My 18 year old home alone for the weekend....

[rcpae]

Oh my....just found out that my husband will be traveling out of the country and will be gone next weekend entirely. I have three daughters. The middle daughter (16 years old) has a softball tournament a couple of hours away from Thursday evening until late Sunday.

My oldest daughter (18 years old) has to work. I am not sure how comfortable I am leaving my 18 year old and my youngest daughter (15 years old) home alone for that long. I know my oldest just graduated high school and is leaving for college in the fall, but .... My parents live 5 mins away, but they will be gone on vacation the entire time.

I'm not really sure how to approach this. While, this situation doesn't make me feel comfortable, I also don't want to make a big deal out of it to her. I feel like sometimes kids will live up to your expectations. If I give her a list of "no's", is that worse than being general and saying, "I trust you to make good, responsible choices for you and your sister."

She is typically a responsible kid, but she is 18. Has a very active social life and hangs out with friends a lot. We also have a pool and I'm not sure about a possible pool get together with no adult close by, or expected home.

Any ideas?

 

[happygirl]

Oh my....just found out that my husband will be traveling out of the country and will be gone next weekend entirely. I have three daughters. The middle daughter (16 years old) has a softball tournament a couple of hours away from Thursday evening until late Sunday.

My oldest daughter (18 years old) has to work. I am not sure how comfortable I am leaving my 18 year old and my youngest daughter (15 years old) home alone for that long. I know my oldest just graduated high school and is leaving for college in the fall, but .... My parents live 5 mins away, but they will be gone on vacation the entire time.

I'm not really sure how to approach this. While, this situation doesn't make me feel comfortable, I also don't want to make a big deal out of it to her. I feel like sometimes kids will live up to your expectations. If I give her a list of "no's", is that worse than being general and saying, "I trust you to make good, responsible choices for you and your sister."

She is typically a responsible kid, but she is 18. Has a very active social life and hangs out with friends a lot. We also have a pool and I'm not sure about a possible pool get together with no adult close by, or expected home.

Any ideas?

There is another post that deals with this exact thing expect it was a 20 year old.

I'm kinda of worried if parents don't think there adult kids are responsible to be left home alone

 

[lizabu]

Its hard to say because one is 15 and the other is 18 and maturity levels of kids that age can vary greatly. Is the 15 y/o the type to listen to the 18 y/o? Have they been home alone overnight before? Do they usually follow the rules?

 

[Bob NC]

Totally depends upon the kid in question.

We left our 16 year old son home alone for 4 days with no problem.

Your mileage may vary.

 

[kamik86]

I wouldn't worry about it too much unless she is untrustworthy in other scenarios.

It would be good if she had someone to call in case something little comes up (well big enough to stress her but not bad enough to like need to call 911). Those are the ones I always ended up calling mom and Dad about when I moved out on my own.... like the time that I came home to find sugar ants covering the counter. I was still in school then no one would be home for a few hours but I didn't want to leave it like that... But I wasn't sure what to do either. We had bug spray but its the kitchen counter... not sure I wanted to spray pesticides.

So I called my older sister who told me to spray bug spray and then we would just have to wash the counter and all the stuff nearby well.

 

[billdob62]

There past behavior should be an indication of their present / near future behavior. If you haven't had a lot of trouble in the past, you shouldn't worry.

 

[gwynne]

Does the 16yo have a team mate who's parents would be ok with her riding along?
I wouldn't make a big deal about the why's to the 18yo, but no matter how responsible she is...she will have a house, a pool, and no parents for the weekend. Even if she wants to do the right thing, she may have a few (or more) friends of friends show up.

 

[rcpae]

I did read thru some of the other thread, but in my opinion a 20yr old who has their own apt and has been away at school is usually in a different place then a recent 18yo high school graduate. Plus, add the 15yo and that changes things.

The 15yo will listen to my oldest daughter, but she will also be a partner in crime sometimes too.

 

[Hannathy]

My 17 yr old stayed home alone for weekends while she was in High school. I would hope by now you have raised her to be a responsible young adult and could take care of herself for a weekend. If not she is going to have trouble come August. The 15 yr old can take care of herself so it isn't like she will be babysitting. I trusted my DD completely.

With the pool I think it would be reasonable to say no friends swimming, since that is a liability/insurance thing.

I always made sure the car had gas, there was food, money if she needed anything, and my credit card in case something unexpected came up.

 

[rcpae]

I had previously considered sending my 16yo with a teammate, but Saturday she had a collision on the field, knocked out and ended up in the ER with a concussion.

Next weekend, (not this coming, but the following), looks like it will be her first time easing back into play according to the dr. I know we need to watch closely for any headaches or signs that she's still recovering. I really wouldn't be comfortable sending her with another family under the circumstances.

I am debating on leaving her to just sleep with another teammate while I go home for one of the nights. I would return for the first game of the day, the next morning. That just sounds exhausting though.

