Mulan Is Back

[MomtoEmIs&Ow]

Good job once again putting your kids in the middle of you and Damm's little escapades! The police aren't there to make DAMM listen to you. And actually you should have done what you thought of, not only would you had the police arrest you on the spot for assault on DAMM, but then possibly loss of custody, interfering with visitation, etc. and then you could really rally for posters sympathies once you got out of jail then come back on the boards and tell your sob story. Grow up and stop putting your kids in those situations.

Regardless of the mistakes Mulan makes, I really think all these negative comments are not needed, SHE WAS VENTING! But maybe you have never done that before or needed to..... Oh what it must be like to be perfect no need to be so nasty!!

 

[2poohbears]

Anyone else worried that it's almost midnight and Mulan hasn't posted an update? I'm hoping she isn't in jail!!!

Oh, I hope not! I'm worried, though.

 

[jackdis]

I thought we would have heard from her by this morning. Has anyone talked to her? Hope all is well.

 

[Mulan'sWarrior]

Sorry, guys a VERY BUSY BUSY NIGHT! The battery on my laptop died and wouldn't recharge
DAMM did not return the kids.:sad I filed a custodial interference at the 1/2 way point, called the state police and explained the problem, long story short, the Trooper went to see the children called me back and DAMM had lied and said that we agreed he would have the kids till next Friday
HE LIED AGAIN! And because its a he said, she said ordeal, all the court papers I have don't amount to a hill of beans
So I am on my way to my atty's office and hopefully she can get a "comtempt warrent" signed by JTB today and I can get my children back today, otherwise I may not get them back till next Friday

I swear the law is to wishy washy!

Need LOTS of Prayers right now!
I will let you guys know something later in the day- fingers crossed!
Mulan

 

[cherjp]

I thought we would have heard from her by this morning. Has anyone talked to her? Hope all is well.

MMmmmmm getting worried now , thought we would have heard from Mulan , hope she hasnt been arrested , wouldnt that just be just like DAMM to get his buddies to do that.

Mulan get in touch we are worried....

 

[KATHINOWA]

Oh, Mulan, I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I rarely post but this just breaks my heart. Stay strong. Hopefully you'll have your kiddies real soon.

 

[cherjp]

yikes Mulan posted at same time,

thats just horrible for you , but you knew that he would pull a stunt like this,please please please let JTB come down in your favour, you must be upset but you have to stay strong now, to you , let us know whats happening.

love
cheryl

 

[momlady]

This is a very good example of why ALL communications with this man must be formalized. He is not to be trusted and he will continue to yank your chain in this way as long as he can and/or doesn't get caught at it. I hope things go well for you today Mulan.

If I were into the game-playing (which I am not and am not suggesting this is a good idea, just musing out loud so no need to come down on me in any way shape or form), I would consider calling the children, wish them a wonderful week with their dad and let DAMM know that you appreciate and will enjoy the whole week of unexpected vacation time. Bet those kids would be home before sunset....

 

[cherjp]

This is a very good example of why ALL communications with this man must be formalized. He is not to be trusted and he will continue to yank your chain in this way as long as he can and/or doesn't get caught at it. I hope things go well for you today Mulan.

If I were into the game-playing (which I am not and am not suggesting this is a good idea, just musing out loud so no need to come down on me in any way shape or form), I would consider calling the children, wish them a wonderful week with their dad and let DAMM know that you appreciate and will enjoy the whole week of unexpected vacation time. Bet those kids would be home before sunset....

have to say I think this is a great idea

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

I have a feeling at this point we should start collecting bail money if Mulan has to go back in front of JTB.

JTB most likely will allow DAMM to keep the kids since he is "entitled to" 5 weeks during the summer even though DAMM didn't pick up the kids for his scheduled 5 week visitation.

Good luck, Mulan. Keep us posted!

 

[cherjp]

I have a feeling at this point we should start collecting bail money if Mulan has to go back in front of JTB.

JTB most likely will allow DAMM to keep the kids since he is "entitled to" 5 weeks during the summer even though DAMM didn't pick up the kids for his scheduled 5 week visitation.

Good luck, Mulan. Keep us posted!

my thoughts too, think JTB might not be on Mulans side with this.

