but is over 18 will you tell her she is now 100 % responsible for her clothing, books, insurance, etc? Who will be covering any tuition not covered by scholarships and financial aid. She will have to list her father's income when she applies for financial aid no matter how old she is. This is because the assumption is he will be helping with college on some level.
Here in NJ you can't automatically stop paying child support at 18. You need to have the child emancipated and in order to do that you have to prove they are self-sufficient. I say this in spite of the fact that dh and I struggled to pay child support for his children. Once you have kids of your own who are in that 17-24 range you realize how few of them are self-sufficient at this point. Even the foster care system is acknowledging this and are attempting to set up a stop-gap program for kids after 18.

You raise some good points here Tiggeroo, but our support of DD is not what's ending. We will be helping with college as well as setting up an account for her to use while away at school, for clothing, food, etc. As for the bi-weekly check to her Mom....yes, these will end when she turns 18. That was the legal agreement. We will help pay for graduation costs, and other expenses that come along during the last few months of her senior year, but it's only the check to her Mom that will end.

 

[Caradana]

I think this topic tends to bring out ugliness in second wives.
May I point out that your husband apparently saw fit to love and sleep with this woman in the past, so she must have some redeeming virtue somewhere, and it might behoove you to look for it.
D

 

[SeaShelley]

I think this topic tends to bring out ugliness in second wives.
May I point out that your husband apparently saw fit to love and sleep with this woman in the past, so she must have some redeeming virtue somewhere, and it might behoove you to look for it.
D

Caradana, who is this comment addressed to?

 

[sweet angel]

I think this topic tends to bring out ugliness in second wives.
May I point out that your husband apparently saw fit to love and sleep with this woman in the past, so she must have some redeeming virtue somewhere, and it might behoove you to look for it.
D

I haven't seen anything really ugly here yet. However, I do wish my ex's 2nd wife would realize I'm not the scheming shrew she seems to think I am. Or maybe she's just insecure........

You bring up a good point though.

 

[Planogirl]

Eighteen year olds can certainly work during their offtimes and help with the financial side of things. These kids are actually adults and beyond school aid, I can't see continuing to support them on a regular basis. Of course, that's coming from someone who moved out upon graduating from high school at the age of 17.