MEN!!!!!!!!!!! My hubby is driving me crazy!!!

[Melora]

I could just scream.... just what I needed is another stress related situation in the house.

Up until this week Sarahs boyfriend has been picking up Sarah and Emily and taking them to high school. AND bringing them home.

Hes senior and his schedule changed and he no longer has a last period class and his mom wants him to have extra time in the morning to study (hes going into med school and has a lot of AP classes) so she doesnt want him to leave so early anymore. We live out of the way so its a at least a 8 mile round trip for him to come and get them, so it understandable.

SO, no more rides. Well that means Jeff (DH) is now driving them to school. He has to take them and be back to take Alex to school too. So its important that everyone is out the door on time so he can get back. We live in a small community but there is traffic if you don't get to each place early. Alexs school is VERY hard to get too (in the hills and down a small driveway to drop off) and the major (and only) street to get there is a cut through for those who want to avoid the freeway. So everyone has got to to be on time or else the traffic sets in and thats that.

The girls have been used to being very lax about when to leave because Sarahs BF is such a nice guy and would never say anything if they were slow or late. Well not so with Jeff!

He wakes up and starts barking at them. "Youve got 5 minutes.. What are you doing in the shower? Why arent you dressed?" (then to me.. "she'll never pick out a shirt in 2 minutes..she simply cant do that!") Then back to them "You havent made a lunch yet! Why didnt you get up earlier? We have to get out of here." He knocks on doors and in general is in a bad mood. Then he starts in about how everyone is giving him an attitude, and how *they* are in a bad mood..

Well No Kidding!!! If he was barking at me like that I would be in a bad mood too... I sent him to the car this morning after he growled at me about not lecturing him and that he got it.

I simply don't understand how he can wonder why hes getting an attitude after the way he yells at everyone! I told him if he leaves eveyone alone they will get it together and that *I* will make sure everyone gets out of the house on time. He says It won't happen.

I told him I would drive one of the legs but the 3 year old is usually still sleeping and all he wants is MOMMY when he wakes up and Daddy doesnt want to deal with that. So we're kind of stuck...

OK, vent over! Thanks for listening and any suggestions beyond what I have said would be appreciated!

 

[Pam]

Can the girls not ride the bus? And if your DH is good enough to drive them - I do believe that they owe him the courtesy and respect to get up early enough to make the morning routine go as smoothly as possible.

My DD, who is a Senior in HS drives herself in - and my freshman DS rides the bus - because he got tired of waiting for her to leave every morning. This eliminated all the fighting and bickering in our house.

 

[Christine]

Oh Melora, I'm sorry, but I'm with your DH. I'm the *bad* guy (woman) at my house every morning. I bark at my kids all morning. It is the only way I can get them out of the house. I work and meet a car pool and we are definitely on a tight schedule. And, I am an ABSOLUTE stickler about being on time, especially when others are waiting. I've tried the *nice* approach and I find that the kids just start dawdling. They have not concept of time. Since your DDs have not been made to be on time because of the nice boyfriend, they are having trouble. I think your DH is teaching them a good time management skill, even if it involves barking!

 

[Melora]

We live out of area for our high school... We moved but the kids stayed in the same school so there is no bus (RATS)

Yes I agree that they need to be thankful for him driving them. AND that they need to be on time without anyone nagging them. I think they should be ready to go on time without anyone needing to say anything to them.

They are ready but always seem to run 5 minutes late. I am thinking instead of saying anything to them, maybe I can dock their allowance for every minute they are late...

They've been spoiled with the boyfriend driving them. I do also agree that they get kind of pissy when hes barking orders at them and that they shouldnt do that. Its just that if he wouldnt get so upset in the first place he wouldnt turn this into a battle that in many cases is not even necessary because they get out the door on time anyway. Which he says wouldnt happen if he werent "encouraging" them.

 

[onecoolmama]

Hang in there! Hopefully after a week or two they will all be on a better schedule and the girls will be quicker and your DH wont be yelling. I would tell the girls they need to get up 10 minutes earlier and tell your Dh that yelling isnt really a motivation! Good luck, and like I said, hopefully it will calm down in a week or two.

 

[Melora]

One more quick thing..... I think my issue is that he starts yelling even before they are late. He starts in preparation for them being late. When he got home this morning he said.. "I started out neutral" which isnt entirely so. He was upset that Sarah was in the shower 15 minutes before she had to leave and in turned out that she was the one who made it out on time, not Emily. But when he stuck his head in the bathroom he sounded irritated right off the bat.

