MIL just left - need to vent

[CEDmom]

My MIL is a real piece of work. First a little background. She lives less than an hour from us and sees DD(4) only a few times a year. She doesn't drive so DH has to get her and it's always a big production. However, she never calls to find out what DD is doing or to talk to her.

Anyway, getting back to today. They arrived(BIL came too) and just sit in the living watching DD without talking or trying to play with her. MIL spends her time trying to take pictures of DD. Each time she pulls out the camera DD dives under the dining room table. I explain several times to MIL that DD doesn't like her picture taken and would she please stop. MIL says she's never known a child that didn't like their picture taken and DD was just being silly . I didn't want to scene so I let it go. Fast forward to lunch. We're eating in the kitchen and as a center piece is a gingerbread house DD and I made yesterday. DD is so proud of this creation and is showing it off and explaining how we made it. MIL calls it a cake several times and I explain it's not a cake but a decoration. Then MIL proceeds to reach out and yank 2 jelly beans off the house . DD's lower lip started to quiver and I got mad. I told DD that some people don't know better than to eat a decoration and we'd fix it. The culmination was MIL expecting DD to give her a hug and kiss. I don't make DD do this, although she does need to say goodbye and thank someone for coming.

Sorry this is so long. I feel a little better.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I think a few times a year is too much!!! If my MIL did that I think I wouldn't have her back.

 

[Cruisin]

I agree your MIL is a real piece of work.
She obviously does not have any idea of how to relate to a young child. How did she every manage with her own?
Well at least there is one good thing about all of this, it reinforces to you just how NOT to treat your own grandchildren when the time comes.
Sounds like my inlaws, they always find something negative to say about everything.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

Fix the house and have no regrets that you did your part to get them together. Where is DH during this? It is always hard when families don't hit it off. I think you are right about not forcing the hug and kiss if DD is not comfortable.

 

[CEDmom]

I plan these get togethers really for DH. I know it must be hard for him on some level seeing how well I get along with my family and how much my mom dotes on DD. It's just a really awkward situation. DH usually reacts the same way I do. I know he'll come back from taking them home, give me a big hug and thank me for doing it.

Next time I will insist no camera and will take it away.

 

[mrssalvaggio]

Well, it could be worse - she could live in the same town and be over once a week. I would try to let as much as possible slide, because the visits are so seldom. Time goes so quickly, and while it's unfortunate that your MIL doesn't seem able to relate very well to her granddaughter, it doesn't do any good for you to get upset. Your DD will pick up on this and it's not fair for that to possibly have a negative impact on how she feels about her Grandma. I used to really dislike my MIL. We lived 1000 miles apart, but she had airline benefits and came down every 6 weeks for the weekend for my DD's(now 14) first year (every 3-4 months since). She was hurt that she didn't get to see her grandbaby on a daily basis. She had 2 boys, but had always longed for a daughter. So mine was to take that place and I felt she overstepped the boundaries. When she'd visit her attitude was that I should fade into the background and let her take over. She wanted to do every feeding, her baths, would want to hold her for her naps, etc. When my DH would finally insist she be put down in her crib, MIL would act all weepy because she couldn't bear to let her go. I had some built up resentment, but I was young then and respected her enough to bite my tongue. When we had our DS 9 years later, she did none of this (my guess is because he was a boy). Now my BIL and his wife live near my MIL and they had a DD 2 months ago and my MIL is over there almost every day. My MIL is a genuinely loving person, but I can find it to be somewhat overwhelming and smothering. I feel sorry for my SIL because I know when you're a new mother with your first born how intimidated you can get. My SIL is very shy and quiet (plus my BIL is a total momma's boy), so MIL will do whatever she wants to with their baby. Sorry so long, but just giving an example how things really could be worse.

 

[FreshTressa]

How aggravating!!

Be glad she is only around a few times a year.

MIL's are the pits.

 

[grinningghost]

Wow, sorry to hear things didn't go so well. I have a MIL who is the exact opposite. She thinks ANYTHING kids do is OK. Because they're kids. So if her grandchildren run around and smear chocolate syrup all over her walls, she'll say "oh, they're just kids, let them go". Jeez. I hope I'm not one of those annoying MIL's.

 

[nativetxn]

Sorry your daughter got so upset during this visit and sorry you are feeling so frustrated with your mil right now. Wish I had some good advice for you but I don't.

 

[momsal]

WOW!! I can't imagine only seeing my Granddaughters only a few times a year!!


They live about 70 miles from me so I don't get to see them everyweek but I call them atleast once a week and I have them with me whenever I can!!!!

We play, do crafts, shop, cook and talk together. DGD are 7 and 2 and you might as well rip my heart out as to tell me I couldn't do those things!

Tell You little one that I will adopt her and be her Nana!!

I would love to see her gingerbread house!!!

 

[KathyFP]

Empathy from me!!!

Long story for another time, but I haven't talked with MIL for over two years. DH has only talked to her once.