Middleschoolers URGGGGG! A mom's vent.

[2Pirates_1Princess]

Just a suggestion. Talk with teachers and see if they are willing to help with an assignment book. Each teacher writes down the days assignment and each teacher must sign that they saw the completed assignment. If there is no teacher signature he know he needs to bring the work home. If he dosn't offer to go to school with him and help him retrive the work that needs to be done. I am sure after he gets the idea he will just do the work so as not to be emberassed by you coming to his school with him. I have one child who is a little more difficult and sometimes we have to be creative. If he gets a D in Music again I am going to sit thru the class with him everyday they have it. He would sooner die then have me in his space at school.

 

[pixie dust 112]

Oh, my son is even better. Oh yes, he does the work. I make sure of that! Then, what does he do? He does not turn in the completed work?!? Can you explain this to me! It is DONE!

I'm with ya! Dh and I had a meeting with all of my 7th graders teachers just before Christmas when she got a not so stellar progress report. We didn't let her know we were meeting because we didn't want her to have time to come up with excuses. At the end of our meeting the guidance counselor called DD in. She couldn't lie to us in front of teachers and didn't have enough warning to make up some lame story. Bottom line is if assignments are missing and grades don't improve dramatically ... no more sports. She loves school athletics...the potential of no track team this Spring has done the trick. On her 10 week report her grades rose significantly and she had great teacher comments...she even made honor roll. After the 5 week report we were afraid she was going to fail.

 

[MSSANDRA]

In 8th grade, you don't need to be managing him. It should be his responsibility.

Agreed. Sometimes there is nothing you can do but let them suffer the consiquences. About a month ago my all A ,straight as an arrow 8 grader comes home with a huge list of pre and sufixes he needs to learn for science. For some reason he just did not want to learn them. I offered to help but no dice. Fast Forward to yesterday when progress reports come home and we have 5 A and a " D " in science. He had all A's in science except four F's on those prefixes and sufIxes. I was livid. No play station or TV till I get a note from the teacher that he again has an A and he has to learn all the vocab meanings anyway before he gets anything back!
He had to learn on his own. Tough on everyone !!!!

MsSandra

 

[perdidochas]

Agreed. Sometimes there is nothing you can do but let them suffer the consiquences. About a month ago my all A ,straight as an arrow 8 grader comes home with a huge list of pre and sufixes he needs to learn for science. For some reason he just did not want to learn them. I offered to help but no dice. Fast Forward to yesterday when progress reports come home and we have 5 A and a " D " in science. He had all A's in science except four F's on those prefixes and sufIxes. I was livid. No play station or TV till I get a note from the teacher that he again has an A and he has to learn all the vocab meanings anyway before he gets anything back!
He had to learn on his own. Tough on everyone !!!!

MsSandra

 

[angwill]

I am in the same boat. My 12yo DS till this year, 6th grade, loved school.
Sadly, This year he can't stand it. He has learning differences and is the most disorganized kid and would gladly trade all his homework for F's just so he didn't have to do it. He has already had his gamecube permenantly taken away till school is over in the summer after losing it and getting it back several times for not doing his homework. I realized he was too worried about how long till he could play his games to care about his work and the fight over it was not worth the headaches it caused.

He comes home from school gets a snack and then does his work same routine nightly. Sadly about once a week he does homework till dinner time, eats, showers, and goes back to doing homework till bedtime 9pm. Thank goodness his sports don't start till spring and then I have no clue what I will do. I have talked to the teachers about this and the response is always he is in 6th grade now he will have to get used to it.

