My buddy doesn't ( didn't? ) understand why I won't let my kids have text messaging.

[Papa Deuce]

I was thinking of this post yesterday. In the afternoon, dd13 received a text, inviting her (and others) swimming. Without texting, she would've been left out. Later, she received a text, inviting her (and others) to a friend's home that evening. Again, if she didn't receive the text, she would've missed out. Not having the ability to send or receive text messages is social suicide among her peers. I really hope the OP keeps this in mind later on.

No it isn't. Your DAUGHTER can pick up a phone and call.

 

[kaytieeldr]

No it isn't. Your DAUGHTER can pick up a phone and call.

!!!

 

[kaytieeldr]

That's the thing that cracks me up about how people NEED for their children to have cell phones. NO, they don't NEED them. You prefer for them to have them for your peace of mind or convenience. They aren't NEEDED.
Beleive me, I have no qualms about people taking advantage of technological advances in whatever way they see fit (as long as it is legal). I have a cell phone, with 1500 anytime minutes and unlimited texting/month. I've even been known to send a couple of thousand texts a month But to claim that you use the device in the name of "fairness" is a bit of a stretch

wow, such hatefulness. Its ok if you don't like cell phones,

Hatefulness? Did we read the same post? The one where the poster you quote states that she (a) has a cellphone and (b) has been known to send a couple of thousand texts in a month? Where is there hatefulness?? All I'm seeing is a reasonable, mature, common-sense attitude and response.

And no you are right, we don't NEED them, but then again, we dont NEED cares we don't NEED automatic dishwashers, we don't NEED computers, but i see you have one.

Many people need cars (I'm guessing that's what's intended, since we all DO need care?) due to lack of alternatative transportation options - but nobody "needs" an automatic dishwasher.

And the kid who didn't receive the text message sits home alone. Really, this is how kids make plans now.

They actually spend less time using texting to arrange a social outing than if they had to keep calling everybody individually to invite them, to get their preference on movie, pool, which park, etc, then arrange times, etc.

Yet, as mjkacmom states, the kid who didn't receive the text message sits home alone.

And unfortunately, yes, sometimes kids without texting get left out of the plans. I don't think the kids do it purposely, just that texting is the norm now and that is how they arrange things. Other times they will still call, but sometimes they just forget.

Well, then that can be ascribed to incorrect or inconsiderate usage, i.e. assuming everyone has a cellphone/texting. It's up to the responsible party to teach, well, responsibility, even common sense.

The issue is that a kid would have to give up his cell phone in order to visit in the house - that's what Ethansmom said. Go back and read her post.

Actually, no. She hasn't come back to clarify. You all are assuming she means other kids. She could easily mean her own, i.e. there's no need for them to have/use cellphones/texting inside her home (which reasonably implies she HAS a landline).

I have to disagree with those who say you don't NEED a cell phone. I most certainly NEED mine. I have no landline

That's the choice YOU made, though. However, this thread isn't about adults eliminating landlines in their own homes (unsubstantiated assumptions made about one poster notwithstanding).

Last time I was at my cardiologist he told me never leave the house without 2 things. My nitro and my phone.

Did he confirm that the phone is advised so you can keep in touch with family members? Based on the pairing of the two things, it appears the phone is recommended in case of a medical emergency.

 

[mjkacmom]

No it isn't. Your DAUGHTER can pick up a phone and call.

If my dd didn't receive the text, she would've have known about the gatherings - no one is going to call her! So, if your dd's don't get text messages, there's a good chance that they will miss out on social opportunities. BTW, I make dd call the kids who don't answer her text if she's inviting a group over, but her friends never call those girls who don't answer. It's a different world today.

 

[golfgal]

No it isn't. Your DAUGHTER can pick up a phone and call.

