MIL has requested her Christmas present

[Tinker'n'Fun]

I guess I must be the odd-bird out. I would be jumping up and down excited. DH would need to take the kids for the day, and I could go out to lunch with friends, the spa, whatever I wanted. I would not be offended at all.

I guess since both of my IL's are deceased I look at it this way, DH would give anything to have a picture like that.

 

[Disney Doll]

I don't think it would bother me, per se, but I also wouldn't be the one making arrangements for a picture session that I wasn't going to be included in.

 

[powellrj]

I know several people said your DH should be the one to make the appointment, but if he is anything like my DH, he would show up at a Wal-Mart and just have them take the pictures. He tends to take the cheap and easy route on everything. I would take it as a complement that she trusts you enough to make the plans.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Honestly I would not be offended at all. I don't understand why it is so offensive that she wants a picture with her children all grown up. If my MIL wanted a photo of my husband and sibling and the grandchildren it wouldn't bother me at all. Of course the kids wouldn't be here without me but that doesn't mean she is snubbing me. She raised her children and now wants a picture of them with their children.
At my wedding we took family pictures without everyone. My Dh took pictures with his family, I took them with mine, and then we took pictures together. Everyone we know does that. I would make the appointement and make sure everyone gets there. I think it would make her very happy.

 

[RUDisney]

Good point!


How would you feel if MIL wanted to be in your 'family pic' Your DH wouldn't exist if it weren't for her, right? I'm just being silly but you see where I'm going with this? Don't take it personally esp. since you say she is a cold person. I think it would be really nice of you to get her the picture she wants for Christmas. I bet you'd feel good about it too.

But, MIL isn't a member of their immediate family. When a man and women get married, they create a new immediate family with those who live in their house. There would be no need for MIL to be in that picture unless they wanted to show the generations in it. And then if one GM is in it, all GPs should be in it.

My MIL insisted that her brother be in all of our wedding pictures with us. He was "representing" her since she was divorced. I think her goal was to ruin our pictures, but it didn't work. I didn't care about him being in those pictures because the family pictures only went into the parent albums. She got what she wanted. She was happy.

 

[Pooh Crew]

My friend's mother was dieing of cancer and wanted family pics done while she still looked healthy. Her son insisted that his fiance be in every single picture. Less than a year later, the mom had passed away and his then fiance/now wife had filed for divorce. Needless to say, when he got remarried, the last big pic of their "family" came down to avoid hurting new wife's feelings--but they did keep an 8X10 in the room...
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with the ex-wife's head cut out and the new wife's face pasted in!!!

Maybe op's mil is just planning for a day when op is not in the picture at all...no pun intended.

 

[rigs32]

My SO's family does this. All sorts of permutations and it doesn't bother me at all. There are two things that do bother me, however:

1) There was an event where a photo collage was put together of pics taken at a party. Everyone of the nucler family photos in the collage included the current SOs (photos were taken 2-3 months prior to this) EXCEPT for my SO's family photo. I've been around for years and we live together. BFs and GFs of lesser duration were included. I was the only one excluded. It was SO's mom who made the collage. I don't think it was an accident.

2) I am now the only long term SO that has not married her partner. There are reasons for that, but we live together, present ourselves as a couple/social unit, and the rest of the family seems to have accepted me. But SO's mom thrusts a camera at me at events asking me to be the photographer. Which means I'm never in any photos unless others insist that I get in one or two. It will be 20+ people and I am the only one taking photos. Again, I do not think this is an accident.

It affects my relationship with my SO's mom as I feel like I can't trust her as I clearly am just a GF who could disappear at any time. While technically true, the same can be said of married couples and has happened in their family.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

OP - I got you beat! I was at WDW with my family - DH, 3 DSDs and our 9 mo. old DD (at the time). My FIL, MIL and FIL's DM (DH's grandmother) met us at WL for dinner at Artist's Point. Grandmom was 85 at the time. We were taking family photos at the end in the lobby. I had the camera so of course I was out of all the pictures.

Finally, grandmom says "I want one with just the family." Umm, okay... She made my MIL step out of the picture. The woman had given her 6 grandchildren, and 17 great-grandchildren and wasn't deemed "family".

So I asked my MIL if she was offended. I considered her my family and wanted to think that she considered me her family. MIL said she had been dealing with this for going on close to 50 years. She laughed and told me not to be offended because it didn't solve anything. She said it was grandmom's thought process and there was nothing we could do to change it. So instead of getting upset, just let it roll off my back. I took her advice to heart and that is exactly what I did.

I loved DH's grandmother and spoiled her rotten. And you know, towards the end she really did consider me family.


My advice, take the picture with the sons and the grandchildren. Is it really going to hurt anything?

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

My SO's family does this. All sorts of permutations and it doesn't bother me at all. There are two things that do bother me, however:

1) There was an event where a photo collage was put together of pics taken at a party. Everyone of the nucler family photos in the collage included the current SOs (photos were taken 2-3 months prior to this) EXCEPT for my SO's family photo. I've been around for years and we live together. BFs and GFs of lesser duration were included. I was the only one excluded. It was SO's mom who made the collage. I don't think it was an accident.

