Mean kids going too far now!

[MushyMushy]

I posted earlier in the school year that my DD has been having trouble with kids in her class. First of all, she has no friends, and she is frequently the target of bullying behavior, particularly relational bullying. She is really isolated and so lonely. I spoke with the teacher back then, and it seemed to get a tiny bit better. Maybe she just got used to it and tolerated it better, I don't know. She still complained about some mean kids, though.

Lately, it's been escalating. Last night, she had a meltdown that lasted over an hour, and she made herself sick. The same mean kids are at it, and even the ones who are friendly with her are making fun of her too.

What's worse, a group of the kids are now really stepping up the harrassment. Any time she tries to talk, they'll say to her, "Suck it," or "Shut up!" (sorry for the strong language, I'll delete if it's too much)

Now they're really stepping over the line, especially with the first statement. To me, that's sexual harrassment. I called the school today and spoke with the principal. She basically questioned a few times about whether or not I spoke with the teacher, and I said that I HAD gone to her and the guidance office, and that now I'm going to her. While I felt that she took my concern seriously, I honestly don't know what will happen from here.

The no-bully program is such a joke. Even though the program encourages kids to confront bullies and go to the teachers, it doesn't work. Teachers make the kids feel like tattletales, and kids make a mockery of the confrontation.

This just infuriates me and breaks my heart for her. I know a lot of you can relate to the feeling of helplessness.

 

[Tinkin]

I don't have any advice for you....I hope things get better for your DD.

 

[Philadisney]

your poor daughter. she sounds exactly like me a dozen years ago. i would often come home in tears, and my teachers would blame ME for 'provoking' the teasing by being quiet, reading too much, dressing 'weird'... the bullying at my small suburban high school got so bad that my parents eventually got fed up and paid a small tuition to transfer me to the local city public school (about 15 minutes away). what a difference! for the next three years i got picked on exactly once and in that instance, a girl who was a near-stranger appeared out of nowhere to tell the mean kid to get lost as a result i ended up loving my last three years of high school. it can be expensive to switch schools, but maybe worth looking into. in my experience, we did not have to go far at all to find a welcoming and accepting community of overall decent kids!

 

[Disneyland1084]

My heart breaks for your daughter. I was teased in school too, especially junior high. I know how she feels. Have you tried speaking to the parents of the kids that are harassing her? That might help.

 

[SillyMe]

I am so sorry she has to deal with this. This is one subject that makes me soooo angry. I cannot believe that the schools still do not do anything about these bullies. It infuriates me. It makes me want to smack the kids, the teachers and the parents.

 

[daisyduck123]

I am so sorry for you & your DD. I have a 12yo DD, so your story breaks my heart.

My principal would not put up with that. No way!! It just doesn't happen in my school. We have over 600 kids in K-5. Bullying is not tolerated. Period.

If I were in your shoes, I would call the parents of these kids. Being a teacher myself (and I know you are), I have no qualms about calling parents. I would do it, & no be subtle in my words either.

I wish you luck. Please let us know how things go.

 

[drgnfly30]

Put it in writing & copy everyone from the teacher to the school board. Document, document, document. Calling just doesn't cut it.

I had a bullying issue with DS11 earlier this year... luckily it only took one email (and one more instance that was witnessed by another teacher) and the offending student was expelled.

 

[MushyMushy]

Regarding calling the parents, I would SO be on that, but I don't know many of the kids in her class this year! This is the first year I haven't been able to volunteer in her classroom at all, and she's with a different group of kids. SHE doesn't even know many of their last names.

I am going to insist that these parents are told. I remember when my son was going through his aggression issues, I was constantly on the ball with it, and I expect no less from the parents of these kids.

 

[MushyMushy]

Put it in writing & copy everyone from the teacher to the school board. Document, document, document. Calling just doesn't cut it.

I had a bullying issue with DS11 earlier this year... luckily it only took one email (and one more instance that was witnessed by another teacher) and the offending student was expelled.

Ah, good advice! Thanks. What I can do is write a follow-up letter to my conversation with the principal. That's one way to get it in writing.

 

[Sherri]

I posted earlier in the school year that my DD has been having trouble with kids in her class. First of all, she has no friends, and she is frequently the target of bullying behavior, particularly relational bullying. She is really isolated and so lonely. I spoke with the teacher back then, and it seemed to get a tiny bit better. Maybe she just got used to it and tolerated it better, I don't know. She still complained about some mean kids, though.

