Mulan Is Back

[HookdonWDW]

Probably because she doesn't want to be labeled just because she doesn't agree with everything Mulan does. On this thread in the past posters have been flamed big time because they call Mulan out on some of her actions. I really don't care anymore if I get flamed for stating my opinion.

In the past whenever someone calls Mulan out for her mistreatment of her children, they pay the price with flaming and all Mulan supporters rally to her defense. Guess what? I'm a Mulan supporter. I just refuse to excuse her everytime she chooses to put her children between her and the ex. Mulan is not better, she is truly bitter and the events of last night prove it. She intentionally used her children to bait her ex. When it didn't work she grabbed her children and berated a police officer who had no control or place in this situation. She is very lucky she didn't end up in jail herself. Had she done what she thought about later, she probably would have ended up in jail. I know she was upset and angry, but it had been 2 years. She needs to take the high road and put her children above her anger.

 

[rie'smom]

I was in a situation similar to Mulan's however, I NEVER put my son in the middle. I was 19 years old and divorcing an abuser. When he was unreasonable-about 98% of the time- I bent over backwards to make things better so that my son wouldn't feel like he was the rope in a tug of war.
There are better ways to handle this. If a 19 year old kid was mature enough to put her child first,then any adult can do the same.

 

[hereyago]

Just because someone lurks doesn't mean they haven't been around. I have friends that have myspace and facebook, but I don't even post on them or have those things set up.
What is funny you think if someone doesn't spill their guts about their lives they haven't been through similar things. I have read you posters say to posters who didn't agree what makes them the expert, then the poster says what they went through and you say you don't care.
You never know come to think about, the 2 thread she opened, had about Mulan's sister the one who would knock her down about things, is that the same one who entered her in the contest where it had the Mulan left an abusive relationship? Well, we all know that isn't true. DAMM found greener side of the septic tank.
Perhaps the one you have been cheering on has been duping you this whole time. You don't see a pattern? Mulan: I should do this or plan this. You posters: Oh dont' do it Mulan , Mulan does it, than gets chastizes for it, Mulan gets upset and says she was wrong, she once again showered with affection and hugs, just to turn around and do it again.
All this concern about me, when the concern should be on how 2 precious kids have to be in the middle of this civil war for the past couple years. Shame on those who are so preoccupied instead of what is really important.

 

[hereyago]

It is truly ironic this is on the Family Board, how to continue to put kids in the middle of 2 "grown ups" who put their feelings before the kids.

 

[livie1205]

She is lucky she is not in jail for acting that way at the police dept. The police have ZERO say about him not taking that letter, he does not have to and they can not make him. My dh is a cop and he deals with this all the time, IT IS A CIVIL MATTER even if he says he is not going to bring them back....all she can do is file for a hearing, and calling them the po po? Lets just say that is a no no!
If he does not have a lawyer HER lawyer can still have him served, I have done it many times to my ex.

 

[2poohbears]

Well, after reading from everyone I guess I did screw up. I guess I will never get the hang of things! I guess I thought since the court papers do say that we are to communicate like adults and not hand notes to the children etc but handle all communication with each other and he can't seem to do this- and he doesn't have a lawyer. Guess where that leaves me? Up the creek!
My lawyer CANNOT send him ANY KIND of communication- its ILLEGAL. And if they can't get his lawyer then guess what- that leaves me as the messenger!

Guess I will have to take him back to court so we can spell out everything in 15 minutes or less infront of JTB. That'll sure solve the problem!

For those of you who think this is all a sob story- its not! PM me and I will give you directions to co and you can meet DAMM first hand.

Did I expect something more from the police- yes I did! Boy, I guess I am stupider than I thought.
Mulan

Mulan - I don't think you're stupid, and I don't think you are intentionally doing things to hurt your children. I believe you love them with all your heart, and you want to do what is best for them. You are afraid when they are with DAMM because you have no idea what is happening, where they are, you don't know if you'll get to talk to them, you don't know what he is saying to them about you, you don't know if he'll show up to bring them to you on SUN...any mother would be worried about these things & more, in your situation. I can't imagine how I would cope in your shoes. As a mom, I can empathize with the emotional turmoil you are in, and that is why I felt it important to point out to you that this particular situation could have been handled better.

IMO, you just didn't really think through the situation before it arrived, and when things didn't go the way you expected you reacted in a less than positive manner. You're human - things happen - the point here is to learn from it. Really think back through what occurred at drop-off, and think about how you could have handled that situation better for your children AND for yourself.

I'm not trying to beat up on you at all - I really am not. (I do believe some posters are more harsh than they need to be, but they are entitled to their opinions as we all are, and everyone has a different style of posting). I want to make sure you are looking at these things from all sides, because if you don't, you will make this type of mistake again in the future. Friends aren't just there to pat you on the back and say "it's okay"... friends also tell you when they think you messed up, because they don't want you to get hurt again. ---- And, I'm telling you that you messed up here - and I don't want you to get hurt by this in the future, my friend.

