This reminds me of a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery.
He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament.
All I can think about is the "Friends" episode where Joey needs a, um.., ahem...'helmet' and Monica tries fashioning it out of many things. Turns out that the meat is the winner.