Mulan Is Back

[Longsx3]

I will ask my lawyer, but I have a half a mind to not let him have them back until we do go back to court and get dates etc in print. For fear that he will just do this again next scheduled weekend which is July 4th....

I have read your thread from the beginning and I really hope this all works out for you. While I realize that you are just thinking out loud statements like the above are what may land you in hot water with JTB and really aren't too much different that what DAMM is doing. Please don't play his games!

 

[Mulan'sWarrior]

She will file a motion for contempt next Friday I know, I thought the same thing...but until I get the kids back in my hands this is the safest step. Then next Friday I will mail DAMM a letter stating about the email communication etc. And to inform him that the children and I will not be there on July 4th, we are going back to court on July 14th- (that's the soonest) and this is my attys advice. Whether DAMM opens and reads the letter or not, he has been informed and when she files her motion he will receive court papers to appear in court. Then we can show JTB that the communication is a big problem and that the children will not go back to him UNTIL the court ordered visitation is all spelled out.

Robinb- I feel your anger- I only call DAMM to talk to my children or attempt to make visistation arrangements. The EOW schedule is court ordered thats the only reson I gave him the kids this weekend. Sure he forfited his summer visitation according to court papers but in his mind he didn't and that's where the court has to come in- to decide did he or didn't he or excuse his ignorance.

I have no choice but to trust my atty's advice- now I need to trasfer funds, because this has costed $500 till we go back to court on July 14th, then probably another $500 for that day.

Mulan

 

[robinb]

She will file a motion for contempt next Friday I know, I thought the same thing...but until I get the kids back in my hands this is the safest step. Then next Friday I will mail DAMM a letter stating about the email communication etc. And to inform him that the children and I will not be there on July 4th, we are going back to court on July 14th- (that's the soonest) and this is my attys advice. Whether DAMM opens and reads the letter or not, he has been informed and when she files her motion he will receive court papers to appear in court. Then we can show JTB that the communication is a big problem and that the children will not go back to him UNTIL the court ordered visitation is all spelled out.

Robinb- I feel your anger- I only call DAMM to talk to my children or attempt to make visistation arrangements. The EOW schedule is court ordered thats the only reson I gave him the kids this weekend. Sure he forfited his summer visitation according to court papers but in his mind he didn't and that's where the court has to come in- to decide did he or didn't he or excuse his ignorance.

I have no choice but to trust my atty's advice- now I need to trasfer funds, because this has costed $500 till we go back to court on July 14th, then probably another $500 for that day.

Mulan

OK .. I am still confused. How can you drop your kids off for a "court ordered" every other weekend this weekend but then tell him you won't be there on July 4th (his next weekend)? That just doesn't make sense to me. The every other weekend visitation either remains in effect or it doesn't. You can't pick and choose which weekends any more than DAMM can pick and choose which weeks he gets the kids for summer vacation. It's all the same and I am concerned that your lawyer advised that you keep the kids on July 4th ... I don't think JBT will look kindly on that! Especially only a few days before you go in front of him!

I still stand by my position that any communication about visitation should be done through your lawyer. If that was already in place then he would not have a leg to stand on with the whole "he said/she said" business as your lawyer would have already sent a letter spelling out the summer visitation.

It would be much better, IMO, if your lawyer crafted a letter spelling out visitation this week and then if DAMM keeps the kids on Sunday the 6th, you have a pattern of violations. Her office should send it, NOT you.

 

[momx2]

OK .. I am still confused. How can you drop your kids off for a "court ordered" every other weekend this weekend but then tell him you won't be there on July 4th (his next weekend)? That just doesn't make sense to me. The every other weekend visitation either remains in effect or it doesn't. You can't pick and choose which weekends any more than DAMM can pick and choose which weeks he gets the kids for summer vacation. It's all the same and I am concerned that your lawyer advised that you keep the kids on July 4th ... I don't think JBT will look kindly on that! Especially only a few days before you go in front of him!

I still stand by my position that any communication about visitation should be done through your lawyer. If that was already in place then he would not have a leg to stand on with the whole "he said/she said" business as your lawyer would have already sent a letter spelling out the summer visitation.

It would be much better, IMO, if your lawyer crafted a letter spelling out visitation this week and then if DAMM keeps the kids on Sunday the 6th, you have a pattern of violations. Her office should send it, NOT you.

