Money and Contentment

[lvillotta1]

My heart is heavy as I type this. A little background on my family. I am a single mom by choice to 2 amazing little girls who are 6&9. I have been a nurse for 20 years and left my first job after 23 yrs last summer to start over at a new hospital which I just love. I work 2 12 hr shifts one week and the next week I work 3 12hr shifts. I also do some casual work for a home health company. All in all I make good money. BUT here is where I just can not grasp being content. Like many families in the US I live paycheck to paycheck. I owe less than $2000 debt besides my mortgage. I have all the bills paid every month,but there is little left over. I seem to be suffocating with all the extra's of dance for 2,art for 1 and just in general life is so much more expensive. We live very bare bones and we do not buy anything we do not need. I have no desire for material things,but do have a desire for a nice balance in my checking acct and a decent savings acct. At one point I was stuffing money away for college educations,but can not afford to do that now. I do have a nice retirement from my first job that is doing well and do have a small emergency fund. We had been able to travel up until about 2 years ago,but there has not been enough to do that. We do not eat out and are very frugal. I am tired of living this way and I have tried to find peace and contentment for what we do have,but what else can I do to ease my heart toward this goal? Sorry this was long, TIA for reading.

 

[disneymagicgirl]

I don't have any answers for you, but I know what you mean. We live frugally too. Our big splurge is our once per year Disney trip. DH makes very good money and I am a SAHM. We still feel like we can't ever buy things. I drop my DD off at the movie theatre (she pays for with babysitting $) and wonder how in the world there can be hundreds of cars in the parking lot attending a movie for $12 a head. I can't imagine blowing that kind of money once a month, even. To each his own, I guess.

 

[disneyfan'ole]

My heart is heavy as I type this. A little background on my family. I am a single mom by choice to 2 amazing little girls who are 6&9. I have been a nurse for 20 years and left my first job after 23 yrs last summer to start over at a new hospital which I just love. I work 2 12 hr shifts one week and the next week I work 3 12hr shifts. I also do some casual work for a home health company. All in all I make good money. BUT here is where I just can not grasp being content. Like many families in the US I live paycheck to paycheck. I owe less than $2000 debt besides my mortgage. I have all the bills paid every month,but there is little left over. I seem to be suffocating with all the extra's of dance for 2,art for 1 and just in general life is so much more expensive. We live very bare bones and we do not buy anything we do not need. I have no desire for material things,but do have a desire for a nice balance in my checking acct and a decent savings acct. At one point I was stuffing money away for college educations,but can not afford to do that now. I do have a nice retirement from my first job that is doing well and do have a small emergency fund. We had been able to travel up until about 2 years ago,but there has not been enough to do that. We do not eat out and are very frugal. I am tired of living this way and I have tried to find peace and contentment for what we do have,but what else can I do to ease my heart toward this goal? Sorry this was long, TIA for reading.

I totally get where you are coming from. Like you, we make good money and it just seems like everyday things just keeping getting more expensive.

One step forward, two steps back. We just keep plugging away and hopefully someday we will get there.

 

[Pumbaa_]

Part time work is not working out for. Pick up more hours and you can love the monetary lifestyle you wanr

 

[crisi]

You are probably always going to live paycheck to paycheck - while you make good money- you have one income. One income - unless its a well above average income (like some of the doctors you probably work with) doesn't really pay enough to do more than pay the bills and a few extras like dance with a family. But you have two lovely little girls.

ETA: That sounds harsh - and it wasn't meant to be. You might want to try following some frugality sites - Mr. Money Mustache, Hillbilly Housewife - some other people who live cheap. One thing it might do is open your eyes to waste you do have in your budget - almost everyone does (I married mine - wonderful guy, has been wonderful at generating income - but he is also AMAZING at spending it).

 

[lvillotta1]

I can not be gone 3 nights a week until 8pm with my girls being home alone from 5-8pm. It would be nice to work 1 more 12hr shift,but I have also found doing that the money from that shift is all taken away for taxes so I do not break even. Family first for us.

 

[mischief32]

Forgive me if I am reading this wrong but you are leaving an 6 and 9 year old home alone. I have an 8 yr old and would never do this

 

[richierich2323]

If you have no debt and $10 dollars you are better off than 25% of Americans. It seems like you are doing better than you think but want to do more for your family which is understandable.

Do you budget? If so, how do you go about budgeting and making sure that you keep under your budget?

Do you shop around for your services? If you have cable, internet etc...call them and see if you can get a discount or move to another service as new customers usually get better rates than established customors.

