My 9 yr old wants to shave - advice please!

[RachelEllen]

No, shaving does make the hair thicker. If my legs looked the way they did when I was 12, I'd stop shaving today. The fact that I've shaved for the past 23 years (holy crap I'm getting old!) keeps me shaving!

It's not the shaving, though. Your leg and arm hair just keeps getting thicker and courser as you go through puberty. It would have happened even if you didn't shave. Plus, the stubble will always look worse than the naturally grown in hair, as naturally grown in hair has a tapered wispy end and stubble is cut through the thick part of the hair.

 

[clutter]

You have a very long time to have a baby, toddler, young child - and then a very short time to adjust to the fact that you have a preteen and then a teenager. Keeping your daughter from doing these things as they come up on her radar screen is NOT doing the best you could as a parent. You know this is coming and it is up to YOU to adjust, not up to your daughter to dial back her natural inclinations based on what her peer group is doing. In the next 3 years or so, you are going to be dealing with puberty, cell phones, makeup, hair straightening, different fashion choices - a million new issues. You can make your choices based on your own values, of course, but you can't stop any of these issues from affecting your daughter, and if you want to raise a solid girl you won't stand in the way of them.

And you are wrong that "no one wants to see their baby grow up." I can't wait until my DD16 is grown - I am tired of some of the parenting I still have to do and will gladly trade it for a nice mature girl who is settled away somewhere in a nice college!!!

And if it helps, I have to say that I've been SO enjoying my dd12+++ even as she ages. No, they're not as 'cute' as little kids are, but they really can be a LOT more fun! Of course, I've been really working to ensure that I adjust quickly, and most importantly, without my dd knowing that it affects me.

 

[wdwfan16]

The right age is when they feel the need. It isn't a big deal,imo. I'm not big on chemicals, I would go with an electric razor.

ITA

Electric razor would be my choice for a 9 year old.

 

[KiKi Mouse]

I'm curious about the sleeping arrangements.
I have a friend whose 11 y/o daughter sleeps with her. She is a single parent so she hasn't made a big effort to move her along to her own room.
Part of this is an anxiety issue.
I asked my friend what she does about sleepovers and she said her daughter would never ever sleepover at somebody elses house.

What does your daughter do about sleepovers? Is she okay with them?

 

[cinmell]

Is the tag fairy around??

That's exactly what I was thinking!!!

 

[Handbag Lady]

"If they are old enough to grow it, they are old enough to shave it!"


My poor husband started growing a beard at a very young age. His mom refused to let him shave because he was "too young." The above quote was from his aunt, who told off his mother during one visit. Words to live by, as he was SO relieved and still remembers being teased.

 

[pixie921]

I've seen this topic come up here and on a couple of other MBs that I frequent and it always floors me how many mothers freak out at the idea of their daughters shaving their legs. What on earth do they think it will lead to???

Now, I only have a son, but I always swore if I had a daughter, I would let her shave her legs whenever she wanted to. My mother refused to let me shave mine and finally my father had to intervene because I was getting teased so badly in 7th grade and it was making me miserable. My mother was overprotective to the point of ridiculousness and even had separate rules for me vs. my brother (ex.: I was two years older, but even after age 18, still had a curfew hours earlier than my brother simply because of my gender, NOT because I was a difficult kid or a partier).

In fact, my brother has carried that attitude over to his kids and I'm trying now to help my 12yo niece gently persuade her parents to let her shave her legs. Again, never did I think any parents (other than my mom) would make it an issue!

I guess I never figured any mother other than mine was as um ... overprotective ... of their daughter. It's just leg hair!

 

[SnowWhite607]

I'm curious about the sleeping arrangements.
I have a friend whose 11 y/o daughter sleeps with her. She is a single parent so she hasn't made a big effort to move her along to her own room.
Part of this is an anxiety issue.
I asked my friend what she does about sleepovers and she said her daughter would never ever sleepover at somebody elses house.

What does your daughter do about sleepovers? Is she okay with them?

she has only recently started going to sleepovers, not because she wouldnt sleep at someone's house, but b/c in her circle, they just didnt do them before now. She has had a few girls sleep over at our house and that went fine, they slept in sleeping bags in the living room. She has slept out a few times and has done just fine.

 

[SnowWhite607]

I've seen this topic come up here and on a couple of other MBs that I frequent and it always floors me how many mothers freak out at the idea of their daughters shaving their legs. What on earth do they think it will lead to???