 

[Kellydelly]

I would not think twice about leaving my 18 yr old home with her 15 yr old sister unless you know that they both have problems with respecting your home, each other, or any rules you lay out. My mom used to hire 17-18 yr olds to babysit me and my 3 siblings (who were 9-14 yrs old) when her and my dad went on trips without us. They were allowed to drive us around and everything .

 

[Soben]

If they are fairly responsible, I would lay down rules. Like no pool, limit of X kids over at a time, no power tool usage, etc. AND I would have a friend stop by periodically, and they would know that she was coming, but not when. I think that it's a good opportunity for your daughters to show that they are responsible and grow up a little. Have a good weekend!

 

[undertheradar]

They have to grow up sometime.

 

[minkydog]

My 17 yr old stayed home alone for weekends while she was in High school. I would hope by now you have raised her to be a responsible young adult and could take care of herself for a weekend. If not she is going to have trouble come August. The 15 yr old can take care of herself so it isn't like she will be babysitting. I trusted my DD completely.

With the pool I think it would be reasonable to say no friends swimming, since that is a liability/insurance thing.

I always made sure the car had gas, there was food, money if she needed anything, and my credit card in case something unexpected came up.

I agree. My kids began staying home alone around the age of 15 or 16. They're both good kids, but kids nonetheless. We have strict rules--no parties, no drinking or drugging, no friends over while we're gone. And the house must be spotless when I walk back through the door. Usually DS just stayed in from of his xbox, gorging himself on video games. Our DD is more a social butterfly, so lots of times she just found another friend to go stay with. Never had a problem with either one of them. I just made sure there was plenty of food in the house, a little extra cash, and a list of friends who could come to the rescue, if needed (we don't have any family in the state.) Only one time was there a problem--DS decided to mow the grass for us as a ssurprise. Drove the mower over a nest of ground bees and sustained about 8 bee stings. He called me, hysterical. DS is not allergic to bees, but he was so upset I couldn't tell if he was just stung or having some kind of reaction. I called a friend to come over and assess him. She gave him some benedryl and a Coke, and made sure everything was okay before she left. Of course, I was worried but in the end DS was rather proud of himself for weathering the emergency AND making the yard look good.

 

[Mandychelle79]

Reading these posts make me SO glad that I had the parents that I had.

My parents would think nothing of leaving my sister and I at home for a weekend when we were 18 and 15. And yes we were allowed friends over, allowed to have a small party, allowed to use the pool, basically we were allowed to do anything that we did when our parents were home.

 

[kerstfan1]

i find it strange how kids our young adults cant be trusted i was 16 when my parents gave me a trip to bulgaria for gradution from school and im talk 15 years ago

 

[rcpae]

While I wouldn't think twice about sending any of my girls on a trip, having a pool available is another thing. That carries a huge liability. We are the "hang out" house. We love having the kids hang out and spending time here...but we are here, or at least in and out. The access to the pool worries me.

I think I will just talk to my girls and let them know that a pool party will need to wait. I think I might also mention that we will be gone to our neighbor so they know if they see someone walk thru the gate and go to the pool, they are welcome to ask questions, or text me if they would like.

I'm not trying to be overprotective, just a smart parent. I wouldnt my girls to also worry about the responsibility that would come along with multiple people at the pool.

 

[minkydog]

While I wouldn't think twice about sending any of my girls on a trip, having a pool available is another thing. That carries a huge liability. We are the "hang out" house. We love having the kids hang out and spending time here...but we are here, or at least in and out. The access to the pool worries me.

I think I will just talk to my girls and let them know that a pool party will need to wait. I think I might also mention that we will be gone to our neighbor so they know if they see someone walk thru the gate and go to the pool, they are welcome to ask questions, or text me if they would like.

I'm not trying to be overprotective, just a smart parent. I wouldnt my girls to also worry about the responsibility that would come along with multiple people at the pool.

I don't think you are being unreasonable, especially about the pool. That's a huge liability, IMO. Perhaps you can sit down with the girls and explain how liability works. Let them know that if someone gets hurt or killed that YOU will be the ones who stand to lose everything, your home, your retirement, THEIR college funds. I am not above putting the fear of GOD into my kids!

 

[gwynne]

While I wouldn't think twice about sending any of my girls on a trip, having a pool available is another thing. That carries a huge liability. We are the "hang out" house. We love having the kids hang out and spending time here...but we are here, or at least in and out. The access to the pool worries me.

I think I will just talk to my girls and let them know that a pool party will need to wait. I think I might also mention that we will be gone to our neighbor so they know if they see someone walk thru the gate and go to the pool, they are welcome to ask questions, or text me if they would like.

I'm not trying to be overprotective, just a smart parent. I wouldnt my girls to also worry about the responsibility that would come along with multiple people at the pool.

I don't think you're overprotective. The pool liability issue has been covered well.
I wanted to clarify-lots of posts about "trust". I don't doubt your daughter, I might doubt a friend of a friend who sees a nice opportunity.
Sounds like you've thought things through well, and have a good plan. Good luck to your other daughter's softball team!

 

[Shelly F - Ohio]

Be it now or in the fall she will eventually be home alone and will have to bea responsible adult. I would not worry about her being home alone over the weekend.