My 18yo ds doesn't want to go to his HS Graduation

[MushyMushy]

Well, you DO want him to do it for your benefit, since he has told you he doesn't care. Nothing wrong with thoping that occasionally a child will give something back to their parents, BTW.

What would upset me is that my kid was being selfish and self-centered. It's a small price for him to pay to do something for a couple of hours for the people who have loved him and helped him through school, to give them a sense of pride.

Ultimately, I'd let it be his choice. But he'd know full well that I was disappointed. If he's old enough to make these kinds of decisions, he's old enough to know about the ramifications of them...that being hurting and disappointing his parents. I wouldn't protect him from that. I wouldn't harp on it for a year, but he'd know I was disappointed.

And I know mine will not be the popular opinion, BTW.

I completely agree with this. I don't have a problem being the nagging mother by getting him to go to his ceremony. I've busted my BUTT and sacrificed a lot to help get him through school (a law degree being one) and he has finally pulled himself together to make it. I'm not about to let this celebration slip away. If mom guilt is going to work on him, I'm all for it.

I feel the same way about the prom, and I admit I stuck my nose in there too. He's got a wonderful girlfriend who deserves to go to her senior prom with her boyfriend and not some random guy friend. Like I said earlier, he has to be pushed out of his comfort zone, so that's what I did. That might not work with every kid, but mine has had all kinds of mental issues his whole life, so we're just used to the push and shove.

 

[rie'smom]

sorry double post

 

[sbell111]

tell him that the graduation is not only to celebrate his accomplishments, but also allows you (his parents) to celebrate. Tell him it is a small price to pay, for his parents to beam with pride as he walks across that platform and receives his diploma. Also, he will be glad he did. Good luck.

ita

 

[Jennasis]

I wouldn't force a child to participate in graduation ceremonies if they didn't want to. I WISH I could've skipped mine. Parents wanted it...I HATED high school and most of the people there. I graduated with honors, 32nd out of over 1200, all the accolades. Would;ve been happier with a party at home or a nice dinner out.

 

[ckay87]

I completely agree with this. I don't have a problem being the nagging mother by getting him to go to his ceremony. I've busted my BUTT and sacrificed a lot to help get him through school (a law degree being one) and he has finally pulled himself together to make it. I'm not about to let this celebration slip away. If mom guilt is going to work on him, I'm all for it.

I feel the same way about the prom, and I admit I stuck my nose in there too. He's got a wonderful girlfriend who deserves to go to her senior prom with her boyfriend and not some random guy friend. Like I said earlier, he has to be pushed out of his comfort zone, so that's what I did. That might not work with every kid, but mine has had all kinds of mental issues his whole life, so we're just used to the push and shove.

We've had a lot of the same experiences, I think, with our sons. I've heard your stories of his failures and successes and it's always been a comfort to me. My son is 2 years, and step or 2 behind yours, and it gives me hope to hear how he's been succeeding in recent years. My kid's been coming around too. Halelujia, he's accepted to vo-tech next year!

That said....I don't care if he goes to his ceremony or not. Me, my family and friends, the people who have listened to my tribulations all of these years, we are going to PARTY like there is no tomorrow when that kid graduates. No kidding. We have a cruise planned for 2011. I'm serious!

 

[angwill]

i wood rezpond butt commmming from the pubic scool sytem, who carez what i tink

Too funny. Love the way you fed the troll.

 

[disneybound2010]

i would make him go.. it is HS graduation.. and there are people who die to be in his shoes that are in his class.. i do not see why there are people who do not want to walk. just stupid.. in my opinion..

From elementary school all the way to graduation, school was absolute H*** for me. I was bullied and tortured daily. It got to the point that I spent my whole middle school career literally doing all my work in the guidance counselor's office because I could not be in the classes with others. My parents,the principal and counselors worked to put an end to it while IN school,but they couldn't do much on the way to or from. I was beaten regularly, threatened and the worst was having my hair set on fire!

The real friends I had were all older and graduating as I was entering high school. I went through pretty much four years with no one my own age to turn to in that prison.

I DID walk, but not because I wanted to. After all that had happened to me,my parents were still insistent I walk the stage and prove to everyone that I was holding my head high. Yeah, I held it high long enough for one more bullying and beat down before I made it out of there. I don't remember much about graduation as I was counting the seconds till I could leave and I have never looked back. It may be stupid to you that some don't want to walk,but to those of us that had it bad, it really left some long time scars.