 

[maymom96]

I think Mulan needs to figure out what her answer will be when the judge asks her what the big deal with doing the every other week visitation is. I fear that the judge will not accept any answer from her and she could get in trouble.
The only thing that I think could save her is if she says that when he didn't show up at the halfway point and she heard no contact from him, she had to find alternate childcare for the days she works. Show what you signed the kids up for AFTER he failed to show for the 5 week exchange.
I agree with the others. Call the kids and tell them that you will see them on Friday. DON'T act like this stunt is bothering you. Keep your emotions intact. Once he doesn't get a reaction from you, then he will stop what he is doing. But he knows he can still get to you and will continue to pull this stuff just to show you he can. So let him have the kids, pick up extra shifts at work and show no emotion. Also you NEED to get more specific court papers with everything spelled out.

 

[2poohbears]

Mulan - I'm so sorry.

I think it's time for everything to be spelled out as specifically as possible regarding visitation now. Talk to your lawyer about this. You're going to keep dealing with this as long as he can get away with it. I was afraid he would pull a stunt like this because he was mad you didn't let him have them last weekend. He thinks he's always right - and just wants to cause you problems. He likes putting the kids through all the drama - makes him feel important, and powerful.

I hope your lawyer gives you good news today. Keep us posted. Stay strong, calm as possible - listen to your head and don't let your emotions take over. Do not make outbursts in front of the judge. Stick with the facts. Your children need you to be strong right now. He knows you'll be taking him back to court...he's expecting it. Be prepared for whatever he throws at you.

 

[Mulan'sWarrior]

Waiting on my atty....she is in a telephone conference and they can't give any idea when she will be through! So I am at the library which is 1 block away from her office and they said she will call me ASAP- I pray that something can be done today.

This is a very good example of why ALL communications with this man must be formalized. He is not to be trusted and he will continue to yank your chain in this way as long as he can and/or doesn't get caught at it. I hope things go well for you today Mulan.

If I were into the game-playing (which I am not and am not suggesting this is a good idea, just musing out loud so no need to come down on me in any way shape or form), I would consider calling the children, wish them a wonderful week with their dad and let DAMM know that you appreciate and will enjoy the whole week of unexpected vacation time. Bet those kids would be home before sunset....

Problem, I call and he will not answer
I will ask my lawyer, but I have a half a mind to not let him have them back until we do go back to court and get dates etc in print. For fear that he will just do this again next scheduled weekend which is July 4th....

As to JTB, I honestly don't think he would tolerate DAMM cutting all lines of communication off with me. The fact that he kept the kids without my knowledge and I can talk my way thru just just by simply stating- 1. I could have worked at $29/hr on Sunday if I had known, 2. gas prices, 3. hotel room fee and on and on.....why would I go thru this much trouble if I had agreed with him to keep the kids. JTB does not play the no communication game. I just hope we can get to him today!

I just want my kids back! They were not prepared for this! I'm sure that them seeing the state trooper last night, there's no telling what DAMM has told them now!

Mulan

 

[momlady]

Mulan, some things to think about:
1. How much clothing did you send with them? That is another indication of the fact that you were not aware they'd be gone longer than 2 days.

2. Did you have any activities planned for them, anything you signed them up for (even something like story time at the library would be a sign that you did not know), day care arrangements in place for this week?

FACTS, girl -- give the judge the facts. Stay calm, state that with all the changes in plans it is very difficult for you to schedule work, daycare and plan the added expenses of travel with gas prices the way they are at the moment. If the judge says every other week, ask that both parties get a written copy of exact dates and times for drop off and pick up. Manage the situation as "I just need to know exactly what the plans are" and if you stay cool and act as if you want to facilitate things, then (a) you will impress the judge with your maturity and (b) you will deny DA the pleasure of watching you fret/freak out. If you seem agreeable to him having the kids, he will do what he did for the 5 weeks' -- back out.

And although EOweek would be hard (as you lived last summer) it will be what it is...don't fight that because the judge will interpret it as trying to limit his access to the kids. It is not you who refused access for 5 weeks -- it is him. Place that in front of the judge and let him interpret the intent of that one!

Good luck.

 

[momlady]

Unfortunately it is an assumption that the scheduled weekends are in fact what is supposed to happen. The official documents state that he was to have them for 5 weeks. When that fell through, who decided on EOW? I think it is all up in the air right now and I think that is how you should play it.

Don't assume that everyone will agree to EOW or even every other week as the "best" solution -- obviously DAMM does not. Unfortunately he is lying and messing you around rather than acting like an adult...but here's your chance to show you have learned from the mistakes of the past. Ask the judge to clarify the visitation. Ask the court to tell DAMM to make up his FREAKIN' mind!!!!!!(respectfully of course ) Ask the court to impose an agreed on method of communication, stating you have tried to set up email correspondence with DAMM and he has refused. That is a fact. Stick to the facts and you should be ok!