Also make sure you shop your insurances. We saved $2,000 dollars between our auto and home insurance last year. We had been with the same company that they continued to raise our rates just enough not to tell us about it and we just paid the bill. I made one call to a company that shops around what you want to multiple companies and it saved us a buttload.

 

[BigAlsGal]

FWIW I think it sounds like you're doing well. I'm not sure what you're wanting by posting. Maybe just some understanding? Some reassurance? Just to say it to get it off your chest?

If you don't like your situation there's always ways to change it.

I know you're single by choice but maybe looking for not only a person to share financial burdens with but someone you can share feelings like these with.

Maybe if that's not an option what about generating some cash flow from home? Are you crafty. What about selling on etsy? Reselling items on eBay? Garage sale? Scentsy? Thirty one? Lia Sophia? Pampered chef? Idk just some ideas.

There is nothing wrong with living a "bare bones" life. Look into the tiny house movement. I'm completely intrigued by the whole concept. While it's not for everyone I think I could do it! (My husband couldn't lol).

This however will pass. In a few short years your kiddos will be getting jobs of their own. Going off to school. Making their own lives. This will free up some of that income. Until then keep on truckin. You're doing fine. Kids are clothed and fed. You're providing a good life and environment. There's a lot to be said for that. Kudos.

 

[vegasnative]

I just have to say that I feel for OP. Here is someone with an education, a degree, a job that can be stressful, and is trying to provide for her kids and struggling to do so. The price for everything is through the roof. Gas, groceries, clothes, it's all ridiculously out of hand. It just saddens me that this person who has worked so hard to provide is struggling, then we have others in this country who is handed everything, and doesn't work to earn it. Something's not right if you ask me.
For OP, keep your head up, keep working hard, pay the $2000 off. Your kids love you and will see that you are working to provide for them. They might not see it now, but they will, and by doing what you are doing, you are instilling a good work ethic in them as well. Which a lot of people in our country could learn a thing or two about if you ask me.
Good luck and hang in there.

 

[disykat]

I don't know much about nursing, but maybe a full time normal hour office nursing job would be more practical than part time hospital nursing when you factor in child care?

 

[barkley]

You are probably always going to live paycheck to paycheck - while you make good money- you have one income. One income - unless its a well above average income (like some of the doctors you probably work with) doesn't really pay enough to do more than pay the bills and a few extras like dance with a family. But you have two lovely little girls.

ETA: That sounds harsh - and it wasn't meant to be. You might want to try following some frugality sites - Mr. Money Mustache, Hillbilly Housewife - some other people who live cheap. One thing it might do is open your eyes to waste you do have in your budget - almost everyone does (I married mine - wonderful guy, has been wonderful at generating income - but he is also AMAZING at spending it).

it is possible to live on one income-and even less than that, well at or below the 'average'. we are a family of 4 and have done so for several years.

we were a 2 income family until I became disabled-income went from 2 to 1, and for a period of time to care for me-to 1/2. we have been (due to horrendous insurance premiums) less than 1 income for almost 7 years.

we don't live paycheck to paycheck (thankfully), but that's in large part b/c we don't buy into the 'must haves' many believe are necessitates. we've only done 2 vacations in the last 7 years, our kids don't do pay for fee activities (didn't do them when we were 2 income either), kids don't get cell phones till they need them (dd when she was 19 and started college), going to the movies? why would we pay $48 before gas and snacks when we can wait a month to see it on pay per view for $5.99?

it's all about budgeting and priorities-we have our 'must pays' (food, insurance, utilities...nope, no mortgage or car payments b/c despite being less than 1 income we threw every extra penny at those for the last 7 years and paid them off early so we had lower expenses each month). then it's things like clothes-unless they don't fit or have worn out they aren't needed. we eat well, better than allot of big $$$$ 2 income families we know-it's b/c we shop for sales and cook the stuff ourselves. did the same when I worked-spent an average of 10 hours every weekend making up batches of homemade items to freeze so we didn't have to get to go foods and lunches during the work week.

I understand how hard it is to live on one income, but it can be done-esp. when like in the op's situation it's WELL ABOVE MINIMUM WAGE. yes, it takes some work, yes it's harder with only one parent in the home (and I suspect though my dh won't concede-w/one parent in the household who has to care not only for the children but for the second parent)-BUT IT CAN BE DONE.

dance classes, art class and such are fine-but those are never items that should be considered necessities in a household budget to the extent that other debts and living expenses are being given a lower priority.