Texting is part of the teen culture and a teen without a cell phone and texting is in the minority-very much in the minority. Not that everyone has to have what everyone else has but, teens have a strong NEED to fit in--YES NEED. It is part of growing up and learning where they belong. Even teens that are so called "individuals" still look, act and dress just like all of their friends. It is the very, very, very rare teenager that is a true individual.

Again, until you try it and use it you really can't make a judgment about using text messaging. Fine, you don't like it, your girls really aren't of the texting age yet, it is no big deal for them YET, but come 7th grade or so they WILL be judged, right or wrong, about their ability to text and they WILL be left out of things because they don't have access to that. Right or wrong, that is just the way it is.

When we were that age it was the big combs in the back pocket, if you didn't have one and use it all the time you were NOT cool. Same thing with the bell bottom Levi's, then Nike tennis shoes or the polo shirt with the collar sticking up. Now it is cell phones and text messaging--which cost a lot less then some Ralph Lauren Polo shirts when we were teens.

 

[C.Ann]

If my dd didn't receive the text, she would've have known about the gatherings - no one is going to call her! .

That's incredibly sad.. If DGD were to be left out of anything due to the fact that she does not have texting capabilities (or because her friends had to make an actual phone call to reach her), these are not people she would consider "friends" - by any stretch of the imagination.. She has a very full social life, so I guess texting and cell phones aren't a "requirement" for friendship in the world she lives in..

 

[golfgal]

That's incredibly sad.. If DGD were to be left out of anything due to the fact that she does not have texting capabilities (or because her friends had to make an actual phone call to reach her), these are not people she would consider "friends" - by any stretch of the imagination.. She has a very full social life, so I guess texting and cell phones aren't a "requirement" for friendship in the world she lives in..

It isn't so much that they are left out but more 'forgotten'. If the kids are planning something and send of a text to a bunch of friends they may forget that one friend doesn't have text and that friend just gets forgotten. This is just an example. I don't know of any of the kids' friends that don't have texting except one friend that forgot to clean out her pockets before laundry and the phone went through the wash and mom wouldn't replace it.

 

[Papa Deuce]

If my dd didn't receive the text, she would've have known about the gatherings - no one is going to call her! So, if your dd's don't get text messages, there's a good chance that they will miss out on social opportunities. BTW, I make dd call the kids who don't answer her text if she's inviting a group over, but her friends never call those girls who don't answer. It's a different world today.

And your daughter could call a few friends and ask what the plans are for today. And she could ask someone to call her if anthing comes up. A "REAL" friend would happily do that for her, wouldn't they? No snarkiness intended.

 

[AshleyW]

And your daughter could call a few friends and ask what the plans are for today. And she could ask someone to call her if anthing comes up. A "REAL" friend would happily do that for here, wouldn't they?

Agreed.. I do think it's funny though how many people are getting defensive over text messaging. I have plenty of friends who don't text, and when I wanna talk to them.. I just call. Besides, unless you completely block text messaging on a phone, you can still receive incoming texts for free. So all these kids whose social lives are apparently going to be absolutely ruined still have a chance to get the texts and have some fun.

 

[DVCLiz]

Thanks for coming back to clarify, Ethansmom!!! I see what you meant now.

 

[Kae]

My DS is the only one in his group that doesn't have texting. funny thing is he was the first to get a cell phone. It goes on the buffet in the kitchen when he comes home for the day. That way I know it is always charged. He is 11 & has alot of friends in the next subdivsion over so it makes me feel better when he is out & about.

Kae

 

[kirbsam]

No it isn't. Your DAUGHTER can pick up a phone and call.

that is all fine and dandy when your kids are 8, but the real world is much different. my 16 year old got her cell phone last year, and my 13 year old doesnt have one. so i am not the kind to go over board on technology. but kids communicate via texting now. you set the rules regarding when and where, but anyone who doesnt have an unlimited plan will eventually get burned.

