Moral Dilemma (Wait for Kids or Not)

[Fins2TheRight]

Oh wow ... this is a tough one. I'll try to be as short as possible. I live here in St Louis with my wife. My three kids live in Arkansas. We got back from a cruise in June and had the best times of our lives. We definitely decided we wanted to go back. Our plan was for all five of us to return next summer to take the 7 day cruise... 3 days were not enough!

So then comes news that we have to move to Omaha, Nebraska next summer (job transfer). The kicker is, I might not get to take the kids on this cruise until later in the year (Thanksgiving or some other time when they're out of school) because during the summer, I'll be transitioning my work from here to Omaha.

Here's the dilemma. My wife is a travel agent, and can get a great deal on a 7 day cruise (like $400 bucks each, space available, short notice). That's a deal we can't pass up, and we are very fortunate to be able to take our vacations any time we want, and on short notice (except for next summer, wouldn't you know it ... ).

I know if I go on a cruise next spring without the kids, I will NOT have a good time. Just the thought of us being on the ship, seeing the shows, going to Castaway Cay, and relaxing on the deck will make me sick if I know the kids aren't with me. Yeah, I'm an old fashioned sap.

My wife is very forgiving about all this -- she has tried to understand, but she has no kids, so she doesn't know what it feels like to leave them behind and have fun. And the worst part is, my kids are DD(18), DS(13), DS(11) and if I talk to them about it, they'll understand and tell me to go have a great time! That will make me feel worse. I kinda wish they'd whine about it so I would feel better about leaving them behind!

So that's it ... go in the Spring with DW only and feel bad, or wait until later in the year and go with the kids, or do both. This is really messing with my head -- of course, there's not much there to mess with, but I really don't know what to do.

Help!

 

[Cruise]

Well, here's my take on it... for what it's worth

You do things for your kids, you do things for your wife. If she really wants to go in the spring and you'll get a really good rate AND it won't interfere with your plans to take your kids later in the year, then I'd say go. One of your options was "do both."

As for feeling guilty for going the first time without them, just look at it as a chance to scope out the ship for them and see what they might like to do. From things that have been said on this board, the Magic will be making changes to the teen program during drydock... a good chance to check it out for your 13 year old. Use the first trip as an information gathering resource. Keep your daily navigators, ask for copies of the menus to take home with you, take lots of pictures of the ships and islands. Go home, share it all with your kids... it'll be a good way to get them more excited about the trip and a great chance for all of you to make plans together.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Julie

 

[KaitlinsMom]

What would Dr. Laura say?.....

As a child of divorce (I am now married w/ kids) I would say you wait until you can take the kids -

I admire you for stating that your wife does not have kids and may not understand the feelings that come along with it. No strikes against her for that, it is just something that happens when you have children and it is something you just can't explain.

I married a man who has a child from a previous marriage. We have custody of her. We would usually bring her on vacation with us, and sometimes we would go alone. But her bio Mom is a different story. Her Mom would go on vacation with her DH and would never take her - EVER - She made promises that she would, and then didn't. Always stating next time she will.

Of course the daughter would always tell her to go, and then with us would be upset and not understand why her Mom never took her anywhere.

Had you not been before, I would say don't worry about it. But since you have already been, I would suggest you wait and take the kids, and then you and your wife can go alone again during the time the kids are in school.

This is just my two cents -

 

[Wishing on a star]

JMHO here....

I would say, wait until you can arrange until you can bring your children on the cruise with you.... It is only a few more months... Having planned our upcoming cruise a full year in advance, I can say that the time has passed more quickly than I thought it would!!! Remind your DW that, especially with you being so busy with all the moves and changes this next summer, that this time will FLY... Perhaps your DW would have a second choice for a vacation alone together before then?

I am thinking that the joy and anticipation will be that much greater if you go ahead and plan for this next big cruise WITH your kids!!! Perhaps you could save up the $$$, (and possibly time?), to make this next big cruise with your whole family super-extra special.

You have three very lucky kids!!!!

 

[jgalecpa]

JMHO, Also

Compromise:

Take your wife somewhere else. Even if it costs a little more.

My wife and I take 1 trip for just us for every three we take as a family. It is great, and remind us what we saw in each other before we were just parents.

