Mothers!!!

[DisneyFairy19]

Oh Lord.. Just need to breathe and vent!!! MY MOTHER IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!

I have all these ideas for the wedding and what I would like to do and all she does and its every single time tells me that thats not necessary and too much money. I sometimes dont even want to talk to my mom about the wedding anymore b/c she stresses me out.. She doesnt offer to help me do my Engagement Invites and announcements. I asked her too help. I thought it would be a great way to talk about the wedding and ideas we both might have.. but she is too busy.. Then my moms friend calls the house and asks me how wedding planning is going... Her daughter is getting married next year too and she tells me all these things about what she does with her daughter... My sister dreads to go BM dress shopping with me... I just feel like calling off the whole wedding and getting married with just me and DF in hawaii on an island... B/c all this wedding planning is stressing me outI am so sorry for just blabbing I just needed to get it off my chest

 

[Tink143]

I am totally sympathetic and understanding in your plight with your mom.
I'm dealing with similar things with my mom...I went and bought my dress with my step-mom (after first shopping with my mom and sister), which I'm sure upset her, but I saved $100 on the dress and my dad is the one buying the dress. I've been trying to get her to come with me to see it, and look for her a dress, and she's always too busy.

Plus, my whole life my parents have said we'll pay $10,000 towards the cost of a wedding for you and your sister...Sister got married in 1999 - $10,000+, parents divorced in 2001, and it has been very frustrating trying to figure out who to ask to pay for what! They said they'll contribute as promised (after me waiting 4 months wondering if they were gonna or not), but it's still frustrating. DF and I decided that when our "daughter" gets married, whatever money we are going to give her, is going to be given to her on an American Express Giftcard type thing, so she can use it as she needs it, and when it's gone it's gone!

Anyways Christina I totally understand the mom frustrations...you're not alone. But stick to your guns, do what you want to do...It's your wedding!

 

[AnnieBelle]

Awwww, I am so sorry to hear you have mom problems. My mom has been incredibly hands on which is so helpful but sometimes she gets so caught up she forgets to think like a bride and thinks like a mom instead. I finally got her to accept that I wanted to take pictures before the ceremony (which was not traditional for her) instead of making our guests wait after the ceremony- after about seven months of passionate discussion! Things were pretty feisty for a while, but my best advice is that as a mother she wants what is best for you. One day I stopped arguing with my mom and told her how I felt and things smoothed out from there. Trust me, I thought it would be great to just run away somewhere too, when I get like that I just breathe and try to step back and see if whatever is bothering me is really that big of a deal in the big picture, and usually it is not! Good luck to you!

 

[mermaidbride1108]

Sorry that your mom is driving you nuts! Maybe slip in a cost saving tip or two when talking about the wedding, she'll see that you are thinking about finances too

I dont have too much good advice to give us, my mom is a pain in the bum too

 

[Lynn5700]

Aww Christina,I'm sorry.Today we went to look at dresses and my sister hated it so I know what you mean about sisters. We went to one bridal shop and I wanted to go somewhere else and my sister freaked out because she didn't want to go to another store so I had to drop her of and Tim's sister came with me.I said fine but if you don't like what we pick then I don't want to hear it.

I'm sorry about your mom. My mom doesn't really help plan,she's just not into things like that. If she were to have a vow renewal she would hire a planner or have me do it lol. She likes all of my ideas though,my dad is the one who tells me not to go crazy and try to save as much money as possible.

So I used to feel like my mom didn't care but she does she just isn't a planner like me. Ask your mom to be a little more positve with helping you and tell her to have fun and just deal with it lol.

 

[theantibride]

I have to specifically go to my mother and ask her for her input. Otherwise she is letting me and fiance plan everything. The way she figures it is she already got married so she's done planning weddings. Which I like. But she's also not paying for the wedding, we are. If your mum is paying for your wedding then she does have some say in how much you spend on things. Also, she may really be busy. I don't know anything about your situation but my mother works full time + overtime each week so she is tired when she comes home and all she wants to do is relax and not do more work. My best advice is sit her down and talk about how her responses make you feel and how much having her help would mean to you and find out what she wants to do and when is a good time for her to help you. But actually sit down and have this talk, don't do it on the phone or while one of you is busy doing something else cause otherwise it will just add to the stress.

 

[Florida Bride]

Hi Christina,

I can sympathise with how you are feeling. A couple of months ago I felt the exact same way, that my mum wasn't interested etc. I was so upset, crying to my DF and he suggested I talk it over with her, which to my mind I couldn't do. So, I sent her an email with the details of an appointment I had in a bridal shop. Her response to my email shocked me.....she said she "didnt know how to deal with the whole wedding and she was so upset at letting me go"...I had totally mis-intrepreted the whole situation thinking she didn't care or had no interest when in fact she was trying to come to terms with me getting married , she felt she was losing me etc..which will NEVER happen I rely on her so much. To cut a long story short it opened my eyes and now things are going great , shes helping my sister plan the hen party. My advice is to try and see the situation from all angles before you assume that shes not interested - it could very well be the same situation as mine , she could just be upset that her little girl is suddenly grown up.....I hope it all works out for you and most importantly you just focus on you and your DF, thats whats most important now!

