Military Balls (bit of a vent)

[Swimalie]

Maybe as a cost-cutting ball next year, you can suggest a place like the Udvar-Hazy Air and Space Museum. A friend of mine's husband's office has their Christmas ball there every year. It sounds perfect for a military ball.

I live in NoVA and can relate to high expenses (being an officer of higher up in the gov't doesn't go far in this area!). The expenses for the ball are high but I have to admit, I'm a bit jealous. My husband was a Navy pilot (Lt) before we met and got out. I never got to go to the balls. Now his office (Treasury) does a pot luck lunch and no spouses are invited since his office is too secure. So go and have fun for me and try not to worry too much about the cost while there.

 

[fredflintstone]

I am an active duty wife, and wow $111 for tickets!! Are you kidding me? In the 10 years that I have been doing this with my husband, we have never paid that much for both of our tickets! Usually the tickets are free, $5 (just to reserve our dinners! haha No we didn't get it back) or I think the most we have ever paid was $30 a ticket. We have never had a ball onpost either. We are Army if that makes any difference. I have one "hot" dress that I bought a few years ago, only wore it one time though. The last one I bought I found on sale at Dillard's for $25! I did my own hair/nails/makeup the last ball and still looked great! My husband has been putting off buying the dress blues for awhile now, but had to for this last ball. So that was a lot of money we put out, and then my dress shoes got packed with our stuff to head to Germany so 2 hours before the ball I had to find shoes and they were on sale! I haven't been to a ball where drinks were free except beer. They have always paid for the beer but mixed drinks had to be paid out of pocket. Our balls are about 20 min. or so from post. I have not had to pay for childcare as my friends will watch my kids and keep them overnight if I want them to!

I hate all the expenses of balls, but they are still fun to go to! So I will continue to go to them. It isn't often my husband and I get a night out together, let alone a "fancy" dinner and dancing! You could opt to stay home, but it may not be as fun! I figure if my hubby has to go, I will go and keep him company!! Side note...try to cut costs wherever you can!

 

[edk35]

It's hard for me to be sympathetic on the subject, since OP's husband is a military officer. These things "go with the territory" and when you compare their salaries with those of enlisted members, they are more than adequately compensated.

You are opening a can of worms by saying that. She is venting about something that is quite expensive for one night. She is not venting because her husband is an officer and should be able to afford it because of his rank. I really don't think the "new ribbon" or "medal" is what the vent is about. It is the overall cost for their ball this year.

 

[marie1203]

Your husband, as a active duty military member, should already receive an annual clothing allowance (on his service anniversary), which is intended to offset the expense for certain replacement items, as well as the occassional little things.

The clothing allowance is not even near how much they really need. I guess if you don't do anything but stay in the office is enough. Last year we added up and we spend over $2500 in uniforms, boots, gears, etc. The clothing allowance is not even close to real expense.


To the OP yes it is a pain every year. We spend about $700 and the food was terrible it was so bad we had to go out after because we very starving.

 

[edk35]

Tell that to my bank account! My husband has an engineering drgree but has chosen a military career. His friends from college make at least double what he does in the Army.

 

[edk35]

I know I've seen a lot of other military folk post on here...if your (or your spouse's) unit has balls, about how much do you end up spending, total?

We just got the info for this years ball. It is being held at a luxury hotel over 30 miles away from the base (this is the Washington DC area). We live off base and the hotel is about 40 miles away from our house.

Our expenses:

1. Babysitting-- $130
There is no way I feel comfortable going that far away, that late at night and leaving my kids with the "teenager down the street" type sitter. The child care center on base is offering care (on base, not in the hotel) at a rate of $40 for the first kid, $30 each additional. This does NOT include meals, parents must supply a sack dinner. I have 4 kids, so babysitting for me would be $130--not outrageous, considering...but still a major expense.

2. Tickets--$111 per person. This, I feel, is outrageous. Why couldn't they hold the ball at one of the clubs on base, or even a closer, maybe less fancy hotel?

3. Dress--I found a dress that would be acceptable for about $100. I don't love it, but "it will do". Still, I hate to spend $100 on something I'm not really thrilled about. I have shoes I can wear, from a previous ball several years ago. Again, I"m not thrilled with them, but they will do. I will have to buy special lingerie to go under the dress...that's expensive! I"m thinking I'll end up spending at least $50 on undergarments alone!

If I got my hair done/nails done/make up...we're talking a few hundred more, so that's not happening

4. My husband (the military member)'s uniform--he already has...but it seems every year there is some type of little accessory, new ribbon/medal, minor alterations, etc. he needs to purchase...

5. Parking is not included at the hotel (Again, why couldn't they just have it at a club on base?!?!?!?) and will be either $19 or $28, depending on if we want to self park, or valet...

