Moms(or dads) of two children

[marenian]

My husband and I had the same indecision. We wanted to have another baby but its hard because then the kids outnumber the adults.

HaHa! We've said this too. We have DS3 and DD15mo. We say if we had another, we wouldn't be able to play man-to-man anymore and we'd have to go to a zone defense!

I thought it would actually take a couple more months to get pregnant with DD but I guess I'm just really fertile or something. If I hadn't just hit the big 4-0 last month, I maybe would consider a 3rd in a year or two but there is noooo way I want to be pregnant after 40. I already think about how "old" I'll be when DD graduates HS (57 ) so any older than that may not be fair to the child, ya know? We actually thought about stopping after DS and have an only but with us being older getting started we thought it would be nice for DS to have a sibling should, god forbid, anything happen to us when we're older.

 

[iheartdisney]

I'm going to quote you here because this is exactly what I would have posted. I grew up as 5 and someone was always left out. 4 fits our family perfectly. Actually I had always thought if I had 3 then I would have 4 to even up the numbers. I know figuring out who sits alone at WDW doesnt seem like a big deal but those "small" things added up.

Oh no, my DD is the opposte...she LOVES it at her age, she gets to ride Dumbo with a CM! She gets such a kick out of making a new friend! On the 2 row dark rides, the big ones LOVE riding alone (most of my disney trips are just me and the kids)

 

[monorailsilver]

I can't help you decide as I have 3 also. We were done at 2 but child #3 is climbing all over me so if there are typos that I miss it is because of her (she just turned 2 & is now plugging in the lap top for me). Needless to say she was a surprise & I can't imagine my life with out her. And my kids couldn't of been planned any better since they are all about 2.5 years apart.

OK, so you asked opinions of moms of 2, but we planned on stopping at 2. One girl, one boy, 12 months apart. Then 2 years later we got a BIG suprise! But I know she was in God's plan, even if she asn't in ours!
The downsides of 3-
1. The laundry never gets "finished." I remember as a family of 4, there were times when everything was washed and put away. I don't know what happened when #3 came along, but I can't keep up! My dh & I just ironed, folded & put away what seemed like a weeks worth of laundry yesterday. I started before he came home from work & we finished it together. I have a load in the dryer & I think there is one in the wash & I think I can run another load but I will wait until later when all 3 get in their jammies.
2. Public outings- I can't keep track anymore. LOL! As long as I hear them I know they are around. I think going out with 2 is a piece of cake now & geesh I thought taking one out was hard work when I only had one.
3. The stroller situation. My oldest two took turn fighting over who got to ride, till I got frustrated and got rid of the double. Mine fight constantly over this. I have a sit & stand & my youngest I have to bribe to sit in the front but she has been good lately, my 4 & 6 yo both like to sit & stand so they both are on the back fighting "he is touching me" "she isn't giving me any room"
4. Now there is a middle. Being the middle of 3, I never wanted to have a middle child. So I just make sure he knos just how special he is, and how much we love him! I feel bad for my middle too but I am glad he is the only boy. My dh was a middle too.

BUT, the upsides are:
1. (the biggest) having my first two so closely, and having 2 years before #3, the olders could play and keep themseles entertained long enough for me to actually enjoy having a baby. That was heaven! When I had my 2nd, my oldest was 2 years, 4 months old so it was hard to entertain her & contain 'the baby' or he had to nurse or need a diaper change. And then when I had my 3rd, I would send the older 2 to play when I needed quiet mommy & baby time.

2. We get to stay at better places since we are a family of 5! Polynesian here we come. Well we'd stay there anyways but it is either there or 2 rooms elsewhere.
3. everyone has a buddy- when my oldest started preschool, DS wasn't alone...now he plays with his little sister. That is what mine do. My younger 2 play fairly good now although my 2 yo hasn't mastered sharing yet & my 4 yo gets annoyed with her at times but...it will happen soon.

4. By the thrid, you have EVERYTHING. You don't have to buy ANYTHING!!! Except hair color!

Its a personal choice for you and your family, and its not a choice that has to be made right now. Whatever you decide, may God bless you and your family!

 

[3BoysRDisneyFreaks]

We have 4 boys ages 9,6,2 and 4 months. We thought we were done at 2 kids. Then I got the itch and had a third. Then we had a surprise 4th. I wouldn't change it for anything.

The third child falls into place easily and so does the fourth.

Funny thing is, even though we never talked about having 4 it works out good for when they are older...we will someday have even riders for roller coasters.

I like the even numbers too. So either stay at 2 or go for 4.

Sarah

 

[flipflop]

We have three and while I wouldn't send any of them back (well, at least not today ), we did not plan on having three (let alone at the same time).

I would imagine going from 2 to 3 is a big adjustment b/c you aren't used to some of the inconveniences that come with having a family of 5 (I haven't known any different since I had triplets; I think that makes it a bit easier). The world is designed for families of 4. Vacations, going out to eat, cars...you get the idea. We always need a some sort of suite/deluxe room or two hotel rooms when we travel. We had to upgrade space wise to a minivan.