Now, I only have a son, but I always swore if I had a daughter, I would let her shave her legs whenever she wanted to. My mother refused to let me shave mine and finally my father had to intervene because I was getting teased so badly in 7th grade and it was making me miserable. My mother was overprotective to the point of ridiculousness and even had separate rules for me vs. my brother (ex.: I was two years older, but even after age 18, still had a curfew hours earlier than my brother simply because of my gender, NOT because I was a difficult kid or a partier).

In fact, my brother has carried that attitude over to his kids and I'm trying now to help my 12yo niece gently persuade her parents to let her shave her legs. Again, never did I think any parents (other than my mom) would make it an issue!

I guess I never figured any mother other than mine was as um ... overprotective ... of their daughter. It's just leg hair!

Yes I am overprotective.....but thats for another thread. This one is about shaving.

I just see her friends wearing bras (no, they dont need them, they are just for "show" or to be able to say "hey look, I am wearing a bra.") and then I hear how some of her friends in 3rd grade have a cell phone and I just think its a slippery slope. I mean, where does it end? I played with Barbies till I was 11!!

 

[stashbin]

Yes I am overprotective.....but thats for another thread. This one is about shaving.

I just see her friends wearing bras (no, they dont need them, they are just for "show" or to be able to say "hey look, I am wearing a bra.") and then I hear how some of her friends in 3rd grade have a cell phone and I just think its a slippery slope. I mean, where does it end? I played with Barbies till I was 11!!

Now I will totally agree with you about the cell phone issue!!! (Another thread) but I think the shaving thing just needs to be done when it becomes an issue. In my case, my kids have dark hair EVERYWHERE and so I don't want it to BECOME an issue. My SIL's tell me all of the time that they were harrassed horribly because of their hairyness...(is that a word?)

 

[Jennasis]

No, shaving does make the hair thicker. If my legs looked the way they did when I was 12, I'd stop shaving today. The fact that I've shaved for the past 23 years (holy crap I'm getting old!) keeps me shaving!

No, it doesn't. Cutting the hair with a razor makes the tip of the hair blunt, so when it grows back in it feels stubblier/thicker/corser. The hair is otherwise the same as before iut was cut.

 

[PRmamiDEdos]

No, it doesn't. Cutting the hair with a razor makes the tip of the hair blunt, so when it grows back in it feels stubblier/thicker/corser. The hair is otherwise the same as before iut was cut.

It's not the shaving, though. Your leg and arm hair just keeps getting thicker and courser as you go through puberty. It would have happened even if you didn't shave. Plus, the stubble will always look worse than the naturally grown in hair, as naturally grown in hair has a tapered wispy end and stubble is cut through the thick part of the hair.

My bad. I admit when I've been defeated!!!

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/hair-removal/AN00638

I still thought putting a bottle of Nair in my daughters hands was better than giving her a razor!! I've been known to slice myself something fierce when dealing with slippery shaving cream and a razor blade!!

 

[Sparx]

let her shave. she's obviously very self concious about it, and being a preteen girl is hard enough without having to worry about people asking why your legs are so hairy.

i remember i went to school with a girl who wasn't allowed to shave until she was sixteen. (very strict parents.) She was miserable, and never wore shorts.

 

[laurie31]

My DD13 shaved her arms when she first started shaving her legs. I had no idea she was self-conscious about her arm hair. Anyway, she got tired of shaving her arms, the hair grew back, and now you can't tell she ever did it.

If she wants to remove her arm hair again, I have no issues with it, though.

I did make her wait to get a cell phone until she was 12 (she wasn't dropped off anywhere until that age. I know different families have different needs though. I don't mean to derail the thread. ).

Oh, and my 5th grade DD is the one at the top of that coaster. She's started her period, and we had to go buy her new bras last week, because she had outgrown her other ones. She's in a 36B now, and I assure you she NEEDS it. (she doesn't have a cell phone, though. Much to her horror. )

She's still my baby, though. She got her own room at age 4, but she still comes in every morning to snuggle with me in bed before we get up. Don't worry, OP, she is still your little girl whether she removes her leg hair or not. It's only a rite of passage if you make it one. It wasn't even on my radar. (but the moving into their own room thing, is DEFINITELY a rite of passage for us co-sleepers, though. Don't let her know how it makes you feel. Tell her she's growing up and you're proud of her. )

 

[laurie31]

My bad. I admit when I've been defeated!!!