 

[Marionnette]

You are probably always going to live paycheck to paycheck - while you make good money- you have one income. One income - unless its a well above average income (like some of the doctors you probably work with) doesn't really pay enough to do more than pay the bills and a few extras like dance with a family. But you have two lovely little girls.

ETA: That sounds harsh - and it wasn't meant to be. You might want to try following some frugality sites - Mr. Money Mustache, Hillbilly Housewife - some other people who live cheap. One thing it might do is open your eyes to waste you do have in your budget - almost everyone does (I married mine - wonderful guy, has been wonderful at generating income - but he is also AMAZING at spending it).

You wrote exactly what I was thinking. The OP is making it in a world that requires most families to have two income earners in order to get by. It's not harsh to point it out. She should be proud that she is able to do it!

To the OP: Peace, happiness and contentment come from within. There are wealthy people who have a lot of money and yet don't have what you have. Instead of focusing on the things that you cannot give your family, you should direct your attention to the blessing that you have.

 

[crisi]

it is possible to live on one income-and even less than that, well at or below the 'average'. we are a family of 4 and have done so for several years.

we were a 2 income family until I became disabled-income went from 1 to 2, and for a period of time to care for me-to 1/2. we have been (due to horrendous insurance premiums) less than 1 income for almost 7 years.

we don't live paycheck to paycheck (thankfully), but that's in large part b/c we don't buy into the 'must haves' many believe are necessitates. we've only done 2 vacations in the last 7 years, our kids don't do pay for fee activities (didn't do them when we were 2 income either), kids don't get cell phones till they need them (dd when she was 19 and started college), going to the movies? why would we pay $48 before gas and snacks when we can wait a month to see it on pay per view for $5.99?

it's all about budgeting and priorities-we have our 'must pays' (food, insurance, utilities...nope, no mortgage or car payments b/c despite being less than 1 income we threw every extra penny at those for the last 7 years and paid them off early so we had lower expenses each month). then it's things like clothes-unless they don't fit or have worn out they aren't needed. we eat well, better than allot of big $$$$ 2 income families we know-it's b/c we shop for sales and cook the stuff ourselves. did the same when I worked-spent an average of 10 hours every weekend making up batches of homemade items to freeze so we didn't have to get to go foods and lunches during the work week.

I understand how hard it is to live on one income, but it can be done-esp. when like in the op's situation it's WELL ABOVE MINIMUM WAGE. yes, it takes some work, yes it's harder with only one parent in the home (and I suspect though my dh won't concede-w/one parent in the household who has to care not only for the children but for the second parent)-BUT IT CAN BE DONE.

dance classes, art class and such are fine-but those are never items that should be considered necessities in a household budget to the extent that other debts and living expenses are being given a lower priority.

I didn't say it wasn't possible to get by - I said that by the time you pay bills and throw in a few extras, you are done.

 

[Nayan]

dance classes, art class and such are fine-but those are never items that should be considered necessities in a household budget to the extent that other debts and living expenses are being given a lower priority.

I would tell my kids 'sorry, not in the budget'. I understand wanting to give kids things, but if you are one paycheck away from disaster you cannot afford it.

 

[havaneselover]

OP, I feel your pain and struggle with similar issues.

I'm a single mom with a 9 and 10 year old. I have a degree from a public ivy but live in an area where my skills aren't in particularly high demand and I was a SAHM for 8 years.

I have no debt besides my mortgage. I live in a large neighborhood where the average household income is over $150,000 (mostly on one income--lots of doctors and lawyers) and I'm well below that. So my kids go to school with kids whose moms are home after school and they get pretty much whatever they want (clothes, electronics, activities, vacations).

My kids are generally appreciative and helpful. I think they'll go into young adulthood realizing that money doesn't come easy and knowing how to take care of themselves (do their laundry, cook a meal, clean a bathroom) which most of their peers won't.

I remember early in my (failed) marriage being frustrated about our financial situation which ultimately turned around before it collapsed post-divorce and listening to a radio program on finances where the host said your finances are an ant farm and you have to build it one grain of sand at a time. I've had a lot of setbacks this year (health issues with dogs, a new roof, a car accident, new siding, a new storm door, etc.) so I'm just trying hard to keep that perspective. And I realize in a dozen years or so things will probably be easier. But for now I have do prepare my kids for life and college and that's requiring a ton of sacrifice. I guess my ant farm is more my investment in my kids' lives and futures at this point than my bank account.

 

[freckles04]

To the OP, I sympathize with you!

I am also a nurse and a single mom. It can be tough sometimes. Hang in there!

