Mean Teen Girls Vent Update page 9

Actually, in many places it is just an adjective used by many with no knowledge of its original meaning (the part associated with Jews). I would not assume that a person who uses this word is using it as a racial slur. Most use it to mean diva or spoiled brat...

Ignorance is no defense. And a slur is a slur.

As I tell my children, if you don't know what a word means, you darn well better not use it.
 
Its a slur and says more about the person that uses it than the person they are referring to.

I disagree - its a term commonly used by the people who are PROUD of being this way (at least where I am from).
 
Just to stick up for the OP, I asked my boss (who is Jewish and a woman) what jappy meant and she said it was to decribe a Jewish girl who is high-maitenance, bratty, princess-wanna be. She said in her Jewish community it is not considered a slur, but just a simple term to describe someone. Just like she would say her daughter is a brat or a diva. It may have a negative connotation, but it is not an ethic slur- everyone in her community uses it. And the girls who are considered to be "jappy" are proud to be called that.

Maybe it is different in other places though.
 




LOL ...thanks for answering.. A quintessential Jewish American Princess: naggy, ultra-high maintenance, whiny, always wanting their way, extremely moody, spoiled rotten

Jappy is the above. I live in a very upper middle class area. And yes..my DD is my little JAP... she isn't into the trappings like all the kids she goes to school with, and yes you can be jappy but not be Jewish!! LOL.

Some of the girls DD goes to camp with don't want to swim since they will ruin their makeup!! :rotfl:

DD is allowed to wear lip gloss!! She can reapply as needed!!
 
Your DD seems to be growing into a lovely, confident young woman - kudos for you!

The only thing I would suggest to you is to show your DD that you will stand up for her. If your SIL ever says a word to your DD again, you must protect her. Go to SIL and say, very softly, "You will NOT speak to my daughter like that again. Ever. Do I make myself clear?" If she continues, have her and her family escorted from the property. Keep your cool, do not appear angry, just cold and collected. Do not respond to your SIL's allegations of rudeness, etc. "If she appears to me to be rude, I will deal with it. You will NOT speak to her like that again. Ever. Do I make myself clear?" Repeat as necessary. Don't be afraid of "making a scene"; your SIL already made one. But your daughter must know that you will protect her from the bullies you can deal with - and your SIL is certainly one.


I do stand up for my DD, and I know when to deal with my SIL. There would have been a scene if I went up to her, and I was not going to ruin my DS and my FDIL day. I told DD she did fine, and if her Aunt approaches her again to just again walk away and to come to me. The only way to deal with a stupid shrew is to ignore her, and that is what I did. My sil made a fool of herself in front of my family and lots of strangers. I was not going to make the matter worse, especially when talking to her is like talking to a brick wall. She will never admit that her DD is even a tiny bit to blame at all.

But I do understand what you mean ...thanks :).
 


Its a slur and says more about the person that uses it than the person they are referring to.


It is not a slur. It is used the same as another poster said as brat or diva.
 
It is not a slur. It is used the same as another poster said as brat or diva.

You and others can tell yourself that all you want but you are wrong. It is no different than gay or retard or the 'n' word.

It's really sad that you can't see that.
 
Never mind - already covered. It is a slur and I agree, tells more about the person that throws it into a conversation.

OP - It sounds like both you and your SIL are convinced your daughters are being tormented by the other, as each of them are complaining to their moms about the other one.

As parents, we know that our children are not perfect and the truth often lies somewhere in between.

From your point of view, it does sound like your daughter has a good handle on the situation. But if it continues, I would take DD and DN out for lunch and try to get to the bottom of it.


Well my SIL knows nothing of what is going on at camp. My DD and I talk about everything (geez I hope it keeps up!!) and we have a very close relationship. I know my DD is not perfect and can say the wrong thing at times, but she is raelly honest and tells me what was said on both sides.

I am the type of parent that if someone says well your child did this, I am like ok...lets ask. I ask both sides and tell them all to behave. I have been a mom for 26 years and know how kids are and know that they aren't perfect. If this wasn't my DN I would be taking lots of steps at camp, but I am in a tight place. We actually did talk to camp last year before DN started and asked the counselors to keep an eye on it, since there are issues.

Taking DN and DD out to lunch together will do no good. My DN is not a nice kid and would lie to my face, and has!! When she has been over to my home, she is not allowed to behave the way she does at home. I also have told my DD that if she ever talked to me and treated me and her father they was DN does, that it would be the last thing she ever does!! So DD knows her cousins behavior is unacceptable.

It is nothing I can control, accept to keep their contact at a minimum. Hoepfully my DN will grow out of it.
 
You and others can tell yourself that all you want but you are wrong. It is no different than gay or retard or the 'n' word.

It's really sad that you can't see that.
It is sad that you cannot see that languages evolve. A word can mean one thing today, and another thing 10 years from now. It can also mean more than one thing at any one time, depending on its use. You may choose to be insulted, but that would be your choice if no insult is intended.

It is not the words, themselves, that matter - it is the meaning behind the words. And most words are capable of carrying more than one meaning.

Also, when I lived on Long Island, Jewish girls often considered this a compliment (something that I still do not completely understand)... :confused3
 
tell your DD to hang in there...I was one of the VERY few non-jappy ones in my town and got treated badly for it for most of junior high and high school.

I didn't wear the trendy clothes, carry the right hangbag, wear the right shoe, have the right haircut, wear the best make-up, etc. The other girls from my Hebrew school class had all the "right" stuff and looked down on anyone who didn't have it all.