Yes, the attorney should send the letter to ex, not Mulan. It is a big mistake for Mulan to send it. Is there a reason why the attorney isn't the one sending the letter???

 

[Disneychix]

I've been a lurker and don't always agree with what I see but this is driving me crazy for you Mulan.

If DAMM did not show up for the 5 weeks summer visit there is no way he should've been allowed to get them this past weekend. And even if he is saying it's the court appointed EOW visitation then how the heck does he explain keeping them for the whole week? Why can the police not get invloved now and go and get the kids from him? Why does he get to not have a lawyer but he's still calling all the shots? And you don't even have a say even though you are paying many different lawyers. He (and you) knew damn straight that he would be going back to the EOWeek schedule for the summer because that's what was comfortable for him. You had to have known he wouldn't bring them back on Sunday. (but I do understand you had to be at the 1/2 way just in case he pulled something)

If your lawyer is telling you to not give them for the july 4th visit I wouldn't. He's only going to keep them for another week again or longer this time.

So now what happens with the cats and the karate lessons? Stinks that your kids have to go through this. This situation is very bad and doesn't seem like it will get better anytime soon. DAMM calls the shots everytime. Even when it looks like you've won a battle he still wins in the end.

 

[maymom96]

I don't understand why your attorney would tell you to not send the kids for their next weekend. I think that would not be good for you in the courtroom. You should send the kids, show up on Sunday to pick the kids up and then make a police report when DAMM doesn't show up. Then when you go to court, your hands will be clean. The judge would have nothing to get upset with you about. You haven't kept the kids from their father.
Like I said before, I think you need to figure out what you will say when the judge asks you why every other week isn't a good idea. You could say that he never contacted you about not doing the 5 weeks (having someone pretend to be an attorney doesn't count and him contacting you). Then he never showed at the half way point and would not answer the phone when you called. So you then had to find childcare for the kids while you worked. Since he never contacted you about a different visitation schedule, you assumed he only wanted every other weekend. You want the kids to spend time with their family (you need to say this with a straight face) but it's not good for anyone to be in limbo when it comes to the summer visitation.

 

[rie'smom]

Mulan, get a new lawyer. There's no way you should be having this many problems. You're paying him, he's supposed to be working for you and it doesn't appear to me that he's doing his job.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

I have to agree with RobinB - this doesn't add up. Neither one of you seem to be following any set visitation schedule right now and I would be worried if you deny DAMM visitation when he thinks he has it then JTB will throw you back in the pokey even if your attorney told you to do it.

We have learned the hard way - Attorneys CAN BE WRONG! Courts interpret the laws, not attorneys. Even if your attorney advises you to do something you are still held accountable for your actions with the court and you can be punished if you are found to be in contempt. In our ongoing legal battle with DH's ex we were advised by his attorney not to pay a Child Support overage because it was in appeal and DH got nailed with a garnishment for the amount (which we are still having to pay even though we won the appeal until the original court modifies the original order). Long story but bottom line is always follow the COURT order to the letter no matter what your attorney says! This is YOUR life, not your attorney's.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Your stress level must be sky high about now. Try to take a nice hot bubble bath tonite and relax if you can.

 

[DisneyBrat]

When my ex tried the same thing with my son I went to his home and called 911. I had my custody papers in hand and demanded them to get someone who has authority since the initial officers didn't know how to handle the call. Their Sargent or Lieut. came to the rescue the ex was so upset and went off on the police officers they told him that one more time and they were taking him downtown. WELL long story short the officers said if we didn't settle this they would take my son who was a teen into protection until the next morning when the judge could rule. I love my son and would rather him be in protection then with his father who was mentallyand verbally abusing him. My ex said fine let his mother take him home. End of story never to be messed with again by his father.My ex had even gone so far as to have someone serve me papers from his "attorney" they weren't of course and that was when I went to get my son back! Sad but when Chris turned 18 his father said some very hurtful things and he hasn't spoke to him in almost 3 years.

 

[DisneyBrat]

ohh sorry Mulan I meant to say how sorry I am that your children are having to endure this emotional roller coaster. I see how much it has affected my son. He held it inside so long. I am glad you have been taking them to counseling so hopefully the scars wont be too deep. God Bless and stay strong!!!!