You could easily bury me under the laundry my children generate in a week.



On the flip side, if you want a third, you may very well not feel complete without that third child. I couldn't imagine my life without all three of mine even with the full baskets of laundry around.

 

[Tinkermommy]

We were wondering if we were done with just our DD. Then we got a suprise and had DS. We are well and truly thrilled with our family and we are stopping at two.

We also have the same ideas of some of the other posters (cars, restaurants). But we love to travel and do so often. And we are going on the DCL for our third trip in Nov. It is much cheaper to cruise with a family of 4, so we can cruise more often!

That being said, as long and you and your husband agree, you should do what you feel is right. If your not sure, you can just wait. My DD is 6 and DS is 1. I worried at first that they were not closer together, but it has worked out perfect for us!

 

[Princessbaby]

We thought we were going to be done after 2 boys, but it just seemed that it wasn't the right thing to do (stop at 2). We went back and forth for a while then decided to try. I guess I did not realize how much I wanted a girl until I found out I was having one . So when we found out #3 was a girl we ( okay, I ) went crazy with pink!! It was nice when she was born because my boys are 27 months apart and they played nicely with each other and it wasn't as distracting to them having a baby around. Plus, it was so relaxing the third time around- I felt like I knew what I was doing with a baby. Fast forward to today and she is the princess of the house and her big brothers love her to death!! My oldest just turned 9 a couple days ago, my second son is 6 (7 in June) and my daughter will be 4 on easter. So there are 33 months between #2 and #3. It is kind of nice because my second son plays with his older brother and when the oldest is not around he is just as close to his sister and they also play great together. My daughter looks up to the 9yo as a "third parent" because if we are unavailable for whatever reason to help her with something or to do something for her, she will automatically go to him for the help. It is nice to watch the interaction between all 3. Now we really feel complete and I am getting to enjoy having "older" kids (no diapers, bottles, potty training is done). We have a nice family and we wouldn't have it any other way!

 

[albumlady]

Maybe b/c of the fact that it's actually a "debate " in me and DH's mind means that we don't feel 100% complete. We're gonna pray and see if God puts peace in our hearts for either side.

This is exactly the advice that I would have given you!! We have three girls and it took A LOT of prayer for us to decide on the third. The first two are 15months apart and then there are three years between the middle and the youngest (did I mention a lot of prayer?). It just came down to a feeling that our family was meant for one more and I have to say it was the best decision that we ever made. Yes, there are inconveniences - but the joy of her far outweighs them all. We had a wonderful family with just our two girls - but the third made our family magical

The hardest thing for me to reconcile was having a "middle child". However, my mom is a middle of three girls and is so close to her sisters - so that made me feel better. Now, my middle DD thinks that she is the MOST special because she is the only one that gets to be a big sister AND a little sister

Whatever you decide just know that it is going to be exactly the right decision for YOUR family - God Bless!

 

[Aliceacc]

For what it's worth, I found #3 to be SO MUCH easier than #2.

With my second, I had to learn all about juggling priorities. With her younger sister, it was just another priority to add to the mix; same skill, just honed a bit.

My youngest is the spunkiest, the one who's all heart. She filled a hole in our lives that we didn't know was there.

 

[stinkerbelle's mom]

We have 3 and just love it. We had a ds and a dd and it took another dd to complete us! I had heard that about the kids outnumbering the adults.

 

[tripletots]

I have a son and a daughter who are just shy of 18 months apart. We decided to have a third child and we got 3! Literally, we had triplets. Of course I wouldn't change a thing. We had planned on having 4. The first two close in age and the second two close in age. I love having 5 kids.

Oh, and when my babies went to kindergarten and I was feeling lonely we got a dog!

 

[SplashMountainMama]

OK, I have a few more than 2 (6 to be exact), but I love this conversation so I wanted to add my 2 cents FWIW. People always comment on how busy I must be and my standard answer has always been that it doesn't matter how many you have. If you have 1 child it seems really hard until you have 2 and then you wonder why you thought 1 was so hard. When you have 3 you think 3 is hard and wonder why you thought 2 was hard, etc., etc. The laundry pile does grow along with the grocery bill and those are all things to take into account, but somehow there always seems to be a way to get it all done in the end. We planned on having 3 and the next 3 seemed to sneak up on us! (I think my mom is convinced that she should've been more thorough in her birds and bees talk when I was a kid!) When people ask if we're finished I have to truthfully say "We were done at 3, but until I stop drinking wine I can never say never!) I hope no one takes offence to my comments, although true, they were meant to be light-hearted. To the OP, good luck with your decision.

 

[TiggerStac]

We are still undecided if 2 is going to be it or not. We decided to wait unil our youngest is 2, to make the final decision...that is the end of next january, he just turned 1. We are both 1 of 3 and he's the only boy, I'm the only girl. I always said I couldn't have 3, because I'm a middle child..but i'm not sure. but I'm sure that if we decide to have another ....I'm done.

I'll, also, be a stay at home mom, again...have been back in the workforce for almost 5 years now.

