Middle School Basketball...Really?

[GOOFY4DONALD]

Ok so my DD14 is on the 'A' team for basketball. She is not the best but she tries as hard as she can and made the A team because of this. Well there are 2 "stars" on the team. They are very good but it is obvious they don't want to share the spotlight or the ball with the rest of the team. The girls almost lost the playoff game tonight because they didn't want to play as a team. My problem was with one of the 'stars' mom. She was a bleacher coach, as I know many parents can be, but I think she went a bit too far. She screamed at my DD numerous times (my DD was trying to do the play but the other girls pretty much do what they want). She even yelled at her DD to elbow my DD (and a few other throughout the game) in the throat so she would be out of the game. I am not the kind of person that just sits quietly but I tried my best to behave. I loudly said that people should be careful what they say since the family of one of the girls could be behind them. When they wouldn't stop I announced I'm going to move to another location since I was no longer able to enjoy the game. For the rest of the game I was getting obviously dirty looks for the mom, aunt and 2 sets of grandparents. I noticed this and when I looked at them grandma told her DD, my DD's teammates mom, that she should take me outside for a lesson. When the aunt added she would be glad to help.
Now maybe I was more vocal than I usually am but I am very protective of my DD. i know she isn't the best on the team but she does excel in other areas and I would never think of putting another child down that wasn't as good. So let me ask you this...is this common practice in sporting events?
Thanks for letting me vent.

 

[hereyago]

WTH?!

Holy smoke, see they make their "star"look bad by doing this. That is so not acceptable behavoir.

I am pretty mouthy but can hold it but I tell you what, someone yelling for their kid to elbow my kid in the throat, all bets would be off. I would be giving them something to look at. and I would let everyone around me know just what great" role models' said star has for wanting to cause another player harm, this isn't hockey.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

WTH?!

Holy smoke, see they make their "star"look bad by doing this. That is so not acceptable behavoir.

I am pretty mouthy but can hold it but I tell you what, someone yelling for their kid to elbow my kid in the throat, all bets would be off. I would be giving them something to look at. and I would let everyone around me know just what great" role models' said star has for wanting to cause another player harm, this isn't hockey.

EXACTLY!! This sounds insane! Did I understand that right that this girl is on your DD's team? I think I would be letting the coach know.

 

[Coconut36]

Where was the coach in all of this and why did they not intervene? My DH coaches middle school sports and has had a few sideline coaches but nothing like that..more along the lines of "my Susie is better than Sally so you need to play Susie more". Nobody encouraging violence against others that I know of however I know he does not tolerate poor sportsmanship (even from parents) and would speak to them about it. He feels at that age they are learning the sport as much as they are learning to win and lose with grace/dignity and behaving appropriately. I would speak to the coach about it and if they seem unwilling or unable to do anything, I would ask to speak to the Athletic Director and/or Principal about it. No parent should be allowed to encourage violence during a game without consequence.

 

[hereyago]

Yep, that is her team mate. That is crazy!!!!!!! That is exactly how things get out of hand at kids' sports, its one thing to be proud of your kid, but when it's the parent who is wanting to WIN at all costs even at the injury of a kid, people can get hurt really quickly. Those parents/family members need to be led out and not be able to watch.

And this is a school sponsored team? I wonder if the "star" is greedy because she knows it's "expected " and they will put pressure on her or if she is like them and learned from them to win at all cost?

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

Thanks to everyone that replied. I am not used to the very vocal parents. They way the seating is at these games is both teams, coaches, scorekeepers, and a few others are on one side and the spectators, from both schools are on the other. There is no way the coach could have heard. I am all for the yelling "defense" and the many other things but seriously I have never seen...or heard...anything like this.

 

[hereyago]

OP: I am so sorry you had to experience that, your DD didn't hear them did she?

And they went past vocal when they were telling a kid to hurt another kid, they should be lucky you didn't whip out a cel]lphone and videotape it to show the coach and put it on youtube so everyone could see what jackwagons they were.

And the grandma and aunt egging the teammates mom on to take you outside? really? that is exactly how people get hurt, they mess with the wrong person.

 

[momof1princess]

OP, i'd be talking to the coach and letting him know exactly what happened, and that if he didn't ban the mom and her family from attending ALL upcoming games, i'd be going to the school board. no one's going to intentionally injure my child, especially one of her teammates! that's CRAZY!

 

[daisyduck123]

I almost can't believe someone's GRANDMOTHER said that.

Very low class indeed.

 

[ICF]

Sideline parent coaches are normal......

....yelling at their kids to elbow a teammate in the throat is another story.

I'd have been the parent confronting her if she told her daughter to injure my kid.

 

[aprilgail2]

And they went past vocal when they were telling a kid to hurt another kid, they should be lucky you didn't whip out a cel]lphone and videotape it to show the coach and put it on youtube so everyone could see what jackwagons they were.

.

ok I am not one that is normally someone that would tell on anything but I think in this case I would have done exactly this! My cell phone would have been out taping these morons--its a GAME for petes sake,no need to have parents there acting like morons.

 

[sam_gordon]

OP, i'd be talking to the coach and letting him know exactly what happened, and that if he didn't ban the mom and her family from attending ALL upcoming games, i'd be going to the school board. no one's going to intentionally injure my child, especially one of her teammates! that's CRAZY!