6. Drinks--would depend, of course. We're not huge drinkers, and since we arent' spending the night, one of us would be soda only!

7. We have the option to get a hotel room for an additional $189 for the night, but since our kids would be back at the day care, that is not even an option for us...

So it looks like it's going to be at least $500 MINIMUM (that's if I don't get my hair/nails done, or even buy a new lipstick--and we both drink tap water only!!!) just for the ball.

Am I a cheapskate, or does this seem a little outrageous? Those of you who attend military balls, is this pretty typical in your experience too?

My husband did 12 years as an active duty officer and then finished his time up in the reserves and retired from the reserves in 2009. I feel your pain. We never felt like we were rolling in the dough either during those years. We have been to many balls over the years HOWEVER the one you are attending.... is EXPENSIVE!!!! WOWOWOWOW!! I would be venting too. That is a lot of money to dish out for one evening. My husband works for the gov't now so we don't attend them anymore, but some were actually fun and others not. I am sure there are many other wives FLIPPING out on the cost of this one. There might be more military men/women that go to this one alone..... this year. That is a lot of money.

 

[eyor44]

I am not military, but I work for the Navy and have been on the Navy Ball Committee for several years. We work all year doing fundraisers to lower the costs as much as possible to keep tickets prices low. I am doing a used book sale tomorrow. People bring in books and then I sell them cheap. Usually make about $400 in three hours.

Our tickets are three levels. E4 and below, E5 & E6, E7 and above. This year our highest price is $35 and I thought that was too much. We try to hold the ball at a different location every year, as we work at a government installation, not a military installation. This year the ball is 1 hour and 15 minutes from my house.

I have to find a sitter for DD to spend the night with. DS is going as he is in JROTC now and we feel it would be a good experience for him. Since I am on the committe, I have to be there early and stay the entire time, so we are renting a room at $109 + tax. I have three dresses that I bought on clearance and rotate from year to year. Ours is formal, so long dress means no one can see my shoes so I wear my good black flats. I do my own manicure and hair. I purchased DH a tux so we don't have that cost anymore. DS will wear his NJROTC uniform.

Here is my breakdown:
3 Tickets - $105
Room - $130
Sitter - $100
Cash bar - $30
Photographer - $60

Total - $425
never realized what it cost before. Thanks for pointing that out to me.

 

[hmdavid]

My husband did 12 years as an active duty officer and then finished his time up in the reserves and retired from the reserves in 2009. I feel your pain. We never felt like we were rolling in the dough either during those years. We have been to many balls over the years HOWEVER the one you are attending.... is EXPENSIVE!!!! WOWOWOWOW!! I would be venting too. That is a lot of money to dish out for one evening. My husband works for the gov't now so we don't attend them anymore, but some were actually fun and others not. I am sure there are many other wives FLIPPING out on the cost of this one. There might be more military men/women that go to this one alone..... this year. That is a lot of money.

It is a REALLY expensive one, I suppose because of the location. We had one last month that my hubby went solo to (it was on a Wednesday night, have you heard of such a thing?) and that one was $50 per person.

 

[HawaiinPunch]

I am a military spouse (enlisted) and we do a ball every year. We fundraise to pay the cost of our tickets (food, entertainment). We also do the dress swap that someone else mentioned. This event is organized by the FRG leader. Each wife brings in a dress and gets a ticket. Teh FRG leader (and other volunteers) organize dresses by size, color, etc. Each spouse with a ticket is then allowed to "shop" for her new dress. We only allow a 1 for 1 swap on dresses. We always secure childcare ahead of time from the hotel or a child care facility in the area. "Military Discount" is a phrase we use often!! Fake nails from Walmart can look just as beautiful as salon nails if you take your time. There are all kinds of videos on the internet that show how to do your own hair for special occasions and I use them for each ball. An idea that you can use is to start a "Ball savings account". Just put a few dollars each month in it and by next year, you'll have no worries about costs! I have 3 children and I'm a stay at home mom, so I know that things add up, you just have to be that creative Army Wife and make the best of it!

 

[sydneysmom]

I'm a military retiree, so that "E vs. O" thing doesn't hold much for me, anymore.

However, I would've been more sympathetic had you been an enlisted spouse, as trying to go to these functions on, say, an E-5 salary is truly something that warrants a little something extra.

I'm just sayin'...

I'm sorry, but I just had to jump in here. The OP isn't looking to get slammed or judged for whatever her financial situation is. She's looking to vent and blow off some steam. And it is alot of money for one night, no matter how much you're making. It's not for you to judge HER situation or her and her husband's financial situation. She's simply looking for someone to sympathize with.

You say that the E v O doesn't matter, yet you basically shut her down and say "you'd be more sympathetic if she was an elisted spouse". it sounds to me as if you're judging her and telling her that her concerns are trivial because she's married to an officer.

