Meanest Mom in the World alert

[mrsv98]

*sigh* So DD is turning 10 next week and the sass and ATTITUDE have been amping up in the last couple of months. DH and I have warned her that if she didn't cut it out and adjust her attitude then she would not be having the big bday party with friends she had been hoping for.

Well, you guessed it, the eye rolling, sass and general bad attitude have continued so she is now officially not having a party. We will have family over for a bbq but no big deal, presents, etc.

I know it is the right thing to do and in the long run will serve us better because she knows we will follow through, but geesh, do I have to feel like a monster in the meantime?

 

[iwrbnd]

Yep, during the tween/teen years I think all parents become monsters! You're not alone!

 

[EllenFrasier]

I guess I'm a softy, or I remember what it was like when I was ten. I would think her birthday party would be a separate issue from her attitude problem.

Maybe grounding her for a week, taking away all privileges, having her do extra chores, having her write an essay on what a good attitude is all about and why she should have one, etc. might be a better route than taking away her birthday party. She will only turn 10 once - soon she will be that teenager and no longer a little girl.

 

[Robinrs]

You are LIGHTYEARS from the meanest mom!! My Mom always said that lazy moms make horrible children. You made a deal, she broke it and you were CONSISTENT. That makes for a GOOD mom!!!

Good for you!!

You're not the one breaking the rules, no need to feel bad. She needs to learn from her authority figurs that they say what they mean and mean what they say .. and there are repercussions involved.

 

[Motherofboys]

*sigh* So DD is turning 10 next week and the sass and ATTITUDE have been amping up in the last couple of months. DH and I have warned her that if she didn't cut it out and adjust her attitude then she would not be having the big bday party with friends she had been hoping for.

Well, you guessed it, the eye rolling, sass and general bad attitude have continued so she is now officially not having a party. We will have family over for a bbq but no big deal, presents, etc.

I know it is the right thing to do and in the long run will serve us better because she knows we will follow through, but geesh, do I have to feel like a monster in the meantime?

You mean you're not getting her any presents? Like no cake either? I understand not doing the big friend party, but I would think a small family party would still be okay.

No birthday party at all seems a little extreme for a 10 year old in my opinion.

 

[mrsv98]

You mean you're not getting her any presents? Like no cake either? I understand not doing the big friend party, but I would think a small family party would still be okay.

No birthday party at all seems a little extreme for a 10 year old in my opinion.

No, no, of course we are getting her presents and she will have a family party with a cake (tiger themed as she requested ) but she wanted a party with her whole class, something we have only done one other time. We had it all set, a "Wizarding Party" but she is just too disrespectful and sassy to have that privilege. Believe me, we gave her many chances, talked about consequences, pointed out when she was being disrespectful and told her she needed to stop, but she has not made any attempt to behave. It is killing me but I feel like we have to make a stand or get walked over for the next 10 years.

 

[scojos]

You mean you're not getting her any presents? Like no cake either? I understand not doing the big friend party, but I would think a small family party would still be okay.

No birthday party at all seems a little extreme for a 10 year old in my opinion.

i agree, tell her she can have 1 friend, unless you have friends parents you had invited anyway.
a basic cake, nothing amazing but so she can have candles
i agree, a good mom makes a deal and sticks to it.
talk to her, is a new dress more important to her than a cake/candles? ok dress no cake...
good luck
tracy

 

[Motherofboys]

No, no, of course we are getting her presents and she will have a family party with a cake (tiger themed as she requested ) but she wanted a party with her whole class, something we have only done one other time. We had it all set, a "Wizarding Party" but she is just too disrespectful and sassy to have that privilege. Believe me, we gave her many chances, talked about consequences, pointed out when she was being disrespectful and told her she needed to stop, but she has not made any attempt to behave. It is killing me but I feel like we have to make a stand or get walked over for the next 10 years.

Whew!!! For a second I thought you really were the meanest mom in the world!

I totally understand on setting the boundaries and following through, I have also been told what a mean mom I am by DS10. You know, because I don't let him do everything he wants, when he wants, and how he wants.

It's funny that sometimes it feels like it hurts us more than it hurts them!

 

[dislaney]

Mom guilt. I know that well. It's a horrible thing but for what it's worth you are definitely doing the right thing!

 

[robinb]

Hmm ... I know all about the attitude and sass of the tween girl! Mine is 10 1/2 now and full of it. I think that you need to step carefully when you use big events in a child's life as a tool for making them compliant. You may end up in the position you are in right now ... left having to follow-up with the threat.

At 9-11 girls bodies and emotions start to go into a state of flux and I honestly think that many kids just don't know how to handle it. I guess what I'm saying is that she may not be able to control herself to the extent that you want her to. I'm NOT saying that you shouldn't work on the sass and attitude or that you shouldn't establish and enforce rules. I just think there was probably a better punishment than the removal of her 10th birthday party with friends.