 

[mumom95]

I agree with the posters who say get a new lawyer, it sounds like yours isn't looking out for your best interest.

If you send your ex a letter that says you aren't bringing the kids to his on the 4th, then he has in writing, proof that you knew it was his visitation and that you purposely are denying him the visitation. I only see that as causing you problem in court.

 

[Disneychix]

Everyone is assuming DAMM is going to give the kids back. What if he keeps them claiming this is part of the 5 week visitation?

I just don't get how the ball is ALWAYS in his court. Everyone tells Mulan she should always follow the law and all the visitation language to the letter and DAMM never does and yet he keeps getting the kids whenever he wants on his terms and on Mulans dollar.

I know the whole lawyer thing is tricky for you Mulan because you have them in both counties but maybe it is time for some new fresh representation.

 

[Mulan'sWarrior]

All along you guys have said- listen to your atty. So now I do, and you guys are livid- and even when I didn't agree with her at first about me sending the letter, and about filing the contempt motion and about him missing the July 4th visit after her explaination and plan explained- it did make sense to me.

Yes, the attorney should send the letter to ex, not Mulan. It is a big mistake for Mulan to send it. Is there a reason why the attorney isn't the one sending the letter???

She will be sending DAMM a letter, but she wants me to send one before her, to show that I am communicating the only way left- via mail. And when he doesn't read the letter and shows up, it will show JTB that its him not me. That I have attempted all means of communication with him.

I've been a lurker and don't always agree with what I see but this is driving me crazy for you Mulan.

If DAMM did not show up for the 5 weeks summer visit there is no way he should've been allowed to get them this past weekend. And even if he is saying it's the court appointed EOW visitation then how the heck does he explain keeping them for the whole week? Why can the police not get invloved now and go and get the kids from him? Why does he get to not have a lawyer but he's still calling all the shots? And you don't even have a say even though you are paying many different lawyers. He (and you) knew damn straight that he would be going back to the EOWeek schedule for the summer because that's what was comfortable for him. You had to have known he wouldn't bring them back on Sunday. (but I do understand you had to be at the 1/2 way just in case he pulled something)

If your lawyer is telling you to not give them for the july 4th visit I wouldn't. He's only going to keep them for another week again or longer this time.

So now what happens with the cats and the karate lessons? Stinks that your kids have to go through this. This situation is very bad and doesn't seem like it will get better anytime soon. DAMM calls the shots everytime. Even when it looks like you've won a battle he still wins in the end.

The court papers are specific as to the EVERY OTHER WEEKEND, it even states that once summer visitation has concluded that the EOW schedule resume. What else was I suppose to do? I follow the court orders.

According to the police, state troopers and all other cops, deputys etc...involved. They all say the samething: This is a civil matter. It doesn't matter what my court papers say. It doesn't matter that DAMM has absolutely nothing documented that says he can keep the kids longer than Sunday June 22. They say because its a he said, she said we have to go back to court. Even though I explain to them that you can't get a court hearing at the snap of a finger- they just don't care! And they refuse to do ANYTHING about it. The trooper did say however that if DAMM fails to return the children Friday June 27th at 6pm at the 1/2 way point then no matter what he tells- they will contact JTB and get a warrent to have the children returned back to me.

The soonest I can get back in court is July 14th- that's the absolute soonest!

One more thing to vent: The officer at the 1/2 way point was a woman- she had the balls to scold me and tell me that if there has been this much trouble with DAMM then I should not have obeyed my court orders and kept the children home with me. She said I was hurting my children by sending them I WANTED to tell her "NO SHT! " but I did not, instead I told her (polietly) that if I didn't follow court orders I would be in CONTEMPT AND THROWN IN JAIL AND IN TURN LOOSE CUSTODY of my children!

Mulan

 

[jackdis]

Mulan, get a new lawyer. There's no way you should be having this many problems. You're paying him, he's supposed to be working for you and it doesn't appear to me that he's doing his job.

This was my initial thought as I was reading through all this. This is ridiculous. Perhaps you need someone a little more forceful in working to protect you. That is what your attorney is getting paid for - to look out for your best interests, and unfortunately, I don't see that happening.

If my kids were not returned, there's no way my attorney would tell me I shouldn't file until next Friday. What's up with that??? I think that your ex has been given so many chances and upon your attorney's advice, you've proceeded carefully so as not to make waves. But where is this getting you? And above all, is it benefitting your kids?

