My brother is a deadbeat dad.

[ALittleDisneyFan]

The situation is very very bad..

The baby is just 8 months old.. and he is refusing to step up to the plate. The baby was COMPLETELY planned. He got his fiancee pregnant, married her, 2 mos after the baby came wanted a divorce. Ever since then.. this has been such a volatile situation.

Now the ex & the baby are living with my parents (and my deadbeat brother).. She was living across the US but has no where to go.. her family is NO help to her.

She used his car last night to apply for jobs.. and he threatened to report his car stolen and have her arrested. This all came because he had to "babysit" (and trust me, I do NOT consider Dads with their kids "babysitting") the baby for a few hours and she was super fussy.. so he was angry about it.

He doesn't want to pay $$$ (I keep saying.. go file the paperwork!!) .. he doesn't want to be a father figure for this baby.. My mom has tried talking to him.. my stepdad.. He just blows up.. doesn't care if this baby ends up living on the streets.

Aside from doing the obvious (filing the paperwork for CS) .. WHAT can we do to kick him in his ... to get him to be a father to this child?? I don't understand what is going through his head? This is so disgusting..

 

[Robinrs]

There is really nothing you can do. You can't shame a person to do the right thing, he has to make that decision or suffer the consequences.

As the aunt of the child you can do whatever you can do to be the good family member. My ex's sisters are AWESOME to my son, he was the idiot but at this point (my son is 18) it doesn't matter. You can only control what you can do, not what he will do.

Sad situation all around. I hope it sometime in the future, works itself out.

 

[Goofyluver]

So, he's living in your parents' house with his ex-wife and their child?

Kick him out of the house.

 

[NHdisneylover]

So, he's living in your parents' house with his ex-wife and their child?

Kick him out of the house.

This was my first thought as well.

 

[Goofyluver]

And, your SIL needs to be the one to go in and file for child support. Then, your brother won't have a choice in the matter. He doesn't need to be a father figure for his child to receive support.

 

[bethy]

Son or not, if I were your parents I'd kick him out of the house so fast his head would be spinning. And I'd get her an attorney.

 

[DisneyScraps]

Wow....I would throw up the brother and refuse to deal with him. That poor child! The Mom needs to run to child support they can take it from there.

It sounds like a domestic situation just waiting to happen. I would get him out of there asap!

 

[luvsmickeymouse]

And, your SIL needs to be the one to go in and file for child support. Then, your brother won't have a choice in the matter. He doesn't need to be a father figure for his child to receive support.

And I know in our state, the mom has to receive a copy of the dad's tax return every year. And every 3 years she can go in and have the child support order reviewed to see if he made more money, etc.

 

[3 MEN AND A BOAT]

So, he's living in your parents' house with his ex-wife and their child?

Kick him out of the house.

This is exactly what I would do. The child is also family, the mother doesn't sound like she has done anything wrong, just needs a helping hand to get on her feet after the mess he has left her in, he's the problem. He would come home to find his stuff on the lawn.

We have a similar situation with a family member and the best advice I can give is that the infant child needs you much more than the deadbeat relative.

Paul

 

[ALittleDisneyFan]

My mom is an enabler.. he is her baby and has always bailed him out of situations. She won't ever kick him out.

I am pushing for SIL to go Monday morning to do this.

 

[ohiomom28]

Child Support and Visitation wasn't set up at the divorce?

 

[Goofyluver]

My mom is an enabler.. he is her baby and has always bailed him out of situations. She won't ever kick him out.

I am pushing for SIL to go Monday morning to do this.

Your mother needs to get a clue. (Sorry to be so direct, but it's true)

How close are you? Can you take your SIL? Tell her you'll be there at such and such a time to pick her up.

 

[jen0610]

The situation is very very bad..

The baby is just 8 months old.. and he is refusing to step up to the plate. The baby was COMPLETELY planned. He got his fiancee pregnant, married her, 2 mos after the baby came wanted a divorce. Ever since then.. this has been such a volatile situation.

Now the ex & the baby are living with my parents (and my deadbeat brother).. She was living across the US but has no where to go.. her family is NO help to her.

She used his car last night to apply for jobs.. and he threatened to report his car stolen and have her arrested. This all came because he had to "babysit" (and trust me, I do NOT consider Dads with their kids "babysitting") the baby for a few hours and she was super fussy.. so he was angry about it.

