MIL problem!!!!!! HELP!

[glocon]

Unless there was no other way I could get my family to WDW, I would not go with someone who wanted to control my whole trip. And if that was the case, I would say thank you, and do what she wanted to do.

Now it is not clear if this MIL is controlling like this at all, but if she is not, then I say talk about the trip, find out her expectations and desires, and throw out what you think your kids might enjoy that is different from what she wants to do. If that is not possible because she is just that controlling, than decide if you want to go on a trip with someone like that, and if you do, just say thank you and enjoy as best as you can.

 

[tiredsportsmom]

Thanks for your response. My dsil wants to be at the disney parks as much as possible (like my db) . They only have one child (8) and she wants to see everything. They all want my input since I've travelled to Disney with my mil but thank god she left the planning up to me and we had a great time. (I also had her input too ) when I asked ( my mil)if she needed to rest I think she was offended !!! lol Anyways they love Disney and are not sure when they will be back so they want to roam the parks and see it at a leisurely pace. They aren't "pool" people.

Has the MIL been to Disney before? If not maybe she doesn't know how much there is to see and do!! Perhaps they should plan a family meeting, have your DB & DSIL have info on each park: rides, shows, ADR's, possible wait times, etc. Get everyone's input on what they want to see & do in each park, etc. If MIL sees how excited her DGD is about going and that there is so much she wants to see and do she maybe willing to extend the park days just for her DGD! If not they at least have a game plan to go with and can still have a great time!! At first I thought maybe kids shouldn't be at family meeting but after thinking about it, the DGD excitement and wanting to do stuff maybe the key to getting her to change her mind!!

Even if she doesn't change her mind they will still have a game plan and are still getting a free Disney trip!!

GOOD LUCK to all of them!!

 

[jump00]

Has the MIL been to Disney before? If not maybe she doesn't know how much there is to see and do!! Perhaps they should plan a family meeting, have your DB & DSIL have info on each park: rides, shows, ADR's, possible wait times, etc. Get everyone's input on what they want to see & do in each park, etc. If MIL sees how excited her DGD is about going and that there is so much she wants to see and do she maybe willing to extend the park days just for her DGD! If not they at least have a game plan to go with and can still have a great time!! At first I thought maybe kids shouldn't be at family meeting but after thinking about it, the DGD excitement and wanting to do stuff maybe the key to getting her to change her mind!!

Even if she doesn't change her mind they will still have a game plan and are still getting a free Disney trip!!

GOOD LUCK to all of them!!

Well said - and thanks!!

 

[tiredsportsmom]

Our DS6 is actually my step grandson but we have had custody of him since he was 4 months old. Stepson and his ex girlfriend are pretty much out of the picture. My DS24 is always telling me I never let him get away with the stuff I do the little one!
I have a total of 7 step grandkids I know from experience they can get me to do or change my mind more than their parents can!!

 

[Mousin' Around]

If MIL is paying, I would let her do it her way.

 

[momimouse27]

I just can't get on board with the idea that because someone is paying, they should control an entire vacation.

 

[WDSearcher]

I just can't get on board with the idea that because someone is paying, they should control an entire vacation.

But there's also no rule that says just because you're at WDW, you need to be in the parks every day to have fun.

So there's a little bit of an issue on both sides, IMO.

OP's relatives are getting a free trip to Florida, with three days at WDW and four days of whatever else they want to do. I think that's pretty darn sweet! Particularly since there's a whole lot of other stuff to do -- at Disney and in Central Florida in general -- outside of the Disney parks. And I don't think it's unreasonable for MIL to say, "I'm paying for this, and I'd like to have some family time with my grandchildren that doesn't involve standing in lines, meeting characters and trying to get on as many rides as possible."

The family seems to be saying "we may never get to WDW again so we want to see and do as much as possible in the parks", which could come off as them using the MIL for a free trip and then leaving her alone by the pool while they go on their merry way. In which case it's not really fair to take the free airfare and hotel and then not consider the wishes of the person who's giving it to you.

So while I don't think that it's necessarily fair for the person who pays to control the vacation, it's also not fair for the person who's GETTING the free trip to expect to be able to get everything they want.