 

[Grendalynn]

I had the same debate not long ago. And I actually came here to he Dis Boards as well to pick peoples brains - kind of an unbaised way to find out others feeling and personal experieces.... I even started one asking about what to name my baby!! Thanks God for the Dis!! We were then a family of 4 - DH, myself, DS6 and DS3. Even though 2 was handleable, I didnt waznt to wake up when I was 45+ and say "why didnt we ever go ahead and have that 3rd baby?". Yes, its hard, buonce Ds#3 came along, I knew our family was complete.... I feel that if you are kicking the idea around, then you are open to having 3. We had a good span between our boys - about 3.5 years each. Do what you want and good luck with your descison. And rememeber - its only the hardest when they are little - depending on what your space between them all is. They are only small and babys for so long....

 

[disneymomof2boyz]

Thank you to all who responded to this thread!!

 

[stopher1]

I WAS a dad to two awesome boys, but am now a dad to two boys and one amazing little girl. When we got married, and well into the first years of my 2nd son's life, we were definitely 2 kid people...I came from a family of 2 and thought it was just great. No plans for more. We were satisfied, and thought our family was complete...then, low and behold, we were expecting again - amazing how that happens, huh? After DD was born, we made a permanent adjustment so that no more could come, but now my DW is sad and wishes she could have more. I wouldn't trade my daughter for the world. I will say that once she turned 3, we could no longer stay so cheaply at WDW (no more values for us - but that's okay. We enjoyed the moderates, and now get to enjoy DVC).

No matter how many you have - that's your decision, and if it works for you -GREAT!!! Small families are nice - bigger ones are nice - and large ones are nice (they're just more expensive!!!)

 

[katie111]

My first 2 are 15 months apart (DD5.5 & DS4.5) and my youngest DS is now 10 months. We also went back & forth for awhile but I am turning 40 this year and for us it became sort of a now or never. We decided to try for 6 months & if it happened it happened & if it didn't we were going to give up. Obviously it happened and we are now so happy that it did. The 3rd is the total love of my life. I can't imagine life without him. He is such a great baby, we take him everywhere with us & I just never feel like he is a burden (which is what I was afraid of before I had him). However, he did come at a cost. We had to move because our house was too small & we also had to get a minivan which I swore I would never drive. But we love our new house & I've actually grown to love our minivan too. I think if we couldn't have afforded him it would have made things a lot harder. Also we love to travel but I agree with a previous poster, now we just get to stay in nicer places. We've already taken him to Mexico & Disney and both trips were great. I love that my older DS now has a brother and my DD thinks she is the princess of the family because she's the only girl. Also, the third is so much easier than the first 2. The other ones totally entertain him all the time. Good luck with whatever you decide!

 

[emma'smom]

I'm at that "the window is quickly closing" age (36) and I think I'm ok with just two...but lots of my friends are having 3 (and my younger dd just turned 3). I am getting those baby pangs.

It really is now or never....but I keep thinking how perfect our family is with two beautiful dd's. We can afford private school tuition for two (which is something we want for our children- but these wants may change along the way and, of course, aren't essential to happiness) and we want to be able to travel a lot with our family.

My dh does travel a few times a month for work..and it was really hard when I was home with two alone. Now that they are 3 and 5, it is a bit easier because there is less getting up at night, they can mostly dress themselves, get their own coats on, etc. I work full-time (in a job that will pay for college tuition for all of my children...which is a plus for the argument for three) which means we'll need to pay for day care for a third and I already feel the mommy guilt making sure that I make it to all of the soccer games, lead scouting events, volunteer at school, help with Sunday School, etc. I think that guilt may grow if I have to stretch myself farther and may have to miss one child's event for another child's etc.


I just keep thinking that it will be so hard to send them off to college at the other end of childhood and have friends who are the same age or older with kids still at home. Will I be ready to move on to the next chapter?

Also, at age 36, I worry more about high-risk factors and potential birth defects. My pregnancies were both actually very easy...I did have planned c-section deliveries that went well and recovery went well both times. However, now I have high blood pressure that is controlled by medication....and am pre-diabetic. If this were my first chance at having a child, these risks would be totally worth it....now, I'm not so sure. Why tempt fate? It is a really difficult decision.

 

[Liltx]

I didn't read all of the responses but it just comes down to what's in your heart.

Right now my heart says "no way". I have a 2 and 4 yo and we are just out of diapers, cribs, strollers, and dd will be three this year and both will be in school. It feels like life is just getting better for us.

I think you just do what feels right to you. If it's not what's meant to be then God will give you a little surprise.
Monica

 

[mumom95]

My kids are 7 and 8 (18 months apart, the 7 year old just had a birthday). I have a boy and a girl.

At this point we will not have anymore children. I'm through the baby stage and don't want to go through it again.

But, sometimes I wish I had had a third one years ago, where he/she would by 18-24 months younger than my daughter. In fact, I'm pretty sure if I could go back in time and do it all over again, I would have had a third. But like I said, at this point I'm so done with the baby stage, I don't want to do that again.

Good luck with your decision.