Mother of the groom dress advice

[HopperFan]

Threads like this kind of depress me. I have one son. Threads like this really make me dread him getting married. I'm great with DH & his future wife planning their wedding & going along with their wishes. Tell me what you want & we'll pay & show up. I don't need to be involved with the planning, unless she wants me to be. That said, it makes me sad that the MOG appears to be a second class citizen compared to the MOB, by many posting here. When DH & I got married, I never felt my mother was more important than his, even though my MIL isn't an easy person to get along with. It was also his wedding & his mother was as important as mine.

I really think it depends on the dynamics of the people involved, the dynamics of the wedding and the bride's relationship with MOG. In my case the parents knew each other and had for 7 years, lived close to each other and included each other in large gatherings. At no point do I think MOG was made to feel excluded. I think it does matter as to who is paying the price of the wedding. With mine my mother set a cap on her contributions, DH and I paid the other half, we did it mostly DIY and I included inlaws on invite as parents ... something no one was doing at the time. I had a good relationship with MOG and it only grew tremendously from there. Was there a few items not seen eye to eye? Sure, like I didn't ask DH's one sister to be in wedding ... we weren't friends and I already had a token sister in it BUT I had no interest in a church wedding but agreed to have it in their church, bonus points.

I think each situation will be different and even when there are no negative feelings towards MOG, if the bride's family is hosting and paying, they do tend to make most the decisions ... that hopefully include the Groom's desires as well.

I hope your experience is different. My daughter just got married two weeks ago and I can tell you that in ALL of our minds, the wedding planning was a 'family affair. Even though my husband and I covered most of the large expenses, we included the groom's parents in a lot of decisions. We each played to our strengths and created a great day for our children.

As for the dresses, my daughter the bride was so easygoing on this. Her only request was that they not be white. She planned a shopping day for the three of us, and the MOG found her dress first. It was beautiful and perfect and she loved it. Took me a little longer, but the point here is that the bride allowed us to find the dress (and color) that made us each feel beautiful and special.

Glad this was a plus for you ... I would hate shopping with a group. I honestly would rather shop alone myself because I rather pick something I feel good in, not something others like. I would even go so far as to buy 2-3 dresses to bring home and let DD help me pick which one at home. Then she can tell MOG what color so she can avoid it.

So this lends to another question .................. as it's in my thought process since DD's serious BF has no sisters ............... going to pick out the bride's dress.

I've watched a few "pick the dress" shows and the army of folks that go is so bothersome. I always thought it would be special days with DD and I, dress shopping, lunch etc. For some reason I see my DD trying to be nice to MOG and invite her since she has no girls. Almost every part of a wedding involves small and large groups, picking the bride's dress is likely the only part that could be our special time ... and I don't want to share it.

I am the mom of two daughters, no sons. I absolutely don't feel that way whatsoever. I did everything I could to minimize being the bride at my own wedding, I sure as heck would not relish being in the spotlight at anyone else's. I'm hopeful my daughters have inherited my serious lack of interest in the whole wedding hoopla -- and hopeful their prospective grooms and families will be quite content keeping things intimate and simple as well.

My DD has never had any desire for big, flashy, large gathering. Never even wanted to plan or get bogged down. WELL, now that lots of her friends are getting married she is seeing it a bit differently .... so it will be up to me to keep it in reality in case she starts to see stars.

 

[disykat]

My future DIL is planning on inviting me to her dress fitting. I think that is a really nice gesture. I don't have daughters so I think it will be fun to be included in that. I didn't help her choose her dress, nor did I expect to.

Personally, I feel like it's the bride/groom responsibility to do everything for the wedding so it is up to them to decide who they want involved with what. (IMO the days of the bride's parents setting their daughter up for life with a wedding are long over. Most parents help set their kids - male or female - up for life by helping with educations, etc.) We are the groom's parents and we gave them a gift that should pay for about 1/3 of a typical wedding in our area and have offered to host the rehearsal dinner. They are planning their wedding themselves and I have no involvement other than opinions if asked and oohing and ahhing over what they have chosen, nor do the parents of the bride. I have no idea if/what the bride's parents are contributing financially.

