Middle school child incident, thoughts please

[hereyago]

First off, people actually lived and got by before cellphones, especially kids.


2nd: Since it was a school sponsored event, the school is still responsible for the safety of the kid.

 

[Alicnwondrln]

I think its crazy that kids that age needs phones. We didnt have them I was a kid and I am in my early 30's. IF there were adults in the school and the kids shouldnt be waiting outside alone and told she cant use the phone. Sounds like no one wanted to take the time to open the office which is pretty sad.

 

[Alicnwondrln]

As a middle school teacher who chaperones things at times, here is how we handle a situation like this.....1) I let the student use MY cell phone 2) I use my key and unlock the school and take her to a landline 3) I take her in the building with me to wait on her mother 4) I stand outside with her until her mother arrives. We are under no circumstances to leave a middle school student alone while waiting on a parent pick up. As a sponsor of things, I know that I will not be able to leave "on time" and adjust my plans accordingly. Sorry this happened to her!

This makes sense.

 

[java]

This is similar to how my now 11 year old got a phone last year.
Her's was play related though- Play practice was scheduled to last until 4:30. Well they let them out at 3:30 instead. And left her outside the school alone! The Payphone that is available to use during school was behind a locked gate so she was phoneless. It didn't occur to her to borrow a phone I guess.

Anyway I opted to get her a phone. Her staying after times varied daily and it just made it easier. Plus I can get in touch with her if I need to. And she can get in touch with me.

She doesn't abuse it. And I got unlimited texting. At home she hands it over- if she wants to use it she asks for it. If she is going out she takes it with her.
It's a piece of mind that is costing me only $10 a month.

I was livid that the adults didn't feel responsible at all about this. But really decided that the only thing I could control were my own actions - so I took one and got her a phone.

 

[froglady]

My son is involved in after school activities, and a teacher/coach/security guard has to stay with the students (either inside or outside) until all students have been picked up.

I know that the head of our middle school would have stayed with your child, and would have been calling you herself on either her own phone, or the land line. No answer? No leaving until she reached you or you arrived in person.

Also, as a parent, if I had been one of the last ones to pick up my own child, and there were only a few students left, I would have asked yours if you were on the way. If she told me that she hadn't been able to reach you, I would have either stayed with her myself (if possible) or have insisted that she be kept inside with an adult nearby until you arrived.

And yes, I have done this. Which is why I know how my principal would react.

 

[DisneyMomx7]

I think your concerns are absolutely justified!

I used to coach cheerleading and I would never have left a child alone in the dark. I would have waited with her.

You should not have to buy an 11 year old a cell phone!

Something like this happened to me years ago. DS was at basketball practice (pre-cell phone days). I got caught in traffic involving an accident and was 10 minutes late to pick him up. I was furious to find him alone, outside the school gym in the dark, with no adult. He was 10 years old.

Sometimes I wonder - where are the responsible adults minds?

 

[luvmy3]

Ok, first, they said they would call if they were done early, they did, granted they didn't call the house phone but they did call. You did not get the call for 1/2 hour. Why didn't you have your cell phone with you in case she called that.

Second, the teacher in charge of the concession stand should have figured something out for your DD, however, expecting someone to wait almost an hour for a parent to pick their child up is asking a lot.

Third, did your DD explain what happened to the principal or did she just ask to use the phone? Did the principal know she was there for a school function and not just hanging out at the school?

I am just trying to point out that there are many sides to a story and while your DD shouldn't have been left alone, there might have been a reason for that and you need to find out all the sides before you start placing blame.

I understand that your DD was scared but did she ask to wait in the building? I think a 6th grader is plenty old enough to wait outside a school building in a rural area, but that is me.

First of all, the Op stated that her cell phone was on, but she did not recieve the call. Cell phones are not always reliable.

It doesn't matter if her dd tried to explain anything to the adults there. This was a school event, the adults in charge of that child during any school even have a responsibility to that child (and family). The person supervsing those children at the concession stand should not have left until every last child was picked up. That is part of their responsibility, and if they cant be inconvenienced by waiting an hour, then they should have not be in charge.
And any adult,teacher or otherwise could have escorted her into the building, maybe the dd was uncomfortable asking. It doesn't matter anyway she should not have been left alone in the first place.

