Mother of the Groom Question

[Antonia]

I am the "Mother of the Groom". A title that has left me bewildered and confused. I am full of questions - mostly I talk to myself about them. Here is my question: I have made a list of people to invite from our side. Now, do we address and mail ours or does the bride and her mother do them all? How early would you send out invitations - I say 4 weeks, MOTB says 2 weeks. Thanks for any and all replies!

 

[Pam]

I believe the Bride does the addressing of the invitations - sometimes the Groom helps. I agree with you - you want those invitations mailed out at least 4 weeks in advance so people cn mke travel arrangements, time off from work, etc........

 

[helenabear]

I addressed them all myself, my MIL did give me the list way in advance though. Truth be told I would send them out about 6 weeks in advance. 2 weeks is not enough time since most places need head count for food one week prior.

 

[NHAnn]

Well, I was stepmother of the groom a couple of years ago, does that count? DDIL was and still is a peach and included me just as much, in different ways as the biological mother of the groom.

As far as invitations, we gave the bride and groom the addresses that they requested of us. They were in control of the guest list. The bride and her MoH and her mom did the mailing.

Two weeks is VERY short notice for a wedding invitation! unless this is a very small, local, families only wedding?
I think 4-8 weeks is the norm, with RSVP requests by a couple of weeks prior to teh wedding date. People need time to make travel plans, babysitting plans, shoppping if necessary.....and head counts would be needed by the bride for reception planning even if it's not catered.

Can you chat w/your DIL-to-be and/or her mother about the plans and their/your expectations for your role in the preparations?

 

[Antonia]

I appreciate everyone's input. I did tell the MOTB that I thought the invites should go out 4 weeks in advance. Nearly everyone to be invited lives in a 50-mile radius, but I do think, like most of you, that people need time to get babysitters, shop, ask off work, etc.
I am finding this MOTG thing to be a little difficult. The wedding is going to be at our church. We are Methodists. The bride's family is Baptist, but not actively. Not much difference there, but some. The MOTB has hired a caterer for the reception and has ordered a wedding cake. She works for a florist so flowers are taken care of. Regarding most things, the MOTB says "it'll all come together". It is about to drive me crazy.

 

[septbride2002]

Hello! Wow you are sure a nice Mother of the Groom - my MIL said heres the list and never even asked me if I needed help addressing them. My SIL and I addressed all the envelopes together and mailed them out 8 weeks in advance. Why 8 weeks? Well because I had to have a final head count to my reception hall 2 weeks prior to the wedding so I had to give my guest time to send me back the reception card. Everyone does it different if they are not worried about a head count they can send out the invites whenever they want. 2 weeks seems sudden to me - I would do 4 weeks just to be safe, not only do you have some people that might be coming in from out of town, but people may need to find babysitters or time to buy a gift. If the bride doesn't want to send the invites out to 2 weeks before the wedding you may want to suggest "Save the Date" cards. You can do these fairly inexpensive they are just small postcards asking people to keep the date of their wedding open. These should be sent out probably 3 months in advance. Let her know that you are willing to do this.

Hope this helps!

~Amanda

 

[faithinkarma]

You are in a sticky situation. But the good news is that if everything does NOT "all come together", you will not be the one left with egg on your face.

Good luck to you

 

[Disney Doll]

Weddings are done differently in different areas of the country. Where I live(about an hour north of NYC in CT), we generally send out invitations 6-8 weeks in advance. Two weeks is a little close for my taste, as I think you need to have a head count etc. When I got married, I asked my DMIL for the guest list from her side of the family. It was a little "extensive" at first, which caused some fuss, but we got it pared down and made it workable. I did all the addressing of the invitations(I do calligraphy), and the mailing. It would be very helpful to your future DIL if you had your guest list with the addresses very complete: Name, street address, city,state, zip code, names of people being invited. As I said, I do calligraphy and have done many groups of wedding invitations, and the more complete the address is, the easier and more quickly the job goes, and it is a job!!! Also, wedding inviatations usually have an outside and an inside envelope. The outside envelope has the the address, the inside envelope has the names of the people who are actually being invited. For example, the outside envelope would say:
Mr. and Mrs. John Smith
22 Maple Street
Anytown NY 12345