He doesn't want to pay $$$ (I keep saying.. go file the paperwork!!) .. he doesn't want to be a father figure for this baby.. My mom has tried talking to him.. my stepdad.. He just blows up.. doesn't care if this baby ends up living on the streets.

Aside from doing the obvious (filing the paperwork for CS) .. WHAT can we do to kick him in his ... to get him to be a father to this child?? I don't understand what is going through his head? This is so disgusting..

This part really jumped out at me. Please for all that is holy.....DO NOT LET YOUR BROTHER BE WITH THIS BABY UNSUPERVISED. He was angry because a baby was fussy. I would not like to think where that could lead to, if he was to really snap.

2nd thing. Both you and your mom need to determine which is more impotant to you. A grown (although he isn't acting like it) man or an innocent baby.
You don't say how old either your brother or SIL is. Was she not employed before having the baby? Was this looking for a 2nd job to help pay all the bills since dad won't? You need to determine how much help, you want to give to the SIL, then stick by it. From your post, you and your mom are the only support system you SIL - ex or otherwise - has. For me, that would be telling JR to hit the road. You want to be "The Man", go support yourself. And shut him off from the family - the whole family.

The SIL needs to determine if she really wants your brothers financial help or not. Unless, it can be proven in court, if she takes him there for support, your brother is likely to get visitation. Which leads me back to the point I made first. I would not want this baby around him unsupervised. He got angry be cause she/he was fussy.

 

[scottishduffy]

My uncle was a deadbeat father to my cousin T.

T was not an accident, Uncle and Aunt had been married for 5 years when T was born. Yet shortly after this Uncle decided he didn't want to be a dad and filed for divorce.

Uncle was a complete jerk who never bothered to see cousin, and never wanted to pay support. My mom said she will never forgive him after an incident where T was visiting us and Uncle had promised up and down to come see him. T was super excited and Mom had him all ready to go... but Uncle never showed. Mom had to hold T as he cried himself to sleep that night and kept asking why his daddy didn't want him (he was 5).

Thankfully my Aunt was a good person and didn't cut off the whole family cause my Uncle was a scumbag. I still have a good relationship with Aunt and always knew my cousin T. Even after Uncle signed away all parental rights so T could be adopted by his step-dad. No one could ever change Uncle.... but we just focused on a relationship with T.

 

[kathie859]

OP.... what a mess! Does your brother have a job? Your DSIL needs a lawyer. If you can help her financially, great. If you can't, you need to be the best SIL and Aunt ever!! You can't control your idiot brother--but you and your parents can certainly be involved helping the baby.

Wonder what happened to your brother for him to have such a turn-around

 

[hereyago]

Does he do drugs? Or have some sort of "mental' issue that you know of? because honestly threatening to call the cops because he has to take some responsiblity-which he supposidly wanted a kid, isn't normal.

 

[ALittleDisneyFan]

Child Support and Visitation wasn't set up at the divorce?

They haven't filed yet. The divorce stuff came about 6 months ago. It's a long story.

 

[daisax]

Your parents should tell him that since they're raising his child, he's obviously done being raised himself and it's time to move on.

I realize your mom isn't ready to do this, but I'd point out that if he's this "ruined" at his age, continuing to coddle him will make him a monster by the time he's 30. How many women and babies does she plan to have move in with her after he moves on from this one?

And I agree that he shouldn't be alone with the baby. We just had a local guy throw his 7 week old baby down at the sidewalk because he was angry at the mother. When she screamed "you killed him!" he yelled back "I hope you both die." Fortunately, there were witnesses and help arrived soon, but the baby may or may not live.

My thoughts immediately went to that loser when you described your brother's recent behavior.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

What happened to cause him to want a divorce and resent her and the baby so much?

Also, if your mother is providing room and board for mother and baby by proxy, I can't see where there is any expectation that the girl get a check from your brother.

I get that he is acting like a jerk. I wonder what happened. They were getting along great and then WHAT?

If this is to be resolved long term, the underlying issues need to be identified and addressed. Taking him to court (right now) won't accomplish that.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

Is he sure the child is his? I realize legally that he would probably be considered the father, but that doesn't necessarily mean he really is. That could have something to do with his sudden change of heart.

If it's your parents' house, I don't really think there's anything YOU can do. Your parents can choose to kick him out, but that has to be their call.