 

[MushyMushy]

We've had a lot of the same experiences, I think, with our sons. I've heard your stories of his failures and successes and it's always been a comfort to me. My son is 2 years, and step or 2 behind yours, and it gives me hope to hear how he's been succeeding in recent years. My kid's been coming around too. Halelujia, he's accepted to vo-tech next year!

That said....I don't care if he goes to his ceremony or not. Me, my family and friends, the people who have listened to my tribulations all of these years, we are going to PARTY like there is no tomorrow when that kid graduates. No kidding. We have a cruise planned for 2011. I'm serious!

Congrats on the vo-tech! I bet he'll turn around even more once he gets a sense of pride and accomplishment there. What will he be studying? Mine did welding and really loved it. I totally attribute vo tech to the fact that he finally saw a good future for himself and wanted to work towards that.

I wish my son would let us party. He refuses. So I'm giving him a bigger present than I would have -- a laptop and whatever welding gear he might need to get himself started.

From elementary school all the way to graduation, school was absolute H*** for me. I was bullied and tortured daily. It got to the point that I spent my whole middle school career literally doing all my work in the guidance counselor's office because I could not be in the classes with others. My parents,the principal and counselors worked to put an end to it while IN school,but they couldn't do much on the way to or from. I was beaten regularly, threatened and the worst was having my hair set on fire!

The real friends I had were all older and graduating as I was entering high school. I went through pretty much four years with no one my own age to turn to in that prison.

I DID walk, but not because I wanted to. After all that had happened to me,my parents were still insistent I walk the stage and prove to everyone that I was holding my head high. Yeah, I held it high long enough for one more bullying and beat down before I made it out of there. I don't remember much about graduation as I was counting the seconds till I could leave and I have never looked back. It may be stupid to you that some don't want to walk,but to those of us that had it bad, it really left some long time scars.

I don't think you're stupid at all. Please don't think any of us are saying that. I think those of us who want our kids to walk are doing it for totally different reasons. I know if my child had been in your shoes, there's no way in hell I'd force that issue.

I'm so sorry you had to live through that torment.

 

[HighClass]

From elementary school all the way to graduation, school was absolute H*** for me. I was bullied and tortured daily. It got to the point that I spent my whole middle school career literally doing all my work in the guidance counselor's office

because I could not be in the classes with others. .

but why?
Were you the only person of another race in the school
Why would you be tortured daily??

 

[ajk912]

I can't see forcing my kids to do something so unimportant than to pull out the mom guilt trip card. Talk about living vicariously through your kids.

To ME, the mom guilt trip card is for when it's really important: "Gee, your dad has cancer. You better get down here and visit him!" "It's my birthday and I want you to be here for my party." It's your birthday, of course you can play the mom card. "You have to go to school because you need an education." "You have to get a job, because that's what 18 year olds do.."

But telling your kid to go to graduation because "I said so"? Or doing a guilt trip? I think at this point the graduate can celebrate as s/he wishes. Forcing them to walk out of guilt, I don't think, would give me any satisfaction at all. Save the mom guilt trip for the important things, don't use the mom card on something so unimportant!! Some kids don't want a huge hoopla and find situations like that embarrassing. No need to embarrass them for your enjoyment if they can opt out!!

 

[MUFFYCAT]

but why?
Were you the only person of another race in the school
Why would you be tortured daily??

You can't be serious? Maybe your kids are popular and happy in school but some aren't. It's not only about race kids get bullied from everything to what they say to what they wear.

 

[Cindy F]

i would make him go.. it is HS graduation.. and there are people who die to be in his shoes that are in his class.. i do not see why there are people who do not want to walk. just stupid.. in my opinion..

I can't imagine wanting to attend a high school graduation ceremony that bad. I don't think it's too much bigger of a deal than kindergarden graduation. They're both just stepping stones to further education. Although I went to ceremonies for my masters, I almost didn't and I really don't think it would have made me stupid if I hadn't.

I think it should be up to the person graduating. If it is a big deal to them, it should be a big deal to the family, if not-skip it.

Private School. The expectations are higher when parents have been shelling out thousands$$ a year for a quality education, I guess.

Today, in public school. it seems parents and kids do what pleases them.

I felt exactly the opposite when the girls were in private school. More of a "I'm paying out the wazoo for this-I'll decide whether they will participate in X or not".

To each his own.

