Money...Ugh!

[Toad_Passenger]

Need some quick advice from the DIS-ers.

MIL has been helping us pay for DD's schooling for a few years now. This was something she wanted to do, in order to "help" us out. It has helped us greatly, and we appreciate it.

Because of her help, we were able to take money from our paychecks and save up enough to get a new car. We are in desperate need of one, since one barely runs and the other is right behind!

DW is worried that if we suddenly buy a new car, than her Mom is going to go on a tirade about "why" we needed her money for the school, and that we've been living off of her charity. I don't think we did anything wrong, since MIL asked to help pay for the school, and 100% of her money went to the tuition. We did not "pocket" a single cent of that money.

I don't think there is a problem, but are we in a bad spot?

 

[ilovejack02]

Need some quick advice from the DIS-ers.

MIL has been helping us pay for DD's schooling for a few years now. This was something she wanted to do, in order to "help" us out. It has helped us greatly, and we appreciate it.

Because of her help, we were able to take money from our paychecks and save up enough to get a new car. We are in desperate need of one, since one barely runs and the other is right behind!

DW is worried that if we suddenly buy a new car, than her Mom is going to go on a tirade about "why" we needed her money for the school, and that we've been living off of her charity. I don't think we did anything wrong, since MIL asked to help pay for the school, and 100% of her money went to the tuition. We did not "pocket" a single cent of that money.

I don't think there is a problem, but are we in a bad spot?

I would imagine she knows you guys need a new car , it is not just a want most likely unless you can walk everywhere in your town.

If she is a reasonable person she will understand, only you guys know. In that type of situation, I know my parents would be on board, if we were in your shoes. : )

It will be interesting to see how people respond on here.. this is the DIS after all. ; )

 

[Trish Bessette]

I would think your MIL would know you need a new car and there wouldn't be an issue. HOWEVER, you just never know how one will react.

I would hope since she asked to help with your DD's schooling that she did that out of the goodness of her heart with no strings attached.

 

[Toad_Passenger]

I would think your MIL would know you need a new car and there wouldn't be an issue. HOWEVER, you just never know how one will react.

I would hope since she asked to help with your DD's schooling that she did that out of the goodness of her heart with no strings attached.

Well we believe that was her plan, and I hope so. If not, I'd like to get it out of the way now. We're also saving up for another Disney trip, and if she wasn't doing this for her grand-daughter's sake, then I will end it now, so that we don't have to worry about being "spoken of" when we take our trip.

 

[allison443]

Are you guys on good/friendly terms with your MIL? Why can't you say something like we are getting a needed new car, we really appreciate your generosity with dd's school, it has really helped out our budget, etc.

 

[Toad_Passenger]

Are you guys on good/friendly terms with your MIL? Why can't you say something like we are getting a needed new car, we really appreciate your generosity with dd's school, it has really helped out our budget, etc.

Actually we're on great terms! We go on vacations with her parents, visit frequently, etc. But I also know what money can do to such "rosy" relationships.

 

[Marymom]

I would think that she is helping your daughter's education in an effort to help the entire family. Unless she is living without and scraping by, she is getting pleasure from giving. Enjoy her generous gift!

 

[1stluvispooh]

This is why you never accept "help" form people even if they insist. There are always strings attached. I know it's hard because I would accept help but DH would rather die or work himself to death before accepting financial help from anyone.

 

[luvmarypoppins]

I would tell mil thanks for being generous and because of it we could budget for the car etc.

My mom helped with our ds school. I always let them talk to her about what they did, saved art projects etc.

The only thing I could see as a problem if there were other siblings and they were not treated the same way financially etc.

Other than that just say thanks and maybe show her how your dd has been blessed my her gift, like a poem from class etc.

 

[monkeybug]

I have a friend who has her mom paying for her kids schooling. Her mom really wanted her grand kids in private school, but my friend was comfortable with sending them to public. Her mom offered to pay if she would send them to private, so my friend accepted.
They go on vacations, buy new cars...all that stuff.
Her mom didn't pay for school because the family had a hardship, she did it because it was important to her.
I don't know if that's the case in your family or not, but I would guess if she offered to pay, it must have been at least a little important to her.

