"Mom, what is sex?"!!!!!! Parents, need HELP!

[PRINCESS VIJA]

Recently our family was watching tv. On comes a commercial for the nightly news, with a lead in like this, (I don't remember the exact words)...."tonight at 10:00 find out how sleep can improve your sex life". DS(8) turns around and asks DH and I what is sex. THANKS ALOT to the news.

So, first and foremost I am looking for suggestions on age appropriate books on this. He has asked another time too, I guess It is time for a talk, I just don't want to divulge too much info too soon. Yes, I know that kids these days are growing up faster than before, but 8 for crying out loud is too young, IMO.

So, what books are good, and how much have you told your kids at what age?

Thanks for your help. I did tell DH that I think he should handle this with ds and I would take dd!

 

[December99]

The only advice I have is to be honest. I have a dd so I don't know how to handle ds's (which frankly I think would be a bit harder because they are who they are if you know what I mean - generally speaking that is).

Good luck!!!!

 

[BWVDenise]

Please, say it isn't so! I have an 8 yo ds and I am SO not ready for that one!!!!
I hope you will let us know how it goes when you do decide what to tell him. Oh, I am dreading this!

 

[FOJMO]

I don't think you need to go into very much detail. I would just say that sometimes people refer to "sex" when they're talking about "making love."

Something as general as that's when a mother and a father love each other in a very private way. That, in itself, may just satisfy him. I think when we all think about talking to our kids about this, we tend to anticipate that they want MUCH MORE info than they really want or need. If he happens to press for more, tell him that you'll talk to him about it at another time when he's a little older and able to understand better.

I ended up telling my DD when she was 9, because she started menstruating! She all of a sudden wanted to do her own laundry. As it turned out, she had stained some underwear, and I discovered it when I went to put the laundry from the washer into the dryer and some of it hadn't come completely clean. I questioned her and she was hesitant, but finally said yes, she had gotten it. She knew what it was, as I was very open with her when it was that time of the month for me and so she knew someday it would happen to her. But none of us realized it would be at age 9!

I ended up telling her more than I thought that day, explaining pretty much the entire sex subject and my poor DH (who went into work for a few hours on a Sat morning) missed the whole thing! We had planned to tell her together, but it didn't work out that way!

Good luck!

 

[Pin Wizard]

Oh, how I'm dreading that question. No male relatives to explain that one to DS, so I guess it's going to be me. Hopefully, he won't ask for a couple more years.

 

[Michelle]

Eight is definitely time to talk to him. My DD got the "facts" then in a simple and straightforward (and age appropriate) way.

I did get her a couple of books from Amazon but for the life of me I can't remember the names. Go to Amazon and search and read the recommendations. I bought one that was more appropriate then and another one that was more advanced, which I was going to save for later, but she found it and read it anyway.

Good luck, it's not as bad as you think it will be, and it is a RELIEF to know that your children have the facts they need and you don't have to dance around the questions anymore.

 

[Dream]

Geez...don't ya hate it when TV or a chatty friend forces you to do this before either you or your child is ready? The only thing I can tell you is to relax and give him only a little info at first...it may be all he wants. I told my ds that sex is a very special and beautiful way that a Mom and Dad love eachother. That was enough for him...then. This can be such a wonderful sharing of information...make it special. Barnes and Noble (or any bookstore) has a ton of excellent books for all age levels as well as books for parents on how to do this and what to say. Be honest...speak from your heart...and set the precedent now that your kids can come to you with any question or problem and ...together...you will work it out. Don't be nervous or uncomfortable...and if it helps you to read the books beforehand so that you can be more comfortable...do it. Good luck!

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

At that time, I did say it was something very special and private for mommies and daddy's. I wasn't ready that night to talk to him. I have to "prepare" for this! But I guess I want to be ready when it comes up again. I probably won't bring it up until he does, but I want the books in place and ready to go!

And Dream, I have to thank you for reminding me to make sure the precedence is set for him to come to us. right now he does, but I want that to be in the future as well.

 

[Beauty]

At 8 we told John-Cole in very very vague terms about sex. Just straight forward it was something you do with someone you love. That God made it so that men and women could have babies and it was nothing to worry about till he got a little older.

Well at 11 it was overdue so we told him straight out exactly what it was, exactly what it constituted, that no matter what if you did it there was always a possibility of disease or a baby and that he should wait on someone he loves when he is much older. His daddy then told him that he could always come to either one of us to discuss it or ask us any questions that he needed. He accepted it really well. He said Actually mommy I don't know whether to think its gross or whether to think that its just what God wanted. I thought that was really sweet!