I would have strongly recommended taking the Dis cruise, but if you are sure you won't enjoy, it, don't (PS I am a child of divorce and I'd say go for it in a second.).

BUT, don't forget you have a wife, too.

As I said, JMHO

 

[disny4ever]

why not do both. My DW and I have taken 3 cruises w/o our boys...yes they are older,but they would have really liked to have joined us. They are now both out of school and we are looking at taking them on 1 last family vacation. So we have a cruise planned for the end of January. Now it may turn out that the youngest may not be able to come because of a new job....we
will have to wait and see.
You will have a good time just the 2 of you....and you will have the satisfaction of taking them with you in the fall...go and enjoy.

 

[MrsPete]

I'm a child of divorce too -- there are an awful lot of us in the world, and to varying degrees we all carry some scars. Parents have to work extra hard in these situations.

Here's the big question in my mind: Did you make a promise to the kids? Either directly made or implied, a promise is a promise. If you did promise to go as a family, do not under any circumstances break that promise. Make plans to go later.

I think someone else made a good suggestion: take your wife somewhere else. Since she's a travel agent, she must have some good deals for other places too.

 

[disneystyle]

Go on their Spring Break....... If you can't do that, wait for them. It is a family experience. You and your wife will still have plenty of alone time when you cruise with the kids and another thing to think of is is your time is really limited until they are living their own adult lives....
Good Luck.

 

[Fins2TheRight]

Thank you all for your comments and suggestions. I met my DW about a week after my ex left in 1993. After we had gotten to know each other, she found out that I was a WDW fan and thought it would be a good idea to surprise me with a trip. To this day, she has no idea how terrible that trip was because I kept faking a smile the whole time. I still remember that feeling to this day, and can't shake it. That's what I keep thinking of when I think of going on a cruise without them.

So, I'll take the advice to go somewhere else with my DW. She's probably tired of driving to Florida anyway ! Seriously, she would have no problem with going somewhere else, and I know that would work out for everyone.

I'd just like to say THANKS for your words of encouragement. Its good to know there are still people who are willing to take a few minutes to help someone else with some kind words.

 

[hilltopfamily]

no opinions here--just saying hi to someone coming to my "neck of the woods" here in Nebraska. We're just 50 miles from Omaha, home of the wonderful Henry Dorley Zoo! And of course the Cornhuskers are right here in my town--Lincoln (though they've had a difficult time lately ).

 

[KaitlinsMom]

What ever your decision was (I know you have made it now), I was just glad that you really put some thought into it - You didn't just make a hasty decision - That just tells me you are a straight up kind of guy and you would make the best decision based upon YOUR situation - Everyones situation is different that has a lot of little things behind the scenes, - I just want to commend you for really taking the time and giving it some thought -

 

[Wonderwoman1982]

I see a decision has already been made, BUT I couldn't resist putting my $.02 is.. My parents were divorced AND I married a man with a son from a previous relationship, and I share a daughter with my husband. I don't know your situation, BUT from a wife's point of view and from MY own personal situation, having step children is HARD. It's not easy, and often (in my case) more trouble than not.. My step son is a demon- no joke, he was suspended from school 2 weeks before the end of the year... He was raised by his mother in a VERY different way than we raise our child. We took our cruise on Disney without him. His behavior is so bad I would be miserable if he came along. That being said, you have your kids. But they're YOURS and hard as she may try, a step mom NEEDS time away from the step kids and she can't feel the same about them as you do. I know alot of people may think my comments are harsh and mean, BUT they're true to my case and I'd BET there are lots of women and men who feel the same but maybe are embarrassed to admit it.. I don't like that things are difficult. I pray they change- but until then, for US, it's vacations without my step son. So, I hope you understand your wife NEEDS vacations without YOUR kids. I'm not saying take the Disney cruise if you don't want.. BUT take her somewhere fabulous. Then take your kids on a cruise if you want and are able to afford 2 nice vacations.. People who don't HAVE step kids can't possibly understand how HARD it is. I know what it's like on ALL sides- My parents divorced, I HAVE a step kid and have BEEN a step kid, and having my own child.. I'm not speaking on something I don't know about personally...

 

[KaitlinsMom]

wonderwoman - I PM'd you -