Mom's advice for her daughter.

[Queen2PrincessG]

http://www.babble.com/kid/child-development/advice-from-mom-life-lessons-for-daughter/

Read this the other day. I agree with so much on the list, especially 5, 6, 16 and 15.

 

[tlbwriter]

I didn't read the whole thing, but I disagree with #6. There are lots of reasons not to marry your "first love" (although I think it's a good idea, because I did it and we're still ridiculously happy), but being able to experience a broken heart is not one of them. My advice to my daughter would be more like "Don't assume the boy you fall in love with when you're 17 is going to be the person you're still in love when you're 47, or even when you're 18. Even though it worked for your mother. "

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

I think your case is VERY rare. There are so many men out there. To me, first love isn't supposed to last.

 

[NHdisneylover]

That is a nice list and lots of good things there. I agree with the PP about #6. In my case, I did not marry the first guy I dates, or the second or third . . . but I have never really had a broken heart--I generally slowly but surely saw the guys were not for me, stressed about how to break it to the gently, finally broke it off and felt guilty about breaking their hearts for a while. I got really lucky and fell in love with DH before someone could do the same to me. Should I have ignored the love we had to keep dating peopel until someone broke my heart? Nah, I don't think so

 

[Angelhalo]

"Don't marry your first love" Is wayyyy too big of a blanket statement to make. My parents did just that and have been happily married for 38 years.

 

[tlbwriter]

I think your case is VERY rare.

I agree, but I think breaking up with him just so you can experience a broken heart is a bit silly and drama-queeny.

 

[ols386]

Regarding #6...I think having a broken heart is similar to other things in life (although maybe not as extreme as some things): divorce, death of a loved one, losing a job, going through a serious illness yourself or with a loved one, there are many more. Pain and suffering are a part of life and many times help you to grow and develop emotionally, making you who you are.

Most people won't get through life without experiencing at least some of these sorrows. Having your first broken heart is something that most people experience either as a teen or early into adulthood.

I don't see having a broken heart as a bad thing, but more as part of growing up.

 

[AKL_Megs]

I think your case is VERY rare. There are so many men out there. To me, first love isn't supposed to last.

I also married my first love!

We DID break up in college for a short while, but we got back together, so there WAS heartbreak. Made us realize something, I guess!

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

I agree, but I think breaking up with him just so you can experience a broken heart is a bit silly and drama-queeny.

I don't think she was implying to break up just to break up at all. if I had married the first guy I feel in love with would we have been happy, yes, but I would have missed out on so many other great relationships and my life surely would not have lead to where it is today.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

I never lived on my own or experienced heartbreak. Been with my DH since I was 15. He is the only person I have ever been in love with, we never had a break up even for a minute and I moved in with him when we married when I was 17, almost 18 years ago. Happier now then ever. It may be rare, but I don't agree with the advise cause rare doesn't mean impossible, but that is just my opinion. Sure, as a mom of 3 girls I know it is unlikely they will follow my lead, but if it were to happen and they met someone as amazing as their dad is, I would be OK with it. I followed my grandparents lead (they raised me so almost my parents' lead.) They met in 3rd grade. Gpa kissed Gma the day he met her and said he was going to marry her. They have been happily married for 53 years.

I don't have an issue with what she tells her daughter, it's her daughter, but I won't tell my kids that it is impossible, cause I am living that it is possible.

 

[princessmom29]

I am another who married thier first love. DH was the first guy I went out with more than a couple of times. I was 21 when we met, and I just knew, right form the beginning, that was it for me.

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

I guess when you know you know but I'm hoping DD does not follow that "idea". There is so much more in the world than being someones wife. I don't think I could ever accept my DD wanting to be married at 17. It's very young in my eyes. Love really isn't worth it. Love is great don't get me wrong but at the end of the day, I would hope she would wait for something more. There is something to be said about living on your own and REALLY finding out who you are and what you can do by yourself. I don't think you can really understand or know yourself until you do.

 

[horseshowmom]

I didn't read the whole thing, but I disagree with #6. There are lots of reasons not to marry your "first love" (although I think it's a good idea, because I did it and we're still ridiculously happy), but being able to experience a broken heart is not one of them. My advice to my daughter would be more like "Don't assume the boy you fall in love with when you're 17 is going to be the person you're still in love when you're 47, or even when you're 18. Even though it worked for your mother. "

I agree. Maybe the first love is the right one, maybe not, but I fail to see any "exquisite pain" in a broken heart.

I also don't see that #5 is particularly important. If you do live alone, that's fine, but I don't think it's going to "allow you to discover yourself" anymore than you would otherwise.

Several of them are very good though.