It does help with you all telling me that the kids need to get moving etc. I just don't want everyone being grumpy in the morning!

 

[DisneyJules]

I agree, I think my dad would act exactly the same way. They're old enough to know they have a responsibility to get out of the house on time because of the circumstances. I know when I have to get up at the crack of dawn to get out of the house to catch my bus, I usually plan out the night before what I'm wearing, I put all my "gear" at the door ready to go, with my house keys, bus tickets ect.... I can understand that you don't want everyone being all grumpy in the morning, doesn't help anyone does it? They'll have to reach some sort of agreement. I hope things work out

 

[MICKEY88]

one thing that would concern me ..

if they were late leaving when the boyfriend drove them,,did he speed to make up the lost time..???

 

[Melora]

No...boyfriend did not speed because they didnt have the issue of needing to get back like Jeff does. They left VERY early for when they had to get to school so he could get a parking space in the student lot. With the freeway like it is at that time, there would be no speeding anyway!!!!

Jeff got home this morning and we talked about it calmly and he agrees that he won't say anything and I will get them moving id need be. I have a way of getting them moving in a very firm yet no confrontational manner. We both agree that docking allowance wont help, they just need better time management. I wll make sure they have reached certain levels of readiness by a certain time and beyond that I won't say anything. (Like them being down making lunch by 7 AM)

It was just very stressful this AM and with things like they are with mom I just don't have much tolerance at all

Thank you all for listening!

 

[Keli]

Oh my goodness! Does this post ever bring back memories for me. But it wasn't weekdays with my dad (he left for work before I got up) it was Sunday mornings. He didn't really say anything until it was time to go but then he would stand at the bottom of the stairs and yell (very loudly and insistantly) "LET'S GO, LET'S GO, LET'S GO, NOW! NOW! NOW!" And we had better be at the bottom of those stairs within 5-10 seconds or he was coming up to get us and it wouldn't have been pretty, lol. You have not experienced true horror until you are standing in front of your dresser in your slip and you hear those words, lol. I'll never forget that day, I threw on a dress, grabbed pantyhose, high heels, hair brush, bobby pins and my purse and made a mad dash for the stairs just as dad was on his way up. Wheew! It's a good thing we had a 30 minute drive to church so I could finish getting ready, lol.

 

[dianeschlicht]

Maybe just ONE DAY Dad needs to say NOTHING about being on time, but announce the night before that the car leaves at ----SHARP. If they aren't ready, they don't go. It might help if they miss just once. Of course, my rule would be they wouldn't go anywhere else that day either! Kids today have a LOT of trouble learning to be responsible for their actions, and TOUGH love seems to work wonders.

 

[shamrock bunch]

Can you turn the clocks ahead by 10 minutes? Don't tell the kids and still insist that they are ready by a certain time. The extra 10 minutes will give a cushion in case they aren't ready and/or will give extra time for the commute.

 

[CamColt]

Im another "bad guy" mom here. DH leaves for work at 6:30 so I have the full responsibility of getting the kids up, fed, ready and out on time. While DS#1 is usually pretty good, DS#2 takes literally an hour(if not more) to eat breakfast. So yes, I do do a lot of yelling in the mornings. If I didnt, no one would get anywhere on time, so I totally understand where your DH is coming from...especially with high shcool aged kids who understand the consequences.

 

[Desnik]

I think you should make sure that the lunch is made the night before. Also they have to pick out their outfit the night before. In our house DD is only in K but I'm up and getting her ready for the bus and DH leaves at 5:30am. So we aren't having these problems, yet!
I can imagine myself being like your DH!!
My dad was like that when we had to go somewhere. Till this day if we are going to a family function, he'll call me 30min. before and ask "where are you"!!! He likes us to be early, never mind on time!LOL

 

[Beast fan]

Thanks, Melora, for informing me of what is going to happen when we finish moving to a new residence. DS5.5 will finish out the school year at our current school (while we're moving out, painting, and selling the "old" place) and.... to tell you the truth... I am definitely a DH with a Pitchfork.
When I was in school (especially Junior High and High School), I was at the school waiting for the doors to open. I just loved that time of the day. DS5.5 is the opposite....never in a hurry...takes his time getting ready.........and then here comes Carl Lewis wannabe sprinting out the door to the bus stop. AAAAARRRRGGHH!!! Why not get up 5 or 10 minutes earlier, casually get dressed and fed, then enjoy the walk to the bus stop?

It could be worse. I always wanted to be a dad and if that is DS5.5's worst quality, he'll turn out great!

Dave