MIL has requested her Christmas present

[MushyMushy]

I wouldn't be at all bothered by a request like that. BUT, it's your MIL's overall attitude that would upset me -- seems like after 20 years she still hasn't accepted you or your SIL as family. That would get to me.

I, personally, think that I will want pictures with JUST my two kids without their spouses, but then I don't think I'll be that cold of a MIL either. If my son's girlfriends are any indication, I think I've been pretty welcoming and loving towards them.

 

[jenrose66]

Doesn't really bother me. I remember we had family pics taken with DH's side of the family. We did a pic with all the kids and their spouses. Then the photographer did one with just DH's siblings and the grandkids. I didn't really think anything of it.

 

[scbelleatheart]

Good point. I am the only DIL left out of a total of 4. (one BIL was married twice, both failed). MIL would NOT want a picture with any of the other 3 DIL's and believe me I know what heartache they caused.

This! I get this completely and I have never been divorced. My MIL was cautious about adding people to legal documents. You never know what may happen. Things get sticky. She's my biggest supporter now but that is after 30 years of marriage. I feel the same now about my children. Do I really want my boys to have to split property that has been in the family for generations because they married someone who didn't work out after 10 years? Or have to give Grandma's ring to the ex in a divorce settlement?
Give her credit. She wants pictures of "her" family as a keepsake. Take others too but respect her wishes.


BTW, I own 75% of everything because I withstood the test of time and tried to put myself in her shoes.

 

[JVL1018]

Your MIL doesn't sound very nice..but the picture thing wouldn't really bother me.

I know it's not formal photos, but when my mom was alive, at holidays we'd always take a group shot of everyone, then one of all the grandkids, the grandkids with the grandparents, then each family unit-me and my husband and children etc- and then always one of just me and my two brothers-no spouses and then one of my brothers, me and our parents, no spouse no grandkids. Every year.

In my husband's family, my MIL is no longer alive, but when my husband and his 2 brothers and my FIL are together I always make sure to take a pic of them alone and I did frame one of the 4 of them as a gift for my FIL.

At our wedding the photographer did take photos of my husband alone with his parents and me alone with my parents and also each of us alone with each side of our family and of course together with each side.

 

[dis-happy]

The Duggar family is probably the least malicious family I've ever seen. Anyway, on one episode after Josh and Anna were married there were photos being taken and they cut to Anna standing to one side, laughing with the cameraman and saying they wanted to take one photo of all the bio kids only. She seemed fine with it.

 

[padams]

To all you daughter-in-laws getting upset because your MIL wants some blood-relation only photos, remember this:

She gave birth to them. Somebody else gave birth to you.

This is a really silly thing to be upset or offended over. Save it for something that really matters.

I will file this thread away for future reference, as I assume that someday I will be a mother-in-law myself. If a DIL/SIL insists on being in every picture I'll make sure they are positioned on the outside. It'll make it easier to airbrush them out to get the photo I may really want.

When your future DIL/SILs airbrush you out of their lives, you won't be surprised, will you?

 

[FayeW]

When your future DIL/SILs airbrush you out of their lives, you won't be surprised, will you?

If I insisted on being in ALL of their family photos, I would deserve it.

Naturally, when the time comes, the people my children marry will be included in family photos, but I am sure that on occasion I would like a photo or two of just the people I gave birth to, and/or perhaps their offspring. It's ridiculous to get worked up because you aren't invited to be in every shot, every time.

 

[Ceila]

Wow. Some of the attitudes written about (and expressed by at least one person) in this thread have really surprised me. Once my husband and I were engaged, we were both treated as "family" by the other's parents. My in-laws have never tried to exclude me from family pictures, nor have my parents ever excluded my husband. That old saying about one's children getting married - "you don't lose a daughter, you gain a son" (and vice versa) - is blessedly true in our family.

 

[C.Ann]

Wouldn't bother me in the least.. I've known quite a few families that have done this and no one seemed to think it was a big deal..

Now if she never wanted you in any photos, that would be a whole different story..

 

[MissElizabeth]

Honestly I don't think I'd be bothered by this at all. Its just a picture, not an indictment of how included you are in the family. She sounds like a wierdo. Accept her for the weirdo she is and don't sweat what you cannot change; it doesn't sound like she's toxic or anything, just lady chillbanes. I don't know... I don't let myself get worked up by people just being themselves, ya know?

 

[FlightlessDuck]

My parents always give us a Christmas list. It's their thing. Sometimes we follow it, sometimes we don't.

 

[amg35]

snarf!

My mom once made my brother sit out of a picture because she only wanted her daughters and granddaughters in it!

My boyfriend (15 years) had his family visiting this week. Plenty of pictures of just him with his dad/step-mom. Didn't bother me in the slightest.

It's not like she's telling you to never be in a picture again, it's just a portrait of her kids and grandkids.

 

[mrsstats]

My DH and his siblings had this done several years ago for his parents. It was just them, no grandchildren. I don't think it is because she doesnt like me but those are her children. It made her happy. In hindsight, it was good since my BIL past away. Like you said, you are not going to change her.

 

[sasywtch]

Hope I don't get boo'd but I can see a little of the MIL. My kids are now 32-20. I wouldn't use the word "family" but may say, I want a picture with my kids and grandkids. (I actually wouldn't exclude my DIL but thinking what the MIL might be thinking). Even though I'm fine with my DIL, I still remember my kids being born, them getting in bed with me when they were sick, taking them to school etc...the grandkids, well they are an extension of my son. (not meaning they aren't of my DIL, just they bring back the memories of my son being little if that makes sense). So even though my DIL is family, those memories aren't there. So if I wanted a generation type photo, I'd want one with those that I gave birth to (or adopted) and the grandkids that are a part of my son. Not that it's leaving DIL out, it's more of a "look how far we've come" type of photo. Kind of a bloodline type photo. All photos are taken with everyone in it including DIL (and my sister's husbands/brother's wife) so never personally have had this done but I could see myself one day maybe asking for one. Not meaning to exclude but a bloodline type photo.

I would not do a tit for tat (send her one with you in it type of thing) as that does nothing but cause more hard feelings. I also don't understand the "it's his mom,he can do it" remarks unless that's normal in the household already. My exhusband worked 12 hours a day, I worked 6 so I always did all the shopping for holidays, birthdays for everyone (husband hated shopping anyway). Since I figured his family was now my family, I bought the presents as I would with my family. Can't say "I'm part of the family, I should be in the picture" but yet say, "it's his mother, he should buy all the presents".