I care less now (I' in my 30's), but it was hard then. I felt like an outcast and had trouble fitting in b/c I wasn't ever sure of who I was, since I couldn't fit in with the crowd I was supposed to fit in with.

The Moms of those kids were no better - in fact they encourgaed the behavior and looked down (really obviously) on anyone who wasn't exactly like them (think Barabra Streisand nails, hair and clothes - the right cars - the most expensive bat mitzvahs - $$$$$).

It's worse that's it family, but please do your DD a favor and stick up on her behalf. I didn't have anyone really do that for me and it really really hurt my self esteem for a long time. Make sure she really is ok - I "ignored" it too - but inside I was torn up that I was so harshly judged by people for such materialistic reasons.

(and I'm not from Long Island - I grew up in North Jersey)

Sounds very familiar!! There are alot of kids here like that..but thankfully not all!!

Kids have asked DD where she got her clothes, and DD has always said, I have no idea..mom shops for me! And her clotehs were all nice..Kohls, TCP, JCP, lots of Disney jeans too!! LOL. It is harder know that she is in junior sizes..but the prices at Aero are really nice, and Kohls has tons of sales! She likes what she wears and what I buy her, and appreicates it too :).

When DN told her all those things about dressing, I was like..you look great the way you are!! Your hair is gorgeous, and she said thanks..I like it too!! I have told her that I think her cousin is jealous of her because of how pretty and thin that DD is. But just to be herself and be fine. She understands and knows I am there for her.
 
It is sad that you cannot see that languages evolve. A word can mean one thing today, and another thing 10 years from now. It can also mean more than one thing at any one time, depending on its use. You may choose to be insulted, but that would be your choice if no insult is intended.

It is not the words, themselves, that matter - it is the meaning behind the words. And most words are capable of carrying more than one meaning.

Also, when I lived on Long Island, Jewish girls often considered this a compliment (something that I still do not completely understand)... :confused3

No, perception is more important than the intention.

This is no different than saying "you are so gay." Is that acceptable to you as well?
 
Ignorance is no defense. And a slur is a slur.

As I tell my children, if you don't know what a word means, you darn well better not use it.


Jap is not a slur. I am Jewish, I find nothing offensive in that word. I can give you a list of Jewish slurs...but Jap is not one of them.
 
No, preception is more important than the intention.

This is no different than saying "you are so gay." Is that acceptable to you as well?

yes, PERception is important - and it's PERceived as a compliment around where I grew up (and actually where I live now as well).
 
Sounds very familiar!! There are alot of kids here like that..but thankfully not all!!

Kids have asked DD where she got her clothes, and DD has always said, I have no idea..mom shops for me! And her clotehs were all nice..Kohls, TCP, JCP, lots of Disney jeans too!! LOL. It is harder know that she is in junior sizes..but the prices at Aero are really nice, and Kohls has tons of sales! She likes what she wears and what I buy her, and appreicates it too :).

When DN told her all those things about dressing, I was like..you look great the way you are!! Your hair is gorgeous, and she said thanks..I like it too!! I have told her that I think her cousin is jealous of her because of how pretty and thin that DD is. But just to be herself and be fine. She understands and knows I am there for her.


You sound like a good Mom :goodvibes She's a lucky DD to have you in her corner!
 
You and others can tell yourself that all you want but you are wrong. It is no different than gay or retard or the 'n' word.

It's really sad that you can't see that.


Oh my, what is really sad is that you, for whatever reason feel there is something wrong wtih the term Jap. Now I would be annoyed if I was called it, because I am not one!! :lmao: Now call me a witch (well add the B) and I will be all smiles!! :lovestruc

And there is a world full of difference with the n word and retard and gay and other words.

Retard was a word that was used way back when, and now is not. Gay..what the heck is wrong wtih the term GAY??

Hmm..I think you are drowing in a world of political correctness!!
 
Joiseymom, I am also Jewish, and although I'm not sure I would say JAP or jappy is a nice word - it certainly isn't a slur on the order of the "n" word, especially since it's being used in this context by a Jewish person as a way to say what her daughter isn't, rather than calling anyone anything.

I think it's a little silly for people to be telling someone what a word means to a group when they are not part of the group and the person using the word is.
 
You sound like a good Mom :goodvibes She's a lucky DD to have you in her corner!


Thanks, I am trying!! We still have that love/hate mother/daughter relationship, but I want her to know I am here for her. Life today is so different then when I was a kid and I want a different relationship then I had with my mom. I mean I loved my mom, and she loved me, but I couldn't talk to her about anything! DD and I talk about everything.

MY dh actually complimented me when DD became a young lady and said she was very well prepared and I did a great job with her :). She wasn't anxious or scared but ok, I have it.
 
Joiseymom, I am also Jewish, and although I'm not sure I would say JAP or jappy is a nice word - it certainly isn't a slur on the order of the "n" word, especially since it's being used in this context by a Jewish person as a way to say what her daughter isn't, rather than calling anyone anything.

I think it's a little silly for people to be telling someone what a word means to a group when they are not part of the group and the person using the word is.


LOL...welcome to the world of DIS!! :lmao:

I agree, now I can take it as in insult since I am not one!! My DH started teasing me about becoming a JAP about 18 months ago. You see I started to get my nails done!! LOL...my therapist told me to do something for just "me". So that was what I picked!! And I kept it up, since my nails were crappy and kept breaking..now they don't!! LOL!!

Now I have always considered it more of an attitude.. think Housewives of NJ!! LOL...now I have only seen the commercials..but they would fit the term nicely!!
 

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