When I got married my parents gave us a gift that covered most of our very modest church wedding. It would have covered about a 1/3 of a more formal wedding and reception. My in laws weren't in a position to contribute. We planned and "hosted" our own wedding, but much appreciated the gift that helped us do so. I plan on doing pretty much what my parents did for me for my sons. If my son and future DIL wanted it to, our gift could cover something very modest, but they want a nicer wedding and have the money to do so.

Opinions always differ on this. My best friend recently hosted and paid 100% for her daughter's wedding - and this was after paying for her college education. She's always appalled when I say if I'd had dd's they would have gotten the same offer my boys got.

 

[georgina]

No way anyone would tell me what color to wear. My DD was married a few years ago. The MOG asked what color I was wearing (green) but it would not have mattered to me if she wore the same color. She did end up with a beige-goldish color. My DD got her dress online, it was a JCrew dress but she got it on eBay. I was very happy to not be involved in the dress shopping. I don't think my DS will ever get married. So much wedding tradition is ridiculous to me. I can't see why people should be invited to a dress fitting?

 

[disykat]

As for being invited to dress fitting, it is her way of letting me be one of the few people who has seen the dress before the wedding. While I agree on many wedding traditions being ridiculous (there were MANY I refused to have at my wedding 28 years ago because I felt they were sexist or silly) I don't see anything wrong with inviting someone along to a fitting. ???? That's not a tradition, that's inviting someone to see your dress.

 

[Disney Doll]

I didn’t tell either mother what color but I did tell them the wedding color scheme and they both picked something that coordinated. My color was teal green so easy to match colors with. DMom ended up in peach and DMIL in a very pretty 2piece floral..but a muted floral cream colored dress with the floral in shades of green, peach and a deeper coral. Hard to describe but it was very pretty on her.

Burgundy and gold is a tough color scheme to match. Beige or taupe with a little “sparkle” would be the way I’d go. The links a PP posted had a couple of stunning dresses.

When my niece got married my DSisIL (from FL) and I purchased the same dress...same color and everything. Hers purchased in FL. Mine in
CT. I offered to wear a different dress because I had a couple of others in my closet that would have worked nutnshe said no and we decided to have fun with it by calling ourselves “retired bridesmaids”. Of course then my other crazy SisIL from MO came with a black skirt and red sweater which were in no way dressy enough. More like an outfit you’d wear to work. She went shopping while she was here and did her darndest to intentionally buy the same dress that my other DSisIL and I had purchased not knowing what the other was doing. Thankfully she didn’t find the same dress but she ended up buying a dress in the same color. Kooky!

 

[HopperFan]

No way anyone would tell me what color to wear. My DD was married a few years ago. The MOG asked what color I was wearing (green) but it would not have mattered to me if she wore the same color. She did end up with a beige-goldish color. My DD got her dress online, it was a JCrew dress but she got it on eBay. I was very happy to not be involved in the dress shopping. I don't think my DS will ever get married. So much wedding tradition is ridiculous to me. I can't see why people should be invited to a dress fitting?

As for being invited to dress fitting, it is her way of letting me be one of the few people who has seen the dress before the wedding. While I agree on many wedding traditions being ridiculous (there were MANY I refused to have at my wedding 28 years ago because I felt they were sexist or silly) I don't see anything wrong with inviting someone along to a fitting. ???? That's not a tradition, that's inviting someone to see your dress.

My issue I am concerned about is the actual shopping for and selecting of the dress being a "not shared" event ... but as far as a fitting later, it could be a nice gesture.

My DS will be in a good friends wedding. The bride got her gown at the same shop as the bridesmaids dresses AND the groomsmens suits. They made an event of everyone going to be measured for their gowns and suits. While they were there the girls went in the back to look at the wedding gown as she got a fitting. Someone came out from the back and told just DS to come in back and see the gown (bride's request). Bride wanted his reaction to it since the guys are close friends. Some brides like to share in the excitement of others seeing the dress and some want it to be a surprise to everyone day of wedding. Very personal.

