Mean Mommy or No?

[ekatiel]

So, we will be celebrating Mother's day a bit early at 1900 Park Faire this week. I have ordered two slipper desserts (one for me and one for my mom). Here's my issue. My ODS ( who is almost five) has multiple food allergies, and he cannot even have a bite of our special desserts. There will be other "regular" desserts there that he can have, and Brenda Bennett from special diets has noted on our ADR to do something special for him for dessert (he can have their ice cream, and they have safe cookies for him). I have also contacted the GF bakery to see if there's anything they can make for him that would be safe, so he could have an extra special treat, too. They are supposed to get back to me today. I'm feeling guilty about getting the dessert for my mom and I, since DS can't even sample it. Should I cancel the dessert, or do you think DS will be ok with the other desserts there? We will not let anyone else have a bite either (DH, my dad and my YDS will not be allowed to sample the desserts since my ODS can't). What do you think? Am I a mean mommy for ordering this dessert? Should I just cancel it? This is my first trip to WDW, too, so I'm kind of reliving my childhood here, and would love the dessert. --Katie

 

[SnowandMittens]

Your son is 5, and should be old enough to understand why he can't sample the dessert. I say go for it! You are getting him desserts that he can safley eat, and it's mother's day. It's suppossed to be special for the mothers!

If he throws a fit, you can explain to him that the desert isn't safe for him, and just like his birthday, this day is special for you.

 

[PoohHappens]

OK, I may be in the minority, I have no idea, but I say you are not mean mommy. Even if it was not an allergy issue if it is your special dessert and there are other desserts for him I would not think you were mean for not sharing. I would guess by now he is aware of his allergies and just tell him he cannot eat it because he is allergic. I think sometimes we are all working too hard to make sure everything is fair and we are not depriving our little ones. Sometimes I think this has a negative effect and creates some rather ungrateful children--I by no means am suggesting this is the case here. I just feel that we sometimes overthink things. If this is your celebration, then that is what it is. I do not get my child a special something everytime it is someone elses special day. Just my 2cents

 

[ekatiel]

Thanks for the replies guys! You are making me feel less mean. DS is one of the most grateful children I know, and I think part of that comes from knowing that he sometimes can't have what everyone else is having. I try my best to make him things that are close to the same as what others are getting, but it is mother's day, not little boy's day . I think I will keep the desserts. I just needed an extra nudge that I wasn't being mean! --Katie

 

[HGD24]

We plan to raise our DD to understand that there special days for everyone and not every holiday or family gathering is about her. This is how DH and I were raised and we ended up ok I have a cousin who is allergic to dairy. He understood from a very young age that he couldn't always have what everyone else was having and he was ok with it. It did bother him at times, but he understood the reasoning behind it. It sounds like your son is the same way.

OP - you've made arrangements for your son to have dessert that he can enjoy and desserts that other can enjoy too. Have your special "Mom's only" dessert and enjoy your special day!

 

[ktlm]

You are not mean! You have even attempted to make special arrangments to get something special for him We have a family member who has a milk allergy, which means she always misses out on the good desserts (along with a lot of other things). At first, I felt bad eating those things in front of her, but she feels worse when people don't get what they want because they think it will bother her. Unfortunately, his whole life, he will have people eating those things in front of him, so he needs to get used to that. He needs to understand that this is your and your Mom's special day. He sounds like a great kid already. I'm not sure about not letting the others who don't have allergies taste the dessert. If that happens a lot I would be worried that my younger son would start to resent the older son, or feel like he was being punished because of his brother's allergies. You know your kids best as to know whether that could become a problem.

 

[Redwitch]

It is Mother's Day! This is the day we celebrate MOTHERS!

It is not your son's birthday or any other holiday in which he should expect something special. I don't want to sound mean, but why should a child expect something special on Mother's Day? Or Father's Day or a parent's or sibling's birthday for that matter?

Enjoy your special dessert guilt free!

