MIL did it again!

[DawnCt1]

Uggh, you are just not having a good week are you?

Maybe you can lighten the heaviness of the situation and make the offense a us-vs-her situation by taking in family bets on how much the difference will be between your boys and the other family members. Instead of a "Football Pool" create a "Grandma Pool" where the winner wins the total of her offensive gifts. Now my suggestion won't change a single thing she does but it would change how your family feels about it, and that's all you really can control anyway. BTW, I know how this reads and yes, I really am this much of a wise --- in real life

But seriously, I hope you feel better, you've got enough on your plate already without MIL antics, how mean of her.

That is so funny because that is exactly what I did. When I handed each one of them their card, I had them guess the amount. DS#4 already knew what the other family had gotten; in fact, he told me that grandma wrote the check for DNephew's DUI!!! All I heard about from my SIL was how DN had saved his money to pay for his lawyer. yeah right!
Each one of them guessed. DS#4 was sure that things had changed and she was starting to spend some money on other people. He was shocked. The others guessed in the $20 range with one exception; DS#1 thought it would be $10.

 

[DawnCt1]

This makes no sense to me. Why on earth would that foolish woman make your DH executor after her death when she clearly favors her others now? It seems to me that the old witch knows she causes pain and continues even after her death.

It makes sense to me on this level; I think she has weighed the integrity of the others and DH has certainly come out on top. I think that there is a sense that he "doesn't need it" so won't take what isn't his. That is the only conclusion I can come to. Unless she just did "he's the oldest".

 

[OceanAnnie]

That is so funny because that is exactly what I did. When I handed each one of them their card, I had them guess the amount. DS#4 already knew what the other family had gotten; in fact, he told me that grandma wrote the check for DNephew's DUI!!! All I heard about from my SIL was how DN had saved his money to pay for his lawyer. yeah right!
Each one of them guessed. DS#4 was sure that things had changed and she was starting to spend some money on other people. He was shocked. The others guessed in the $20 range with one exception; DS#1 thought it would be $10.

Next time your DSs should guess in front of her and tell the reasons for their guessing. That would get her attention.

 

[believe]

There is no way I would tolerate that. I am not even sure I would take my kids to the family gathering if that is how it was going to end. I would make sure she knew the reason also.

My Dad does favor me out of his 5 kids. As adults I am the one there every week, running errands for him, cleaning, making sure he stays on top of his dr appts, typing contracts, etc. In front of others I get the same. Anything additional is given at another time. Honestly he told me that when something happens to me he wants me to keep everything since he is tired of their lying, spending money wastefully and only caring about him when it is convenient for them. I have told him I can not do that and if that is the way he wants it then it must be in the will...even then I don't think I can do that.

My sister and I do a seperate exchange also. In front of the family our kids get the same as the others, same at birthdays.

Now is the time to show your kids the proper way to handle these situations, tactfully. Have you asked MIL why there is this difference?

 

[Buckalew11]

It makes sense to me on this level; I think she has weighed the integrity of the others and DH has certainly come out on top. I think that there is a sense that he "doesn't need it" so won't take what isn't his. That is the only conclusion I can come to. Unless she just did "he's the oldest".

I think it is probably one of those reasons also, hopefully your #1 reason.

I think that is just terrible and I am surprised so many grandparents do this. Sorry your boys have had this life lesson.

 

[Green Tea]

OP, this is the sort of thing my children experience(Or maybe only I notice) MIL has 5 grandchildren from 3 children. One gets taken to WDW, away for weekends, has every event attended, etc. The others get zero trips or attendance at events. Though I feel sure with Christmas gifts she balances it out to the penny to be "equitable." I know she does it because she thinks that child's parent has no means to do these trips. BUT, that isn't the other 4 children's fault.

I have learned so much about how to be a good MIL from watching all the thing's mine does poorly.

 

[DawnCt1]

I think it is probably one of those reasons also, hopefully your #1 reason.

I think that is just terrible and I am surprised so many grandparents do this. Sorry your boys have had this life lesson.

I am surprised as well. If misery loves company, I have plenty of company. I spoke to my SIL this morning and she doesn't understand why her kids (the $50 a piece kids and the $1000 for a DUI) aren't treated as well as the daughter's kids. I said, perhaps I should ask her. Her response, "you could, but I wouldn't". No, why look a semi gift horse in the mouth.

 

[LuvOrlando]

I am surprised as well. If misery loves company, I have plenty of company. I spoke to my SIL this morning and she doesn't understand why her kids (the $50 a piece kids and the $1000 for a DUI) aren't treated as well as the daughter's kids. I said, perhaps I should ask her. Her response, "you could, but I wouldn't". No, why look a semi gift horse in the mouth.

Uggh, see what your MIL did. She stirred the pot so your SIL would complain to you, making you irritated at her and on & on it goes swirling around and around with the mean old bat in the middle getting all the attention. Unfortunately, most of the time the siblings etc end up resentful of each other instead of dumping all the blame at the aggressive person's feet where it belongs because that's just human nature I think. My MIL pulls this nonsense with DH's 2 sisters, with the middle sister getting the brunt, she even does it with pets... very strange. Being the only boy and the oldest my own DH couldn't care less but it gets under my skin from time to time so I am always pointing it out while my DH is all "" Though it doesn't hurt me, per se' it can be very hard to watch my middle SIL jump through my MIL's hoops. The odd thing is my MIL is saying these days that SIL needs an intervention for being an emotional mess and doesn't know what caused it. Honestly, it takes every fiber of my being to keep myself from raising my hand with a wiseacre "Ohhh, I know!"

These sorts of personalities are malicious. For myself I find it more palatable to write it off as some form of mental illness... I mean what sort of normal person enjoys making the people she is supposed to love miserable? Not only does this sort of person hurt the obvious victims but she also hurts the supposedly favored family members by driving an isolating wedge between them and everyone else. After all, I have rarely come across a situation where the favored get along well with the shunned so everyone is deprived of happy healthy relationships. It's amazing how much damage one person can do when they set their mind to it. What a waste