Mulan, think about all this long and hard. I'm not seeing your attorney on your side with all the drama that has gone on. It's not necessary to stoop to all time lows, but your lawyer is working for YOU!!!!

 

[poohfriend]

I went out of town for the weekend...what a heartache you have experienced.

I have absolutely no advice. I will however pray that the giver of all good things will give you WISDOM on how to deal with DAMM and the grace to raise your kids in a loving, secure environment.

Prayers, Prayers, and HOPE for you and your children.

 

[jackdis]

When my ex tried the same thing with my son I went to his home and called 911. I had my custody papers in hand and demanded them to get someone who has authority since the initial officers didn't know how to handle the call. Their Sargent or Lieut. came to the rescue the ex was so upset and went off on the police officers they told him that one more time and they were taking him downtown.

There has to be some sort of "law" to protect children from being taken by their non-custodial parent at the end of a visit. Anyone out there have any info on this? I was thinking along the same lines as DisneyBrat.....

Mulan, we are just trying to help you. Yes, we said that you should listen to your lawyer's advice, but some of the recent events have been quite unsettling and I think it's fair to say that we feel that your lawyer is not doing what is in your best interest and in the best interest of the kids.

What about a law guardian? At this point, wouldn't that be someone neutral to put an end to all this nonsense.

 

[poohfriend]

I just went back and read the 6 pages of posts I missed while out of town.

Some folks have SO over-reacted to Mulan's faux pas on Friday. Give the gal a break!! She comes here for advice, but she's not perfect. She's frustrated and made a mistake thinking the police would be able to help her notify her ex.

Mulan...just send the stuff certified mail. not your fault if he doesn't read it. use the lawyer. pay whatever you need to resolve these issues -- I know it hurts financially, but it will be worth it!!!!

I'm not an attny and I don't play one on tv...but if you trust this attny and you're paying for her advice, you have to go with it no matter how many people here disagree. If you still have questions...pay the money to talk with the attny again! If you don't trust her, find one you do trust.

I know many disagree with my take on this. I just hope that Mulan will have her cherubs in her arms soon. Not surprised DAMM did whatever he wanted to...

 

[Pamlur]

I have followed this story from the beginning, too, haven't posted much.

Y'all, I don't see that Mulan has a huge choice in attorneys; from what I have read, we are talking small, rural Americana surroundings. A lot of the attorneys will be so settled in the "good ol' boy" routine that includes DAMM, JTB, probably most of the police officers, etc., that she'd have problems finding somebody 'on her side' at the drop of a hat.

Mulan, I went through some of what you are going through when my daughter was little, and my ex and I were recently divorced. His family was one of the "old tier" families in the town our mothers lived in; when he called me and said he was leaving the country with my daughter, the police said they would meet me at his mother's (where he was at the moment) and never showed up. He did leave without my little girl, and I immediately went in and got her back. He also would bring her home crying because he and his mother were going to miss her so much. It won't help you much right now, but he eventually got tired of playing his games. She's all grown now, and has kids of her own, and sees him for the manipulator that he is.

My good wishes go out to you, but I honestly don't have any advice.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

There has to be some sort of "law" to protect children from being taken by their non-custodial parent at the end of a visit. Anyone out there have any info on this? I was thinking along the same lines as DisneyBrat.....

Mulan, we are just trying to help you. Yes, we said that you should listen to your lawyer's advice, but some of the recent events have been quite unsettling and I think it's fair to say that we feel that your lawyer is not doing what is in your best interest and in the best interest of the kids.

What about a law guardian? At this point, wouldn't that be someone neutral to put an end to all this nonsense.

Most police departments will not get involved unless there is a direct court order to remove the children.

Mulan has stated before that as long as the case is in county then she can not get a Guaridan ad Litem for the kids. The Guardian would be on the KIDS side - not on Mulan's or DAMM's - but both parties have to pay for the Guardian's services.

 

[jackdis]

The Guardian would be on the KIDS side - not on Mulan's or DAMM's - but both parties have to pay for the Guardian's services.

But wouldn't it be good to have a neutral party looking out for the kids' interests. Especially down the road, this would be beneficial in relation to the unfair things the ex has said and done.