 

[disykat]

chickened out! Started to post pictures of the dress I'm looking at, but decided not to risk people hating it!

 

[NotUrsula]

Truvy: What are your colors, Shelby?

Shelby: My colors are "blush" and "bashful."

M'Lynn: Her colors are "pink" and pink."

Shelby: My colors are "blush" and "bashful" Mama!

M'Lynn: How precious is this weddin' gonna get, I ask you? (Source:imdb.com)

You left off my favorite line:

M'Lynn: The sanctuary looks like its been hosed down with Pepto Bismol.

FWIW, the lady who made my wedding cake was also responsible for the Red Velvet Armadillo Groom's Cake featured in the movie.

 

[Disney Doll]

chickened out! Started to post pictures of the dress I'm looking at, but decided not to risk people hating it!

Oh come on!! We want to see it. And the only thing that matters is that you like it.

 

[Disney Doll]

No way anyone would tell me what color to wear. My DD was married a few years ago. The MOG asked what color I was wearing (green) but it would not have mattered to me if she wore the same color. She did end up with a beige-goldish color. My DD got her dress online, it was a JCrew dress but she got it on eBay. I was very happy to not be involved in the dress shopping. I don't think my DS will ever get married. So much wedding tradition is ridiculous to me. I can't see why people should be invited to a dress fitting?

That will endear you to your future DIL.

 

[luvsJack]

No way anyone would tell me what color to wear. My DD was married a few years ago. The MOG asked what color I was wearing (green) but it would not have mattered to me if she wore the same color. She did end up with a beige-goldish color. My DD got her dress online, it was a JCrew dress but she got it on eBay. I was very happy to not be involved in the dress shopping. I don't think my DS will ever get married. So much wedding tradition is ridiculous to me. I can't see why people should be invited to a dress fitting?

Most brides are excited. Shopping for the dress is, many times, the first outing for the bride and her moh, bridesmaids and mother and future mil. Most of dd’s friends do the one big shopping trip with lunch and then do some smaller trips with just her own mother or moh.

I have no clue about it being “tradition”. It’s just something a lot of brides like to do. Just as I am sure there are many who prefer to shop alone for the whole thing.

As for the colors, it’s not really whether the mob cares if the two mothers wear the same color. It’s whether the bride cares. Some do, some don’t.

 

[dish rag]

That will endear you to your future DIL.

Well, mother in laws for the most part are looked down upon on the dis. But slowly the dis daughter in laws that hate the mother in laws are becoming mother in laws themselves. So maybe the shift will be that the daughter in laws are now vilified.

 

[ronandannette]

Well, mother in laws for the most part are looked down upon on the dis. But slowly the dis daughter in laws that hate the mother in laws are becoming mother in laws themselves. So maybe the shift will be that the daughter in laws are now vilified.

If you think this hasn’t happened yet, you haven’t been paying attention.

 

[NYCgrrl]

Well, mother in laws for the most part are looked down upon on the dis. But slowly the dis daughter in laws that hate the mother in laws are becoming mother in laws themselves. So maybe the shift will be that the daughter in laws are now vilified.

I don't think this is only a "DIS" thing; you can find that type of sentiment up and down the 'net.

 

[Skellingtonj]

I don't think this is only a "DIS" thing; you can find that type of sentiment up and down the 'net.

And don’t make such broad statements about who hates whom. You have no idea of the relationship.

 

[dish rag]

If you think this hasn’t happened yet, you haven’t been paying attention.

I agree. It has!

 

[dish rag]

I don't think this is only a "DIS" thing; you can find that type of sentiment up and down the 'net.

For me this is the only place I see it. But it is a female dominated forum.

 

[NYCgrrl]

As a result of this thread, I asked my sister what colours the MOB and MOG wore at her wedding. She said they both wore different shades of the same color and that this was in part so in pictures of the event for generations to come they could readily be identified by their roles if not names. Oh, and they both wore corsages near their left shoulders as opposed to right. This "anomaly" was due to the MOG having walked into the blade of a moving airplane which sliced off her right arm and parts of her face. Massive shudder.

