Raulandpinboy
<font color=blue>Table-dancing auctioneer<br><font
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2001
- Messages
- 1,705
So Im in Vancouver aye!! And like how did I get here you say? Well Ill tell you. But first I would like to say I look really good in a kilt!!
The story as told by a man in a kilt!!!
I got to the airport and was a bit surprised to see them send my laptop bag through the x-ray machine 4 times. Then a security person pulls my bag and asks me to follow her into the back there they opened my laptop bag and started to pull things out. (hmm could they know about that modification to my modem that lets me access the government satellites?? Naaaaaa) No instead she pulls out two of the biggest screw drivers that I have ever seen, she then looks at me and the first thing out of her mouth is Sir are you with the FAA, and are you testing us I just smiled and said no Im sorry looks like Im the victim of some practical jokers at work. Well it was the truth and they let me go since I was sincere and looked honest enough to be telling the truth (let it go people) With a side note that somebody will in fact die when I get back.
The flight to Arizona was uneventful, but when I got off the plane in Arizona it was 108 degrees, it was a dry heat nasty nasty nasty and it was 6:45pm. Arizona Jeff dont you dare ever make fun of Florida again. The only problem was I had 40 minutes to get from one flight to the next and my plane was delayed due to rain by 35 minutes, so I had 5 minutes to go 3 gates, and I got there just as they were closing the doors talk about just making it.
The flight to Vancouver was the best, and I know it sound weird, but there is a reason why I love God so much, he makes sure that no matter where I go, its an adventure, this one was no exception. I got on the plane and got the emergency exit row, first let me tell you it was a model 300 air-bus that holds 150 people, there were at the most 25 people on the plane. In the seat next to me were Kelly and Stephanie they were on their way to Vancouver and this was their first time both were on their way to spend time with Kellys dad that left her mom for a Canadian hussy (sorry Donna) but he was paying for Kellys friend to go along so he was cool for now. Kelly and Stephanie were either 18 or 19 had zero body fat belly shirts and belly button piercing which they were very proud of, but I called their bluff after I realized they were not real piercing but glue ins, for you see in my 2 hour 50 minute flight to Vancouver Kelly and Stephanie did not shut up for one second, all this just because they starting singing well they tried to do some rapping and they stunk at it, so I offered some advice and we sang some Snoop Doggie Dog together, from that moment they were my buddies soooo they told me about their boyfriends both jerks, but too cute to dump, clothing, and what was in and what was out, how adults just were not cool enough, but I was pretty cool for an old guy because I was funny, and could rap (hey what did mean old!!!) I learned how they got drunk at graduation, they told me how they wanted to party all summer before they go to college, and then they forced me to play cards with them. Well even after Kelly took a nap, Stephanie kept on talking, again I now know Im getting old because as cute as these two were all I wanted to do was take a nap a little nice nap that never happened. (sigh) Well the best part was when we walked off the plane and I had Kelly and Stephanie with me as we tried to find the baggage area, these teen boys who came from another plane, kept looking at me like I was the keeper of the women, so I said to the girls hey looks like you got some fans, and they immediately went into ultra cute mode, then the boys said hi and the cuteness flowed and made me ill, so I bid Kelly and Stephanie a good night, to have fun in Vancouver, but not too much fun, and I was off to my nice little quite hotel and a nice nap since it was now 11:45pm Canada time but 2:45am my time.
I got 3 hours sleep and got up at 4:00am Canada time 7:00am my time, I tried to go back to sleep but no good so I took a shower and discovered that cold water in Canada is really really cold so Im up for good.
So first day here and I got back to my hotel go up to my floor get out of the elevator and a woman grabbed me and pulled me into room 217 (not what you think) You see there was a sign in the lobby that said Concerto tryouts on second floor, when I got out of the elevator the woman said are you the piano player and started to pull me into the room before I got a chance to tell her I wasnt. I was pulled into a room filled with musicians, I finally got the words out and said sorry lady Im not the piano player, but if it will help Ill sit at the piano and pretend to play . I was escorted out and asked never to mention this again. (Do you think I could make this stuff up?)
I went to my room and dropped my stuff and went to the local AGP (Canadian version of Winn Dixie) to get supplies to take home you know Aero bars, Smarties, some toffee thing called Mackintoshs, Mirage, Coffee crisp and After eight Wait till they put my bags through the x-ray machine now.
So okay I get to the hotel and turn on the TV to catch up and first I freak out because the weather girl just announced its going down to 11 degrees tonight. Well I forgot they do Celsius over here so after I screamed I remembered and then I was okay. Now Im watching a game show with 4 teams, 2 girl teams, and 2 boy teams the object of the games are first a beer toss where you have to toss beer cans into a trash bin 20 feet away from a recliner in the reclined position, now its the chug contest, and the girls are winning after that its the wet beer t-shirt contest like the boys even have a chance.
One thing I can say is Canadians love their beer aye!!!
Disclaimer: The score so far Canadian beer commercials with half naked women 1287, without girls 2, but they had cute fuzzy animals in them. Beer commercials where the words Gaa Gaa Gaa Goo are used 1. Commercials with peeing gnomes 1. Commercials with naked people making out in a mini van 4. I love Canada.
The events in this story are true the girls names were not changed to protect the innocent because I dont need to protect them Trust me innocent they are not. Disco music is still popular here, I love my life and would not change a single thing, The event are true and those that have spent any time with me know that things like this do in fact happen to me, if I could change it, would I change it? Not on your life I love being me.