We too have an assignment book which the teacher signs and makes sure everything is written in at the end of the day. DS handwritting is so bad (dysgraphia) that you couldn't read it if she didn't check it. Some assignments still don't get written in even with the teacher doing it. We also have the computer program where assignments and grades are supposed to be posted nightly but either don't get posted till 10pm if at all. The kids also lose 50% of their grade if the work is not handed in during the period it is due if not turned in the next day they get a noon hour detention as well. If the child forgets the work in their locker and turns it in before the end of the day it is still 50% off. In this case the computer system showing the assignments is useless because by the time you see the work is due (if they bother putting it in) the materials are not at home so they already have an F on the assignment. The teachers then scratch their heads and berate the kids when they can't figure out why so many kids just give up and don't bother turning in anything. If they fail summer school costs $200 dollars and they are told they will not move up a grade without going. The teachers are also supposed to post grades for each assignment so you can see what hasn't been turned in which would be great but again not all teachers post the grades and none tell you if assignments are missing they just get 0 points. Not that it really matters much since they would get an F on it anyway if not turned in the day it's due.

I don't know if I am more frustrated with my son or the school system at this point but it certainly causes a lot of stain here at home. I have also talked to other parents with kids at all learning levels from accellerated to special needs and every parent feels the same way. Frustrated and out of control both with their children and the school.

I should also mention that I worked as a substitute teachers aide with special needs students in all grades from K-12 for many years. The only middle/high school that didn't have problems with the kids turning in work was an alternative school that didn't give homework. All the work was done at school in class and if not finished that day it was put in a folder to be done the next day. Eliminated headaches for everyone. If a parent requested homework or the child was on a college track they would be given a limited amount of homework equal to 10-15 minutes per grade level.

I am counting down the days till both the end of 6th grade and the end of middle school.

You are not alone.

Angela

 

[stacy6552]

OMG OMG OMG.....the saga continues........

So first, I sign the failed quiz, and later find in on the kitchen counter. I take it up to my son and say "isn't this homework?" yes "then put it in your backpack, now. dont loose it." Today, I find it sitting on his bedroom desk!

Then, I hear from his English teacher that he failed to turn in classwork a few weeks ago. Class work! Done in class! Doesn't even have to leave the school........So much for giving up yelling for lent.

 

[angwill]

Stacy,
I know the feeling. My son puts seems to put his work everywhere but his homework folder or brings it to school in the folder to forget to turn it in when he is in class. We also had one teacher give him 3 0's for work the teacher claimed was not turned in. Thank goodness we keep all his graded work for each semester in a folder because we looked through it and found all three graded by the teacher. We handed them in to him in person to which he said they were graded in class and that our son forgot to turn it into him so he could write it in the book. lol Good try but I wasn't buying it. I would have respected him more if he just admited his mistake since we all make them.

 

[Tjaleks]

Oh, my son is even better. Oh yes, he does the work. I make sure of that! Then, what does he do? He does not turn in the completed work?!? Can you explain this to me! It is DONE!

This is one of my DS11 major problems as well. He has a major math project due every quarter worth 25% of his grade. He had that project done a week early and never turned it in. HELLO! McFly! I just don't get it. My school also gives me access to his grades online as well as his homework assignments. However, they don't always update daily like they are suppose to. After being grounded forever I finally made him his very own personal daily sheet that he needs to have each of his major teachers sign and answer some basic questions.
1. Did TJ pay attention in class?
2. Did TJ complete his daily assignment?
3. Did TJ turn in his homework?
4. Is there any homework?

Not only do all his teachers sign it they also make comments so I can follow up each evening. The first words out of my mouth when I get home is, "let me see you daily sheet"

This way I am able to nail him every night on his homework. He has to have this signed or he is in trouble. He has even left it in his locker and just had them sign a piece of paper, (which is fine by me). He has only been ungrounded for a week and each time he doesn't turn something in I ground him again. The only way to get ungrounded is to turn ALL of his work in for 2 consecutive weeks. He knows that if he turns work in for 1 week 5 days but fails to turn something in on the next day his two weeks starts over.

Needless to say, can I join you support group?

 

[badblackpug]

Ahhh...I HATE adolescence! We also use the "daily report card" method. Here is our version (and this was at the advice of a counselor)

Date

Dear _____________ (fill in teachers' name)

This is a daily report card for (childs name). Please initial below if all the following goals were met for today. It is (childs name) responsibility to have this signed each day. It is not necessary for you to remind him/her. Cooments are not necessary, but are appreciated.