About the lawyer not being able to communicate with him - I have never heard of that. Did your lawyer tell you this? It just doesn't sound right to me. I think you should check into this further. I really believe at this point, unless there is an emergency (and by emergency, I mean somebody is hurt or dying), all communications should go through the lawyer for your protection, as well as DAMM's (not that I give a rat's you know what about him). If it is legal for your lawyer to do this, then it's worth the money in the long run, IMO.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed and praying that he returns the children promptly tomorrow.

 

[Beth E. (NJ)]

I know that many of you have been with Mulan since the beginning. Generally this thread stays civil. But -- this post will be locked if neccessary.

Also, warnings and or infractions may be issued against posters who violate DISboard rules.

 

[Mulan'sWarrior]

I know that many of you have been with Mulan since the beginning. Generally this thread stays civil. But -- this post will be locked if neccessary.

Also, warnings and or infractions may be issued against posters who violate DISboard rules.

Beth, please don't close this thread. Everyone on here just tells me the truth good and bad of what I NEED to hear, whether I like it or not. Sometimes, they attack one another for things said- but we are just humans, and emotions get high. Please don't close the thread.

Mulan

Now, what's the plan for today.......I HIGHLY expect DAMM not to show. I plan on filing a custodial interference tonight in (1/2 way point town) and I will ASK the officer to please attempt to call DAMM at the ONLY number I have for him and when he doesn't answer he can bring that up in his report.
Then Monday am I will drive to co with custody papers in hand and attempt to get co S.O. to help and if not then I will contact the state police and my atty from down there. Any other suggestions?
Mulan

 

[Mulan'sWarrior]

1. I have never stopped the communication between my children and DAMM, no matter how much I have wanted too. JTB removed DAMM phone visitation rights without my request to do so. DAMM was sentenced because he was phone harrassing me and was ordered not to contact me EXCEPT when it involves the children as per our ORIGINAL court orders. Remember he had his cell phone disconnected and no answering machine on his house phone. He has cut off communication, not me.

2. The 19 yr old who was so mature, congrats! But I have never held my children hostage or for ransom. Thinking to do something and acting upon it is too different ball fields. I WOULD NEVER PUT MY CHILDREN IN HARM'S WAY.

3. Thanks to all who do realize that I am HUMAN and DAMM is just not a rationale person. And that I do make mistakes. Although, each time I think "ok, I know I will never make that mistake again and think things through, there is ALWAYS another lesson to be learned."
Hey, instead of a 'Bucket List' you think I could write a book of ALL the mistakes I have made and all I have learned? I bet there would be over 1001

4. And lastly, those of you who are harsh on me- Thank you. As much as I cringe to read it, you are right. The others shouldn't bash you guys for 'corrective discipline' That's why I love this blog so much becuase I hear from all views and THATS REALITY. MY CHECKS AND BALENCES.

Please guys, don't fight with each other, I don't want the blog closed. Its just too hard for all of us to find each other again and again and again. Like Beth said, KEEP IT CIVIL. Emotions run high because the majority of us are women and we are dealing with topics that are very sensitive to us all.

I love each and everyone of you (except Frankiesmom -ignore list)
Mulan

 

[momx2]

1. I have never stopped the communication between my children and DAMM, no matter how much I have wanted too. JTB removed DAMM phone visitation rights without my request to do so. DAMM was sentenced because he was phone harrassing me and was ordered not to contact me EXCEPT when it involves the children as per our ORIGINAL court orders. Remember he had his cell phone disconnected and no answering machine on his house phone. He has cut off communication, not me.

2. The 19 yr old who was so mature, congrats! But I have never held my children hostage or for ransom. Thinking to do something and acting upon it is too different ball fields. I WOULD NEVER PUT MY CHILDREN IN HARM'S WAY.

3. Thanks to all who do realize that I am HUMAN and DAMM is just not a rationale person. And that I do make mistakes. Although, each time I think "ok, I know I will never make that mistake again and think things through, there is ALWAYS another lesson to be learned."
Hey, instead of a 'Bucket List' you think I could write a book of ALL the mistakes I have made and all I have learned? I bet there would be over 1001

4. And lastly, those of you who are harsh on me- Thank you. As much as I cringe to read it, you are right. The others shouldn't bash you guys for 'corrective discipline' That's why I love this blog so much becuase I hear from all views and THATS REALITY. MY CHECKS AND BALENCES.

Please guys, don't fight with each other, I don't want the blog closed. Its just too hard for all of us to find each other again and again and again. Like Beth said, KEEP IT CIVIL. Emotions run high because the majority of us are women and we are dealing with topics that are very sensitive to us all.

