Mulan Is Back

[cherjp]

Hi Mulan

are you sure he will understand all those big words............

 

[janets]

I agree. Something less "in your face, your sister is a you know what" and more "here is what we will do."

How about "In order to facilitate communication regarding visitation and other matters concerning the children, as well as eliminate any incidents occurring as a result of miscommunication by third parties, upon the advice of my attorney, I have established an email account to be used as the exclusive means of communication between us."

I think you need to make this more matter of fact and business like. I would also provide a copy to your attorney for their records, and maybe even forward a copy to his attorney's office, just so they are also on notice of this development.

 

[Mulan'sWarrior]

Hi Mulan

are you sure he will understand all those big words............

I thought EXACTLY the samething and had to rewrite and rewrite to make things as simply as possible for him! I swear he is more work than he is worth!
Mulan

 

[buckler]

I would revise it a bit. I'd leave out the whole atty to atty thing and mentioning it isn't cost effective. I think DAMM likes to make things expensive for you. Don't put ideas in his head! Also, don't mention the 3rd party stuff being unacceptable. He likes to make you mad so this is just reason for him to continue it. Also, I'd add that he shouldn't use the email for an emergency. I can just see DAMM notifying you about a broken arm or something via email and then blaming you for not responding faster.

One question...what if there are last minute problems, such as when you had a flat tire?

Here's my revision:

DAMM,

My attorney has recommended that communication regarding the visitation schedule for DD and DS take place via email. This will help eliminate any confusion regarding dates or pick up times since we will both have the information in writing.

My email address is XXXXXX@XXX.XXX

I will check this account two times a day for messages from you. This is a special account only for the purpose of communicating regarding visitation. It should not be used for other communication. If there is an emergency regarding the children while they are with you, please notify me by telephone.

Here is the visitation schedule until we go back to court.
Fri June 20- Sun June 22
Fri July 4- Sun July 6th
Fri July 18- Sun July 20
Fri July 25- Sun July 27
And every other weekend thereafter.


Mulan

 

[Mulan'sWarrior]

I would revise it a bit. I'd leave out the whole atty to atty thing and mentioning it isn't cost effective. I think DAMM likes to make things expensive for you. Don't put ideas in his head! Also, don't mention the 3rd party stuff being unacceptable. He likes to make you mad so this is just reason for him to continue it. Also, I'd add that he shouldn't use the email for an emergency. I can just see DAMM notifying you about a broken arm or something via email and then blaming you for not responding faster.

One question...what if there are last minute problems, such as when you had a flat tire?

Here's my revision:

DAMM,

My attorney has recommended that communication regarding the visitation schedule for DD and DS take place via email. This will help eliminate any confusion regarding dates or pick up times since we will both have the information in writing.

My email address is XXXXXX@XXX.XXX

I will check this account two times a day for messages from you. This is a special account only for the purpose of communicating regarding visitation. It should not be used for other communication. If there is an emergency regarding the children while they are with you, please notify me by telephone.

Here is the visitation schedule until we go back to court.
Fri June 20- Sun June 22
Fri July 4- Sun July 6th
Fri July 18- Sun July 20
Fri July 25- Sun July 27
And every other weekend thereafter.


Mulan

I LOVE IT- SO much simplier for DAMM to understand and much clearer than mine. More concise and clearer that even JTB can't argue with that! May I copy and paste that into my own with my name changes.
On the emergency part, I clarified that in the event of an emergency my cell phone number is XXX-XXX-XXXX

Mulan

 

[janets]

I think that the elimination of emergency contact in the email is a good idea. State that it is for visitation purposes only and any emergency matters should be communicated by telephone.

PP was correct, he'll say, "well, I emailed you about it...you didn't bother to look."

 

[Mulan'sWarrior]

Should we include directions on how to set up a FREE email account?
Mulan

 

[buckler]

I LOVE IT- SO much simplier for DAMM to understand and much clearer than mine. More concise and clearer that even JTB can't argue with that! May I copy and paste that into my own with my name changes.
On the emergency part, I clarified that in the event of an emergency my cell phone number is XXX-XXX-XXXX

Mulan

I'm honored...of course you can use it. I thought about the phone number part afterwards. Good addition.

 

[janets]

Should we include directions on how to set up a FREE email account?
Mulan

For me, the issue really is...does the man even have a computer? Or will he have to go to the public library to use theirs?!

 

[Mulan'sWarrior]

Thanks buckler!

For me, the issue really is...does the man even have a computer? Or will he have to go to the public library to use theirs?!

Yes he has a computer, DD said so and even yet, the public library and his place of employment has computers- so there is no excuse! Even in co they are up to date with technology.


Ok the letter is written. And I have a copy of it for me and my atty. Just in case, ex SIL shows tonight, she will be asked to give it to DAMM and I will mail one to his house with delivery confirmation just in case she fails to deliver it.
Mulan

 

[ilovejack02]

Hi Mulan

are you sure he will understand all those big words............

LMAO.. i read the word facilitate and thought OMG he isnt gonna know what that means.

 

[Mulan'sWarrior]

Just so you know...after I drop off the kids, I am going to the gym to work out so I will post after 9pm EST Unless, he doesn't show again
Mulan

 

[ilovejack02]

Just so you know...after I drop off the kids, I am going to the gym to work out so I will post after 9pm EST Unless, he doesn't show again
Mulan

LOL thanks for the update , you know we will be wondering ; )

 

[jackdis]

It might be too late, but I would change the checking email part 2xs a day to daily. Why give yourself more work? Unless of course the attorney recommended that. But if not, I could see him becoming a pain in the you know what about it....."What times did you check the email? That's only once. You didn't check twice."