 

[bookgirl]

Our DS6 is actually my step grandson but we have had custody of him since he was 4 months old. Stepson and his ex girlfriend are pretty much out of the picture. My DS24 is always telling me I never let him get away with the stuff I do the little one!
I have a total of 7 step grandkids I know from experience they can get me to do or change my mind more than their parents can!!

My nephew's Nana (my mother) is not the same woman who raised me. I say this all the time and she admits it's so true. She not only lets them wrap her around thier fingers but I was barely allowed to have any treats and she fixes my nephew cinnamon rolls and Dr Pepper for breakfast.

However as overprotective as she was of me, she is twice as skittish with the twins. I could at least walk to the local park, she never wanted them out of her sight at all.

 

[kathie859]

Ehhh.....does MIL (and her TA) know there are four parks plus the water parks?


I suggest a family get together to discuss expectations and to clarify that no one has to be attached at the hip 100% of the time. This will make for a more pleasant experience.

 

[mom to minnie&mickey]

But there's also no rule that says just because you're at WDW, you need to be in the parks every day to have fun.

So there's a little bit of an issue on both sides, IMO.

OP's relatives are getting a free trip to Florida, with three days at WDW and four days of whatever else they want to do. I think that's pretty darn sweet! Particularly since there's a whole lot of other stuff to do -- at Disney and in Central Florida in general -- outside of the Disney parks. And I don't think it's unreasonable for MIL to say, "I'm paying for this, and I'd like to have some family time with my grandchildren that doesn't involve standing in lines, meeting characters and trying to get on as many rides as possible."

The family seems to be saying "we may never get to WDW again so we want to see and do as much as possible in the parks", which could come off as them using the MIL for a free trip and then leaving her alone by the pool while they go on their merry way. In which case it's not really fair to take the free airfare and hotel and then not consider the wishes of the person who's giving it to you.

So while I don't think that it's necessarily fair for the person who pays to control the vacation, it's also not fair for the person who's GETTING the free trip to expect to be able to get everything they want.

Absolutely this! Your brother and family should be grateful for this VERY generous offer from mil. Say thank you and accept or decline but I do not believe it is his right to try to change her offer or even upgrade at his own expense (which would be really inexpensive as the bulk of the money is for the first 3 days). That would probably make her feel that she was being cheap and that her offer was good but just not good enough kwim? At the end of the day is he willing to go to Disney on his own dime? If not then 3 park days and 3 waterpark days is still a lot more than what he is offering his family. I hope they go and make great memories.

P.S. My family is going in August for 11 nights but only going to 3 parks.

 

[mmafan]

If MIL is paying, I would let her do it her way.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^THIS^^^^^^^^^^^^

 

[dansamy]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^THIS^^^^^^^^^^^^

Down here, we call it "ya dance with the one that brung ya". I would, at minimum, have a little family vacation planning meeting & ascertain what strings MIL expects to be controlling & see what's negotiable.

 

[leebee]

I'd have a meeting with MIL to learn why she picked these tickets. Did her TA convince her that HS and AK were half-day parks? Does your family really enjoy water parks enough to go for two days, and do you like interactive games like Disney Quest? These are things that hold no interest for my family; we are good for a half-day at a water park about once every 5 years, and the whole DQ thing gives me hives- ENORMOUS waste of time and money, in my family's opinion. We just don't enjoy these things, and really aren't pool people. In 25 trips to WDW, I bet we have totally skipped going to any pool at all in about 15 of them. My sister doesn't get this, but we just don't like to hang out in/around a pool. Boring. Maybe MIL just didn't realize how people felt about these kinds of things. Before worrying about everything, I'd talk to MIL.

I think the "she's paying, she plans" mindset is interesting. Do you guys always accept what others decide, just because they are paying? If you go out to dinner with someone do you let them order for you because they paid? Do you always keep and use every gift you've ever received, or have you exchanged things for a different color, model, upgrade, or- gasp- RETURNED something because you didn't like it, didn't feel you'd use it, needed something that was more fitting of your lifestyle? Same thing here. Just because MIL is buying the trip doesn't mean you can't negotiate something more "user-friendly." Everyone needs to go into a family meeting with open minds and open hearts, and talk about what is going to happen on this vacation, then depending on the outcome, re-evaluate expectations.

 

[lmhall2000]

Awesome gift from MIl

Just be thankful, talk to Disney about cost of upgrading two more days and have his family pay for it.