 

[MushyMushy]

but why?
Were you the only person of another race in the school
Why would you be tortured daily??

Are you KIDDING ME? Why on earth would you ask her that?

It takes nothing for kids to pick a victim in school, and in a lot of cases once that kid becomes a victim, there's no getting out of it! They'll be remembered as that all through school and even for life.

What difference does it make why? It happened, and it wasn't her fault that it did.

I can't see forcing my kids to do something so unimportant than to pull out the mom guilt trip card. Talk about living vicariously through your kids.

To ME, the mom guilt trip card is for when it's really important: "Gee, your dad has cancer. You better get down here and visit him!" "It's my birthday and I want you to be here for my party." It's your birthday, of course you can play the mom card. "You have to go to school because you need an education." "You have to get a job, because that's what 18 year olds do.."

But telling your kid to go to graduation because "I said so"? Or doing a guilt trip? I think at this point the graduate can celebrate as s/he wishes. Forcing them to walk out of guilt, I don't think, would give me any satisfaction at all. Save the mom guilt trip for the important things, don't use the mom card on something so unimportant!! Some kids don't want a huge hoopla and find situations like that embarrassing. No need to embarrass them for your enjoyment if they can opt out!!

Define important things. If graduation isn't important to you, then fine. But it might be important for some of us. It won't kill our kids to do something for us that's important. After all, we've been doing that for them their entire lives.

It's funny you bring up a birthday party for mom, because in my eyes that has absolutely no importance whatsoever.

 

[HighClass]

You can't be serious? Maybe your kids are popular and happy in school but some aren't. It's not only about race kids get bullied from everything to what they say to what they wear.

She says she was TORTURED daily.

That is very dramatic and scary.


She was BEAT UP leaving the Graduation ceremony? Sorry -it just seems unbelievable.

 

[Serena]

but why?
Were you the only person of another race in the school
Why would you be tortured daily??

That is none of your business.
How old are you really?

That was obviously traumatic for her, she does not have to retell it for your entertainment.

 

[Sandy V.]

There are Boys Boarding schools in louisiana?

Okay, color me confused. I don't know if there are boys' boarding in schools in Louisiana or not, but what are you inferring by asking the question?

Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but are you thinking not very nice things about the quality of the Louisiana school system, public and/or private?

Because if you are, it's probably time to quit while you are behind. Or maybe you can come up with yet another group of folks to insult, intentionally or not.

 

[MushyMushy]

She says she was TORTURED daily.

That is very dramatic and scary.


She was BEAT UP leaving the Graduation ceremony? Sorry -it just seems unbelievable.

She said "beaten down." Big difference.

You don't think someone can go through emotional torture?

 

[disneybound2010]

but why?
Were you the only person of another race in the school
Why would you be tortured daily??

To be honest, I really could not give you an answer as to WHY it happened. We moved to the area right after I started second grade. Could've been I didn't start out with them and was always the outsider. Could've been that I was the poor kid in a school full of well to do kids(this whole area is made up of old families that have been here almost as long as the town) I think the biggest thing was that I was definitely the pushover. I was shy,quiet and didn't stand up for myself EVER. I was always scared that if I did stand up it would be even worse the next time around. There was another girl that pretty much went through the same thing that I did and again it made no sense as to why she was singled out either. She did not walk at graduation. She refused to have anymore to do with the school.

It's been twelve years since I was in school and on a positive note, I can say that the schools around here are cracking down a lot harder on bullying and they are working to assure the safety of all students.

 

[ckay87]

Congrats on the vo-tech! I bet he'll turn around even more once he gets a sense of pride and accomplishment there. What will he be studying? Mine did welding and really loved it. I totally attribute vo tech to the fact that he finally saw a good future for himself and wanted to work towards that.

I wish my son would let us party. He refuses. So I'm giving him a bigger present than I would have -- a laptop and whatever welding gear he might need to get himself started.

Oh no, you misunderstand. The party is for US...not him. No really, it is. I don't know what he has planned, but we are going on a cruise to celebrate US surviving HIS school years. (aren't I mean?)

He'll be studying IT Networking. We have a great vo-tech; it will be good for him. Thanks!

 

[raysnkaysmom]

Wow, I haven't gone thru all 7 pages, not sure what all advice you've received.

Can you ask him to do it, for you? I would really be hurt if my daughter didn't. But, if he's adament, do like one of the first posters suggested, get his picture made and then go do something special.... ?

Good Luck!