 

[mhopset]

I think you should be honest too.

Seth asked me where babies came from so I told him. He looked at my like I was crazy but I told him the truth and he hasn't asked since LOL

 

[MerryPoppins]

We got a book for our son. We let him know that he didn't have to read it right then, but as he had questions he it could help him find the answers. We told him that we were open to discussing anything that he read and had questions about. That lead to some interesting discussions, but he told us later that it meant a lot to him that we were willing to honestly discuss the subject with him. He knows he can come to us to talk about anything.

I can't recall the name of the book. PM me if you are interested and I'll ask him after school. He still has it in his bedroom, but I don't know where it is at the moment. His room is a typical teenage pit! LOL!

 

[goofy4tink]

Since my 9 y/o dd's favorite show was 'A Baby Story' she knew more about 'birthin' babies' than most women I know!! However, she never seemed to be interested in how they (babies) were made. Well, not until about 2 months ago. She asked one morning while we were snugglling in bed. So, I told her the honest truth about love-making. Yep, the whole shebang. When I was done, she said...' Men really do that to ladies? Yuck.' Keep that thought kid I thought to myself. So, after she gets up and dressed, she goes to her dad and says.."Do you know the man's ******* fit inside a lady's private parts and that's how you make a baby?" OMG. The poor man. But now she knows and seems comfortable with the truth. I figure that knowledge is power and if I don't tell her the real story, who knows what she'll hear and believe. It's a hard talk to have with your child but a necessary one.

 

[Dream]

LOL!!!!! Goofy4tink!!! Oh your poor dh!!

 

[snoopy]

ROFL goofy4tink!

I'm with you. My 8-year old was inquiring about a month ago, so I gave him the whole story in plain English. His eyes got wide, and he seemed a bit sickened, but he seem to grasp what I had told him.

I'm all about giving my kids as much information as they ask for. Its not always comfortable, but better it be they know they can always come to me or Daddy when they have questions.

Good luck, Princess!

 

[suzannen]

MY 8 year old DD starting asking questions last year when a close friend had a baby, so she knew the basics about making a baby. But, I was not prepared for her to ask me out loud in Dunkin Donuts this past weekend "so I guess you and daddy had S-E-X to get me." Every adult in the store was trying to hold their laughter in and waiting for me to reply. Well, I just wanted to sink into the floor, but calmly said "well, you're here aren't you?" That answered her question and she went right back to trying to decide what kind of donut she wanted.

 

[BWVDenise]

suzannen-- OMG! LOL!!!!

 

[becka]

LOL at some of these stories

I have obviously not had to deal with this yet but it reminded me of a story one of my friends told me. Her son (he was probably 9 or 10 at the time) had been asking questions and had recently had some sex ed type stuff in school. While they were in the checkout line at Wal-Mart he told her that my "uterus is hurting".

She decided that maybe they needed to go over the information one more time after that.

 

[cgcw]

Oh My!!

I haven't given any thought to having this conversation with DS8. I guess I better. The thing that comes to mind with me is that DS8 loves to watch the animal planet and any other show about animals. I guess I need to inquire as to what he means when he tells me about the animals mating. Maybe he already know and hasn't put the pieces together yet. I'm not ready for this conversation?

When I asked my mom where babies came from, she told me that men and women rubbed tummies in order to create a baby (I would guess in a way this is correct, huh?? but she left out a big detail there!!). But, for many years I thought that was true. Only to find out (from friends) that wasn't the case. I don't want to do that to my children.

On a lighter note, years ago I was taking care of a kindergartener, neighbor girl. Well, one day at lunch, she pops up with "I think the two ladies in that house are having sex!". I just about died. I felt the mom had a right to know and when I told her, mom replied that the girl had been at a home daycare where the tv was on all day long in the kitchen. Hmmm, I would have questioned what they were watching.

 

[grinningghost]

My DD asked me at age 9. I was a little stunned, but decided to give it to her straight. She was really grossed out and then asked the dreaded "so you had sex with Daddy to get me?" all the while gritting her teeth. It was one of those awkward moments that you're just not sure how to handle. I answered with a yes, she went "ewwwww", and then we went back to watching 7th Heaven.

 

[JoeThaNo1Stunna]

I found out when I was 8, but I asked about it in a very unique way. I was watching a sitcom on Disney (can't remember which one) and someone got hit in "the balls." I said, "Daddy, what are balls for?" And I was told.