(childs name) goals:

1) All work was neat, complete, and handed in on time.
2) (childs name) participated in class today
3) There were no behavior problems during class today
4) All assignments are accurately recorded in the assignment book.

Thank you for your time.

(parents signature)
(childs signature)


_______________ (teachers initials)

We make a ton of copies of this. The child must bring home a "daily" signed by each teacher, each day. NO EXCUSES. (substitutes too) It is the childs responsibility to do it, no reminders from parents or teachers. If the child does not have a daily/dailies they go directly to their room and remain there until bedtime. (except for meals/bathroom/shower and there, of course, must be no "fun" things in the room" If there are 3 or more missing dailies that week this punishment goes in effect for the entire weekend. This cuts down on the attention received from fighting over school work, and offers them plenty of time to make it up.

We have also had the issue of homework not being completed, or suddenly "remembered" by bedtime. We instituted the rule "All homework must be completed by 8:30 PM" If it is not completed by then we set the alarm and wake her up at 5 AM to complete it. *evil cackle* Believe me, it gets done by bedtime now!

 

[luvtogo12]

Oh, my son is even better. Oh yes, he does the work. I make sure of that! Then, what does he do? He does not turn in the completed work?!? Can you explain this to me! It is DONE!

When/if my DS does his homework, he "forgets" to hand it in.
Wish I could explain why, but I have no clue. Makes no sense to me at all and is totally frustrating.

 

[whgrn]

OMG, you guys are GREAT!! I love the ideas you've given me! DD11 is in special ed, and in my opinion has WAY too much homework given her abilities. It is a HUGE battle every day. We do use the agenda, which tells me what she is supposed to do. But many times there is no instruction and I can't figure out how she is supposed to do the assignment, and of course she has no idea. But the getting up at 5 am idea is priceless, I may need to try it. She CAN get the work done, she just wastes so much time whining and avoiding it. This is having disasterous impact on our relationship. On the nights she sees her dad, I try to send work with her so HE can be the bad guy, but he's just not the one to do HW with her. I think the stepmother ends up helping. (She basically cannot do anything on her own, or at least she claims she can't, and I know the teacher says she has basically 1:1 help at school, so it's probably true.)

I think homework should be illegal! I already passed 5th grade, why do I have to do it again????

 

[DDreamer]

Wow, I sure am glad that I'm not alone!!

All of your stories sound just like this house. Our school recently started posting homework assignments online, so that helps out a TON. Now I just print it out and "remind" my 8th grader that he has such and such for homework. I'm not sure how he's liking it that I now know what the homework assignments are

It's unfortunate, but I literally have to check his homework and see if he actually did it. Otherwise he will try to get away with not doing it. All year he "hasn't had any homework", now all of a sudden he's doing homework every night. Go figure!?

 

[Deb & Bill]

Maybe I'm being a bad guy here, but why would you reward your son with a trip to WDW (taking him out of school to do it) when he is having so many problems at school? We took our son out of school in Jan 06 for a week (right at the beginning of the month). When he got back, he had a hard time getting everything done and his schoolwork suffered. We made the decision then and there that we wouldn't take him out of school again for a WDW trip. He's in eighth grade now, so we want him to do well.

We're lucky that our school posts daily grades on their website so we can check his progress. Plus each teacher has a website to post the assignments. And some of the teachers aren't so good at keeping their grades and assignments current. But most are, and we go from there.

We have a trip to WDW planned for June, as soon as school is out, and another in Nov (Thanksgiving week) because school is out the entire week. These times may be more crowded or more expensive, but it's worth his success in school.

 

[stacy6552]

Well I for one dont sondiser this a reward and alot of it didnt come to light until after the trip was booked. He is only missing a field trip and a day of hald of his classes, so he sint even missing all of his classes. And being the worst mom in the whole wide world that I am, I am not above leaving him home or leaving him in the hotel room doing school work, should the downward spiral continue.