It's a bit unkind and ungracious if you ask me.

I'm just sayin '........

 

[crisi]

Consignment is great for dresses - especially on the East Coast.

I'd be tempted to fly in Grandma or a sister or someone - if you can do so reasonably. I'm assuming you don't have family close. You get the family time plus the built in babysitter. Yes, more expensive, but your family has to visit sometime, right - might be worth suggesting that they do so when you could use their help.

I'm not a military spouse, by my husband has the same sorts of obligations with charity balls and events through work. Its always nice when someone else tells you how to spend your time and money. There are things I'd rather do than buy another dress I wear once and eat a bad peice of chicken.

 

[Leajess99]

Am I a cheapskate, or does this seem a little outrageous? Those of you who attend military balls, is this pretty typical in your experience too?

IMO, that is outrageous. Our military ball was always held on post. I never went as I had kids to take care of and it just was not my thing.

 

[Leajess99]

It's hard for me to be sympathetic on the subject, since OP's husband is a military officer. These things "go with the territory" and when you compare their salaries with those of enlisted members, they are more than adequately compensated.

In all honesty, I don't think any military member is "more than adequately compensated."

 

[mdrob214]

It is expensive! That's why I stopped going to these events.

 

[superme80]

In all honesty, I don't think any military member is "more than adequately compensated."

To the OP I'm sorry. That is a ton of money for 1 night. I have no advice. When it came to my wedding I had a friend do my hair and make up. I have never had it professionally done. Good luck with whatever you decide!!!!

 

[twooley2]

This is a ton of money i have to agree. Civilians also spend this at christmas party time an other work related events. I think the military views it as offering you entertainment by setting it up. Is there not another military spouse that you know that can babysitt after all you all should be pretty close being that you live and are in the same circles being military and all. I think its nice that they offer the nights out to mingle and to give the military members time away to appropriatley celebrate their service. Possibly it should be viewed as a celebration for their dedication rather than a chore.

 

[Stephanie218]

We still haven't decided if we're going to the ball this year. DH is returning from deployment shortly, PCA'ing and checking into his new unit, and then going on leave - so we will be on leave for the date of the ball. I like getting dressed up, but the costs really do add up. Our tickets are $75 each, hotel is $125, and DH would have to redo all his medals for what he's earned this deployment. Not to mention the dress/hair/etc. We're thinking we may just skip this year - there will always be another chance to go.

 

[dodukes]

We still haven't decided if we're going to the ball this year. DH is returning from deployment shortly, PCA'ing and checking into his new unit, and then going on leave - so we will be on leave for the date of the ball. I like getting dressed up, but the costs really do add up. Our tickets are $75 each, hotel is $125, and DH would have to redo all his medals for what he's earned this deployment. Not to mention the dress/hair/etc. We're thinking we may just skip this year - there will always be another chance to go.

Stephanie, I just love your sig pic!!!!

As to the OP, I think it sounds expensive but if you can manage go out and have a good time. Maybe do a few things yourself and try to find a cheaper dress like at Ross, or marshalls. I think the main thing would be daycare, maybe one of the neighbohood college kids or anther friend?

 

[VAfamily1998]

This is a ton of money i have to agree. Civilians also spend this at christmas party time an other work related events. I think the military views it as offering you entertainment by setting it up. Is there not another military spouse that you know that can babysitt after all you all should be pretty close being that you live and are in the same circles being military and all. I think its nice that they offer the nights out to mingle and to give the military members time away to appropriatley celebrate their service. Possibly it should be viewed as a celebration for their dedication rather than a chore.

Thanks for the response!

Yeah, I really don't know many other miltary spouses out here. We live off base, pretty far off base actually, and his unit really isn't "social" at all. The last base we lived, in California, there were lots of get together for the wives (Bunco, coffees, etc) and there was a Key Volunteer program (from what I understand, it is similar to the Army's FRG) I was active in...Here, no...at least not in Dh's unit. I'm sure not all the units on his base are like that, but his is
I do know other people, friends from the neighborhood, etc...but I'm one of those types that HATES to ask for favors from people! Seriously, several years ago he was deployed, and one of our smoke detectors needed a battery change. The problem was, our ceiling that it was on was about 14 feet high, so it wasn't an easy fix. I lived for TWO months with that thing shrieking (the most horrible ear piercing shriek!) every minute, 24 hours a day--because I hated to ask a friend or neighbor to help me out with the ladder!

And I TOTALLY agree about it being viewed as a celebration. Unfortunately, when they make it cost so much, it becomes more about it being a "fancy party" than what it REALLY is.

 

[VAfamily1998]

Thank you everyone for the responses and ideas! I really appreciate all of them! I'm especially going to look more into consignment stores and such!

Thank you!!!