Lately, it's been escalating. Last night, she had a meltdown that lasted over an hour, and she made herself sick. The same mean kids are at it, and even the ones who are friendly with her are making fun of her too.

What's worse, a group of the kids are now really stepping up the harrassment. Any time she tries to talk, they'll say to her, "Suck it," or "Shut up!" (sorry for the strong language, I'll delete if it's too much)

Now they're really stepping over the line, especially with the first statement. To me, that's sexual harrassment. I called the school today and spoke with the principal. She basically questioned a few times about whether or not I spoke with the teacher, and I said that I HAD gone to her and the guidance office, and that now I'm going to her. While I felt that she took my concern seriously, I honestly don't know what will happen from here.

The no-bully program is such a joke. Even though the program encourages kids to confront bullies and go to the teachers, it doesn't work. Teachers make the kids feel like tattletales, and kids make a mockery of the confrontation.

This just infuriates me and breaks my heart for her. I know a lot of you can relate to the feeling of helplessness.

What grade is dd in? I am so sorry she is having such a hard time. I really hope the school steps in and does something to hold the children who are making her life miserable accountable for their actions.

 

[JadenLayne]

I'm so so sorry this is happening to your daughter. No child should have to experience this!

Here is a bit of information for you, the suck it comes from WWE wrestling, it is a HUGE thing on there now and is also popular at our school. I've had to threaten my son quite a few times with saying it to his friends. Heck I don't even know if half of them know what it refers to I think they are just copying the wrestlers, which doesn't make it right. That was just a bit of info in case you didn't know. NO way, NO HOW is it okay for them to say that or anything else to your daughter but hopefully they are just copying wrestling and not actually meaning what they are saying.

I hope you can get something done! I feel horrible for your DD. The school really needs to step up NOW!

 

[MushyMushy]

I'm so so sorry this is happening to your daughter. No child should have to experience this!

Here is a bit of information for you, the suck it comes from WWE wrestling, it is a HUGE thing on there now and is also popular at our school. I've had to threaten my son quite a few times with saying it to his friends. Heck I don't even know if half of them know what it refers to I think they are just copying the wrestlers, which doesn't make it right. That was just a bit of info in case you didn't know. NO way, NO HOW is it okay for them to say that or anything else to your daughter but hopefully they are just copying wrestling and not actually meaning what they are saying.

I hope you can get something done! I feel horrible for your DD. The school really needs to step up NOW!

Oh
My
Gawd.



Well, my DD knows what it means in the other sense, even if the other kids don't. A week or so ago, she came to me and asked me what it meant. I, not knowing the context, hemmed and hawed around and gave her a cleaned up version of what it meant (oh was she ever grossed out!).

Ugh.

ETA: Regardless, even if they don't know what it means, they're being nasty about it and doing it to pick on her rather than doing it among friends.

 

[grinningghost]

Grrrrrr.....

This makes me so mad, I could scream. No child should have to endure this kind of crap. Ever.

Schools need to really get a grip on this stuff. Zero tolerance for bullying should be the norm in every school in the country. I would be very firm with the principal and the school board that your daughter simply can't take it anymore - the poor kid is having meltdowns!

If I were you, I would sit down a construct a very carefully worded letter to every person in a position of authority in the school district. I would go into great detail about how it's been proven that tragedies like Columbine happen because of years of constant bullying - not saying your daughter is going to become a murderer - but that's the kind of thing they need to monitor bullying for. Your poor kid is simply getting worn down to the point of being totally miserable. That's just not acceptable.

Please let us know how it turns out. I'll be pulling for you - I went through this when my DD was young and I know it's really, really difficult. Hang in there.

 

[floridafam]

I think you have to approach this from 2 fronts. This is just my opinion.

I agree about talking to the Principal and teachers and documenting everything.

I would also do my best to find out who these kids are. Does the school have a resource officer?

You mention that your daughter is lonely and isolated. Is there anything she or you and she can do to overcome that? It's hard to type exactly what I mean and I don't want it to come off the wrong way. The bullying is in no way her fault!!!! I was very shy in middle school and there was a bully there but she didn't bother me after I had enough one day and I fought back which was very out of character for me-straight a student, never spoke out of turn, etc. That one incident gave my self esteeem such a bump it was amazing.