As good as this would feel (telling the coach), I can't believe a coach would ban a child's family simply because another parent "tattled". I personally haven't ran into this issue yet. My suggestions...
1) Before the next game (hopefully before things get "heated") or when picking up the kids from practice, pull the mother aside and calmly say "I know we all want our kids to do our best and not all of them are as good as your daughter. However, suggesting our kids intentionally injure another player isn't exactly the kind of lesson that helps them." Granted, more than likely she'll huff and puff and complain and offer to "teach you" something outside. Don't take the bait. Simply walk away. Assuming things continue,
2) At the next game, video the mother/family making the inappropriate "suggestions" and take the video to the coach. I'd present it as "I just want to let you know what's happening in the stands during the game."
3) I know my DD is in the middle of her District tournament. They are supposed to play in the state tournament the following the weekend. Meaning the season is almost over. You mention they were in a playoff game. If the season is almost over, just suck it up and try to make it through. I'm sure it will be tough but what's best for your DD?

Good luck!

 

[golfgal]

When DD was in middle school one of the teams they played from another school had parents like this, only they were telling the kids to go after other players, not teammates. A couple of the parents from that team would actually come and sit with us because they were so embarrassed by the other parents. It was really sad.

Normally I am not one to "talk to coaches" but in this case I think you DO need to bring it to the attention of the coach or even the principal what is going on in the stands just in case something does happen. I wouldn't even bring it up that it was your DD they were talking about but just the lack of sportsman ship these parents are displaying and how it is a bad reflection on the school.

 

[LittlePinkDot]

She screamed at my DD numerous times (my DD was trying to do the play but the other girls pretty much do what they want). She even yelled at her DD to elbow my DD (and a few other throughout the game) in the throat so she would be out of the game.

Wow I would be furious. Take a video camera and record her screaming this. And then put it on youtube and send her the link

Just kidding.

I would have some words with this woman. Calm words. But I would get my point across that she is promoting violence at a school affair and it is not acceptable.

 

[golfgal]

Wow I would be furious. Take a video camera and record her screaming this. And then put it on youtube and send her the link

Just kidding.

I would have some words with this woman. Calm words. But I would get my point across that she is promoting violence at a school affair and it is not acceptable.

No way would I even try to talk to her after she has already, or people in her party, have already proposed a street fight .

 

[Magic Mom]

If you don't want to report them, which I would understand, next time take a camcorder on a little tripod to sit in front of you and start recording. If they start trash talking just calmly tell them you are recording and their yelling is going to to be on the tape. Make it sound like you are doing them a favor instead of threatening them. It's easy to manipulate morons.

 

[LittlePinkDot]

No way would I even try to talk to her after she has already, or people in her party, have already proposed a street fight .

Holy smokes. I missed that part.

In that case, this looks like harrassment.

 

[momof1princess]

no way i would engage the mom or the grandparents either. i'd simply go to the coach and insist they be banned from the games. for them to suggest that one child on a team intentionally harm a teammate is outrageous. at the very least, the coach needs to talk to the mom and let her know that any more "coaching" from the sidelines from her or her family will result in them being barred from any further games. perhaps the mere suggestion of being banned would shut them up. it's not likely, but it's worth a try. i would, in no uncertain terms, let him know that, if he doesn't take care of the problem immediately, i'd be going over his head to the principal, then to the school board. no way would i let that woman or her family cause my DD to be hurt. (this could be a huge liability for the school, and the coach should realize that.)

yes, i realize parents trash talk, i've experienced it many times, but for the woman to suggest her DD harm one of her own teammates is WAY over the line.

 

[sam_gordon]

no way i would engage the mom or the grandparents either. i'd simply go to the coach and insist they be banned from the games. for them to suggest that one child on a team intentionally harm a teammate is outrageous. at the very least, the coach needs to talk to the mom and let her know that any more "coaching" from the sidelines from her or her family will result in them being barred from any further games. perhaps the mere suggestion of being banned would shut them up. it's not likely, but it's worth a try. i would, in no uncertain terms, let him know that, if he doesn't take care of the problem immediately, i'd be going over his head to the principal, then to the school board. no way would i let that woman or her family cause my DD to be hurt. (this could be a huge liability for the school, and the coach should realize that.)

yes, i realize parents trash talk, i've experienced it many times, but for the woman to suggest her DD harm one of her own teammates is WAY over the line.

I agree the mom is WAY over the line. But look at this from the coach's/principal's POV. You have a parent coming up saying "Susie's mom is telling her DD to injure my DD." You expect the coach/principal to ban Susie's family based on the word of another parent? Sorry, don't think that's going to happen. You need some kind of "backup". That could be a videotape or other parents.

Also, what do you think "Susie's" family is going to do when they find out the OP instigated the problem? And yes, it will get out.

The last thing you want to do in this situation is make a knee-jerk reaction. Think through what you want to happen and the possible ramifications.

 

[mjkacmom]

Where was the coach in all of this and why did they not intervene? My DH coaches middle school sports and has had a few sideline coaches but nothing like that..more along the lines of "my Susie is better than Sally so you need to play Susie more". Nobody encouraging violence against others that I know of however I know he does not tolerate poor sportsmanship (even from parents) and would speak to them about it. He feels at that age they are learning the sport as much as they are learning to win and lose with grace/dignity and behaving appropriately. I would speak to the coach about it and if they seem unwilling or unable to do anything, I would ask to speak to the Athletic Director and/or Principal about it. No parent should be allowed to encourage violence during a game without consequence.

I assume the coach was on the other side of the gym, and not in earshot of this crazy parent (my kids play baseball, basketball, and soccer, and except for the 3rd base coach, the coaches can't hear the parents). However, the coach needs to know what is going on, and this is something he will/should handle (my DH coaches soccer, and has banned a certain parent from sitting in the bleachers with the rest). Call the coach ASAP.