I love each and everyone of you (except Frankiesmom -ignore list)
Mulan

Good luck! Hopefully, he'll suprise us all and bring the kids back today.

 

[Gillian]

Why do you think he won't bring the kids back? He is probably worn out from having them all weekend!

Good luck to you. Listen to the advice here. It's smart.

 

[Mulan'sWarrior]

Why do you think he won't bring the kids back? He is probably worn out from having them all weekend!

Good luck to you. Listen to the advice here. It's smart.

I hope he is worn out from them, but he hasn't had them since Memorial Day. He, in his mind, its my fault that he hasn't seen his kids since M.D. because he failed to show, then he got his weekends mixed up- not my fault!
Also, he is suppose to get them 5 weeks in the summer although he REFUSED to take them for 5 weeks doesn't mean he won't keep them a few more days just to cause mayhem in my life.
Like sunnyday said, DAMM could take the kids and I won't know where they are or who they are with and only when he thinks I have suffered enough will he give them back- that's how these guys are. You ALWAYS hope and pray that they won't do that, but its not a thought that's far from my mind.
BTW, good to see you back! Long time no see!
Mulan

 

[Mulan'sWarrior]

Well, I will be leaving in about 30 minutes...it only takes 2 hours to get there but with construction traffic sometimes longer and incase he shows up, I don't want any problems with me being late.
Hopefully, I will have GREAT news tonight. Just in case, I am taking my laptop incase I have a lay over in a hotel tonight!

I was hoping for any suggestions as to my plan, I take it that you all agree?

Mulan

 

[jackdis]

Try to stay positive....let's hope he will be there. If not, stay calm. YOu have a plan. Hope you don't need to use it.

Looking forward to hearing back from you later tonight with GOOD news.

 

[2poohbears]

Now, what's the plan for today.......I HIGHLY expect DAMM not to show. I plan on filing a custodial interference tonight in (1/2 way point town) and I will ASK the officer to please attempt to call DAMM at the ONLY number I have for him and when he doesn't answer he can bring that up in his report.
Then Monday am I will drive to co with custody papers in hand and attempt to get co S.O. to help and if not then I will contact the state police and my atty from down there. Any other suggestions?Mulan

I'm sending positive vibes, and hoping and praying DAMM shows up with the kids today - and no problems!

IF he doesn't show, I think you have a good plan in filing custodial interference right away. I have one suggestion - contact the local lawyer just to let her know what is going on BEFORE going to the S.O. - this way she is aware of the situation. I say that only because we know in the past the S.O. has been less than helpful, to say the least.

I'm hoping you won't need to contact anyone, except us - to say "the kids are happy and safe and we're home!"

 

[2poohbears]

A friend on another message board happened to post this poem today, and I thought I would share it with you. I'm planning to hang it on my office wall as a reminder to myself whenever I need one.

There's a Hole in my Sidewalk By Portia Nelson
Autobiography in Five Chapters

1.
I walk down the street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost- I am hopelss.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

2.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I'm in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

3.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in - it's a habit
My eyes are open
I know where I am
It is MY fault.
I get out immediately.

4.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

5.
I walk down a DIFFERENT street.

 

[jackdis]

Just checking in. Here's to hoping no news is good news!!!!

 

[hematite153]

I'm hoping that the fact there's been no later posting means you've brought your kids home and are putting them to bed. Just in case something went wrong, I'd like to name my agreement with 2poohbears. Contact your attorney first!

 

[maymom96]

Anyone else worried that it's almost midnight and Mulan hasn't posted an update? I'm hoping she isn't in jail!!!

 

[vafarmmom]

My lawyer CANNOT send him ANY KIND of communication- its ILLEGAL. And if they can't get his lawyer then guess what- that leaves me as the messenger!

Why is it illegial? My understanding is it is only illegial if he has an attorney. If he has an attorney, then your lawyer must only deal with that person. If not, your attorney may deal with him. My ex was pro se (no attorney) for awhile, and my first attorney called him all the time (much to my chagrin).

I have been in a 4 year domestic violence custody battle. I get it. If you haven't lived it, you just don't. I know small town justice all to well.

Also, most lawyers don't work like on tv. You don't just call them and they show up. My ex beat my ds during a visit. I left messages, showed up in her office, etc. Took 9 days to get a response. Promised an emergency hearing for 6 weeks. Never happened. I got a jail sentence for withholding visitation.

Next round of visitation. Ex beats child. Also violated term of court order. I take witnesses to guardian ad litem (court appointed lawyer for child). He promises to get emergency hearing if I am telling truth (had videos and witnesses). He catches ex, confronts him, and even has him right a confession. That was 15 months ago. No consequences.

I hired a big time attorney. $25K LATER in the first year, I tried to find a new one. I've had this one since, simply becasue no one else wants to get involved.

I will echo that you must not put your kids in the middle. Please. Do you have any visitation centers in your area?