 

[HopperFan]

As a result of this thread, I asked my sister what colours the MOB and MOG wore at her wedding. She said they both wore different shades of the same color and that this was in part so in pictures of the event for generations to come they could readily be identified by their roles if not names. Oh, and they both wore corsages near their left shoulders as opposed to right. This "anomaly" was due to the MOG having walked into the blade of a moving airplane which sliced off her right arm and parts of her face. Massive shudder.

Well, I didn't see that end of story coming.
No words other than I think I will just close my computer .......



To the first part ..... no issue if both Moms were happy with the colors and styles of their dresses but there is literally maybe ONE photo that the two mothers will be in together, and the rest would be more candid at a reception - so now the color identifies your importance? Did they include in the invitations that no guest should wear this color for fear of being identified as being of importance in photos? I am a picky person - when I have parties I label dishes to make sure the exact food I want there is there. For weddings I do want table seating charts, I don't like guests wearing red dresses to weddings and I hate website RSVP ... so I appreciate some bride rules .... but ....

I think weddings are getting out of control in the way they are being SO strictly planned, regulated and implemented so they are picture perfect (instagram at fault maybe) that it is obsessive. My DD just went to a wedding, asked for a beer. They were getting ready to put in the glass and she said she didn't need the glass (if you don't use a beer glass why bother) ......... to which she was told the bride requested that the beer not be in bottles due to photos. Weddings are no longer celebrations of TWO people becoming a formal family ... they have become instagram, social media, my wedding is better than yours, and we are the happiest two people ever events.

It's sad really and we wonder where the words bridezilla etc come from. I dread getting wedding invitations and have turned down the last 3-4 we got. Sent a card and gift card. I don't need to be an extra having my photo show up all over social media and, in my experience, spend money to attend & gift yet receive no sign of thank you after. So much for rules.

I digress .... but taking notes for when my two go through this.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

chickened out! Started to post pictures of the dress I'm looking at, but decided not to risk people hating it!

I saw the pictures. I thought the style was fine and the dress looked wedding appropriate. It didn’t look beige to me but it’s hard to tell from a small online picture, so maybe it looks different in person. Very nice, though.

Well, I didn't see that end of story coming.
No words other than I think I will just close my computer .......



To the first part ..... no issue if both Moms were happy with the colors and styles of their dresses but there is literally maybe ONE photo that the two mothers will be in together, and the rest would be more candid at a reception - so now the color identifies your importance? Did they include in the invitations that no guest should wear this color for fear of being identified as being of importance in photos? I am a picky person - when I have parties I label dishes to make sure the exact food I want there is there. For weddings I do want table seating charts, I don't like guests wearing red dresses to weddings and I hate website RSVP ... so I appreciate some bride rules .... but ....

I think weddings are getting out of control in the way they are being SO strictly planned, regulated and implemented so they are picture perfect (instagram at fault maybe) that it is obsessive. My DD just went to a wedding, asked for a beer. They were getting ready to put in the glass and she said she didn't need the glass (if you don't use a beer glass why bother) ......... to which she was told the bride requested that the beer not be in bottles due to photos. Weddings are no longer celebrations of TWO people becoming a formal family ... they have become instagram, social media, my wedding is better than yours, and we are the happiest two people ever events.

It's sad really and we wonder where the words bridezilla etc come from. I dread getting wedding invitations and have turned down the last 3-4 we got. Sent a card and gift card. I don't need to be an extra having my photo show up all over social media and, in my experience, spend money to attend & gift yet receive no sign of thank you after. So much for rules.

I digress .... but taking notes for when my two go through this.

Haha, that story took a left turn, didn’t it?!

I understand caring about the details and wanting everything just so. I’m a planner too. But when it comes to other people’s events, I think it’s best to go into it having no expectations for the way they’ll do things. Smile, nod, offer complimentary feedback, and give opinions only when specifically asked for them. Your daughters’ visions for their weddings may not match yours and that’s okay.

Now that you mention it, beer bottles at formal events do look trashy, don’t they?