 

[RUDisney]

I think the bigger problem is not that the 11 yo did not have a cell phone. The problem is that the principal wouldn't let her into the school to use a landline or, if it was that much of a bother to unlock a couple doors, where was the principal's cell phone?

My DS (13) just got a cell this summer, because he started roaming with his friends. My DD (12) has no need for a cell because she is always with a friend's parent or at their house. She's not roaming yet. Before DS NEEDED a phone, he'd use mine or my DH's if he was going to a game or to a dance. There was no way I was going to spend money on a cell for him when he needed it so infrequently.

I will not leave a child's house if I'm dropping them off unless I see them go in the front door or they flash a light to tell me they've gotten in the back/side door safely. It's my responsibility as an adult.

Your DD's school really dropped the ball by leaving your DD alone, in the dark. I'd be furious.

 

[JessicaR]

As a middle school teacher who chaperones things at times, here is how we handle a situation like this.....1) I let the student use MY cell phone 2) I use my key and unlock the school and take her to a landline 3) I take her in the building with me to wait on her mother 4) I stand outside with her until her mother arrives. We are under no circumstances to leave a middle school student alone while waiting on a parent pick up. As a sponsor of things, I know that I will not be able to leave "on time" and adjust my plans accordingly. Sorry this happened to her!

This is the way it should be. It makes perfect sense. We're talking middle school 11 years old, not high school.

I hope by bringing this to the schools attention it prevents this from happening to anyone else in the future. I'm sorry this happened to your daughter and that she was scared. I recall a similar situation that happened to me in middle school and the fear is easily remembered.

 

[Tikitoi]

If the students are the ones working the concession stand, whatever adult that is in charge of the stand should not be able to go home until all children are picked up. I'd be pretty mad too.

ITA. I would have complained. Even going beyond the principal who wouldn't let her in the school, if necessary. (didn't read entire thread, yet. so not sure if OP has even done this).

 

[declansdad]

Sounds like you would not have had a problem if your daughter had a cell phone?

There is no need for a child of 11 to have a cell phone.

This was a problem with the school and in particular the principal. There is no way a staff member should leave before a student in cases like this. This supervising teacher has a responsibility to wait until all the children are looked after.

 

[ChelleinNC]

I'm going to slightly disagree here. I have a HS & MS student right now, also live in NC and know that at our school, the students wait outside for parents to pick them up. It is made clear at our MS that students need to arrange their rides before the school day, that office phones will not be available for that purpose.

This is one of those incidents that points out the difference between Middle School and elementary school. The kids have much more freedom, and while they are watched, they aren't babysat. The child was not left alone, all of the adults/teachers hadn't left, they were just in the building. It's the same as when your child was a toddler and you stood next to them in the backyard. When they got a little older, you told them to go out by themselves and would watch from a window. A little older and they go down the street to a friends house by themselves, then they start to go places (ice rink/mall) without adults, and then they start driving and are off on their own where ever

It's an adjustment to have a child enter MS (and HS and drivers ed ) Sometimes I think it's worse for the parent than the child, but we all get thru it

 

[declansdad]

Ok, first, they said they would call if they were done early, they did, granted they didn't call the house phone but they did call. You did not get the call for 1/2 hour. Why didn't you have your cell phone with you in case she called that.

Second, the teacher in charge of the concession stand should have figured something out for your DD, however, expecting someone to wait almost an hour for a parent to pick their child up is asking a lot.

Third, did your DD explain what happened to the principal or did she just ask to use the phone? Did the principal know she was there for a school function and not just hanging out at the school?

I am just trying to point out that there are many sides to a story and while your DD shouldn't have been left alone, there might have been a reason for that and you need to find out all the sides before you start placing blame.

I understand that your DD was scared but did she ask to wait in the building? I think a 6th grader is plenty old enough to wait outside a school building in a rural area, but that is me.