Other than that, sounds good to me. My first thought was to have your lawyer send it, but with the revisions it is pretty cut and dry.

 

[FinallyBoughtDVC]

It might be too late, but I would change the checking email part 2xs a day to daily. Why give yourself more work? Unless of course the attorney recommended that. But if not, I could see him becoming a pain in the you know what about it....."What times did you check the email? That's only once. You didn't check twice."

Other than that, sounds good to me. My first thought was to have your lawyer send it, but with the revisions it is pretty cut and dry.

I agree. I would say, "I will check this email address at least once a day." Of course, you can then check it as many times as you wish.

I would also email myself from that email addy each time you sign on to check it. I would just type: "Daily E-mail Check" in the subject area. That way you have a date and time stamp that you signed on at least once each day to check it. And, by doing that, you can also prove that your email was in working order that day.

 

[buckler]

I agree. I would say, "I will check this email address at least once a day." Of course, you can then check it as many times as you wish.

I would also email myself from that email addy each time you sign on to check it. I would just type: "Daily E-mail Check" in the subject area. That way you have a date and time stamp that you signed on at least once each day to check it. And, by doing that, you can also prove that your email was in working order that day.

Great idea about emailing herself! Set up a folder and just move them in there so they don't clutter up the main email box. You probably can even set up a rule to automatically move any email you receive from yourself to that folder.

 

[Mulan'sWarrior]

DAMM showed, he wouldn't come in the PD so I had the kids sit on the far side of the room so he would have to come all the way in. I handed him the paper and said "this is about communication and visitation with the children" he said, "I'm not taking anything from you, you can serve me in court! Come on kids!" I said, DAMM take the letter. And I got the kids back and told them to come back with mommy so we can get the po-po to talk with daddy. I went up to the window and asked the po po to come here, he did, I handed him the letter and quickly explained that DAMM has shut off all lines of communication and this letter is a solution by my atty to fix things and he is refusing to take it. DAMM says, if she wants to give me papers she can do it in court and out the door he went with the kids! I asked the po-po for help and he just stood there like DUH! I snatched the paper out of his hands and said "he((, I guess I gotta do everything myself, your no help at all!" and I left so angry and so furious I could have punched or screamed or worse. Yeah, I was that mad! DAMM did not see me react- thankfully. But then I went to my car and yelled and screamed that justice is a crock of S--- and this whole darn situation isn't fair and if God, Karma, fate etc couldn't do anything for me then the heck with them all!
DAMM has literally cut all lines of communication off! Cell phone gone, house phone- he doesn't answer, email- he doesn't know and probably won't comply. Even if I send the letter "delivery conformation" doesn't mean he will read the thing.
Sunday, if I don't get the kids back, then I will go to co on Monday and attempt to retrieve them. Then I will go see my lawyer down there and get a court date ASAP. DAMM wants me to take him back to court- he's not gonna do anything cause he doesn't have the money, but I'm pretty sure when JTB heres that he has cut all lines of communication off DAMM may be in real serious trouble!
Sometimes, I wish I could think quicker. I should have held DS in my arms till Barney Fife did something and not let DAMM leave and then if he attempted to remove DS from my arms I could have kicked him and taken out his knee at least!

I agree. I would say, "I will check this email address at least once a day." Of course, you can then check it as many times as you wish.

I would also email myself from that email addy each time you sign on to check it. I would just type: "Daily E-mail Check" in the subject area. That way you have a date and time stamp that you signed on at least once each day to check it. And, by doing that, you can also prove that your email was in working order that day.

That's a really great idea! If we ever get to this point

Mulan

 

[sunnyday123]

this may be redundant, but is there anything in your visitation papers stating he has to keep a line of communication open when he has the children? I know mine states he has to give me a working phone # and I can speak to DD a least once a day. He took her one week and didn't let me speak to her, and his atty nailed him to the wall. Of course, he doesn't sound like it would matter to him either way, but it would be one more nail in his coffin, so keep it all documented.

You know this is all to get at you right? Don't let him get to you. I know that's hard, and it took me YEARS to learn this, but you can't change stupid.

 

[tonilea]

I have been a long time reader, and I realize you are angry, but calling the police the "po-po" makes you sound ignorant and uneducated. I hope you are not teaching your children to call them that.

Further, calling the officer "Barney Fife", doesn't help either, I hope you didn't call him that to his face. He couldn't MAKE your ex take the letter. It is a civil matter and he cannot force him to do anything.

 

[Mulan'sWarrior]

this may be redundant, but is there anything in your visitation papers stating he has to keep a line of communication open when he has the children? I know mine states he has to give me a working phone # and I can speak to DD a least once a day. He took her one week and didn't let me speak to her, and his atty nailed him to the wall. Of course, he doesn't sound like it would matter to him either way, but it would be one more nail in his coffin, so keep it all documented.

You know this is all to get at you right? Don't let him get to you. I know that's hard, and it took me YEARS to learn this, but you can't change stupid.

The court papers are very clear about the communication aspect. He is using the phone harrassment conviction as an excuse to all this. Also, EVERYTHING gets documented!

As to me calling the police po-po, I do that only here as an abbreviation. And no I do not teach my children slang. I just like how Madea refers to them as this. Also, I did not call the policeman a 'Barney Fife'- I may get angry but I don't get stupid. And even when I am angry, I am still a bit respectful- I don't slam doors etc... just so you know.
Mulan