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/hair-removal/AN00638

I still thought putting a bottle of Nair in my daughters hands was better than giving her a razor!!:scared1: I've been known to slice myself something fierce when dealing with slippery shaving cream and a razor blade!!

Chemicals vs sharp blades is a personal choice. I use both, and so do my DDs. They now prefer razors, as they find waiting on the Nair tedious.

I remember getting a HORRIBLE razor burn when I was about 12 (I stupidly decided to shave my legs DRY and...Oh. My. Gosh!) so I'm a fan of Nair, but I also have an electric ladies shaver which is my friend.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Yes I am overprotective.....but thats for another thread. This one is about shaving.

I just see her friends wearing bras (no, they dont need them, they are just for "show" or to be able to say "hey look, I am wearing a bra.") and then I hear how some of her friends in 3rd grade have a cell phone and I just think its a slippery slope. I mean, where does it end? I played with Barbies till I was 11!!

My dd had to wear a bra when she was in 4th grade. That is the norm around here. Most girls need bras at that age.

I don't understand "slippery slope" when describing girls growing up. There is nothing you can do to stop it.

 

[stashbin]

When it's time for my DD to lose the leg hair, I think I will try Nair first just because it will take longer to grow back. Plus I agree with PP's...a razor in my 9 year old's hands would scare me a little. I shave her armpits for her right now and until she gets a little older will continue to do so.

One time I shaved the meat off of my shins!
Not Pretty! Much Pain!

 

[Magic Mom]

Yes I am overprotective.....but thats for another thread. This one is about shaving.

I just see her friends wearing bras (no, they dont need them, they are just for "show" or to be able to say "hey look, I am wearing a bra.") and then I hear how some of her friends in 3rd grade have a cell phone and I just think its a slippery slope. I mean, where does it end? I played with Barbies till I was 11!!

OP, the fact is, your DD is growing up. Period. Now you have a choice, you can help her and support her and celebrate with as she grows up, OR you can act like a ball and chain trying to hold her back from what is naturally going to happen anyway. Which choice do you think will keep the two of you close?
If she is ready to sleep alone, then let her have that. She's 9 not 2. If she wants a bra, stop envisioning gel filled push up bras from Victoria Secret and just shop with her for an age appropriate sports bra. If she wants to shave her legs because her hair is dark and she is fair, then let her. It isn't the gateway to belly button piercing and ear gauges. It's just smooth leg skin. Enjoy this time with her or before you know it she will stop asking and just start doing.
Its hard seeing your baby grow up, but it's wonderful too, especially if you don't make it all a battle.

 

[cabanafrau]

I think because it is sort of a rite of passage in a way. No one wants to see their baby gorw up (she is an only child as well). It signals that *I* am getting older and also that she is getting older and there will be more milestones right around the corner....bras, dates, driving, college, etc.

Its just that time has gone so fast for me and I feel as though this is just one more step away from me that she is taking. I know thats kind of the goal when you have a child, to raise them to the best of your ability and then feel confident as they leave the "nest" but I'm not there yet......

I am almost embarassed to say this but she has always slept with me since she was born, never would sleep in her own room. This weekend, she told me she wanted her own room and didnt want to sleep with me anymore. I know she had to grow up and get her own room one day and stop sleeping with Mommy, but I felt like

I looked at this thread earlier and didn't bother to respond because the overwhelming consensus agreed with my opinion. When I checked in now to see why this thread had ballooned to so many pages, I came across what you wrote above.

Mom, this is about you & your issues, not DD. Take a step back, a deep breath and really remember that you are parenting a human being, an individual with her own life to lead & her own path to find. One of the best ways you can parent her is to set a good example as a woman & show her as many ways as you can just how strong and capable a woman can be. Sounds like you're basing many of your decisions about your DD on your wants and needs -- then projecting them on her to block out the reality. Helping her grow won't make you lose her -- matter of fact, it will likely help both of you remain closer when she's grown -- which she's going to do, no matter how you try to hold her tight.

I wish you very much luck in letting go & hope that maybe you both stumble into a brand new interest you can share.

 

[Green Tea]

Razors aren't like medications; they don't come with an age guide. If she has hair and she wants to shave it, then it is the right time.