luvsJack
DIS Legend
- Joined
- Apr 3, 2007
- Messages
- 20,362
Just wanted to respond to a few of the comments:
When I said "I want time with my son", I didn't mean that I didn't want to see my dil. He will always come first in my heart, he is my son. That doesn't mean that I don't care about and accept this girl as his wife. I do want to see her and spend time with both of them. I would not ask him to visit alone, they are a couple and should be together. They are both an important part of this family.
When I said "all of my kids in the same room", I meant ALL. Two sons, one daughter, two dil's, and one granddaughter. I guess I should have said "all of my family". It was just that it struck me that it was the first time in a long time that we had all been together in quite awhile. There was no sense of entitlement, only happiness at that fact.
When I say that we talk every day, I don't mean we have these long conversations on the phone. We text a few sentences or questions back and forth or if we are both on facebook we may chat for a second or two. No long drawn out conversations. Besides, its not up to her to decide if we have talked enough, just like its not up to him to decide if she has talked to her family enough (which she does every day, btw).
When we are all together we talk about things that are going on in the families (his extended family and her family), we talk about his job, this time we talked a lot about the Saints (they are both huge fans) or if its during baseball season we talk about the Braves. She knows all of his friends, so no we do not talk about people she does not know. We do not mention the ex or anyone who may be in contact with her.
I am fully aware that he will have to speak up to change anything and after this visit, I think he will. But, he really shouldn't have to. Dh doesn't have to tell me he wants to spend time with his family, we just do it. Its not like she didn't know he had family and how close he is to them well before she married him.
I do not dislike my dil. But I do not see her through rose colored glasses either. She is spoiled and she is used to having her own way. And she will go to dramatic measures to achieve her way. Mostly we just ignore it, I do not argue with her or comment to him about it one way or the other. Like I said, she knows she is spoiled and wants her own way and she thinks its funny. I think its mostly immaturity.
Bear in mind, this is a young girl that came into this relationship with her own set of friends (as it should be). At some point every single one of these girls have stopped having anything to do with her. Then she became close to ds's friends (many of them life long friends). She has now managed to alienate most of his friends. I have run into these people and been told "we really want to still be friends with xxxx, but we just can't be around her". I do not even ask nor do I comment.
When I said "I want time with my son", I didn't mean that I didn't want to see my dil. He will always come first in my heart, he is my son. That doesn't mean that I don't care about and accept this girl as his wife. I do want to see her and spend time with both of them. I would not ask him to visit alone, they are a couple and should be together. They are both an important part of this family.
When I said "all of my kids in the same room", I meant ALL. Two sons, one daughter, two dil's, and one granddaughter. I guess I should have said "all of my family". It was just that it struck me that it was the first time in a long time that we had all been together in quite awhile. There was no sense of entitlement, only happiness at that fact.
When I say that we talk every day, I don't mean we have these long conversations on the phone. We text a few sentences or questions back and forth or if we are both on facebook we may chat for a second or two. No long drawn out conversations. Besides, its not up to her to decide if we have talked enough, just like its not up to him to decide if she has talked to her family enough (which she does every day, btw).
When we are all together we talk about things that are going on in the families (his extended family and her family), we talk about his job, this time we talked a lot about the Saints (they are both huge fans) or if its during baseball season we talk about the Braves. She knows all of his friends, so no we do not talk about people she does not know. We do not mention the ex or anyone who may be in contact with her.
I am fully aware that he will have to speak up to change anything and after this visit, I think he will. But, he really shouldn't have to. Dh doesn't have to tell me he wants to spend time with his family, we just do it. Its not like she didn't know he had family and how close he is to them well before she married him.
I do not dislike my dil. But I do not see her through rose colored glasses either. She is spoiled and she is used to having her own way. And she will go to dramatic measures to achieve her way. Mostly we just ignore it, I do not argue with her or comment to him about it one way or the other. Like I said, she knows she is spoiled and wants her own way and she thinks its funny. I think its mostly immaturity.
Bear in mind, this is a young girl that came into this relationship with her own set of friends (as it should be). At some point every single one of these girls have stopped having anything to do with her. Then she became close to ds's friends (many of them life long friends). She has now managed to alienate most of his friends. I have run into these people and been told "we really want to still be friends with xxxx, but we just can't be around her". I do not even ask nor do I comment.
). If your DIL is the one making the arrangements its most likely going to be her family over yours, so I can see why they end up spending more time with her side. If your ds isn't the one planning these visits, maybe he should start. Do you call and invite them to visit, or do you just wait for them to call you and tell you they are coming? That could make a difference too.