 

[momof2n2]

If someone paid my way to a park I'd not speak out. They can take their tickets up and upgrade them and pay the difference.

Depending on the kids' ages 7 may be way too much.

 

[Jennasis]

No biggie. Just have them go to guest relations and add however many days they want to their tix and pay for the difference out of pocket. My guess is that once MIL finds out that they're going to do this, she'll upgrade her ticket too. Also, she may realize once she's there that 3 days isn't enough (cause it isn't).

If MIl has a problem with them adding on at their own expense then she can simply not invite them on her trips in the future.

 

[Nancyg56]

No biggie. Just have them go to guest relations and add however many days they want to their tix and pay for the difference out of pocket. My guess is that once MIL finds out that they're going to do this, she'll upgrade her ticket too. Also, she may realize once she's there that 3 days isn't enough (cause it isn't).

If MIl has a problem with them adding on at their own expense then she can simply not invite them on her trips in the future.

I think that the MIL has already vetoed their upgrading on their own. That is why the OP came here I think, to get feedback.

I think the entire thing is awkward. MIL invites the family on an all expense paid vacation and wants to spend time relaxing with the family. She gets information from her friend "THE TRAVEL AGENT" and refuses to believe that the TA may not be correct. Family asks if it is okay to upgrade at their own expense, by MIL says no. Now what?

I think that under these circumstances, it is clear that MIL has planned the vacation and expects her family to go along with it. That is why it is very important to make sure that they really are all onboard with the plan. I realize that the OP's brother can do whatever he wants to do, but if that causes family issues later, is it worth it? I don't know, but I think it is better to make sure that there are no surprises later.

 

[Luvchefmic]

Sorry I don't think I explained the situation clearly ....... she wants my brother and his family ONLY to have a 3 day pass as well. They are more than willing to upgrade the extra days themselves. The mil wants to control their vacation as well. My brother just wants to be able to see as much as possible since they don't know when they will be back.

Me I would stay out of it, this is between your MIL & BIL/Bro ? Why put yourself in the middle of it all? I don't understand , these are 2 grownups right? There are going to be hurt feelings (they are obviously already brewing) If MIL is paying she may feel like her gift isn't good enough & feels hurt I would tell them what my part of the family is doing re-tickets and then let them sort it out

Reminds me of the Everybody Loves Raymond episode when Marie paid for the family to go to Italy ;-)

 

[Patience]

If I want to do things completely my way on my vacation, I pay for my own vacation. If someone else is generous enough to offer to pay, I would have to be gracious enough to do the vacation their way. If I wasn't able to do it their way, I wouldn't accept the offer to pay. Seems simple enough to me.

 

[momimouse27]

I'd have a meeting with MIL to learn why she picked these tickets. Did her TA convince her that HS and AK were half-day parks? Does your family really enjoy water parks enough to go for two days, and do you like interactive games like Disney Quest? These are things that hold no interest for my family; we are good for a half-day at a water park about once every 5 years, and the whole DQ thing gives me hives- ENORMOUS waste of time and money, in my family's opinion. We just don't enjoy these things, and really aren't pool people. In 25 trips to WDW, I bet we have totally skipped going to any pool at all in about 15 of them. My sister doesn't get this, but we just don't like to hang out in/around a pool. Boring. Maybe MIL just didn't realize how people felt about these kinds of things. Before worrying about everything, I'd talk to MIL.

I think the "she's paying, she plans" mindset is interesting. Do you guys always accept what others decide, just because they are paying? If you go out to dinner with someone do you let them order for you because they paid? Do you always keep and use every gift you've ever received, or have you exchanged things for a different color, model, upgrade, or- gasp- RETURNED something because you didn't like it, didn't feel you'd use it, needed something that was more fitting of your lifestyle? Same thing here. Just because MIL is buying the trip doesn't mean you can't negotiate something more "user-friendly." Everyone needs to go into a family meeting with open minds and open hearts, and talk about what is going to happen on this vacation, then depending on the outcome, re-evaluate expectations.

The dinner point is interesting. I would never take someone to dinner/vacation and then tell them I get to choose for them. A gift is something out of the goodness of a persons heart, not something used to control someone. Honestly, if it were me and I wasn't happy with the plans, I might actually tell the MIL that I appreciate the generosity, but I'd like to pay for my own part of the vacation, giving more control over the planning of it.