 

[svalencia1]

I'd say go for it. I don't think your mean at all. My daughter is 6 and certain dietary restrictons. I am lucky but she self regulates herself. She knows what she can and can't have. She just doesn't get anythng for herself if it's not something she can have. Like the other night at her girl scout meeting everyone was offering her a brownie (something she can not have) and she just told them polietly no thank you. I was very suprised at her willpower. I was very proud of her and gave her some ricedream ice cream when we got back home. I would just suggest explaining to your child what they can't have and why and what will happen to them if they do have it. They will not always be able to have the same things as others throughout thier life and I think it is better to teach them at a young age. I think it is awesome that you are trying to find a substitute desert for them though! I would most likely do that too... we have learned to improvise and ask for different things if there are not options on the menu she can have.

 

[joannem]

I just wanted to let you know that I COMPLETELY understand the feelings you're going through. As the parent of a child with multiple food allergies also, it can be heartbreaking when you have to say "No, you can't have this." It breaks your heart. But, bottom line is, no, you're not being mean. You've arranged for an alternative and are keeping him safe. That's the most important thing.

I'm actually a little thankful that my son's allergies have been with him since a VERY young age (he was diagnosed at age 6 months), so the concept of not being able to eat certain things is just a way of life for him. We don't get meltdowns, we just get asked, "Is that safe for Jeremy?" and sometimes the answer is no. So far, at the advanced age of 3 1/2 , it hasn't been an issue. I just offer alternatives. (And I _do_ work hard to make sure there are alternatives, sounds like you do too...good job!)

Good luck and enjoy your special dessert, as the parent of a food allergic kid (POFAK), I know you deserve it!!

 

[jana616]

I don't think that you're being mean at all. And personally, if it comes up that he or anyone else wants some, I would take the "It's Mother's Day and this is a special treat for the mommies (and grandmas)" approach. My ODS is 4 1/2, and he would understand that, as long as no one else but the mommies was eating it. As long as there are a few other options for him, I think you should enjoy that slipper without guilt!

 

[jcemom]

I would feel a little guilty too, heck, I feel a little guilty almost every time I can't indulge my children. However, I do not think it's the least bit mean. It's Mother's Day, a day to indulge yourself and your mom. I think your DS will understand. Kids seem to be a lot more understanding that we often give them credit for. Since he lives with allergies I'm sure he learned at a young age that there are certain things he just can't have, as unfortunate as it may be it's still a fact. I'll bet he isn't the least bit phased by having a different dessert than you and your mom.

 

[billfatora]

I don't want to sound "sexest" here, but I get the idea that most of the previous posts were from females (Moms ! ) Well... here's a "male" point of view.
Mean Mommy...? For me, the "Mean Mommy" would be the one that didn't even think about his allergies and didn't care how he felt !
Forget the "Mean Mommy" stuff ! You are (obviously) going out of your way to make it as pleasent for him as you can... be proud of yourself and pat yourself on the back for taking the time to be a caring, loving, parent and Mom !
P.S.: Not letting DH try - now that might be "Mean Mommy" (LOL) Just kidding - you're doing the right thing(s) here... be happy !

Have a great time and enjoy your "childhood" !

 

[disneylove69]

He is getting an awesome trip and I am sure several toys. He will be ok.

 

[kelleigh1]

The way I see it, this is Mother's Day. You are the Mother. You spend the rest of the year sacrificing and doing for your kids. This is your day and you should have a special dessert all to yourself. I hope your husband would agree.

 

[ekatiel]

Thanks for all the replies guys. I am officially shedding my mommy-guilt!! The chef from Pop called me today to ask what flavor of cookies DS wanted while we stayed there-- these people are AMAZING with food allergies!!!! He's gonna have a great time , and so is mommy ! --Katie

 

[HGD24]

Thanks for all the replies guys. I am officially shedding my mommy-guilt!! The chef from Pop called me today to ask what flavor of cookies DS wanted while we stayed there-- these people are AMAZING with food allergies!!!! He's gonna have a great time , and so is mommy ! --Katie

I'm glad you're feeling better about your dessert decision and I'm glad Disney has been so amazing in working with your family to accommodate your son's allergies.