Please let us know what happens. I hope that you get somewhere with the parents. Sometimes the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and the parents are the exact same way but you might be surprised. Maybe the mean girls are lonely, too and just acting out. Or, they are just plain mean and need to be put in their place.

 

[MissyPrissy]

Sorry to hear this is happening to your daughter. If I were you, I'd get good and mad, call the superintendent and insist on a meeting with him/her, the principal and the teacher. Don't suggest, INSIST...LOUDLY if need be.This needs to STOP and administrators sometimes will hem and haw over it and hope it goes away. The parents need to advocate in these situations. If you make enough noise, something will be done. This is NOT your daughters fault, she has done NOTHING to deserve being bullied and from the way it sounds the teacher is not doing his/her job in seeing that this behavior is stopped.

this sort of garbage is what wounds and scars children. Every day it happens is another day of suffering for your daughter and another day of her self esteem being eroded. It's dehumanizing to be bullied and it's not acceptable.

Get mad Mama. MAKE SURE THIS STOPS. Someone mentioned Columbine above...that is one of the major examples of bullying and where it leads.

give your little girl a hug from DIS!

 

[phlufster]

When my brother was 11 and 12 he was bullied alot and the principal never did anything about it. The principal even went as far as to blame my brother because he was into music and not sports! I was 17 at the time and was tired of it and went to his school with some friends during lunch time and "fixed" the problem. We didn't hurt anyone, but we let them know what would happen if the bullying didn't stop. They were definately scared of me and my friends and left my brother alone. I'm not saying that "bullying the bully" solves the problem, but sometimes you have to go right to the bully and confront them. Usually kids are bullying because it makes them feel bigger and badder than everyone else and they need to be "taken down a few notches."
I ended up confronting my brothers principal as well, letting him know that I felt he was out of line and I wrote a letter to the school board about what he told my parents and about what was happening with my brother. They handled the issue and the principal was reprimanded. I did these things not because my parents wouldn't , but sometimes it is more effective coming from a student. The best thing that you can do for your daughter is to let her know that there are always going to be "bullies" out there, but that you have to stand up to them and stand up for yourself. You also need to take this to the next level and make sure that they take this seriously. There is nothing wrong with protecting your child, that is what parents do.

 

[KikiFan]

I'm so sorry that your daughter is dealing with this. I've gone throught this with my daughter and I know how horrible it can be. My daughter was also really isolated and lonely, and that makes everything worse.

The best advise I can give you is to help her make a few friends. They may not be in that school but just having friends can make all the difference. I got my daughter involved in a couple of groups outside of school and really tried to help her make friends (without trying to bribe them! . Host a sleepover, arrange to take her and another kid to the movies, or bowling, whatever you can come up with, so she gets a chance to connect. If she can develop even one good friend, it will make it easier to ignore the kids that are mean. If she can reach the point where she ignores them, they'll lose interest. It's really helped my daughter. Things aren't perfect, but she's not so emotionally invested in the teasing.

 

[dementia412]

My son just came home with a busted lip. The nurse called and told up a kid pushed him down... he and his sister tell me that the kid pushed him down then kicked him in the head. My kids have been bullied this whole year, and at least one kid told them it was because he didn't like white kids. They go to a school which is almost totally black. Last year the school they went to was far more diverse and my dd had no problems, but now she and her brother are complete outcasts. This incident has pushed it way too far though. I'm not sure if I'll call or write. I'm afraid I'll get too upset and ast all crazy , but I want something done this time. If the kid doesn't get a suspension or something equal I think I may just be pulling them out, and searching for a charter school (private is way over my head).

 

[JadenLayne]

Oh no no no I was in no way saying it was okay for them to say it in no way shape or form, it is WRONG regardless!!!!! I just wanted to maybe give you some information that you might not know about where the phrase comes from. I don't think it's right saying it around friends either which is why my son has gotten in trouble about it! I think it's horrible!

 

[lowie]

my dd goes to a very tiny school, k-8th grade and about 300 students total. there was one girl really bullying her. i first had her talk to the teacher, ask for her seat to be moved. that didn't help (although the teacher did move the seat). then we went to the ESE coordinator. she was useless, promised to talk to both girls and after several failed promises i went straight to the principal and demanded action. my dd has enough academic issues to deal with that garbage too!
we finally changed her homeroom for other reasons as well as the bullying and she's much happier and less stressed.
for you and dd, poor thing doesn't deserve to be treated badly at school.