Might be doing the UnHappy Dance :(

Discussion in 'Doing the Happy Dance!' started by apulk, Dec 20, 2007.

  1. apulk

    apulk Mouseketeer

    Jul 24, 2003
    :sad1: Long story short -- back in early September I booked a January trip for the family (will be at that time DW, DD18, DS 16, DD10, DD9 and myself) to WDW and settled on a week at Pop (Jan 16-23rd). That was a few weeks after my Mom very unexpectedly passed away and my 81 year old Dad moved in with us. That was also when I had an older brother living just 30 mins away and a sister and her family just announcing they were moving back to Pittsburgh. That was then...this is now.

    My local brother just moved across state due to his wife's job change. My sister is still moving back but has not sold her house yet so it could be another few months. My Dad is doing pretty well emotionally after the loss of his wife of 57 years but physically he has heart issues to travel is out of the question. He can't come with us and now my caretakers are not going to be around. I don't even want to put the stress of him riding cross state to stay with my brother for a week. We tried a trip back in September to VA to visit my niece at school and it didn't go well for my Dad. And without going into details -- no way can my Dad stay by himself.

    So.....my only thought right now is that I really need to pull on the heart strings of my siblings. Dad has and will continue to live with us which has been great for all of us....but it has been a struggle too. It's been a big change for everyone. Our oldest will be going off to college next fall and we were looking at this trip as our last big one with everyone together -- who knows once college starts. I'm thinking that maybe the three of them could split the week? Sure that means some driving and a few vacation days -- that doesn't seem like I'd be asking too much right?

    Just thought I'd share for some encouragement or wisdom you all may have on this. I'm sure others have been in a similar circumstance.

  2. sjreilly

    sjreilly Earning My Ears

    Oct 14, 2007
    I feel so bad for you. You are doing an amazing thing by having your Dad come live with you. It is indeed hard - as much as it is a blessing to have him with you. He is dealing with an incredible loss of his love and life partner so having you and your wife and children around him is such an amazing gift.

    I do not think that it is asking much at all of your siblings to step up and help out for a short week. I would be amazed if there is any resistance at all. It is a small thing to ask in light of what your and your family are doing for your entire family by taking care of your Dad at this hard time in his life.

    My Dad passed away 4 years ago and my Mom now lives alone. She has had health problems and the 4 kids have all pitched in to help - and I live 600 miles away and have 3 small kids - so it was not easy to figure out.

    Don't feel guilty about asking for help. You deserve to take this time for your family and your Dad deserves to have his other children come to his aid. Sometimes asking for help is the hardest part. And I am sure your Dad would feel terrible to know you are missing your vacation.

    All the best and bless you for being such a good son.

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  4. DisFam95

    DisFam95 DIS Veteran

    Oct 29, 2003
    Good luck in dealing w/ this. It's hard being the main caregiver for an older parent and having to deal w/ sharing your time and energy w/ your own children who are about to leave the nest.

    I would explain your feelings to your bro and sis and see if they can come and slpit the days.

    Keep us posted.

  5. loco4dis

    loco4dis DIS Veteran

    Jan 1, 2008
    I've had similar situations with both a grandmother and mom. My brother is a great guy, but just not as available as I was. However, I'd say since it's early in your new arrangement it's best to set the standard right away that you expect help.
  6. NicInNC

    NicInNC Mouseketeer

    Dec 1, 2007
    I used to be a CNA and I can tell you one thing about being a caretaker....you NEED a break. It's so important for the caretakers to have a break (especially ones like you that do it 24/7!).

    If your family members can't help, then start asking friends. Do NOT be ashamed to ask for help. Maybe you can pay a friend to stay at your place for a week. There are a lot of great people out there that would jump at that opportunity. A lady that I worked with did that part time for a family. She would stay at their house while the family went on vacation, to work, etc.

    I hate for you to have to cancel your trip because I know how important the break is and I know this trip was going to mean a lot to you. I'll pray for your family that you can find a way to still take this vacation. (((hugs)))
  7. lisah0711

    lisah0711 ♥ her Disney office

    Sep 9, 2005
    Good job for taking care of your Dad. :goodvibes But you have to take care of yourself and your family, too. If your siblings can't help, is there an assisted living facility or a service you could use temporarily while you are gone? I think that is it important for you to have this time with your family before your kids scatter and to help you with your own big life changes. Good luck to you.
  8. tiggerfan1

    tiggerfan1 DIS Veteran

    Nov 10, 2007
    I'm so sorry to hear that your mother passed away. :sad1: It sounds like you've been through a lot in the past few months. :sad2: I know that it's not an easy thing to do, but I think that it's wonderful that you have been taking such good care of your Dad. This world needs more people like you. :flower3: Like some of the other posters have said, there's nothing wrong with asking others for help so that you and your family can have a well-deserved break. I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Please let us know how everything goes. I hope you have a wonderful time on your trip (if you do decide to go). Take care! :hug:

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