 

[momrek06]

I understand that you need a new car BUT does it have to be BRAND new ... why not look for a nice USED car. MIL might understand that better than you going out and buying BRAND NEW.

 

[JessicaR]

I'm thinking since it is your wife's mother and your wife is the one that brought it up, that she may have a certain intuition as to how your MIL will feel.

Maybe a discussion with your MIL and the two of you explaining that you are concerned with the situation. This way it kinda clears the air before you just go buy a new car.

 

[kirstenb1]

I think as long as it's not a Mercedes, or something along those lines, it's fine. Cars eventually need replacing.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Just talk to her. If you are going to accept her money you need to be able to talk it over with her.

 

[Straitlover]

I understand that you need a new car BUT does it have to be BRAND new ... why not look for a nice USED car. MIL might understand that better than you going out and buying BRAND NEW.

Not everyone is qualified (if that's the right word) to buy a used car. I don't know enough aobut cars to be able to know if I'm getting a good used vehicle, nor do i know anyone who could help me out in that situation. Therefore, when I do buy, I buy new. Might not be the absolute best decision money wise, but it's best for me.

Of course, I drive them forever. I'm 45, and I am only on my 3rd new vehicle, and unless something happens to my current car (2003 Camry w/ 124,000 miles), it'll probably be at least 3-5 years before I buy again.

 

[Frantasmic]

Questions:

Will MIL continue to pay for DDs school in the future, or is DD done with school?

While you haven't pocketed the tuition money, it did allow you to save a perhaps equivalent amount that can now go toward a car. So, what you say is correct, but people can be strange when lending money in how they see your finances. This kind of happened with my BIL and SIL. His parents were helping with school and thought they had all sorts of say so in their finances because of it.

I cannot think that the MIL would offer to continue paying for a year or two more of school if you do purchase a new car now. That is why I asked the question. If the school tuition is done, I could see purchasing a car that you definitely need. If the school tuition is going to continue, I'd listen to your wife.

 

[eliza61]

Actually we're on great terms! We go on vacations with her parents, visit frequently, etc. But I also know what money can do to such "rosy" relationships.

Not necessarily. I would be honest with her. Now, that may mean letting her in on some of your financial information (some people don't like to let others know).

I think basically people simply don't like to feel used and it doesn't sound like you guys are unappreciative.

Like every one else said, cars eventually do die.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I have borrowed money from my in-laws before. We got a change to go on a vacation that was mostly paid for by my company. I still ran it by my in-laws before I said yes, as I had not fully repaid them at that point. They were totally cool with it - happy for us - but were also very glad that we thought enough of them to talk to them about it first.

So, I would discuss it with them.

 

[Dismagic1]

Need some quick advice from the DIS-ers.

MIL has been helping us pay for DD's schooling for a few years now. This was something she wanted to do, in order to "help" us out. It has helped us greatly, and we appreciate it.

Because of her help, we were able to take money from our paychecks and save up enough to get a new car. We are in desperate need of one, since one barely runs and the other is right behind!

DW is worried that if we suddenly buy a new car, than her Mom is going to go on a tirade about "why" we needed her money for the school, and that we've been living off of her charity. I don't think we did anything wrong, since MIL asked to help pay for the school, and 100% of her money went to the tuition. We did not "pocket" a single cent of that money.

I don't think there is a problem, but are we in a bad spot?

As long as you don't come with a Bentley, I don't see a problem.

 

[wvjules]

If you *need* a car since they both seem to be dying, would you not buy one if the IL's objected? What happens if one breaks down and you only have one then it breaks down and you have NO car? What then?

I wouldn't ask their permission; however I would tell them that both of your cars are dying and you are buying one so you can have reliable transportation. Don't ask for ther approval, IMO.