 

[Papa Deuce]

that is all fine and dandy when your kids are 8, but the real world is much different. my 16 year old got her cell phone last year, and my 13 year old doesnt have one. so i am not the kind to go over board on technology. but kids communicate via texting now. you set the rules regarding when and where, but anyone who doesnt have an unlimited plan will eventually get burned.

Not if texting is disabled.

 

[kirbsam]

Not if texting is disabled.

talk to me in five years, papa.

 

[Papa Deuce]

talk to me in five years, papa.

point taken, but you don't know "me"..... If you did, you would know that I won't be caving in to pressure....

 

[VickiVM]

Don't cave...do what's best for your family. Your kids will figure out how to communicate without texting. I have a 10th grader and 8th grader with phones and unlimited texting. My 6th grader does not have a phone yet.

My 10th grader left his phone charger at a friend's house over a month ago while his friend was out of state for the month. He lived without phone/texting just fine.

I don't stress over it too much - taking away cell phone is a wonderful leveraging tool and can be quite useful as a disciplining method. But bottom line, its your family and dole out cell phone priveleges as you see fit.

 

[KyraS]

My son texts all the time and I have no problems at all with it. He's a teenager and that's how they communicate now. Heck when I was a teenager we were constantly on the phone. It's just normal technology going from generation to generation. Him texting doesn't hurt anyone or anything. He's still a straight A student and plays every sport offered. He's well rounded etc. I just don't see a problem with it.

Your kids, your rules though! I will say that I have a cousin who is very straight laced, very church oriented and when her children were the same age as yours she said no way, NEVER would they have text messaging or be allowed internet access. I have to say she did very well for quite a few years!!!! Her daughter is also very well rounded and is an all around great kid who is in the 10th grade now. Guess what? She now has texting and Facebook. Why? Because it's what kids do now. It's not making her any less a wonderful young lady having these things. Again your kids though and your rules I just feel kind of bad for them when they get older.

 

[kirbsam]

point taken, but you don't know "me"..... If you did, you would know that I won't be caving in to pressure....

i dont think you will cave in to pressure. i am not trying to change your mind, you may do it on your own. nothing any of us say will do it. when the time comes and you make the decision you will do what is right at that time for your family.

 

[LisaR]

point taken, but you don't know "me"..... If you did, you would know that I won't be caving in to pressure....

I am all for the "you are the parent and you need to do what feels right/works for you" but your stubbornness seems a bit ridiculous to me. Your kids are eight. They do not have any need for texting now. They may never have a need for it but they may WANT it when they become teens. My kids want a lot of things and I deny them tons. Texting may end up being one of the things you deny your kids and that is certainly your right. But your attitude suggests that everyone that has texting uses inappropriate grammar and sends thousands of messages a month. That simply isn't true. To refuse teen girls texting just because you are stubborn when you could instead allow them to have it and set limits seems ridiculous. I hate it too but it certainly isn't the end of the world. Set some limits and I am sure they will still turn out to be productive members of society.

 

[Papa Deuce]

..... To refuse teen girls texting just because you are stubborn when you could instead allow them to have it and set limits seems ridiculous. I hate it too but it certainly isn't the end of the world. Set some limits and I am sure they will still turn out to be productive members of society.

Plus "sexting"..... plus, I firmly belive it inhibits quality social growth... I don't expect everybody to agree with me, but since my wife and I are on the same page, I don't see us changing our minds.

I saw it first hand in Florida a few weeks back. I won't re-tell the whole story, but we brought our next door neighbor kids to WDW. Generally well behaved kids who always do what I ask them to do, and always respectful to my wife and I ( at home )... In FL, I actually had to take the one girl's phone away from her at night because she kept calling her BF at 2 AM, and then didn't want to get out of bed in the AM.

Plus, all day long she was texting... at WDW, at Universal.... I called her mother to ask if I could completely take her phone away because of this. Her mother said "Do whatever you need to".

So, I kept it in my pocket, and when she got calls I gave it to her. But then I took it back as soon as the call was over.