This is not high school but middle school; a supervisor is required to wait until the last student is picked up. calling the cellphone is not an option, especially when it went to voice mail. My cell phone is not on while I'm at home, this principal should have let the girl into the school, allowed her to call again, and waited for the mother to arrive.

 

[allison443]

If the students are the ones working the concession stand, whatever adult that is in charge of the stand should not be able to go home until all children are picked up. I'd be pretty mad too.

I agree, even though the regular supervising teacher wasn't there, there was a teacher filling in who should have been responsible.
Before you speak to the principal, though, I would find out the details from your dd-when she couldn't reach you directly because the other kid's cell phone was blocked, did she let the principal know she just left a message, or did she say yes, I called my mom, or did the principal not even ask again? Also, when she was waiting outside alone, did she ask to wait inside the school and they turned her down? That would be really wrong!

 

[java]

This is not high school but middle school; a supervisor is required to wait until the last student is picked up. calling the cellphone is not an option, especially when it went to voice mail. My cell phone is not on while I'm at home, this principal should have let the girl into the school, allowed her to call again, and waited for the mother to arrive.

Middle school here supervisors are not required to wait until the last student is picked up.

I agree that is what SHOULD be done. But sadly it is not the case. I am surprised that they had children running a snack shack. Was there an adult present?

 

[Mkgaapril]

I don't care if they are seniors...you don't just leave a kid at school with no way to communicate...bad things happen to 17 year olds too!!!!!!!!! This is insane... If it is a school function they have an obligation to make sure each child is picked up...especially at the age of 11. So many things could have happened... I would have someone's butt up a flag pole..and I would not just deal with the school. I would also contact the Board of Education.

What many people don't realize is that if it is kept internally it could keep happening. I know the people on the board in my district and they would be having a fit over this. The child could have been harmed and that could possibly put the school in a liable situation.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. Had someone been in the office, you would have been there on time.

And since when is it ok for an 11 year old to have a cell? Most of the schools in my district don't want the younger kids to bring them to school and will take them from them if they see them.

 

[binny]

First off, people actually lived and got by before cellphones, especially kids.


2nd: Since it was a school sponsored event, the school is still responsible for the safety of the kid.

This needs to be repeated I think.

This was a school activity someone from the school (or PTO or whatever) should have been responsible and wasnt.


I think you are well within your rights to be angry and upset. Is your daughter ok today?

 

[mjkacmom]

This is similar to how my now 11 year old got a phone last year.
Her's was play related though- Play practice was scheduled to last until 4:30. Well they let them out at 3:30 instead. And left her outside the school alone! The Payphone that is available to use during school was behind a locked gate so she was phoneless. It didn't occur to her to borrow a phone I guess.

Anyway I opted to get her a phone. Her staying after times varied daily and it just made it easier. Plus I can get in touch with her if I need to. And she can get in touch with me.

She doesn't abuse it. And I got unlimited texting. At home she hands it over- if she wants to use it she asks for it. If she is going out she takes it with her.
It's a piece of mind that is costing me only $10 a month.

I was livid that the adults didn't feel responsible at all about this. But really decided that the only thing I could control were my own actions - so I took one and got her a phone.

Dd12 is involved in theatre, and definately needs a phone. Rehearsals have VERY tentative schedules, and pickup times are random. She's now in a community theatre production, with children and adults, and I like the fact that she can contact me whenever she needs to. I have picked her up, in the dark, outside of a building, on several occassions. We split the cost of unlimited texting.

 

[travelbug]

Middle school here supervisors are not required to wait until the last student is picked up.

That really surprises me. If nothing else, I would think they'd be really concerned about liability.

 

[java]

And since when is it ok for an 11 year old to have a cell? Most of the schools in my district don't want the younger kids to bring them to school and will take them from them if they see them.

Our school allows them just because they DON"T want to be responsible.

I just reread the op and saw that the PRINCIPAL is the one that told her to borrow someone's phone. Man that would piss me off. Since when isn't a child's safety the responsibility of the Principal?