Wait one more Commercial with girls in bathing suits selling anything over 100.
The story as told by a man in a kilt!!!
I got to the airport and was a bit surprised to see them send my laptop bag through the x-ray machine 4 times. Then a security person pulls my bag and asks me to follow her into the back there they opened my laptop bag and started to pull things out. (hmm could they know about that modification to my modem that lets me access the government satellites?? Naaaaaa) No instead she pulls out two of the biggest screw drivers that I have ever seen, she then looks at me and the first thing out of her mouth is Sir are you with the FAA, and are you testing us I just smiled and said no Im sorry looks like Im the victim of some practical jokers at work. Well it was the truth and they let me go since I was sincere and looked honest enough to be telling the truth (let it go people) With a side note that somebody will in fact die when I get back.
The flight to Arizona was uneventful, but when I got off the plane in Arizona it was 108 degrees, it was a dry heat nasty nasty nasty and it was 6:45pm. Arizona Jeff dont you dare ever make fun of Florida again. The only problem was I had 40 minutes to get from one flight to the next and my plane was delayed due to rain by 35 minutes, so I had 5 minutes to go 3 gates, and I got there just as they were closing the doors talk about just making it.
The flight to Vancouver was the best, and I know it sound weird, but there is a reason why I love God so much, he makes sure that no matter where I go, its an adventure, this one was no exception. I got on the plane and got the emergency exit row, first let me tell you it was a model 300 air-bus that holds 150 people, there were at the most 25 people on the plane. In the seat next to me were Kelly and Stephanie they were on their way to Vancouver and this was their first time both were on their way to spend time with Kellys dad that left her mom for a Canadian hussy (sorry Donna) but he was paying for Kellys friend to go along so he was cool for now. Kelly and Stephanie were either 18 or 19 had zero body fat belly shirts and belly button piercing which they were very proud of, but I called their bluff after I realized they were not real piercing but glue ins, for you see in my 2 hour 50 minute flight to Vancouver Kelly and Stephanie did not shut up for one second, all this just because they starting singing well they tried to do some rapping and they stunk at it, so I offered some advice and we sang some Snoop Doggie Dog together, from that moment they were my buddies soooo they told me about their boyfriends both jerks, but too cute to dump, clothing, and what was in and what was out, how adults just were not cool enough, but I was pretty cool for an old guy because I was funny, and could rap (hey what did mean old!!!) I learned how they got drunk at graduation, they told me how they wanted to party all summer before they go to college, and then they forced me to play cards with them. Well even after Kelly took a nap, Stephanie kept on talking, again I now know Im getting old because as cute as these two were all I wanted to do was take a nap a little nice nap that never happened. (sigh) Well the best part was when we walked off the plane and I had Kelly and Stephanie with me as we tried to find the baggage area, these teen boys who came from another plane, kept looking at me like I was the keeper of the women, so I said to the girls hey looks like you got some fans, and they immediately went into ultra cute mode, then the boys said hi and the cuteness flowed and made me ill, so I bid Kelly and Stephanie a good night, to have fun in Vancouver, but not too much fun, and I was off to my nice little quite hotel and a nice nap since it was now 11:45pm Canada time but 2:45am my time.
I got 3 hours sleep and got up at 4:00am Canada time 7:00am my time, I tried to go back to sleep but no good so I took a shower and discovered that cold water in Canada is really really cold so Im up for good.
So first day here and I got back to my hotel go up to my floor get out of the elevator and a woman grabbed me and pulled me into room 217 (not what you think) You see there was a sign in the lobby that said Concerto tryouts on second floor, when I got out of the elevator the woman said are you the piano player and started to pull me into the room before I got a chance to tell her I wasnt. I was pulled into a room filled with musicians, I finally got the words out and said sorry lady Im not the piano player, but if it will help Ill sit at the piano and pretend to play . I was escorted out and asked never to mention this again. (Do you think I could make this stuff up?)
I went to my room and dropped my stuff and went to the local AGP (Canadian version of Winn Dixie) to get supplies to take home you know Aero bars, Smarties, some toffee thing called Mackintoshs, Mirage, Coffee crisp and After eight Wait till they put my bags through the x-ray machine now.
So okay I get to the hotel and turn on the TV to catch up and first I freak out because the weather girl just announced its going down to 11 degrees tonight. Well I forgot they do Celsius over here so after I screamed I remembered and then I was okay. Now Im watching a game show with 4 teams, 2 girl teams, and 2 boy teams the object of the games are first a beer toss where you have to toss beer cans into a trash bin 20 feet away from a recliner in the reclined position, now its the chug contest, and the girls are winning after that its the wet beer t-shirt contest like the boys even have a chance.
One thing I can say is Canadians love their beer aye!!!
Disclaimer: The score so far Canadian beer commercials with half naked women 1287, without girls 2, but they had cute fuzzy animals in them. Beer commercials where the words Gaa Gaa Gaa Goo are used 1. Commercials with peeing gnomes 1. Commercials with naked people making out in a mini van 4. I love Canada.
The events in this story are true the girls names were not changed to protect the innocent because I dont need to protect them Trust me innocent they are not. Disco music is still popular here, I love my life and would not change a single thing, The event are true and those that have spent any time with me know that things like this do in fact happen to me, if I could change it, would I change it? Not on your life I love being me.
Wait one more Commercial with girls in bathing suits selling anything over 100.
) I think he'll definitely give Ed a run for the money, eh? 
?!