2) I am now the only long term SO that has not married her partner. There are reasons for that, but we live together, present ourselves as a couple/social unit, and the rest of the family seems to have accepted me. But SO's mom thrusts a camera at me at events asking me to be the photographer. Which means I'm never in any photos unless others insist that I get in one or two. It will be 20+ people and I am the only one taking photos. Again, I do not think this is an accident.

It affects my relationship with my SO's mom as I feel like I can't trust her as I clearly am just a GF who could disappear at any time. While technically true, the same can be said of married couples and has happened in their family.

Okay, that's just wrong!!

 

[Maryr1]

I would be offended but I would do it. That being said, she is his mother and that alone dictates some measure of respect for her wishes. Our DD is adopted and I wonder how your MIL would deal with an adopted grandchild???? My inlaws chose never to be close to my daughter. Go figure. Their loss.....

 

[arminnie]

We had family pictures made one year when we got everyone together. One of our very favorite ones was suggested by the photographer - grandfather, son, grandson. None of us "girls" were the least offended to be left out.

It's just a picture. Make sure you take plenty of your family with her not in the picture. "Oh we want a picture just of our family" would be a good response to her.

My mother was from a family of 9. Every single holiday gathering there was a picture made of the 9 of them - there wasn't any room for anyone else! The sad part is now it has dwindled down to only 3 left.

 

[hereyago]

How about this scenario: My former almost MIL: after we had broken up, I was still part of their family. The FF had been in Navy stationed elsewhere gotten married. The former almost MIL still kept a picture of us on the fireplace mantel, but wouldn't have a picture of the DIL and her son.

She said it was her house and she could have any picture she wanted.

 

[shortbun]

Why are you the one who has to make the arrangements? If she wants it done, let her or allow her sons to arrange it. If you really want to, have at it but if every else objects...well, I just wouldn't set it up. I'd let her do it.

 

[bumbershoot]

If MIL made such a request I would be put out, but on the other hand, we had TONS of bio-family-only pix taken at our wedding! Hubby had pictures taken with his birth-family, I had pictures taken with my birth-family, and then we all intermingled. Absolutely no big deal at all. But I'm big on genealogy and whatnot, so I like having those pictures, and I would very likely offer such pix to my MIL (in fact the picture of just "her" family is in the parent album we made up for her and now-late FIL). But to be requested is odd.

If hubby agrees to do it, why not have various versions made up. Give the bio-only picture to her and at the same time distribute the inclusive picture to the others? That way she gets her present while everyone who disagrees with the concept gets the picture THEY want.

She requested a picture of her sons with their children. Why can't her sons hire the photographer?

Doesn't sound like OP's husband wants to do it.

Yeah, I don't understand that either. DH married his first wife when he was 21. Since I was only 11 at the time, I don't really get my knickers in a twist over it. They were divorced long before he and I ever met and we have an old photo on our mantel of dh, his first wife, and their dd when she was small. Why would I pretend she didn't exist?

If I were in that situation I would want to put my 11 year old picture up next to it.

 

[NMAmy]

If I were in that situation I would want to put my 11 year old picture up next to it.

That is a GREAT idea! I can't believe I never thought of that.

 

[Cooky]

.

 

[Polyluvr]

I guess I must be the odd-bird out. I would be jumping up and down excited. DH would need to take the kids for the day, and I could go out to lunch with friends, the spa, whatever I wanted. I would not be offended at all.

I guess since both of my IL's are deceased I look at it this way, DH would give anything to have a picture like that.

At first I was thinking I would be hopping mad;
But then, I thought about the day away from all of "that" nonsense~ yep, I'd book it myself

 

[FayeW]

To all you daughter-in-laws getting upset because your MIL wants some blood-relation only photos, remember this:

She gave birth to them. Somebody else gave birth to you.

This is a really silly thing to be upset or offended over. Save it for something that really matters.

I will file this thread away for future reference, as I assume that someday I will be a mother-in-law myself. If a DIL/SIL insists on being in every picture I'll make sure they are positioned on the outside. It'll make it easier to airbrush them out to get the photo I may really want.

 

[CanadianPaco]

If a DIL/SIL insists on being in every picture I'll make sure they are positioned on the outside. It'll make it easier to airbrush them out to get the photo I may really want.

If I didn't know better, YOU are my MIL

 

[EllenFrasier]

When we just had two children, we won a 8x10 free photo from Olan Mills, a photography studio in our area. We went with the intention of just getting the free 8x10 - but they also give you the proofs for the other poses. Some of the shots were of Dh and I alone, some were of the kids alone, some were with me and the kids and some were with Dh and the kids and of course some were with all of us and that is what we chose from. I don't see anything wrong with it.

I think you should have some shots taken of all of you as a family, all of your sil and her family, and then some of just the sons and their kids. Give all of them to her and whether she hangs them all, or just her sons and the kids, the message will be sent that you ladies are part of the family too.