 

[Mulan'sWarrior]

Mulan, some things to think about:
1. How much clothing did you send with them? That is another indication of the fact that you were not aware they'd be gone longer than 2 days.

2. Did you have any activities planned for them, anything you signed them up for (even something like story time at the library would be a sign that you did not know), day care arrangements in place for this week?

FACTS, girl -- give the judge the facts. Stay calm, state that with all the changes in plans it is very difficult for you to schedule work, daycare and plan the added expenses of travel with gas prices the way they are at the moment. If the judge says every other week, ask that both parties get a written copy of exact dates and times for drop off and pick up. Manage the situation as "I just need to know exactly what the plans are" and if you stay cool and act as if you want to facilitate things, then (a) you will impress the judge with your maturity and (b) you will deny DA the pleasure of watching you fret/freak out. If you seem agreeable to him having the kids, he will do what he did for the 5 weeks' -- back out.

Good luck.

I sent no clothing with them. They have Karate lessons on Monday and Wednesday. I was actually going to try to get them in to see the counselor this week, but something told me to hold off to make the appointment till today. I have the babysitter on standby for the week now, she is very understanding, but has another job that she can pick up days when not watching mine. And with my new second job, I did not pick up Sunday because I knew I had to pick up the kids. And I was planning to pick up Friday there, but as of right now, I can't because I may be picking up the kids. Also, I expected to be back home last night to feed the kittens- I fed them before I left but I'm sure they are hungry right now!

I will state just the factual facts to my atty- she will speak to the Judge (I HOPE) if I do have to speak to the JTB I will be able to remain calm- my body is shaking inside out of fear for my children, but my mind is strong because what has happened here is not right! And I am determined to not let DAMM get away with this but I know I will be okay with allowing the kids to stay with him all week just so long as everything gets spelled out to the letter so that this never ever happens again. And I get my phone time with them. I really think if we get to see JTB he will blow his stack when he finds out that DAMM has cut all lines of communication! And hopefully, he will do something about it!
I just pray that my atty will hurry up!!!!! Its already 10:30a here (CST) and I am hoping to know something by 1pm so at least if I know I will not be getting the children back today I can get home and feed the kitties and at least get to my Karate class.

Mulan

 

[momlady]

Fingers crossed for you, I agree it is NOT right!!! Good luck!!!

 

[Mulan'sWarrior]

She says there is NOTHING that can be done today in order to get the children back But she said she will file an immediate motion to JTB to get an order for contempt of visitation and will get us back in court ASAP.
I asked her that it needs to be ASAP, before his next weekend which is July 4th for fear that he will do this again. She agreed with me but also stated that we probably won't get back into JTB court before July 4th She says she is going to see what she can do as much as she can do right now and give me a call back. So for now, I guess I will head back home without my kids
I did explain to her all the details and that I was not prepared for the kids to be gone and told her that the kids had Karate lessons, my job, gas etc. and that DAMM has cut all lines of communication off with me so that I'm not getting my phone time with the kids and even when they have called him- they don't get to talk to him because he doesn't answer the phone. I told her about the whole email thing too.....
Mulan

 

[robinb]

This is what I just don't understand. DAMM didn't pick the kids up for his 5-week visitation, why did he continue to get weekends? And now, why does he get to dictate every other week on his own schedule? The visitation is either legally spelled out or it isn't. Mulan, I think that you actually weakened your position when you handed the kids over for the weekend when he was not entitled to see them. YOU violated the visitation agreement as much as he did, IMO. I know that you were trying to look cooperative and were following the advise of your attorney, but I think this will backfire on you. I have to wonder why your lawyer didn't initiate an emergency visitation change or clarification right away when he didn't show up, but that's water under the bridge. When you see JTB next time make sure your know what you are supposed to do when DAMM fails to collect the kids for visitation. Is the back-up weekend visitation or does he forfeit visitation? Everyone needs to be on the same page or DAMM will continue to find loopholes to make your life miserable.

Oh, one more thing ... STOP CALLING HIM!!! EVERYTHING needs to go through your lawyer. EVERYTHING. (sorry to yell) I also think that the advise that momlady gave you to call and tell him it's OK to keep the kids until Friday is completely foolish. Your kids know that they were supposed to come home and that their father is lying to them. Don't play into his game ... it will not get your kids returned to you any sooner.