 

[Maggimus]

Christina- Im not going to be much help because I did all of the planning myself with literally no ones imput. I, like others, have had to specifically ask my mother for her imput. Dont fret about it-- shes trying to make you aware that breaking the bank on the perfect wedding wont lead to the perfect marriage or life. Its very understandable for mothers to be this way-- thats why I just kinda did everything on my own. Is she paying for the wedding? I think that was the other good thign with us too-- DH and I were paying for the entire wedding ourselves (My parents gave us Mickey & Minnie in character for photos as a gift)-- all other things she really couldnt talk about because she wasnt forking over the moola! GL with everything! It can be difficult-- but heres a hug for support!

One last thing-- its probobly not that she wants to help with the invites-- but maybe she just isnt interested in doing things like that. My mom was never the 'event planner' in the party and I accepted that. So everything that was to be done was done by me and someone else. I didnt even ask her-- and she probobly meant nothing by it, she just doesnt like to do it and its not her niche. I know you probobly want her there with you-- but maybe she feels that this isnt her time to shine. You two are probobly already close and she might want you to lean on other people for equal support. I dont know-- i think im rambling at this point

 

[DisneyFairy19]

Thank you all for wonderful advice!!!!

I was talking to my sister about how my mom reacted and she told me that my mom is going through some difficult time knowing that I am getting married... Not that she doesnt like DF she absolutely ADORES him... I am her first baby getting married and will move out.. So I feel bad for her I dont want her to think that I am not going to be her baby anymore.. I am and always will... My parents are actually paying for the whole entire wedding... DF and I are not putting a dime into it... Helps us out alot... But I told my mom about doing little things for the guests and what not and so she tells me to save... I am wondering if she thinks they have to pay for it... Forgot to mention that DF and I will pay for it..OOOps bad part on me..... But thanks so much for all your advice.. I trully appreciate it...

 

[Tink11302]

H

 

[DisneyFairy19]

My mom is driving me nuts to. Except she wants to be involved in everything, which is fine, but she is telling me exactly what to do for the wedding and honeymoon. She keeps telling me that people are going to have a horrible time if I don't rent a bus, if I don't have more food(we have a ton of food!), if I don't have more flowers, if I do more than 2 favors, she wants to have her name on the invite(which is fine if they were paying for the wedding, but they aren't), she has invited almost all of her coworkers(she just started working there). I understand she's excited, but come on. Whenever she goes too far, and I remind her that it is df's and I's wedding, she gets mad. She's the one that told me when she crosses the line to tell her it's my wedding. She doesn't like the bridemaids dresses, she wants me to change them. She thinks I did way too much for my bridesmaids gifts, and I feel that they are travelling all this way for me, and spending all that money, buying them a big gift is the least I can do. But yeah she's driving me nuts as well. I think it's normal...I really hope I don't do that to me future hopefully daughter. Don't let it ruin things, do what makes you happy. I hope this helps!

LOL your mom is too involved and mine isnt... I know what you mean about the BM gifts.. My mom is telling that I am spending to much money but I have 2 coming from NY and 1 from NJ... least I can do is get them something beautiful and they are my cousins.... I dont know anymore... I told DF that when we have a daughter that I am involved but not that too much involved mother...lol GL to you

 

[4luvofthemouse]

I've been having the same problem...but with my Dad!
Everytime I talk about the wedding & Disney he just gets quite or make a comment & walks away. I found out its because his baby girl is getting married.(I'm the only girl) I was starting to get really mad until my mom finally broke down and told me how he was feeling. It came as a real shock because I don't even live at home anymore! I think sometimes weddings just bring out all kinds of crazy emotions in everyone! I had a real good talk with him & everything is good now. Just give your mom sometime & talk to her, things will get better!

 

[DisBride23]

I'm glad things seem to be working out better for you, Christina! Just remember, a good rant here and there on the Dis really helps sometimes!


Just like everyone else, I completely understand! My mother is totally into planning parties and stuff, so I always imagined that preparing for my wedding would be alot of me and her time. WRONG!! She is always too "busy" to do anything, then complains that she has no imput. I dunno
I've given up with her! After many nights crying to DF, I've given up. I'm going to keep inviting her to do things with me, but I won't let it bother me anymore if she declines. My DF put it this way to me: It's OUR wedding. So, if Mom doesn't feel like doing something, no biggie. WE are still going through with OUR wedding! end of story! and, my parents are paying for everything, too. So, i understand budgets! Luckily, my dad has learned to pick up a lot of the responsibilites for my mom. So, I'm very lucky there!

Hope all else is well for you! And remember, we're all here for ya!
Natalie