Missing gift etiquette?

[lurkyloo]

We had our wedding shower last weekend and it was a ton of fun. However, as I was going over the eVite responses, I noticed that my second cousin (who is a very responsible grownup) mentioned she would be sending a gift even though she couldn't attend. But we didn't get anything from her at the shower.

I don't want to call her up and ask about the gift - what if she changed her mind or forgot? But I also worry that it got lost in the mail, and for the rest of my life she'll be mad that I didn't send her a thank-you note for the gift I never got!

What should I do?

 

[Pezalicious]

Is there someone close to you who can call her and tell her all about the wonderful wedding she missed, and then broach the subject of gifts? Maybe they can ask what she got you and you can find out if she really did send it. If she didn't, you're off the hook. If she did, give her a call after another week.

 

[caryndisneydiva]

i'm with pezalicious, i'd put the word out to someone who could discreetly ask if the gift was sent...our mail in tx is not good, so i sympathize...

 

[hmgolden]

I would ask the person who hosted your shower to inquire about the missing gift. That way its more of a 'I'm helping the bride out and tying up loose ends from the event' kind of thing than an 'I'm the bride, and where's my gift' thing.

 

[lurkyloo]

Hmm... the problem with having a relative ask is that only my dad knows this cousin, and he wasn't even at the shower. I like the idea of asking the hostess to do it - she was a little PO'ed at me when I asked if there was a chance she had misplaced the gift, so we'll see if she still wants to help me out - hee hee!

 

[theantibride]

Actually she may not have sent it yet. I couldn't attend a shower once cause I'd be out of town and said I'd send a gift. I did but I didn't send it in time for the shower. I sent it to the bbride's house when I got back -- about a week later. Give it some time. I guarantee you that if she doesn't get a thank you byt the time she thinks she deserves one she'll calll you to find out if you got the gift. At which point you could say "No, I never did. I'm sos sorry!" and then she can find out where it is. By having someone call up and say "We were wondering if you sent the gift yet" she will know that it's actually coming from you (trust me --- people always know) and you'll look greedy! Etiquette states you don't acknowledge gifts until you actually receive them so just wait it out. My grandma sent us an engagement gift right after we got engaged. I was out of town when it arrived so I couldn't even tell her ont he phone that it arrived. She called my mum to ask her and then my mum asked me, but of course I knew it came from my grandma! And I just had to be honest and say "It didn't come before I left town but if it's there when I get back I'll call Grandma right away and then send her a note." And when my friend Karen got married she constantly had people callling her and asking if their gifts had arrived (only once it hadn't. Once it didn't have a card so she didn't know who it was from so for that one she just said "Yes, It did and I just mailed you a thank you card today! The other one she said "Actually it hasn't" and then the gift giver hunted down where it was). Just take a wait-and-see approach rather than looking eager or greedy.