 

[crisi]

I can not be gone 3 nights a week until 8pm with my girls being home alone from 5-8pm. It would be nice to work 1 more 12hr shift,but I have also found doing that the money from that shift is all taken away for taxes so I do not break even. Family first for us.

There is your answer on contentment. Family first.

You work a .8 on your regular job (about) and then I'd guess pick up enough home care hours that you functionally work full time - possibly even better than full time during the school year. But if you aren't, someone has a point - you are doing darn well for a single mom who is living off a single part time income.

And you misunderstand taxes - You may see more taken out of your check when you work more because of a move to a different bracket and the payroll system assumption that you'll need all that held back, but because tax rates are marginal, its impossible to not come out ahead financially - at least by the time you file.

And yeah, sometimes kids are such a bummer financially. My childfree friends are sitting on a beach in the Dominican Republic right now.

I'd also recommend getting off this board if you aren't content with your financial situation - and certainly do so before the Black Friday talk starts. Get over to frugality boards, where they make fun of Black Friday. This is a budget board, but its a budget board on a website that caters to one of the most consumerist companies in the world. I suspect that most people who hang on this budget board are not single parents on one .8 income plus some side work - prior polls - for what they are worth - put our average household income as a group well over the national average. Around here it can seem like everyone else is getting to go to Disney World - and almost everyone else is getting to go eighteen times a year (I'm exaggerating a little - but then, I hang on the DVC board as well so my perception is skewed towards frequent visitors). And there is always someone who, for instance, will post to a thread on American Girl that their daughter had several hundred plus dollar dolls. It can make you wonder what you are doing wrong. If you start reading THOSE sorts of boards, we budget boarders (with the exception of a few people like barkley - and a few others who manage frugal and a love of Disney) spend like drunken sailors.

 

[richierich2323]

I disagree on the no fee sports or activities for the children. You are doing your kids a dis-service if you have the money and are not allowing them to grow as individuals.

Fee Activities like dance, art, and sports are a great way to learn to be social and learn about the world around you. I would never take that away from my children if I could help it.

 

[eliza61]

it is possible to live on one income-and even less than that, well at or below the 'average'. we are a family of 4 and have done so for several years.

we were a 2 income family until I became disabled-income went from 1 to 2, and for a period of time to care for me-to 1/2. we have been (due to horrendous insurance premiums) less than 1 income for almost 7 years.

we don't live paycheck to paycheck (thankfully), but that's in large part b/c we don't buy into the 'must haves' many believe are necessitates. we've only done 2 vacations in the last 7 years, our kids don't do pay for fee activities (didn't do them when we were 2 income either), kids don't get cell phones till they need them (dd when she was 19 and started college), going to the movies? why would we pay $48 before gas and snacks when we can wait a month to see it on pay per view for $5.99?

it's all about budgeting and priorities-we have our 'must pays' (food, insurance, utilities...nope, no mortgage or car payments b/c despite being less than 1 income we threw every extra penny at those for the last 7 years and paid them off early so we had lower expenses each month). then it's things like clothes-unless they don't fit or have worn out they aren't needed. we eat well, better than allot of big $$$$ 2 income families we know-it's b/c we shop for sales and cook the stuff ourselves. did the same when I worked-spent an average of 10 hours every weekend making up batches of homemade items to freeze so we didn't have to get to go foods and lunches during the work week.

I understand how hard it is to live on one income, but it can be done-esp. when like in the op's situation it's WELL ABOVE MINIMUM WAGE. yes, it takes some work, yes it's harder with only one parent in the home (and I suspect though my dh won't concede-w/one parent in the household who has to care not only for the children but for the second parent)-BUT IT CAN BE DONE.

dance classes, art class and such are fine-but those are never items that should be considered necessities in a household budget to the extent that other debts and living expenses are being given a lower priority.

I think that's where the contentment issue comes in Barkley.
For your family that's fine but from my view that's a life time of "just existing".


Op, these are my personal opinions and nothing more.

Most people always say "cut out the extravagants" like people who live paycheck to paycheck are living some type of living la vida loca.

Working 10, 15 years imo with a single vacation is not living. It's existing. It's a shame so many of our country men are doing just that.

Some how we've convinced ourselves that if we sign our kid up for Little league baseball it's some how being a spend thrift?

The problem comes in that when you are forced to live this way, year after year with no end in sight, it becomes very damaging and depressing.

Yes I know it's cheaper to eat at home but I also know that it's sad that with working 40 hours a week a trip to mcdonald's is considered a luxury.

Yes dance classes in the real sense are luxuries but as a mom, the intrinsic value tends to be worth more.

Year after year of deprivation is not some thing I would want to do.