 

[Angelhalo]

I guess when you know you know but I'm hoping DD does not follow that "idea". There is so much more in the world than being someones wife. I don't think I could ever accept my DD wanting to be married at 17. It's very young in my eyes. Love really isn't worth it. Love is great don't get me wrong but at the end of the day, I would hope she would wait for something more. There is something to be said about living on your own and REALLY finding out who you are and what you can do by yourself. I don't think you can really understand or know yourself until you do.

That's great if that is your opinion.

Honestly the only thing I learned about myself when I lived alone is that I was miserable living alone. I love being someone's wife. It is the thing in my life that I take the most pride in. For me, in my life, love is everything. Love is what gets me through the day. We don't live in a fairtale book, but it is love that drives us through even the worst of days. But, this doesn't mean that I don't "know myself" or know who I am etc etc

That's my own opinion. That's why I think people (not the OP but the writer in this case) should pause before making blanket statements. What is right for some is not right for all.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

That's great if that is your opinion.

Honestly the only thing I learned about myself when I lived alone is that I was miserable living alone. I love being someone's wife. It is the thing in my life that I take the most pride in. For me, in my life, love is everything. Love is what gets me through the day. We don't live in a fairtale book, but it is love that drives us through even the worst of days. But, this doesn't mean that I don't "know myself" or know who I am etc etc

That's my own opinion. That's why I think people (not the OP but the writer in this case) should pause before making blanket statements. What is right for some is not right for all.

I agree. The greatest role in my life is being my husband's wife and my kids mom, and honestly I am most proud of the wife I am (I am a good mom, but always working to be better, but I am very proud of the wife I am.) All I ever wanted to be was a wife and mom. Now my DD16, no, this would not be her dream, but my DD11, I could see her being just like me. She has always said since she was little that when she grew up she wanted to be a wife and mommy. So even within our family the dreams are different.

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

Well I happen to thing #1 and #2 are the most important ones on that list but I know some people wont agree with me

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

# 10 is pretty great too. Often you hear people who get involved in crazy things because someone else they know was.

 

[Magpie]

There's a great deal I love about this list, but I don't think it applies just to daughters.

Be Generous.

Root for other people.

You don't have to pretend you know something if you don't.

You are the wellspring of your own hope.

Live alone for a period of time.

Um... I moved in with room mates when I left home. Then I moved in with different room mates. Then I moved in with my future husband and his brother. I have already told my husband that if he ever dies, I'm moving my best friend in the next day and starting a search for a new partner to replace him. I hate being alone.

I have issues, I know.

If you marry your first love you will miss out on the exquisite pain of a broken heart.

Well, there you go! That explains everything. I married my first love, and I've never experience the exquisite pain of a broken heart.

Clearly my growth as a woman has been stunted.

Talk to strangers.

Teaching you to fear strangers would be cynical. The generosity of unknown people will ease your burden on many occasions. Instead, I want you to learn to gauge people’s intentions by listening to your gut instincts and recognizing subtle cues. Confidence in this skill will allow you to avoid the aberrant persons you encounter and embrace something much more common — the kindness of strangers.

Aaahhh! It's the gut! I can't escape it!

But seriously, this is excellent advice. The only way to train your gut/intuition/subconscious to read people accurately is to interact with lots of different strangers. I have never tried to teach my children to fear strangers. I always told them, "When you're alone, strangers are your first line of defense against danger. The trick is - YOU pick the stranger, the stranger doesn't pick you."

Be where you are.

Unless you're playing a game, there’s no point in keeping score.

Ensure that the “bad” things you do are the result of your own choices.

If you test people, they may fail.

Acknowledge inequity.

Create a sense of family wherever you are.

Try not to wait eagerly for people to finish their stories just so you can tell your own versions that more directly involve you.

Pursue more than just the things you are good at.

Everyone is a hypocrite.

You will get good at anything you practice.

If you don't have the money to buy an extravagant gift for someone special, bake!

Discipline in your mind; extravagance in your heart.

It is possible to be both pretty and smart.

There’s a science to everything.

Every time you rescue someone else, you rescue yourself a little bit.

The measure of your goodness is not the amount of love you receive.

The rest of these are all excellent advice, especially the bit about really listening to other people's stories.

I desire these things for both my daughter AND my son.

 

[Magpie]

Well I happen to thing #1 and #2 are the most important ones on that list but I know some people wont agree with me

I agree with you!

And actually, I think almost the entire list could pretty much be boiled down to, "Be Generous".

I mean, if you're truly generous, you don't keep score, you root for other people, you give people the benefit of the doubt, you don't test people, you talk to strangers, and you create a feeling of family around you.

 

[daisax]

I don't believe you get good at anything you practice. There are things you will never be good at, period. Doesn't mean you can't continue to do them and enjoy them to the best of your ability, but if you're tone deaf, don't keep shooting for that American Idol audition. You may enjoy making crafts, but if you have zero artistic ability, don't shower your friends and family with the bounty of your hobby.