Mom Drama - she wants to walk me down too!

[jspahn]

All - I really need some input from you! My mom just emailed me saying she would like me to consider her walking down the aisle with me as well.

A little background - my parents are divorced. My mom got remarried to my wonderful step-dad back in 1995. Initially I wanted my Dad and Step-dad to walk me down, but my Dad threw a hissy fit. My Step-dad graciously understood and just asked that I save him a dance. GREAT! Everyone was happy (sort of).

NOW mom is saying SHE wants to walk me down with my dad.
Besides the fact I just dont like the idea (and I doubt Dad will either), I'm really not sure how this would work.

Has anyone done this? Have pictures? And really, I'd just love to hear your opinion on this situation.

 

[ElleBren]

I know exactly how you feel!!!

My mom insisted-not asked, or considered- so I ended up with both. I probably could have made a big fuss but I think in the end it would have really hurt her so I let her do it. To me I would rather not hurt her and in twenty years I don't think it will be something I regret.

However both my sister and my dad tried to persuade her against it but they were falling on deaf ears.

Heres a photo of us going down the aisle.

From the front

From the back

I hope this helps you with some visuals.

After walking down it kinda made a little sense I mean both of them were there for me growing up, so why shouldn't both of them be there to walk me down. Also got a little change in perspective when I had my daughter, who knows maybe when she gets married I will want to walk down with her. At least now I have a little bit on my side-oh well your grandma walked me down so its a tradition!

 

[Lynn5700]

Yeah one of my friends had her mom and dad walk her down. I was going to have my mom too but she said just have your dad.

I think if it's something your mom really wants to do then let her just so it save you a headache..but on the other hand if it's going to bother you and your dad that much it may not be worth it too. Just figure out which situation you can handle best.

 

[CoP Luv]

This was something I really wanted and my mom was shocked and surprised that I would want her to walk me down the aisle with my dad. I didn't tell my dad until we were at the rehearsal because he might not have wanted it, but it worked out great! Pics in my blog!

Good luck with your decision!

 

[mermaidbride1108]

Just throwing in my two cents here...

from the tone of your message, it doesn't sound like you want her to walk you down with your dad. (that and because you said it too ) so I say don't.

I think that you should just have your Dad. It's the long standing tradition of the father --- the both parents tradition is rather recent I believe. I've never seen a wedding where both parents walked the bride up the aisle except here on the dis & on TV.

I like the both parents thing, but I personally like it better with the Father & Daughter. I have no logical reason to prefer it, besides just personal opinion...

I think you need to examine the relationship between your Mom & Dad - is this a competition thing and your mom just wants to be involved alongside your Dad? Or think this way... The tradition is the Father represents the family as the Patriach (can't spell!) so since your mother isn't part of his 'family unit' anymore, basically she will feel as the representative from her family unit (instead of your stepfather) giving you away.

If you think it's going to cause friction the day of, I say don't do it. There are other ways to include your mother - do a rose presentation during your ceremony to make her feel special.

 

[beachprincess23]

Both my parents are walking me down the aisle. That's what you do in a Jewish wedding. Even if we weren't having a Jewish wedding I would still want both of them to walk me down because I am close with both of them.

My friend was closer with her mom than dad (they are divorced) so she had just her mom walk her down and did a first dance with her mom.

It just depends on your relationship with them and what YOU want. If you don't want to hurt your mom by saying no do something nice for her during the reception like a dance or something. My friend presented her mom with a bouquet in her wedding flowers.

 

[wendy46001]

my mom wanted to walk me down with dad as well but i just couldn’t let her....i knew my dads feelings and while he wouldn’t have argued with me (or her) it was his moment...Its something he's always looked forward to (i'm his only girl) and i just couldn’t take that away from him...So i politely told my mother that my brothers would be walking her down (with her own song so she’d feel special) and left it at that

 

[lurkyloo]

I actually wanted to walk down the aisle alone cuz I had issues with the whole idea of someone as old as I am needing to be "given away," but I knew it would really hurt my dad's feelings if we didn't walk down together, so we did.

It turned out to be a really nice moment together, and I'm glad we did it. Plus we got some great pictures!

So maybe you would find that, even though it sounds weird now, having two parents walk you down the aisle isn't that big a deal in the great scheme of things, plus it keeps your mom and dad happy and may even be a nice show of unity.

 

[Pinkerbell1983]

I also wanted both my mum and dad to walk me down the aisle, I think it's a really sweet idea. In the end my mum said she didn't want to and thought it was a nice dad moment... but my niece and nephew will probably walk with us.

 

[jspahn]

Thanks for the replies so far!

I have been mulling it over, and I really dont want her to walk with my dad and I. So I have been trying to come up with something that might appease her.
Normally the mother of the bride is seated just before the processional starts... so I am wondering if I change that, and have her AND my step dad actually walk down just before my dad and I.

What do you think? I know its not quite the same as what she was asking for, but it's the best I can come up with. I also like it because it includes my step-dad.

 

[dhay]

To be honest, as someone whose mother was unable to be at my wedding because she had passed away, I would have loved to have her and my Dad on my side.

I personally think you are very lucky to have your mom want to be represented so, and a part of such a huge moment of walking you down the aisle. I would reccomemnd doing it, because once your Mom is no longer around (hopefully not for many many many years) you will always look back on that moment and appreciate it.

Good luck whatever you decide

 

[kingLouiethe1]

How about you just let it stew for a little while, then get really upset and yell at all of them and tell them to behave like adults and that if they can't get their act together you'll walk your own darn self the aisle.

Then they'll all feel guilty and you'll buy yourself a few weeks of peace.

 

[mermaidbride1108]

How about you just let it stew for a little while, then get really upset and yell at all of them and tell them to behave like adults and that if they can't get their act together you'll walk your own darn self the aisle.

Then they'll all feel guilty and you'll buy yourself a few weeks of peace.

You made me chuckle

 

[PrincessKsMom]

My parents divorced when I was 3. I saw my father very infrequently. I didn't even invite him to the wedding. I always knew my mom would walk me down the aisle. She's the one who raised me, took care of me, sacrificed for me. It was time for me to let her know how much I appreciated and loved her. We also did our first dance together to "Wind Beneath My Wings" by Bette Midler (did I mention I got married in '92? ) There wasn't a dry eye in the house!

My father's mother (my grandmother) had a big problem with this. She insisted he be invited, and that it was his right, as my father, to give me away. I told her every father gets to give away his little girl once, and he took his opportunity when I was 3. Now it's my mom's turn and if you don't like it, don't come. Harsh, yes, but this coming from a woman who knew I hadn't seen him in years.

My point is, it's your wedding, do what you feel is right and don't let anyway force you to do otherwise. However, I wouldn't not have your mom walk you just because that's not the "norm". Don't worry about pictures and logistics, do what feels right in your heart.

 

[jspahn]

How about you just let it stew for a little while, then get really upset and yell at all of them and tell them to behave like adults and that if they can't get their act together you'll walk your own darn self the aisle.

Then they'll all feel guilty and you'll buy yourself a few weeks of peace.

OMG you made me laugh so hard! Believe me, that thought has crossed my mind. Along with the statement of "it's my wedding so we are goign to do things my way" but that seemed very bridezilla

 

[kingLouiethe1]

OMG you made me laugh so hard! Believe me, that thought has crossed my mind. Along with the statement of "it's my wedding so we are goign to do things my way" but that seemed very bridezilla

Well it's totally bridezilla, and I always think open communication is probably the best way to deal with things, but sometimes when parents and adults are being unreasonable it doesn't work, which is when a little emotional manipulation comes in handy.