 

[WeLoveLilo05]

No, no, of course we are getting her presents and she will have a family party with a cake (tiger themed as she requested ) but she wanted a party with her whole class, something we have only done one other time. We had it all set, a "Wizarding Party" but she is just too disrespectful and sassy to have that privilege. Believe me, we gave her many chances, talked about consequences, pointed out when she was being disrespectful and told her she needed to stop, but she has not made any attempt to behave. It is killing me but I feel like we have to make a stand or get walked over for the next 10 years.

No, I don't think your mean, she still is getting a party just not the huge deal that she requested, which is fine b/c you requested that she retire the sassy attitude.
Plus those parties could get pretty expensive

 

[2Kds2K9]

I'm the meanie here. I think you are doing the right thing. It only get's worse from here on in. I know, I have a DS16 and DD14 at it all started at 10. If you take a stand now, and stick to your guns, you will avoid a lot of trouble in the future. If she's had many chances to correct herself and still has not, then no class party. Sometimes you need to make a huge statement. My kids know I do not give idle threats.

Good luck!

 

[JuneCleaver]

Meanest Mom in World title usually means you are doing it right lol!

We are only the meanest mom's in the world when we don't do what our child wants! Amazingly, we lose the title when we grant the wish, buy the item, etc!

I have a burger king crown that I covered with foil, and wrote President and CEO of the Mean Mom's club on it with a sharpie! Whenever the stomping/yelling about me being mean started...on went my crown! They soon got the hint that name calling didn't faze me a bit!

June

 

[mjkacmom]

Hmm ... I know all about the attitude and sass of the tween girl! Mine is 10 1/2 now and full of it. I think that you need to step carefully when you use big events in a child's life as a tool for making them compliant. You may end up in the position you are in right now ... left having to follow-up with the threat.

At 9-11 girls bodies and emotions start to go into a state of flux and I honestly think that many kids just don't know how to handle it. I guess what I'm saying is that she may not be able to control herself to the extent that you want her to. I'm NOT saying that you shouldn't work on the sass and attitude or that you shouldn't establish and enforce rules. I just think there was probably a better punishment than the removal of her 10th birthday party with friends.

I have to agree - it's like the hormones turn them into toddlers! When dd13 started, I'd just tell her to go to her room until she could get herself back together, and be normal again. She's much better now, except for a few days out of the month!

 

[wenrob]

Just think what her attitude would be like it you hadn't followed through. *They told me I couldn't have a party and I got one anyway. Wonder how rotten I can be now?*

You're not mean, you're a responsible parent. My DD has missed more for less. Did it make me feel awful? You bet but I have one of the most responsible, respectful kids around. Bonus, she still loves me and even likes hanging out with me too.

You did the right thing!

 

[Anjelica]

Oh joy - I can't WAIT until my daughter is a few years older. Sometimes she lets the sass out or lip but one stern look is all it takes and she's back to normal. I can't imagine what it will be like when she is 10-15 (She's almost 7 now).

BTW - Glad you stuck to your guns. One of the biggest mistakes I think people make when making consequences for childrens actions is not following through. Kuddos to you!!!

 

[npmommie]

Hmm ... I know all about the attitude and sass of the tween girl! Mine is 10 1/2 now and full of it. I think that you need to step carefully when you use big events in a child's life as a tool for making them compliant. You may end up in the position you are in right now ... left having to follow-up with the threat.

At 9-11 girls bodies and emotions start to go into a state of flux and I honestly think that many kids just don't know how to handle it. I guess what I'm saying is that she may not be able to control herself to the extent that you want her to. I'm NOT saying that you shouldn't work on the sass and attitude or that you shouldn't establish and enforce rules. I just think there was probably a better punishment than the removal of her 10th birthday party with friends.

I agree with this
I think a different consequence instead of losing the big party for a milestone like a 10th birthday would be a better punishment.
It's her birthday not like its just a random outing she had planned with friends.
come on mom, take off the mean hat, give her a different consequence and let her have the party
and plus since the party is next week ( you did say next week right?) haven't you already sent invites and gotten rsvps from people?

 

[pigletgirl]

A party is not a right! Why would you reward bad behavior?

 

[Acklander]

A party is not a right! Why would you reward bad behavior?

I don't think anyone is saying reward the bad behavior, just saying that taking away a major event like a b-day party, for what appears to be a frequent problem might not have been the way to go. Besides, now that the b-day party is gone, where's the incentive to change her behavior???

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Taking away a birthday party may seem like a major event. She knew the consequences, and now here they are for her to deal with.

She'll learn, and never forget that what her parents say, goes.

When they tell her not to text and drive or she might die in an accident, might just have more weight, eh?

Go ahead and be a "mean" Mom (although responsible parent works there too) and have a child who will learn that you are not a pushover, and what you say is important.

She's having a party. She's getting gifts. Learning that her behavior took away the type of party she wanted is the biggest gift here.