The inside envelope could say:

Mr. and Mrs. Smith
if you wanted it to be very formal

or

John and Mary
if you wanted it to be less formal


or
Uncle John and Aunt Mary
if they were related


If you were inviting a family, the outside envelope would say:
The Smith Family
22 Maple Street
Anytown NY 12345


The inside envelope could then say:

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith
Miss Susan Smith
Master William Smith(age13 and younger)
which is, again, very formal

or

John and Mary
Susan
William
which is less formal


or

Uncle John and Aunt Mary
Susie
Billy
if they are related.

The best piece of advice I can give you is not to get crazed about it. Remember, it is one day out of your children's life together, and while you want it to be a nice day, the many years of marriage that come after are far more important than the wedding day. Don't let insignificant things color your relationship with your future DIL, or her family, because ultimately, the one who suffers will be your son, because he will be caught in the middle.

Plus, if it is screwy, you can always blame the MOTB!!!!!

 

[aprilgail2]

2 weeks is not enough time....heck kids birthday party invites are out 3-4 weeks in advance LOL!! Usually we get them about 6-8 weeks in advance which I like so I can write it down and not make other plans for that day. It takes me a while to save for the gift anyway, I liked it better when it was only around 50 a person you gave, now it is 100+ per person so it gets really pricey, plus the cost of hotel rooms if they are out of town, shower gifts and the dreaded engagement party gifts (I hate this one since half the time the couples break up before the wedding!!) plus the cost of something to wear...heck it is even expensive to be a guest at a wedding LOL!! I have a wedding coming up that is a three day affair...everyone is flying/driving in on Friday, staying Friday night, then Saturday is the wedding and then the big after wedding breakfast party Sunday morning....

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

Antonia,

If there are people on your list that need 4-6 weeks notice then I would call and let them know so they can put the wedding on their calendar.

My DMIL bought a rolladex and put all of her addresses in it for me. We've been married for 16 years and I still used it this Christmas when addressing Christmas cards! Of course some people have moved but most still have the same address. She also wrote on each card how my husband was related or acquainted to that person.

It sounds like the reception will just be finger foods and not a sit down dinner. That may be why the MOTB doesn't need a specific head count. It's time for your son to stress to his ILs that the invitations need to go out earlier.

Lori

 

[KJo719]

My Mom and I addressed all of the invitations, but I had a guest list from my MIL very early on. We sent out the invites 8 weeks in advance (around here that's pretty standard). Like another poster said, we had to have our final head count 2 weeks prior, so we needed plenty of time to get all of the response back and we also had many guests who were traveling who needed to make hotel arrangements, etc. We also sent out save the date cards about 6 months prior to inform our guests of the date.

 

[disykat]

As the bride, I did the invitations. We got the addresses we needed from both sides. We didn't do RSVP's but still sent out the invitations about 5 weeks out!

As a guest I would be pretty surprised to get an invitation that close to a wedding. If I hadn't known it was coming I might not have the date free and if I had known about the wedding I'd probably be wondering why I didn't get invited! It doesn't seem very polite.

Good luck trying to talk them into earlier. I think your son needs to lobby for getting them out to his side earlier at least. These things are pretty well lined out in bridal planning books, maybe he can show her an article he ran across? (She doesn't have to know that his mother put it in his lap. LOL)

 

[SandraM]

Why don't you have a browse through a few Bridal magazines, I'm sure you'll get ideas about what the proper timeframe should be. My DH's brother got married last year and we were asked to return our replies four weeks before the wedding, so the invites themselves had been sent out two months in advance.
Also, Bridal magazines generally have articles about problems that crop up, you may find advice about your particular problem.
The most important thing is that it's your son's day, so I can see you want it to work out perfectly for him.
Good luck!